Posted by Sawney Beane on August 30, 2007 at 04:51:33:
The Collected Works of Sawney Beane: Volume #141
BONUS
by Sawney Beane
6 July 2007
2,988 words
DISTRIBUTION NOTICE and DISCLAIMER: Sawney Beane requests that any distribution of this work of fiction remain within the realm of social responsibility. This story is suitable neither for minors nor for the seeming majority of adults who have difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality. It is pure fantasy, which means that, for whatever reason, someone has found it interesting to think about the events depicted herein. It does not in any way mean that the author would like to see this fantasy become reality, so if you are the type of person who might be swayed into doing something irrational by reading a work of fiction, the author respectfully requests that you decline to read further.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Sawney Beane, originally a native of Edinburgh, lived for twenty-five years in a cave on the coast of County Galloway, subsisting on the flesh of unfortunate travellers, roughly a thousand of them all told. He and his wife raised a large family of eight sons, six daughters, eighteen grandsons, and fourteen granddaughters. Eventually, the family was captured, and the whole lot was brutally and unjustifiably tortured and executed without trial. Since his death in the early 17th century, Beane has reformed his ways and now confines his atrocities to his literary endeavours.
WARNING: This story contains scenes of consensual snuff and gynophagia. If you find such things offensive, please steer clear; you have been warned.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: A bit light hearted and silly, but fun. I don't usually go for the happy shiny victims, but somehow this idea amused me.
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Rodney stumbled down stairs with sand-filled bleary eyes. He hated mornings. Nothing good ever came from mornings. But this would not be a usual morning for Rodney.
In a rumpled bathrobe, he unlatched the front door and laboriously pushed it open to retrieve the morning paper. He leaned down with one arm around his waist to keep his bathrobe from falling open as he picked the paper up from next to the feet of the naked woman. Then he shut the door with an effort and began to slump towards the kitchen to find caffeine.
But something was not quite right in his mind at that moment. Something surprising had been there on his doorstep, but his mist-filled brain was unable to process it. Still, something was wrong, and he decided he needed to check.
Rodney returned to the door and opened it cautiously. The naked woman stared back at him with a smile. Rodney blinked.
She was indeed a beautiful creature. She was sitting on a box of some sort and held her legs crossed and had her arms folded across her breasts in a casual effort at concealment. Well, that cleared up the mystery. Whoever she was, the out of place thing on Rodney's doorstep was clearly this naked woman.
"Am I dreaming?" he uttered groggily.
The woman giggled. "It's kind of you to suggest so, but no you are not."
"What are you doing here?"
"I'm a gift."
"You're naked!" The depths of Rodney's perception were boundless.
"True."
"Why?"
"Most of the things I am good for don't require clothing," she said, as if this cleared up the mystery.
"But didn't anyone see you?"
"I don't know; probably," she replied with a casual air.
"Ummm, OK, er...." Rodney's powers of speech had deserted him in the glare of this nude woman's casual acceptance of the situation.
"May I come in?"
"I don't think so," replied Rodney uncertainly, "I don't have time, I have to get to work soon."
"Oh, I don't think that will be a problem, sir," she replied and turned around, dropping her arms to her sides as she did so and thereby giving anyone who happened to be wandering by a spectacular view of a truly spectacular pair of breasts.
Rodney didn't notice the breasts as his attention was drawn by an entirely more unusual phenomenon. The girl's back was covered with closely spaced printing in heavy black ink. Rodney read the girl's back in astonishment:
Dear Rodney,
We at the office would like to thank you for all of your hard work on the acquisition project last week. It was a smashing success and we couldn't have done it without your many extra hours of toil. The least we can do is offer you a token of our appreciation and an extra week off from work. So please enjoy this lovely lass with our compliments and don't let us catch you working this week.
Cheers,
Reg
Rodney blinked for several minutes trying to comprehend this odd message from his boss and it's even odder messenger. She continued to show her body to the world as he pondered.
Then he began to realize what it meant and ushered her inside hastily, barely giving her time to pick up the box she had been sitting on. She deposited the box just inside the door and stood at smiling attention. "So, what do you want to do now," she inquired.
"What do you mean?" he replied with a concerned and puzzled glance at her unashamedly nude splendour.
"I mean, I'm yours to do with as you wish, so what would you like to do first?"
"Ummm..." Rodney was afraid to ask what the options were.
"Well, I'll make you breakfast, of course," she began.
"You cook?"
"Of course...oh, don't worry, the writing is in food-safe ink...but I was wondering if you would like to have sex with me first."
Rodney was so astonished at her brash proposition that he failed to notice the implication earlier in her speech. "Uh, er, I couldn't do that!"
She squinted her eyes and gave him a slightly worried look. "Are you married?" She imagined his reaction to be one of a man struggling with fidelity in the face of a beautiful naked woman.
"No, er, my wife, er, passed away three years ago," Rodney said with downcast eyes.
"Oh, so you're not new to this? I thought that I was your first." He couldn't tell if her reaction was relief or disappointment.
"New to what? Sex?" He wasn't quite pleased to be taken for a virgin, but at the same time something in her manner suggested that this wasn't what she meant.
She giggled. "No, silly, not sex, I mean eating girls, but if you have had your wife already, then I don't need to explain it to you so much, so it will be easier."
"Eating girls?" Rodney knew it happened, but it generally was something that happened to other people and he never imagined he would be offered such a controversial delicacy. So sure was he that he would never have the opportunity, he never had taken the time to decide whether or not he was opposed to the idea.
"Yes, of course, that's what I'm here for." She smiled incongruously.
"I didn't eat my wife," he said astonished.
"You didn't?"
"No, she died in a crash two years ago." Just saying it made a wave of sadness wash over him.
The girl was mortified. "Oh, sir, I'm so sorry. I should not make assumptions, but you know when young women die these days it's usually due to cannibalism."
"It's ok," Rodney mumbled. "You can call me Rodney, by the way."
"Oh, certainly, Rodney," the girl smiled again encouragingly. "My name is Jill."
"Pleased to meet you Jill."
"Yes, it is. So if you are not interested in sex, would you like breakfast."
"Yes, but I'm not sure I can eat you," he replied.
"It would be extremely rude not to," she said with a sly smile. "After all, I have taken the time and effort to show up at your doorstep with a box full of cooking tools."
"Yes, but you're so beautiful and you'll die."
"Thank you, Rodney, and yes, I do realize that."
"But, Jill, why do you want to do that?"
"It's my job," she said shortly. Quizzing a meat girl about her motives was coming quite close to real rudeness, but she forgave Rodney his inexperience.
"But why would a girl like you take a job like that!"
Jill shrugged her lovely bare shoulders nonchalantly. "Well, it's a living," she said with a smile.
"Huh?"
"Sorry, old meat girl humour. Bad joke really."
"But..."
"Look, I'd rather not talk about that if you don't mind. I have my reasons, and I am here for you, so let's just get down to it, shall we? I promise you'll enjoy me. I am such a sweet little girl." She blinked cutely at him to lighten the mood.
Rodney smiled ruefully, but was not convinced. Nonetheless, Jill was dragging her case into the kitchen and was about to set to work. She rummaged through the cabinets and collected several dishes and spices and took several more things from her box tossing some on the table and others piling on the counter neatly.
"My manual," she said curtly as she tossed a thick volume onto the table.
Rodney picked it up and began to peruse the book, which seemed to be a combination of recipe book and human anatomy manual. There was also a long detailed section on how to butcher the human carcass. He was fascinated in a horrified sort of way.
"You'll have to do a lot of it yourself, of course," she said over her shoulder. "The book should tell you how to do it, and there's a toll-free number inside the cover if you need help from an expert. But I will do as much of it as I can myself."
Rodney did not have time to respond to this barrage of information. She finished arranged her tools and turned with a business-like air and addressed him with hands on hips. "So, about breakfast," she began.
"Yes?"
"Well, of course, the traditional thing for breakfast is bacon. However," she said smacking her own shapely rump, "getting bacon for you would be a bit of a challenge at this moment. We could do it, but I wouldn't be around to help you with the next few meals, and I anticipate that you will need some help. Sausages would be another option, but those would be even more immediately terminal. So I propose something a bit less traditional, and you can enjoy ham and bacon tomorrow if you please."
"OK." Rodney simply didn't know what to say.
"Just trust me, and I'll make you a great breakfast."
"Sure."
Jill smiled and hopped up onto the counter with her feet dangling under the faucet. She rinsed off her feet and scrubbed them dry with a towel while Rodney watched her in astonished silence. Then she did several things very fast. She took a leather strap and nestled it snugly around her left upper thigh close to her hip. Using a built-in ratcheting device she tightened the strap until it cut into her leg like a plump sausage. Then she picked up a syringe and injected its contents into her leg. Finally, she placed her slender ankle on a thick wooden cutting board and pulled out a nasty-looking cleaver.
Rodney blinked in dismay as she brought the cleaver down heavily on her ankle with a sickening sound. He felt as if he was watching a film and didn't even think to call out to her to stop. She picked up the severed foot and studied it with the fascination that most women have the first time they do such a thing. The abused ankle did not bleed as much as Rodney would have expected, and Jill let it dangle into the sink to catch what blood did emerge.
Jill lost no time. Rodney watched her in horror as she cut deep grooves into the flesh of her detached foot and then rubbed butter all over and into it. Then she placed it in a glass cooking dish, added salt, pepper, and various other spices, including cloves. Finally, she held her ankle over the dish until the foot was standing in a thick puddle of blood filling the bottom of the dish.
"Rodney, could you be a dear and pop this into the oven for me?" Jill sang out sweetly upon completing her masterpiece.
Rodney complied wordlessly and then turned back to her. "Doesn't that hurt?"
Jill smiled again. "Well, of course, it would, but I anaesthetized it first."
"Oh."
"Don't worry, everything is fine. Just sit back and enjoy it. Once you taste your breakfast, you won't have any more second thoughts."
Rodney wasn't so sure, but she was going right on about her business.
"Might as well butcher the whole leg while we're waiting," Jill mused as if to herself.
Rodney became aware of the magnificent leg at this point. Jill's whole body, in fact, was young, fit, and very well taken care of. She did make his mouth water, he had to admit.
But Jill was not paying attention to his lasciviousness. She was busy at work with the cleaver. First she severed her own leg below the knee and then just above the knee. She used a hacksaw to remove the thigh close to the leather tourniquet. And the several pieces of girl meat now littered the counter. She continued sawing the meaty thigh into thick steaks, and left the calf in several meal-sized roast pieces.
"That just about does it," Jill said after concentrating on her task for some time. The accumulated pieces of Jill looked like appetizing meat. And it was almost difficult to notice the lack of her left leg. "We'll need to wrap all of these pieces, of course. Probably best to freeze these. It will take you some time to consume all of me."
"Yes." By the time they had wrapped and labelled the pieces in butcher paper which Jill had brought along in her implement box, the oven timer beeped.
"Oh, I'm ready for breakfast!" Jill laughed enthusiastically.
The smell of roasted Jill meat filled the room as Rodney opened the oven door. Jill almost swooned with delight. Rodney took the dish out and left it on the centre of the table. He set the table for two and sat down to stare at his breakfast.
"Oh, I don't need to eat," said Jill. "I'll probably not have time to get too hungry."
"You sure?" Rodney could not process the surreal implications of the conversation.
"Maybe just a taste to see how I am, but yes, I'm all for you."
"OK." Rodney stared at the meal and tried to decide if it appealed to him. It was a delicious golden brown and smelled delicious. On the other hand, it was all too obviously a human foot. True, it was a delicate and shapely human foot expertly prepared for the oven. But, be that as it may, it was a bit distressing to look at.
"Go ahead, dig in!" Jill encouraged.
Rodney closed his eyes and carved out a piece of meat to taste. It burned his mouth at first.
"Careful, I'm a hot babe, didn't you realize?" Jill giggled.
"Yes, I did notice that."
Rodney resumed his girl tasting and bit into the slightly cooled morsel. The taste that filled him instantly made up his mind. As disturbing as this practice was, the meat was unbelievable. He was in heaven and greedily consumed half of the roast before offering Jill the bite that she desired. She was very pleased with herself when he did finally share with her. Jill and Rodney lazily finished the meal in absolute bliss.
Some time later, Jill asked Rodney what he would like to do next. She recommended that he try taking some of her parts off before snuffing her for final butchering. The casualness with which she discussed this shocked Rodney, but he was beyond arguing with her.
They worked together to slice off her left arm for lunch. She gave him helpful advice as he cut the limb into meal sized pieces and prepared a generous bit of her bicep for lunch. While it was cooking, he removed and butchered her right arm.
After pausing to enjoy the lunch, of which he again shared a small bite with her, she suggested that he try removing her breasts. Despite her abbreviated and decimated state, the request alarmed the blood-smeared host.
"Your breasts?" he asked foolishly.
"Yes, of course, don't you like them?"
Rodney paused to study his meat girl's breasts in order to give a truthful answer. They were not enormous not were they small. Jill's breasts were of moderate size and perfectly proportioned. "Yes, I like them very much."
"Great, then you can make a dinner of them. They're not as meaty as most parts, but they do fry up great."
Jill showed Rodney how to place the knife flat against her belly with her in a sitting position and then slice upwards to allow the whole breast to drop gently into his hand. After two tries at this, she was flat chested. But he held two magnificent mammaries in his outstretched hands.
Rodney, under Jill's direction, filleted the breasts, caked them in a light batter and fried them in a skillet. The smell was heavenly, and he saved the grease for frying other dishes later on. Jill watched him enjoying his dinner as twilight filtered into the room from outside. She told him she was feeling weak and that she hoped he was by now comfortable with the mechanics of making her into meat. He hesitated but knew that, ready or not, he would soon be on his own.
Jill helped him to affix a hook to the ceiling. He then, with much hesitation, helped her push a meat hook through the flesh of her ankle. He was easily able to lift her much-reduced body upside down and hook the spike in her ankle over the hook in the ceiling, thus leaving her dangling upside down from her one remaining limb.
She showed him where to get a bucket to catch her imminently flowing blood before asking him to cut her throat.
"It's been a pleasure serving you, Rodney, you are a true gentleman. I hope you enjoy the rest of me. Don't forget the phone number if you need help taking me apart, it's staffed 24 hrs." There was no regret or fear in her demeanour even now. She was dangling from the ceiling like a side of beef and still carried out her duties with style.
"Thank you, Jill, you're the most delicious girl I ever met."
He choked back a tear, but she smiled tenderly as he placed the knife against her throat. She nodded slightly by way of encouragement, and he felt his hands press the knife into her delicate flesh. The violated throat exploded with blood, most of which Rodney was able to contain in the bucket, but by the time he had control of the situation, he saw that her shining blue eyes had faded to a dull grey. She stared lifelessly at him with a subtle smile still on her tight lips.
Rodney sighed and knew that he had a long evening of gruesome work ahead of him along with many frantic calls to the girl butchering hotline. But then he thought of how good Jill would taste, all of the many parts of her he had not yet had the opportunity to enjoy. He smiled grimly. Never before or after would he get such a great bonus from his employer.