Posted by Sawney Beane on August 02, 2006 at 23:34:55:
The Collected Works of Sawney Beane: Volume 45
HIRED GUN
by Sawney Beane
31 January 1997
1,167 words
DISTRIBUTION NOTICE and DISCLAIMER: Sawney Beane requests that any distribution of this work of fiction remain within the realm of social responsibility. This story is suitable neither for minors nor for the seeming majority of adults who have difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality. It is pure fantasy, which means that, for whatever reason, someone has found it interesting to think about the events depicted herein. It does not in any way mean that the author would like to see this fantasy become reality, so if you are the type of person who might be swayed into doing something irrational by reading a work of fiction, the author respectfully requests that you decline to read further.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Sawney Beane, originally a native of Edinburgh, lived for twenty-five years in a cave on the coast of County Galloway, subsisting on the flesh of unfortunate travellers, roughly a thousand of them all told. He and his wife raised a large family of eight sons, six daughters, eighteen grandsons, and fourteen granddaughters. Eventually, the family was captured, and the whole lot was brutally and unjustifiably tortured and executed without trial. Since his death in the early 17th century, Beane has reformed his ways and now confines his atrocities to his literary endeavours.
WARNING: This story contains scenes of voluntary female snuff (and a tiny mention of cannibalism). If you find such things offensive, please steer clear; you have been warned.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is pretty much a throwaway story, but it has a certain surrealistic charm. It is a peculiar look at a girl hiring a man in an amusement park to kill her. It owes something to the bellybutt work of Peter Cohen in spirit but is also quite different.
---------------------------
"Hi, could you shoot me?"
"That's what I'm here for, young lady," said the man behind the counter in the small shop in a secluded corner of the amusement park. The petite blonde in a tight blue mini-skirt and a tiny bikini top had drawn his full attention from the moment she glided shyly into the establishment.
"Great; do I need to make an appointment or can we do it right away?"
"Whenever you're ready; you're the only customer I've had so far today."
"Business is not so good?"
"Oh, it's always like this. There just ain't many people who want to be shot."
"How do you stay in business without customers?"
"It ain't easy, but one satisfied customer can make it all worth while."
"How much will it cost?"
"Twenty-five quid just like the sign says," the man replied, casually pointing to the big board behind him.
"Good," she said, handing the man the money, "What do I have to do?"
"Where would you like me to shoot you?" the man asked as he pulled his rifle from off its hook.
"Right here," the girl said solemnly, pressing her index finger against a spot between her breasts above and just left of centre.
"Uh oh, that might be a problem."
"Why?"
"Well, that's right where you heart is, so you'd almost certainly die if I shot you there."
"Good, that's what I want."
"Oh, well, a fatal shooting will cost you a bit more."
"How much?"
"Can't you read the sign? Everything is spelled out right there."
"No, I can't, actually."
"Oh yeah, I guess it is written in Arabic. Poor choice, that. Anyway, it's just fifty quid."
"But I only have a fiver left!"
The shopkeeper clucked sympathetically. "Well, missy, I suppose I can cut you a break. Tell you what, if you let me keep that pretty little head of yours, I'll give you a premium lethal gunshot wound for thirty quid." He showed her the short line of big bottles on a dark shelf to the left. Each bottle contained a human head floating in some sort of preservation fluid. The seven faces were somewhat distorted and the skin discoloured, but it could be seen that they had all once belonged to reasonably attractive men and women.
The girl thought this over carefully before replying. "OK, that's fine, you can take my head after you shoot me."
The man smiled and accepted the additional five pounds she offered him. "Great, I think yours will be my best one. Now are you all ready?"
"Just a minute," she said as she untied her bikini top and dropped it on the counter, thus releasing her shapely breasts. "There, that's much better."
"I'll say!" replied the man shamelessly, "You can just stand over there."
She followed his pointing and positioned herself in front of the target tacked to a hay bale at the end of the short firing range. Standing rigidly at attention with her back arched and her arms flat against her sides, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
The man with the rifle stood fifty feet in front of her. He looked through the sight and saw the dark circle of her left nipple. After savouring the view for a moment, he moved the rifle up and to the left until he was aiming at the spot of flawless skin on her chest that she had indicated. He unhooked the safety and cocked the rifle, a shiver running through the girl's body at the sharp metallic sound.
"OK, are ya ready, darlin'?"
She hesitated before replying and then said abruptly, "No, wait a minute." She walked back to where her hired gun was standing and said, "This isn't right. If you shoot me in the heart, I won't get to enjoy being shot."
"I can't imagine it's all that pleasant."
"But I want to feel it."
"OK, I'll shoot you in the leg or something."
"No, I want it to be fatal."
"Well, honey, I guess you'll just have to pay for additional shots."
"How much?"
"Twenty-five apiece."
"But I don't have any more money," she moaned. Sudden inspiration struck her, "Would you like to keep something else? My breasts perhaps?" The sexy girl propped her breasts up on her hands so as to properly display their charms.
The man's mouth watered, and he was obviously tempted. "Sorry, ma'am, but I'm not allowed. I have to turn everything but the heads in to the park's food services division."
"They're going to eat me? Cool!" This was a new and wonderful proposition to her, but her mind soon returned to the business at hand. "Isn't there anything we could do?"
The man coughed uneasily. "Well, I could accept...ah...services in lieu of cash."
The girl smiled knowingly and led the way back into the shop. "That's easy enough."
The girl knelt down behind the counter and unzipped the man's pants. She shoved her hand down his pants and fished around until she had a hold on what she was looking for. In another few seconds, the man's excited penis was six inches into the girl's soft mouth. She sucked like a hoover until the man thought he couldn't take much more, but it was better than anything he'd ever felt. He was going to let her go at that, but before he could say anything, she was wiggling out of her mini-skirt and pushing his trousers down to his ankles. Their sex was short and almost frantic, but the man enjoyed himself more than enough to make him charitable.
Rising from the shop floor and dressing, the man said, "That was so good, honey, that I'm going to give you not one but two non-lethal shots before the lethal one if you want them."
"Ah, yes, that would be perfect," she purred.
"Where would you like them?"
"Surprise me."
The girl did not bother to dress but walked back nude to her position in front of the bale target. The man re-aimed his weapon and called out "Ready, ma'am?"
The girl did not open her eyes, but she nodded slowly. Seconds later, her right shoulder cracked and sputtered blood as the ball joint was pierced by a .22 calibre bullet. Blood ran down the girl's right breast, and her arm hung limply and awkwardly as she moaned in a mixture of pain and pleasure.
A minute later, a second shot rang out. This time the girl's left hip flowed red as a second bullet embedded itself in the point of her pelvis. She stumbled a bit but remained standing as the man took aim for the third and final time.
Looking through the sight again, he saw the rapidly undulating chest of the young victim. He zeroed in on the exact location, careful not to damage her beautiful breasts and cocked the rifle. After one final look at the beautiful scene of agony and ecstasy before him, the hired gunman squeezed his trigger.