Posted by Berenice on April 30, 2002 at 23:32:10:
You don't know the name but you may know me...at the very least
some of you know me in yourselves. I've had those fantasies of
men with hot eyes and cold knives for a very long time. Like so
many of us I learned to play with other toys, leather ones, even
kinder steel ones, and to play with pens and typewriters as well.
I wrote my evil romance, the one I wanted to live, over and over.
After a while I got too wild for one reason or other, and I fell in
love with another one of "us", and maybe I hoped together we would make
it all real. We didn't, and for many reasons we didn't stay a couple either.
Then I nearly took up that knife myself, and saw those hot eyes when I
stared in a mirror.
But at last I put the knife down and my eyes were cool and my friends and my life Then all of a sudden I wanted a stranger's touch. Any stranger, not necessarily one who Then all of a sudden I got a letter, one that pushed all the *old* buttons. One from someone who was So now I'm not in control anymore. Do I think he wants to kill me? Probably not. Probably not. If he did, he So tell me, some of you have been here...am I trying to get killed again? Why when I'm happy? Why am I only *this* happy Tomorrow I'll go to him and he'll do what he wishes and no one knows, he's my secret. I like it that way. I want him to have You can't convince me not to see him, but other than that... What does a snuffslut like me do now? -Berenice
were back and I was happy again. I had my leatherfun and my nonfatal metalfun too;
I had men who knew what I wanted and gave it to me; I put myself back together, better
than ever (better stronger faster
would hurt me; in fact I started looking for men who were dumber and less experienced, ones
I could play with and then leave without their even knowing my own name. When that worked
all right, I looked more seriously in newsgroup kind of areas, and was on the verge of meeting a
a few so we could play...these guys think something other than vanilla is when they bite me a little
bit and that snuffsex involves tobacco, you know the type? But they're older, confident, kinda hot
and they are grateful for the sex and let me leave.
really bright, and saw through my stupid act. I wrote him back, and he proclaimed himself "seduced" by me
and told me that he was a long-time Dom (and gave me reason to believe him) and after a few increasingly hot
letters we arranged to meet.
is smart enough not to let on. He showed enough intelligence at research to maybe know who I am. And I want him *so*
much, I want to serve him and have him be in control and let this go as long as he wants and have him know my real name.
when I seem to be in danger, if of nothing else than of losing control of my life again?
that knife in his hands and those hot eyes. Was I wrong, am I just as bad as ever? Is there anything like safety for someone like
us?