Posted by rache on October 01, 2004 at 17:45:52:
The Bad thing about being the girl next door living next to a sirial killer
fuiction by rache
I was running late, as usualy. My watch was set on Guatymala time and it always confused me. So when my alarming clock went off I jumped up right away and checked my drawers, finding a slinky red sequine thing that I figured would look nicely with some toast. I was dyin for toast, not really dying though, but you know what I mean. I wanted some and so I went downstairs but halfway down I'm rembering my heels so I had to go back and get them. Nine Inch Nails with Trent's face painted on the toes, mocking the world above him. People get a kick out of that, espcillay the right one since I'm right footed. I walked downstairs even more slowly then and got to the kitchen and saw there wasnt not anymore toast. that guy i married last week was eating it all all the time and it was pissing my off. So i grabbed my toaster and went nextdoor but before i did all of that stuff i have written a dear john letter in the form of a haiku:
dear john
wood is wet in rain
fuck you
then i went next dore to my neighbor who is a toaster too and i knocked loudly and the door swang open with a creaking sound. sort of a squeek maybe, not really a creak so much.
"Holy Fuck!" I said
"Who are you?" He said
"I'm the girl next door!" I said
"I'm gonna kill you!" He said
"No!" I said
And he laughed too.
So I tried to run but my heels were too high and I fell down, dropping my toaster and hurting my left boob. So i cried.
"You look ghood down there!" He said
"I do?" I said.
"Yeah." He said. "I like your super fine silky long and a little wavy black hair and the way it hangs just down past your smooth golden flawless unblemished shoulders and sort of curls sweetly like around over and under and around your pert magnificent firm upright and pouting breasts. Theirs a little in your deep sexy brown doeish bedroom halfy-lidded eyes that bemoan fuckme in the moonlight, though."
I brushed the strand of hairs from my eye and smiled apreaciatibely. "Thank you." I said.
"I am welcoming you!" He said.
"Do you have toast?" I said.
"No." He said.
"Oh." I said."
"That's a nice round little wallnut cracking shapely toned britupperegoistic churchillian butt you have!" He said.
"Oh!" I said. And I nodded too. "I work out." I said more.
"I can tell" he said.
"Well, I will be going." I said.
"No." He said. "I love your fantastic body and stuff so much I'm gonna make you mine all mine forever hahahahaha!" He said. "Hahahahahahhahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahah!!"
And then he did.
the end