Posted by Ripper X on March 13, 2000 at 09:16:35:
Ripper X walked into Sam's Place after another hard days work of sitting around all night reading the newspaper. It was the Sunday's Issue, so he had his job really cut out for him that day. . . he was a bit worried that he wouldn't get around to taking his 10th half hour smoking break, but the night went fairly smoothly.
"Hey Sonya," he said stepping up to the bar, "Where's Sam?"
"Hey Rip." He's in the kitchen again.
"What in the hell is he doing in there? DID HE HIRE ANOTHER ENGLISH COOK?"
"You guessed it." She said pulling out a cold eighteen pack.
"Christ, he sure can piss off those British chicks can't he." Ripper said, "Thanks for the brew, put it on my Tab."
The bar wasn't to busy, but it was pretty early yet, "Did I get any calls?" he asked her, pulling out a beer and cracking it open.
"No," She said grabing the beer out of his hand, "But there was a guy in here last night that was asking about ya, so watch your back."
"Hey thats my beer!" Ripper yelled, pulling out another one.
"Yep," she said taking a sip, "I told you never to put me in one of your stories."
"But your not even a main Character!"
"Hey, and this is cheap beer." Sonya chuckled as a drunk approached the bar.
"Hey!" the drunk yelled.
"Oh, what do you want?" She said, rolling her eyes.
"Are you a Hooker?" The drunk yelled, Ripper X backed away incase she jumps over the bar and kicks the hell out of him.
"Maybe," Sonya said, getting a smooth sexy soft tone in her voice as she leaned on the counter.
"I (hick) I got fffffffffffiffffffffffty dollars!"
"Ohhhhh Fifty bucks, huh?" she said provocatively, "In that case, ya, I'm interested."
She closed her eyes and held out her hand.
"Alright!" he said digging in his pants, pulling out a wad of cash.
As soon as she felt the money, she pulled out large hook and quickly caught him with the sharp point behind the neck, then slammed it down onto the bar.
The hook broke through his throat, and nailed him to the bar, chocking on his own blood.
"Man Sonya!" Ripper said, "You are always so hard on OGF it's a wonder that he still comes around!"
"Hey your right." Sonya said starting to feel some pains of guilt, OGF chocking one his blood and crying like a sissy, "Now I kind of feel bad."
"Its so sad watching him suffer so." She said as she grabbed a baseball bat, and hit him in the head.
"OUCH!" OGF yelled, "Quit it!"
BAM!!!
She hit him again!
"STOP IT!"
"CHRIST WHY DON"T YOU DIE?" Sonya yelled
"I hate to cut in, Sonya, but is the Pool Table open?"
"No," she panted, "They are still killing that girl in there."
"Still!" Ripper X yelled, "How long does it fucking take to kill the same girl!"
"Somebody Call 911!" OGF yelled, spitting up blood, "I am nailed to the bar, and this crazy bitch is hitting me in the head with a baseball bat for no reason!"
"NO REASON!" Sonya yelled, wailing on him with the baseball bat, "YOU WANTED A HOOKER I AM GIVING YOU YOUR MONEYS WORTH!"
The kitchen door opens, and FLAMES SHOOT OUT Sam yells, "IS THAT YOU RIPPER X!"
"Shit." Rip said, covering his face.
"YOU OWN ME TWO MONTHS BACK RENT AND A TAB!" The Price of Darkness Yelled as the Regular and the Decaffeinated pots of Coffee blew forth two twin towers of Flaim.
"Its been a slow week Sam!" Ripper explained, "Maybe if you didn't keep this place so fucking hot all the time then I could get some Girls in here!"
"Excuses, Excuses!" Fumed Sam, the souls of the tormented screaming behind him in the kitchen, "You will pay me Two human souls buy tomorrow and sacrifice a Goat in my honor, or else!"
"Okay, Okay!" Ripper lied, "Two human Souls by tomorrow, but give me a bit more time locating a goat to pay my tab, this isn't the 12th Century anymore! Goats are getting harder to find."
"I WANT A GOAT!"
"Oh stop it Sam." Sonya cut in, "He says he will pay rent, then he will pay rent!"
"He will pay his tab when he can, for fucks sake!"
"Oh okay," Sam said, the Towers of burning coffee Fire dying down.
"But if I don't get two human souls by tomorrow then your ass is as good as kicked out, ya got that Rip?" Sam said heading back in the kitchen, "But try to attempt to pay me my Goat as soon as possible, Deal."
"Deal." Ripper X said as the gates to the Kitchen Closed, the silent bar quickly started chating with each other again.
"You do have Two Souls for Sam, don't ya Rip." Sonya inquired.
"Why are you doing this to me?" OGF inquired.
"Quit your whining!" Ripper X yelled kicking him, and Sonya wacked him a good one with her bat, "Ya, I got too chicks lined up tonight!"
"I hope so Ripper, For your sake, I stretched my neck out for you!"
"Relax!" Ripper Lied,, "I got everything under control!"
Ripper X chugged his Beer and started walking away.
"Where are you going?" Sonya inquired.
"I am just going to drink a few more beers, take a shower, so I will be ready to Rip those two dates I have showing up apart!"
"Somebody PLEASE CALL 911!!" Yelled OGF.
"Gimme a hug before ya go." Sonya said after hitting OGF's head with the ball bat, "You better not be lying to me either Ripper! Or so help me God!"
"Who are you talking too?" Ripper X says embracing her.
"I Can't lie to you, you know that!" he says before kissing her forehead.
"I am getting a funny feeling about this." She says, popping OGF another time; Just to make sure he atleast stays knocked out.
"Relax!", he tells her, then climbs the stairs to go to his room.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Oh Jesus!" Ripper thought once he closed his door, "What am I going to do?
If he don't find a way to pay Sam his rent, then not only is his Soul on the line, but Sonya's as well!
He has to pay before tomorrow morning.
First things first!
I NEED TO CALL IN!
Ripper X grabs the Telephone and calls up his work.
"Hello, Bethany Lutheran Home, how can I direct your call?" The receptionist answers.
"Hello This is Ripper X and I need to talk to my boss." He said as cool as he could play it.
"Just a moment please." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..
"Hello."
"Hey boss." Ripper says, "I can't come in tonight."
"Why not?"
"I . . . I got hit in the head with a baseball, and went blind."
"OH, MY GOD!"
"Oh, its no biggy, the Doctor said that I will be able to see again Tomorrow!"
"Oh!" Says Rippers Boss, "That is good news, Ya take the day off."
[WILL OUR NECROHERO BE ABLE TO SAVE BOTH HIS SOUL, AND SONYA'S FROM THE EVIL SAM (THE LANDLORD OF SAM'S PLACE) OR WILL THEY BOTH END UP ON HIS PLATE OF THE DAY? THAT AND MANY OTHER QUESTIONS WILL BE ANSWERED IN THE NEXT INSTALMENT OF "Britney Spears & Melissa Joan Hart string"
- Ripper X