Posted by Splay on June 22, 2004 at 19:19:54:
Murder followed by wholesale slaughter followed by murder. Archer's choice of weapon is unexpected; you'd expect a bow and arrow rather than an assault rifle, but whatever sinks her boat, I guess.
There's good news and bad news. First the bad news:
The author shows more enthusiasm than ability--a lot more. All that dialogue, all that plot, all that setup, and it never amounts to a story. The author's intent is unclear, too. Is this necro or bullethole fetish or Lesbian voyeurism or what? The actual killings are glossed over, given at most the merest dab of bad description ("the two bodies swaggered [sic]..."). In fact, there are so many wrong words and faulty constructions and Tom Swifties that it's somewhat hard to read. I couldn't even figure out which sex Jackie was until "two women."
Now the good news:
It's funny in spots. Archer enhances the underlying playfulness of the piece with inside jokes, silly references (Revenge of the Nerds, Gilligan's Island) and a couple of clever skits about the Internet. Also, it's typed very well considering the complex punctuation and layout needed.
I think this is a good effort for a piece that seems to have been dashed off quickly just for fun, but its lack of focus leaves the reader unsatisfied.