Impulse

I was on my knees giving Randy a blowjob just before things got crazy. I love it when guys’ legs start to get wobbly just before they cum, so I pressed forward and took him down my throat as he gripped the back of my head and started moving his hips. A bunch of other people at the party were watching and started cheering him on and his cock started pulsing in my throat as he came and I swallowed and swallowed.

When he pulled away I sat back on my heels and licked Randy’s cum off my lips, then flopped back against the couch, resting my elbows on the cushions behind me.

The party was in full swing in Dick’s doublewide - it was a double celebration; he’d just scored big on his last batch of meth and it was my birthday. There must have been over thirty people packed in that trailer high or drunk. Some were both. I was both, the ecstasy I popped was still making me feel so sexy and energetic but the white wine coolers were taking the edge off the high and relaxing me totally.

The stereo had been blasting death metal all night so it was a good thing Dick’s trailer was way back on his dead uncle’s property and the nearest neighbour was two miles away.

All the guys were at least partially dressed, but Rikki, Denise, Chelsea, and me were the only girls there and we were all naked except Denise kept her bra on because her saggy tits embarrassed her. It’s funny that her saggy belly that was covered in silver stretch marks didn’t embarrass her, but her saggy tits did.

Chelsea was pulling a train on the other sofa and was out of it. She’d dropped way too much ecstasy and was on her fourth guy, her skinny body slick with sweat and her hair plastered to her face.

My sister Rikki was dancing naked and flashing her body in an amateur strip tease. Rikki had always competed with me for attention and it was no different when we partied. I didn’t mind though; I thought it was cute that my little sister wanted to outshine me.

Car lights flashed across the curtains and shone bright bars of light that traveled across the living room walls.

"Fuck! It’s the cops!" some idiot yelled.

"Don’t even fucking SAY that!" Dick said, angry as he got up to go see who it was.

But Rikki beat him to it, hopping up on the sofa beside me and peering out through the gap in the curtains. I looked up and saw her face lit up by the gleam of the headlights and her eyes were wide with excitement. When the lights went out, she flashed a smile that I hadn’t seen since we were little girls on Christmas morning.

"He’s here!" she shrilled in excitement.

Then she turned and looked down at me, grabbing my shoulder with both hands and shaking me.

"Nikki! He’s here!"

"Okaaaaay ... so he’s here." I said, having no idea what she was talking about. And before I could ask who "he" was, Rikki was up and running out the front door onto the porch.

I looked up at Dick and gave him a "what-the-fuck" look.

Dick smiled oddly.

"Rikki’s been planning this a long time." he said, "And the only reason I’m letting it happen in the trailer is that I’m out of here tomorrow for parts unknown."

Then he scooped a fresh beer out of the cooler by his Lazyboy and settled back as though he was fixing to watch the Superbowl.

I could hear Rikki chattering away to someone outside and her voice was growing louder as she led him toward the trailer. I noticed someone had turned the stereo down and everyone was finding a place to sit or stand and they were all facing me. A few people looked uncomfortable, most were smiling though. Even Chelsea had stopped fucking and was sitting on the end of the other sofa, her feet tucked under her bum and her body curled up against Billy.

"What the fuck is going on, guys?" I asked, figuring out I was about to be the centre of attention. Then Denise really freaked me out by walking over to me and leaning down and kissing me long and sensually on the lips - tongue and all. Denise and I had messed around together during our "bi" phase, but that had been over for years. After she broke off our kiss, she leaned closer, her lips close to my ear.

"I hope it’s good for you, baby." she whispered then went to sit on the arm of Dick’s Lazyboy.

I looked around and saw that people were getting their cell phones out and some started taking pictures.

That’s when Rikki led the newcomer into the trailer, her arm looped through his. He was a huge man, leathery skinned, wearing a black shirt and rough blue jeans, and biker boots with all the buckles down the side. She guided him right toward me, my friends parting like he was Moses. Rikki was almost peeing herself she was so excited.

"This is her!" Rikki said excitedly to the new guy, "This is my sister Nikki."

The man just stared down at me - no expression, no greetings, nothing. He just stared at me like I was some kind of object.

I was still naked, sitting on the floor with my back against the sofa, so I was feeling a little vulnerable, but I mustered up as much assertiveness as I could.

"And he is ...?" I asked Rikki, still meeting the guy’s unwavering gaze.

"He’s your Big Man!" Rikki said excitedly. And that gave me an amazing body rush; I felt a sexual tug inside my lower belly, and shiver-bumps spread over my bum, crotch and up my belly. My nipples tingled and started to pucker.

Shit.

Of all the things Rikki could have remembered, it was my erotic dream about "Big Man". Sure, we’d talked about it many times over the years. I even shared some of the role-plays I did on a few snuff chat channels, but I never dreamt she would pull this.

"For real?" I said and my voice kind of broke a bit.

"For real!" Rikki squealed, then an expression of doubt creased her brow, "You still want to, right?"

I felt another tug in the pit of my pelvis, this whole thing was really getting to me sexually - I mean, I was seriously becoming aroused.

I looked back up at Big Man.

"You’re really for real?" I asked.

"For real." he said and that’s when I saw the buck knife in his right fist.

"Are you gunna do it?" Rikki could barely contain her excitement.

I swallowed hard and looked around the room. I realized everyone at the party knew this was coming except me. Some asshole I didn’t know started the "Nik-ki! Nik-ki! Nik-ki!" chant and a bunch of people joined in.

As their voices grew louder, I looked back up at Big Man. I felt short of breath, my belly was trembling all of a sudden, and the room started to spin a bit. I suddenly needed to pee and I felt a little sick to my stomach, but all of that was what I imagined over the years since my Big Man dream. In my dream he was only a shadow, a shadow without eyes. But when he took me he knew how to take me, and our short relationship was filled with pain and bliss and such intimacy that I’ve never known in my life.

I looked up into his dead eyes and swallowed past the lump in my throat. The voices quieted as people sensed that I was on the verge of making a choice.

"I feel like I know you." I said breathlessly.

"You do." he said in a deep voice that sounded like thunder in a barrel of honey, "And I know you."

I smiled at that.

"Are you my Big Man?" I asked him, my smile turning into a grin.

"Are you my Nikki?"

I giggled like a little girl - this was too perfect.

"Yes." I smiled.

And yeah - the crowd went wild. People were cheering and whistling, and I saw the lights of a couple video cameras come on.

Big Man waited for the voices to quiet before he stepped forward, pushing the coffee table out of the way with his boot.

"Let’s get you up on the sofa." he said.

I crab-walked up and back onto the sofa, and slumped down as he stepped in front of me and got down on his knees. I lifted my feet up and bent my knees, opening my thighs wide so he could get close.

People with video and cell phone cameras stood up and positioned themselves around us, while the rest jostled for a good view.

"No pictures of Big Man." Rikki announced. But I think most people already figured that one out - he was a scary guy.

I was aware of how hot and humid it was getting in the trailer and sweat started to slick my body as he lifted the knife and lowered it toward my belly.

I can’t lie - I was scared shitless at that point, but I was excited too. I’d role-played this so many times on #snuffsex and masturbated to so many jpegs on Darkfetishnet that I was full-on horny as hell as this became real.

Big Man laid the tip of his knife on my lower belly just above my pubic bone and when I felt that cold, sharp point touch my overheated skin I jumped. He started to apply pressure and I realized I was holding my breath, and by the silence in the trailer everyone else was too.

I watched and felt that tip slowly dimple my lower belly, a deep shadow forming around the tip. He was starting to lean forward and the pressure increased relentlessly. Soon I could feel it compressing my bladder and my g-spot, but my skin resisted the sharp tip.

"... shit ..." I whispered, realizing that he was right over my cunt and I wondered how deep he was planning on penetrating. The pressure kept increasing and the dimple got deeper. I was trembling - not so much in fear, but more in anticipation - and I couldn’t take my eyes off that blade.

Then I felt a slight ‘pop’ as the tip broke through my skin, sliding through my layer of fat and pressing down on the band of muscle underneath that ran from hip to hip like straps to keep my insides inside. He kept increasing the pressure and I could feel my muscles resisting. And suddenly I felt it - my muscles surrendered and the blade was sliding into me.

I grunted as I tensed up and strained, my belly muscles clenching tight around the blade. But no matter how hard I clenched my belly, the knife did not slow one bit. It was sinking deeper and deeper, sliding through my pelvic cradle. I felt my bladder compress more and gasped as I felt it burst - pee burbling up around the sides of the blade like a mountain spring. Then there was pressure on my g-spot - amazing sweet pressure and if he’d just held it there without going any deeper, I would have cum within a few more seconds.

But he didn’t stop, or even slow down. The next thing I felt was a sharp bright flare of intense pain and perverse pleasure as he penetrated the wall of my cunt and sliced through my g-spot.

I arched my back and grunted; "Oh! Fuck! Me!" and still the blade slid deeper. I could feel the coldness of the smooth steel penetrating my sex organs, right through my cunt and out the other side to press and tug at my rectum. I felt the pull in my anus as he pressed the hilt home, tight against my belly.

Then something weird happened. I think it was some sort of orgasm, but it was different than anything I’ve ever felt before. It was a painful cramping ecstasy that flared bright and cold inside my pelvic cradle and it set me to grunting and squirming on the sofa. My body reacted just like it was an orgasm; I was humping my hips, my thighs were shaking and quivering, and it felt like I was pissing myself, but that couldn’t happen because my bladder was destroyed. I felt my anus open like a flower and I felt that pressure there that meant I was birthing a rosebud.

Through the rushing sound in my ears I could faintly hear people hooting and cheering and I saw the room flashing bright as people snapped pictures.

With one last grunt I felt my belly relax and that orgasm feeling faded back a bit.

He let me rest for a few seconds and I started panting to catch my breath. This was it! I was penetrated by Big Man’s knife just like my erotic nightmare so many years ago - a confused mixture of horror and sexual arousal borne of the pubescent mind of a thirteen-year-old girl; An erotic dream that awakened me in such an aroused state that I masturbated to two orgasms before I started to calm down.

And now it has become real. Too fucking real.

I was feeling delirious - the kind of feeling you get when you wake up muzzy-headed from a fever dream. I looked up and I could see my friends and strangers too, gathered around me, watching and talking to each other, maybe even to me, but none of it made sense. I couldn’t see faces either, just different coloured silhouettes that would disappear in blinding flashes of white when someone took a picture.

I looked back up into Big Man’s eyes, and they were as expressionless as before. He showed only professional concentration for this job he was doing to me, and so far he proved to have mastery in the art of eviscerating girls.

What he did next took less than a minute, but it was the longest minute of my life.

Big Man pulled back on the blade and I shuddered as I felt the suction it made inside me as it slid out a few inches. Then he slid it back in and I could feel the searing ice-cold blade slicing through skin, fat, and muscle.

"... mugh!" I cried out wordlessly and cupped my tits, kneading them and stroking my nipples. Big Man was cutting me open, but it still felt so sexual.

His knife was sliding in and out of my abdomen, stirring up my intestines, making them squirm and cramp in peristaltic undulations that felt wonderful and perverse. The blade was cutting some of them too, and I could smell myself as they spilled their content inside my belly. That’s one part I never included in my role-plays - the smell of sweet half-digested food.

I heard voices too, calling out, cheering me on.

"You go girl!"

"Oh Nikki, baby! This is the sexiest thing I’ve seen!"

"Ride that blade, baby girl!"

"Me next! Oh god, me next!"

This last one was Rikki and I wanted to tell her ‘no’, but I couldn’t talk with his blade sawing in and out of my belly.

When he got to my belly button, instead of going around it, he changed the angle and slipped the blade under it, and lifted. I moaned as I felt my belly lifting, felt the stretching on my flanks as that knot of old scar tissue resisted the edge. Big Man pulled up harder and I felt my bum lift off the sofa. The thought that his blade wasn’t sharp enough flashed through my mind as I grunted hard and felt fluid rising in my throat.

And just when I thought I could stand no more, Big Man jiggled the blade inside me and I felt the final slice start. My bum was lowered back down as the blade burned through my belly button and up through my softer upper belly.

As he pulled the blade out of me, I felt my belly open and my intestines started to push up out of me.

"Fuck, yeah!" someone yelled and my world exploded with flashes and movement.

I sunk down in the sofa, turning my head to the side, still stroking my tits and nipples. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to be left in my world of pleasure/pain and die peacefully as the sensations washed through my body. My belly felt so loose and disconnected, and tingles were dancing up and down my ribs. My stomach felt like it was boiling inside me, rumbling and churning. Suddenly I felt the convulsion and opened my mouth and puked into the space between the sofa back and the cushions. Even that felt good - every thing I’d drank or eaten all afternoon and evening gurgled and burbled up my gullet to flow out of my mouth. It smelt gross - a mixture of wine, half-digested food, and bile - but I was beyond caring; I was dying and I felt okay with it. My only regret was that I would have given anything for a nice gentle fuck at that moment, and when I felt the soft touch of hands on my inner thighs, I actually thought that an angel had come to give me my last wish and take me to the afterlife.

But when I opened my eyes, I saw that it was Denise. She was smiling and kneeling between my open thighs.

"My gift." she whispered as she slid two fingers into my cunt and lowered her head to begin flicking my clit with the tip of her tongue. And oh my, did that feel good.

The crowd of people around me were moving away toward the open kitchen area of the doublewide and I could hear excited voices over there, one of them was Rikki’s.

"’Kay, ‘ Kay. I’m ready. I’m ready now." her voice was high and strained but filled with desperate excitement.

"A two-for!" someone called out.

"Take it like Nikki!" someone else said.

Then I heard Dick telling people; "Come on, make a hole. Let Nikki see. She’s still alive. Let her watch."

And looking over to the kitchen I watched as the people parted like a curtain opening to reveal a stage.

The lights were all on in the kitchen so it was bright. Rikki was splayed out on the butcher block and Big Man was on the far side, working his knife in and out of Rikki’s belly. My first thought was; ‘So that’s what I looked like when he was doing me.’

My second was the desire to call out to her, to tell her to stop and not to die like this. But it was too late for that.

Rikki had her head thrown back and was arching her back hard, taking his knife without fighting it. In fact she seemed to be welcoming it. Her nipples were tight and erect and she was grunting and gasping as he worked the blade in and out of her long belly. Her face was flushed, so I know she was straining as I strained and I knew exactly what she was feeling.

Like I said before, Rikki always needed to be the centre of attention and even when it was going to cost her life she couldn’t be upstaged by me.

The next moments were a confused blur. The voices of our friends calling out grew dim and distant. My vision grew dark around the edges, and my body started to go numb. I could feel my body moving as Denise finger-fucked me, but all those sensations were lost to me.

I knew I was dying, but it was so peaceful and so warm, I let it embrace me. Then I was sinking into the sofa, sinking like a drowning girl as the waters closed over me and I lost the desire to breathe or even live.

I awoke four days later in the hospital. I was confused and sore. My body felt weak and frail. I explored my belly and found large bandages there, and tubes running out of my lower abdomen and tubes running into my stomach and inner arm.

I’d survived.

Rikki didn’t.

Rehabilitation was slow, but I did regain the ability to walk with a cane after three weeks. I’d lost a lot of weight, but that was because my bowels didn’t work right anymore. I was told I couldn’t eat solid food ever again and would be using a colostomy bag at least for two years as my body recovered, perhaps forever.

When the police interviewed me I pleaded ignorance of that night. I told them I was high and drunk and didn’t remember anything. I guess no one who was at the party said anything either.

In the end they didn’t try very hard to find Rikki’s killer - it was just another case of a couple trailer-trash white girls getting what they deserved.

They didn’t search very hard for Big Man, but I did. I tried to get my hands on Rikki’s cell phone to see if I could find his number in its memory, but the cops wouldn’t release it. I asked my friends who were at the party, but they didn’t know anything about who he was or where he came from.

It seemed hopeless - he would be forever exiled back to my dreams.

When I was finally strong enough, they allowed me out of the hospital for a few hours a couple times a week so I could go home and start easing back into my life. It was weird coming home - everything was the way Rikki and I left it, but it seemed foreign to me. I felt like a trespasser in my own home - the girl that I was, died that night with Rikki.

I felt like I was half-alive; that I really should be dead. When I closed my eyes that night, I thought I was dying, so all this ... everything afterward, the hospital, the cops, the rehab, all of it felt like I was living someone else’s life.

On my first visit home, I found my cell phone and the battery was dead, so I plugged it in to charge. When I came back three days later, I turned it on and checked all my messages and texts. And while I was scrolling, I found a text sent the morning of Dick’s party to someone I didn’t know. It was directions on how to get to Dick’s trailer.

Shiver-bumps tingled their way up and down my body.

I texted the number ...

> Big Man?

There was a long pause before he answered ...

> Rikki?

> No, it’s Nikki. I survived.

> Holy shit.

> Yeah.

I peeled off my skirt and lifted my top and took a picture of myself and sent it to him ...

> Wow.

> I’d like to meet you again.

> Why?

> You know why.

> Yeah, I do.

That was three weeks ago.

I was strong enough for them to discharge me from the hospital this morning, but I still feel frail and delicate. I promised Big Man I’d bring my cell phone and give it to him and not tell anyone who I was meeting.

The Greyhound bus will be here in fifteen minutes to take me to a little town in Arizona. There’s an old motel on the highway there that has individual units with cinderblock walls. Big Man says that the BDSM crowd from Phoenix go there because no one can hear the crying out or even screaming.

Big Man is going to meet me there and together we’re going to finish what we started.