Posted by Sawney Beane on August 20, 2007 at 10:42:00:
The Collected Works of Sawney Beane: Volume #137
LAST CALL
by Sawney Beane
13 August 2006
1,271 words
DISTRIBUTION NOTICE and DISCLAIMER: Sawney Beane requests that any distribution of this work of fiction remain within the realm of social responsibility. This story is suitable neither for minors nor for the seeming majority of adults who have difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality. It is pure fantasy, which means that, for whatever reason, someone has found it interesting to think about the events depicted herein. It does not in any way mean that the author would like to see this fantasy become reality, so if you are the type of person who might be swayed into doing something irrational by reading a work of fiction, the author respectfully requests that you decline to read further.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Sawney Beane, originally a native of Edinburgh, lived for twenty-five years in a cave on the coast of County Galloway, subsisting on the flesh of unfortunate travellers, roughly a thousand of them all told. He and his wife raised a large family of eight sons, six daughters, eighteen grandsons, and fourteen granddaughters. Eventually, the family was captured, and the whole lot was brutally and unjustifiably tortured and executed without trial. Since his death in the early 17th century, Beane has reformed his ways and now confines his atrocities to his literary endeavours.
WARNING: This story contains scenes of consensual snuff and gynophagia. If you find such things offensive, please steer clear; you have been warned.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I liked the idea of this one but wasn't sure exactly how to carry it out. We'll see if it worked.
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"Listen, honey, they're going to call for me in a few minutes, and when they call, I'm going to have to hang up and go, so you have to focus. We have important things to discuss....
"Yes, yes, I know, but you just have to calm down....
"Damn it, Bob, I don't get it. I'm the one who's going to be chopped into a thousand pieces, so why are you the one losing it?....
"Ok, fine, two hundred and fifty-eight pieces, so what fucking difference does it make?
"I know you'll miss me; I'll miss you too....
"Yes, sure, I won't miss you for very long. You always have been the sweet sensitive type, haven't you? Fucking prat....
"Anyway, if you want me so much, just say so, and I'll call it off and come right home....
"Yes, I do realize that the butcher's fee is non-refundable. What the hell difference does that make?
"Look, you just have to make a decision. Do you want me or my meat? You can't have both, and the goddamn butcher's fee don't come into it!
"Ok, good, meat it is then. Thank you. Will you stop you whinging now so we can talk about serious things?
"Hey, you'll never guess who I met here a little while ago....
"Yes, my friend Stephanie, you know from my garden club....
"Right, the one with the red hair and the tits you like so much, that's her....
"Yes, she'd been talking about it for a while, but I didn't think she and her husband were really serious. Turns out she was right in front of me in line....
"Yes, small world, huh. Well, anyway, she was having a nasty time of it. Couldn't keep her knees from knocking against one another, and when they called her into the room, she nearly collapsed and was whining and carrying on. They almost sent her home, but she kept insisting and resisting at the same time. Poor dear....
"But anyway, seeing as I was her friend and all, they asked me to come in and calm her down while they chopped her. I didn't expect that, but it was amazing. I just sat there holding her hands and cheeks and then the man with the axe just come up right behind her and without any warning at all or nothing, he just dropped it on her like that!
"Yes, I've never seen so much blood and it was all spilling out onto me. Good thing I was naked already. I caught her head in my lap and then I stood up holding her hair, and I just stared at her body while they tied up the ankles and hoisted it up to the ceiling. They bled her out into a bucket and then they sliced her up the belly and scooped out her insides into a plastic tray....
"They were ignoring me all this time, while I was still standing there with Stephanie's head dangling by my thigh and her blood all over me. It was so funny, I was in shock a little bit, and then they started cutting out her pussy and then they sawed her right in half down her spine so there were two halves of her. It was so weird!
"The thing that I found so strange was one minute she was my friend and I'm talking to her and trying to keep her calm and then right like that she's a slab of meat! I looked at her body while they were cutting on it like that, and I couldn't see Stephanie anymore. Just meat....
"Eventually, they did come over and take her head away from me and they hosed me down a bit. Then they took Stephanie's carcass back to the storage area and they took a short break. That's why I had time to call you....
"Yes, but not much time....
"I know, but you know what? I'm not going to be scared like Stephanie was. I'm going to walk right in there and put my neck down on the block. I can handle it....
"Thanks, I appreciate that....
"Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that, but there's two really important things we need to discuss before they snuff me....
"Yes, of course, but the first one is about your first meal....
"Yes, your first meal of me I mean....
"Well, just tell me what you want to have first, and I'll tell them to have it ready for you whenever you want to come down. Then every evening, you just come down to the restaurant and enjoy your dinner and tell them what you want for your next meal. Keep it up until I'm completely gone....
"I don't know how long, I suppose it depends on how hungry you are....
"Yeah, but you don't have to bother with anything, and it's all included in the package deal, so it's very easy....
"Well, it's whatever you want....
"I don't know; do you want to start with a breast? My pussy? Or maybe you want to start slow and have a round steak first. It's up to you really....
"Ok, that sounds good. I'll have a nice thick thigh steak waiting for you. Rare, just the way you like it....
"Thanks, I hope I'll taste as good as you think I will....
"Right, well, the other thing I wanted to talk about is Nancy....
"Yes, have you called her yet?
"Why not?
"You don't have to wait until I'm dead. I told you to call her....
"Yes, of course she's interested in you. She's been asking me for eighteen months when you're going to get around to snuffing me....
"No, no, she was asking in a polite way. She's a sweet girl....
"Yes, she looks delicious, and I'm sure she'd be a great mother if you decided to go that way with her instead....
"Yes, but look, you can't screw around. Paul has his eye on her too, so don't let him get to her before you do. Call her right after you hang up....
"I know, but you just have to do it. Look, why don't you invite her to dinner tomorrow night. You can order some of me for her. I would really like that if you woo her at my dinner table....
"No, I don't think it would be disrespectful at all....
"Not if I'm the one who wants it that way....
"Great, do it right away....
"Damn, I can't tell you how I'm feeling right now. There's something so erotic about all this. I'm so revved up. I wish one of these guys would get me off before they take my head off....
"Yes, I know the rules, dear, don't worry, no one will violate the food purity laws with me. But still, I can wish can't I?
"Yeah, I know you gave me a last fuck this morning. Still, I wish you could have made more of an effort seeing as it was my last one and all....
"Yes, sorry, I didn't mean to be nasty. I'm just a little tense right now....
"Well, yes, it is understandable. Still....
"God, they're calling for me. I have to go....
"Good, promise me you'll call Nancy....
"Yes, right away....
"Ok, look, if you're so adamant that I have to be dead first, just wait fifteen minutes. They should have my head off in ten, so fifteen and I'm definitely gone. But don't wait a second longer than that....
"Yes, good, thanks....
"Yes, honey, I love you too....
"Ok, darling, me too; I hope you enjoy your food. Bye bye."