Posted by Ripper X on October 31, 2001 at 09:08:13:
Mayor Giuliani nervously looked at his watch . . . it had been hell to sneak away from the Press and his own security, but per
their orders. He had to go alone. It had taken him a few minutes to locate the Dive Bar called "The Velvet Dog". The place
wasn't too bad for a Dive Bar in the Bronx. It looks like it use to be Strip Club resently turned into a standard bar that had yet
to quite descover what kind of bar it really was.
"What will it be?" Asked the grumbly bartender with a think hungarian Accent. He thought about ordering a Soda, but booze
would take a bit of the edge off.
"Gin and tonic." he said
"All out."
"Your out of Gin and tonic?" he asked the hungarian.
The hungarian laughed at him while he looked around the bar at the patrons in it. . . A large guy widdling away at a beer while
he staired seemingly at nothing, and a crippled man passed out on the floor next to the bar stool. A chick sat off in the corner
reading a book . . . shrowded in the darkness of what use to be a Champaign Room.
"Beer . . ." Giuliani whispered, "Budlight" The Hun grabed a bottle and handed it to him with a grunt.
"Two bucks." he ordered, Giuliani handed him the money and took a seat in the corner keen to not make eye contact with any
of the other patrons, he watched out the window and his watch . . . they were late. Something felt wrong, something wasn't
right.
He gussled his beer and stood up to leave when a poster on the door got his intrest.
"WANTED:" the sign read, "The BP Team" along with four pictures that he had already seen when he first found out about
them. This was dangerous, if he was caught then he would go down . . . trying to hire known Fugitives. What was he
thinking???
"HEY!!! Where do you think your going?" yelled the thick Hungarian Accent. Causing Giuliani to sheepishly turn towards his
addresser.
"I'm sorry, I was waiting for somebody but they . . . "
"They didn't show up?" Asked the woman from the Champaign room, "Was she your Mistress Mr. Mayor?"
"Nothing that Secretive, Miss." He lied, he didn't want to get the BP Team busted when they did show up, "I must be on my
way."
"But," Said the Bartender who was smiling a sharp toothed grin from behind his beard and mustache in perfect English, "I
thought that you came here to Hire The BP Team?"
"And you are?"
"General Samuel McCarthy," Smiled the Hungarian pulling out a cloth, whiping away makeup before lighting up a cigar, "But
my friends call me Sam."
"You're the Leader of the BP Team!!!"
"Thats right." Sam smiled blowing out a puff of smoke as all of the patrons got up and stood behind him, "And you just found
The BP Team."
In 1995, a team of anarchist Internet Users was sent to prison by a military
court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped
from a maximum security stockade to the New Orleans
underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive
as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can
help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the BP-Team.
THE BP TEAM
"Simple." Sam said as walked out from behind the bar, "We had to know that we could trust you."
"But . . . I didn't do anything to make you trust me?" Giulioni said scracting his head.
"Oh, thats alright." The Dark woman said as she stood up and glided to him and extending her hand for a handshake, "The
name is Sonya. And see that drunk over there on the floor, thats Ripper, he's the guy that is writing this story."
Everybody looked at the Drunk on the floor and watched as he pissed his pants, "Its all down hill from here." Sonya sighed.
"What?" asked a bewildered Guliani.
"Don't mind her." Sam said with a smile as he escorted him to a booth, "She is full of Conspericy theorys, come over here and
sit, Than, could you lock up and Rathead, draw the shades."
"I already locked the door, Sam." Than reported as Rathead grabed his lap top and begain to type.
"Good work Than." Sam said, "Rathead, I want you to draw THESE Curtians right here, THESE Curtians!" Causing Rathead
to look up from his Lap top and looked at the Curtians, compairing them to the size of his thumb..
"Yes Sir." He said as he went back to work on his Computer.
"Look I don't have time for this nonsense." Giuliani complained, "As you know on September 11th Osama bin Laden
destroyed the World Trade Center, the City of New York needs your help on seeing to it that Osama is not able to hurt
anybody ever again."
"Why do you need us?" Sonya asked, "Clearly the Millitary is handling it."
The Mayor just looked at her driely.
"WHAT?" Sonya asked, getting pissed off at the Silence until Sam started laughing.
"Congradulations Mayor Giuliani," Sam smiled, his Eyes Glowing Red, "You just hired the BP Team."
"How much is this going to cost me?" The Mayor Asked, " If you can complete this mission then the City of New York's
pockets well pay any price."
"We can descuss a price later." Sam said as he pulled out his cell phone, "Right now we have a job to do. Please exuse me
while I make a few phone calls. . ."
****************************
Ripely was suffering from a harsh hangover, also he is wandering what he ate last night, all he found was an empty bowl with
dried up something in it .. . it resembled something between cheese with peices of an unknown things in it. If he survives this he
will have to get around to Cleaning the Fridge. A dirty Fridge can be deadly to Drunkards!
He stumbled towards the door and opened it when a Chinese Fighting Star just graised his ear and embed itself into the wall.
"Wild night, Angels?" he asked the Three girls who were all stoping fighting and sat like little horny girls . . . really britening
Ripely's day.
"Why No." The Girls dressed in leather all said together . . . except for one, who was pouting.
"Oh Cheryl," Ripely asked, "What ever is the matter?"
"Nothing!" Cher whined, "They were picking on me."
"Ohh." Ripley said sitting next to Cheryl on the couch, Petra scooted Closer to make room for Cruella so that they could all sit
on the couch together, "What are they blaming you for?"
"They blame me for killing Snuffking." Whined Cheryl.
"A don't worry about it Cheryl . . . All of my Angels" Ripley said pulling Petra and Cheryl closer in a nice hug, "Now listen, You
are all a Team, if you don't work like one the . . . um, BLA BLA BLA."
"Ewww" Cheryl Moaned, "YOU ARE SO DEEP!!!"
"Oh no I'm not," Ripely said shaking his head with a Smile.
"No you are right." Petra Piped up, "We are a TEAM Gosh darn it. We have to start acting like one . . I'm sorry Cheryl."
"You have Got to be kidding me." Cruela uttered as Petra and Cheryl huged each other . . . then the phone rang.
"Excuse me Angels . . . I kind of have to take this." Ripely says as he stood up and all of the Plaguer Bitchs scooted closer and
Giggled.
"Hello Angels!" Said the voice on the intercome system when Ripely pushed the button.
"Hello Charlie!" The Girls all said together.
"GOD DAMN IT!" The Voice yelled, "I'M SAM!!!! SAM I AM!!!! Charlie went poor and now you are MINE!!!"
"Sorry Sam, but Rip made us say it, it's a bad joke." Cruella yelled.
"Oh . . . well lets get with Business . . . . "
**************************
"Open Wide" the Nurse told Zebra as he took his medication.
"Fuck you." Zebra Said, "I have to take a shit."
"AID"S!!!!" The nurse yelled, "We GOT A POOPER . . . take care of it!"
The Nurses aids Ran to Zebra before he really made a mess of himself, and ran him to the Toilet.
"I don't want this one, I can't shit here!" Zebra yelled in detest, "I want the Other Stall god damn it!!!" The Aids return him to
his wheelchair and transfer him into another stall . . . "Thank you" he griped, "Now could you give me some fucking privacy? I'll
let you wipe my ass, I promice, but I have to shit in peace, now GO!!!"
As soon as the Aids ran out of the bathroom, Zebra reached for the toilet paper roll and activated the Secret MI Message.
While he grabed the vanilla folder hidden under the Stool.
"Good Morning Zebra." The Toilet paper said
"This is Osama bin Laden." the roll said as he opened up the vanilla folder.
"He is the leader of a Renigade army that destroyed the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. He is also a Muslem who
refuses to have anything to do with pigs. Your Mission . .. . Should you decide to eccept it, is to locate bin Laden's Secret layer
and infiltrate his secret camp. As always Zebra, if any of your team is Caught or killed, the States will disendow any knowledge
of Existence. . . This Message will self destruct in 5 Seconds."
Zebra Trew the roll of Toilet paper an it exploded into flaims and he Shot a huge load of Crap into the Toilet, "OKAY I AM
DONE TAKING A SHIT, NOW I NEED SOMEBODY TO WIPE MY ASS!!!!!!"