Posted by Splay on July 12, 2004 at 07:39:48:
Tough girls puncture easily however tough they may be. Femfem torso-holing kill fetish.
Cash gives us a full-blown story--well, part one of it. She(?) lays down background, develops her character, winds up the tension, then cuts loose with action. The English is very good, as is the editing, and Cash shows talent in pace, sequence and description.
A story like this one is like the string in a string of pearls, with the killings being the pearls. Many writers try this approach but make the setup too perfunctory or too long-winded. Cash has avoided both pitfalls. But the killings are what the reader is there for, after all, and as long as they are treated thoroughly, as they are here, a merely adequate setup is sufficient.
There were some distractions. To say it rather than show it is usually wrong, as in "...her cover was as a nurse." There is a bit of awkward structure here and there, as in "Even to her trained eye, she couldn't make out ... bulges ...." POV slips to a victim with "...beloved nickel-plated Colt...." Her companions appear beside her at one point as if by magic.
But the few flaws are easily overlooked in an admittedly amateur piece. "The Deal" is an enjoyable, fast-paced, satisfying killfest.