Posted by Sawney Beane on August 27, 2006 at 01:59:43:
The Collected Works of Sawney Beane: Volume #59
KAREN'S BLOCK PARTY
by Sawney Beane
4 August 1996; 1 March 1998
1,242 words
DISTRIBUTION NOTICE and DISCLAIMER: Sawney Beane requests that any distribution of this work of fiction remain within the realm of social responsibility. This story is suitable neither for minors nor for the seeming majority of adults who have difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality. It is pure fantasy, which means that, for whatever reason, someone has found it interesting to think about the events depicted herein. It does not in any way mean that the author would like to see this fantasy become reality, so if you are the type of person who might be swayed into doing something irrational by reading a work of fiction, the author respectfully requests that you decline to read further.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Sawney Beane, originally a native of Edinburgh, lived for twenty-five years in a cave on the coast of County Galloway, subsisting on the flesh of unfortunate travellers, roughly a thousand of them all told. He and his wife raised a large family of eight sons, six daughters, eighteen grandsons, and fourteen granddaughters. Eventually, the family was captured, and the whole lot was brutally and unjustifiably tortured and executed without trial. Since his death in the early 17th century, Beane has reformed his ways and now confines his atrocities to his literary endeavours.
WARNING: This story contains scenes of consensual snuff and gynophagia. If you find such things offensive, please steer clear; you have been warned.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This story was loosely inspired by another Dolcett drawing. This one was called FILET (aka DOLC048). Basic straightforward Dolcett.
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The committee met beside the subdivision swimming pool to discuss the upcoming barbecue. The meeting was almost over, when Chairman Jones called upon Karen Matthews to report on progress in the duties previously assigned to her.
"Well, that just leaves Karen," said the chairman, "Have you ordered the meat for the barbecue?"
Karen stood up, her lithe, bikini-clad body making an impression on the other committee members. "Yes, Mr. Chairman, it is all arranged."
"Good, good, how much is it going to cost us?"
"It'll be free, Tony."
"How'd you manage that?" chimed in treasurer Smith. "What did you get us?"
Karen smiled slyly and ran her hands along the smooth curves of her hips. "We'll be having long pig."
The committee members laughed. Karen always was ready with the joke. Tony decided to play along, "Where are we going to find one of those?"
"I'm volunteering," replied Karen. Something in her voice caused a great deal of concern in the four men and two women sitting around the table. But they laughed anyway, not quite as comfortably as the first time.
"You certainly do look good enough to eat, Karen," said Tony Jones with a smile, "but I think we'd like something more conventional this time around."
Karen's reply was deadly serious. "This is an offer that will not be repeated. If any of you are wondering how I would taste, you'd better jump at this chance, because I'll be dead and rotten before the next block party comes around."
The response from the table was uproarious. Everyone tried to talk at once, and it took several minutes for the chairman to calm everyone else down. "What do you mean by this, Karen?" he said, "Are you serious?"
"Yes, very. You all know I've just gone through a divorce, and last week Jim won custody of our two children and carted them off to southern California. My life is a shambles, and, frankly, I haven't the ambition to put it back together again. So I'm going to commit suicide--don't try to stop me; my mind is made up on that point. I'm willing to wait two weeks for the block party so that I can give something back to all of my friends who have done so much for me. But if you turn down my offer, I'll die tonight."
Everyone was silent at the table for many minutes. They knew it wouldn't help to argue with Karen; she was a woman who made up her mind and never changed it. But no one was really comfortable with her strange offer. Chairman Jones promised to discuss the issue with everyone involved and to make a final decision one week later. Karen accepted the compromise, even though everyone knew it was just a stalling technique. All eyes followed Karen's trim figure as she strode from the room with infinite dignity. Some of the men caught themselves wondering what it would be like to chew on her succulent thighs, but shame quickly jerked them back to reality. It was going to be a long week.
For seven days, no one talked about anything except Karen and her unusual ultimatum. Before the next committee meeting, many people in the area, both male and female, were coming to the realization that they were not the only ones who had fantasized about taking a bite out of Karen. When the meeting finally arrived, a fairly high proportion of the committee and their constituents were willing to give her a try.
The meeting dragged on for hours, and Karen sat with a patient smile throughout. She loved the way everyone looked at her in furtive inquisitive glances. Before everything was over, Chairman Tony Jones had resigned his office, and nearly a third of the area's residents had vowed to boycott the block party. Nonetheless, those remaining were willing to take Karen up on her offer after they had solemnly begged her to reconsider. She refused and happily walked home to make preparations for the following week's party.
Sunday arrived quickly, and the day of Karen's block party was at hand. The men had been out stoking the coals since early in the morning just as if a pig had been on the menu. Fortunately, the dissenters had agreed to stay home but to refrain from calling the police. With any luck, no one would wonder what was going on in Bob Kelley's back garden that afternoon.
Karen arrived with the air of a queen and silently stripped for the speechless crowd. Several people said kind words to her and more than a few begged her to back out, but she continued on course.
Someone had set the barbecue pole over a couple of logs so that it rested about half a foot off the ground. Karen straddled the pole and came to rest on her hands and knees. She winced as the cold steel pressed against her belly and chest. She asked someone to tie her waist to the pole, and she was obeyed. After a few more minutes, her wrists and ankles were also tied to the pole. Someone brought out a stabilizer, and the small spike was screwed to the barbecue pole between Karen's knees and its end inserted into her arse to keep her from sliding around.
Several of the stronger men picked up Karen and her pole and carried her toward the barbecue pit while insincerely entreating her to give up her folly. They placed her over the coals, and the intense heat overcame her senses briefly. After she had become accustomed to the inferno, Karen resumed directing her own demise. She instructed her bikini-clad friends to continually turn the handle on her spit so that she would roast evenly. She ordered several men to baste her entire body with barbecue sauce, and she even gave tips on what kind of knives to use on which parts of her body. Everyone agreed that the two best adjectives for describing Karen were gorgeous and bizarre.
She lasted a long time there over the roaring fire pit. By the time she died, Karen's body was a luscious shade of golden brown. Bob stuck a cooking fork in her roasted rump and elicited a slight squeak out of her just before she expired. The guest of honour had departed, but the party was just beginning.
When Karen looked more like a good meal than a gorgeous woman, she was taken off the coals and her steaming body laid out on a picnic table. Russ Jenkins, the local butcher, did his best to carve her respectfully. Soon she was all over the yard on everyone's plates.
Then an unusual thing happened. No one wanted to take the first bite. Everyone sat around watching each other like hawks as if they suspected that their friends had tried to poison them. In the end it was Todd Baker who dove into his share of Karen's left thigh with relish. He looked like he was enjoying the meal so much that everyone began eating in one relieved moment.
There was plenty of meat to go around, but the group liked her so much that they were clamouring for seconds and then thirds. Within a few hours of her demise, everything except Karen's bones was safely within her neighbours' stomachs.
When all was said and done, it was universally recognized that a third appropriate adjective for Karen was delicious.