The Banquet of Zhuge Ang

Posted by PK on April 19, 2002 at 17:56:01:

The Banquet of Zhuge Ang

By Axes Ith

April 2002

THIS STORY IS BASED IN PARTS UPON MOTIFS FROM HISTORY AND
LITERATURE. OTHERWISE IT IS A PURELY FICTIONAL STORY THAT
DEPICTS EXTREME, NON-CONSENSUAL VIOLENCE. IT INCLUDES
DEPICTIONS OF MURDER AND CANNIBALISM. IF YOU ARE NOT AN
ADULT, OR IF SUCH MATERIAL OFFENDS YOU, OR IF IT IS PROHIBITED
IN YOUR COUNTRY, DO NOT READ THIS STORY!

No rights reserved. This story is in the public domain.

1

A banquet at Zhuge Ang's took place in the evening. Zhuge Ang, one of the
most important and wealthiest citizens of our city, wanted to celebrate his
return from a long and successful journey, which had been very lucrative
for his business.

Zhuge Ang was well-known for his wealth, but also for his zest for life and
his sensuousness. He was very open-minded, always looking for new
experiences. Thus his banquets were always good for surprises. They were
one of the social highlights of urban life; a model for the other rich and
powerful ones that was often copied but never reached.

Usually hundreds of guests were invited to this feasts, nobody of
distinction was missing. Zhuge Ang employed ten cooks, whose art seems
to be boundless. Often whole pigs and sheep as well as exotic game were
served; the variety of the selection and the originality of the preparation
never stopped to surprise. Additionally, meter-long pancakes or other
delicacies were served, whose appearance was as amazing as their taste.

Neither were the other senses neglected. Artists and dressed animals ­
even lions ­ performed their tricks, while dancers and singers
accompanied the evening.

Full of anticipation and exciting expectations, we took our places.
Dark-skinned slave-boys poured snow water over our hands, others
succeeded them to wash our feet and cleanse our toe-nails with extreme
dexterity.

When everyone had arrived, Zhuge Ang himself was carried in to the
sound of music, and was bolstered up among a host of tiny cushions. His
bald head poked up out of a scarlet mantle, his neck was closely muffled,
and over all was laid a napkin with a broad purple stripe, and long fringes
hanging down either side. Moreover he wore on the little finger of his left
hand a massive ring of silver gilt, and on the last joint of the next finger a
smaller ring, apparently of solid gold, but starred superficially with little
ornaments of steel. Nay! to show this was not the whole of his
magnificence, his left arm was bare, and displayed a gold bracelet and an
ivory circlet with a sparkling clasp to put it on.

A very appetizing course was served. Lots of pieces of meat were smoking
hot on a silver grill, and underneath plums and pomegranate seeds. An
exquisite aroma arose from the meat, making our mouths water.

After a short welcome by Zhuge Ang we started eating with relish.
Originally I had supposed that the meat was pork, considering its
appearance. Its taste, however, was unknown to me. While it resembled
suckling pig, it was somewhat sweeter and more delicate than anything I
had ever eaten.

Unanimously we praised the cook. We asked Zhuge Ang what this
excellent dish was, but he refused to answer, letting us guess. Soon the
most diverse speculations began to circulate. Most of us considered it to
be an unknown kind of wild sow only to be found in faraway countries.
Some thought of exotic animal species which live only in the high
mountains and can hardly be caught. Others supposed it to be a
legendary kind of birds which were unable to fly and considered extinct.
But everybody agreed that this meat had been brought in from far-off
realms.

Finally an old woman broke in, who so far had been chewing silently and
thoughtfully: 'You are all wrong. This meat can be found in our region as
well. It is human meat.'

2

Immediately, silence prevailed in our round. Everyone turned to the old
woman, who continued:

'I recognize the taste from my youth. Most of you are probably too young
to remember. At that time a bad famine prevailed; the dry weather had
ruined the harvests, the cattle died of thirst and epidemics. When the
stores had been exhausted and the last dogs and cats had been
butchered, a last resort remained: to eat humans.

'Primarily the weak and dispensable ones were eaten: children and
slaves. Visiting the meat market, you found young women and babies
lined up where previously lambs and pigs had been offered. This human
food was offered and sold most casually. The butchers did not make more
fuss over a butchered child than over a butchered calf, and the hungry
people soon got accustomed to the sight and the taste.

'You could acquire the human food alive to butcher it at home. This
method was especially popular when buying toddlers, whose meat does
not need to hang and thus can be prepared and consumed immediately
after butchering. Those who were unable or unwilling to do this, either
had their purchase butchered right on the market or else bought
carved-up meat. The meat of adults was often sold dried, while the more
tender one of children was broiled. The aroma of the grilled child meat
spread through the whole quarter and attracted crowds of hungry people;
the fact that the market was dripping of blood did not deter them.'

'Occasionally dog meat was still available on the markets,' somebody
interrupted. 'But it was much rarer than human meat and thus more
expensive, so we did not buy it. I still remember how unhappy my mother
was whenever the prices for human meat had risen again, because was
else was there to live on?'

The woman continued: 'As long as slaves, orphans, and begging children
were available, the people took the situation calmly; many were even
pleased by the exotic food. But when these cheap supplies were
exhausted, families had to resort to the most desperate means: to turn
their own children into food. To avoid at least that parents had to
slaughter and consume their own children, neighbors exchanged their
children with each other. Thus everyone got meat, without being
overwhelmed by the memory of the once living creature that had
provided it. The want was so large that everything had to be utilized;
brains and marrow were eaten as well as those entrails that were not
poisonous.

'The situation was so serious that not even the emperor could think of
alternatives; thus the people were allowed to proceed as long as they only
turned slaves and those without rights or their own children into food.
The emperor himself had to resort to this method; but he remained
discriminating as always. In his palace only selected slave toddlers from
three to six years old were served; the high standards of the imperial
kitchen concerning preparation and arranging were never offended. The
imperial table must always be a pasture for eyes and senses, in good times
as in bad times; and the child meals prepared at that time did not need to
hide compared to any other imperial meal. This was confirmed by
everybody who was granted the honor to participate.'

A distinguished elder gentleman broke in: 'I still remember well how I
sometimes accompanied my parents on the market, when I was a child.
Next to the beautiful naked slaves that were offered at that time as today
for lust, quite different goods were on display: gutted child halves, still
warm from life and ready to roast. At one stand, dozens of these skinned
child halves were hung up at the leg; the cut-through torso with one arm
dangled downward. You would also find the same goods folded up, useful
for carrying them: the arm was placed above, the leg below the body half,
like a three-layered sandwich. These three layers were held together by
two spits. Heads, hands, and feet had been removed; they were sold to the
less wealthy ones together with the entrails.

'The sight pleased me as well as the taste of the meat on which we dined
regularly at home. I was not disturbed at all that these had been children
like my; I knew exactly that my parents would never have done such a
thing to me and that these children even in life stood far below me: they
could only be slaves or food, never playmates. Anyway, in this status they
did not call to mind human beings or children any more, they simply
looked like meat products, and so did they smell and taste.

'Sometimes I watched how a toddler was transformed into a meat
commodity. It happened very fast, always following the same routine
whose efficiency could not be increased. An assistant butcher put the
desperately squirming child on the butcher table, where its hands and
feet were hooked in so that it could not move any more. The butcher
swings a large hatchet down on the child, cleanly separating the small
body into two halves, which are only held together by the head. A final,
almost mechanical twitching goes through the members, a last groan falls
immediately silent. The butchers do not even need to solve the fastenings
which had fixed the child, they simply separate the hands and feet as well
as the head. The skin can be detached easily from the two body halves;
the entrails are removed from the split-up body without any delay. Again
two child halves are ready; an assistant brings them to the stand. Usually
the butcher table was not even cleaned, but was used immediately for the
next child.

'I do not exactly remember the taste of such roasts, but you might be
right. Anyhow it tasted excellent and most appetizing, just as this meat
here.'

Some still feasted on the culinary pleasures, undisturbed; but for others,
the discussion had spoiled their appetite, so they had put their portion
aside. However, the meat was too good to be spoiled by such rumors.
Originally I too had put the pieces on my plate suspiciously aside, but
when my neighbor asked me whether I was finished and she could have
the rests, I decided to go on eating.

Still, consuming the meat now roused different feelings. I regarded it
intensely, drew in the delicate smell and let its taste melt in my mouth.
But, of course, all these investigations did not result in any certainty
concerning the origin of the meat; the one thing certain was its unique
quality.

I only hoped that Zhuge Ang would soon make an end to the gossip and
reveal a more harmless origin of the meat. So far he had listened to all the
assumptions without comment, smilingly insuring that he would solve
the secret during the evening. I was too young to remember the famine,
and the thought of human meat was completely alien to me.

The old woman began to speak again: 'I am sure; I do know this taste
exactly. It most certainly is human meat; probably from a child or a young
person, but not a baby.

'I remember precisely although a long time has passed and this meat
came totally out of fashion after the end of the famine. In a way this was
amazing, because the taste had actually been generally appraised. But
probably it left painful memories in too many people who had lost
relatives and friends in the child exchange.'

Finally our host seized the word, addressing primarily the woman. While
he began to speak, a slave passed him a closed food dish.

'You are to hold the elders in high esteem ­ who else has such a wisdom
and experience. Today you, my lady, have given us an outstanding
example of these virtues. How could I dare to contradict you. See thus the
remainders of what you ate.'

With these words he lifted the cover of the silver dish and presented us the
head, the hands, and the feet of an adolescent boy.

3

The exposure of the remnants of the child we had eaten led to tumultuous
scenes. Some women fainted, many vomited.

'No reason for excitement,' Zhuge Ang tried to calm us down. 'It was only
a slave boy you have eaten. Born in my possession thirteen years ago,
today it found its final destiny.'

Servants entered and spread carpets, embroidered with pictures of
fowling nets, prickers with their hunting spears, and sporting gear of all
kinds. We were still at a loss what to expect when a tremendous shout was
raised outside the doors, and lo and behold! a pack of large dogs came
careering round and round the very table.

'And this fattened child,' our host continued after a short break, 'had a
twin brother.'

While the servants were bustling in all directions, a huge tray was brought
in, on which lay a teen boy who had been roasted whole. From his mouth
hung two little baskets of woven palm leaves, full of dates. Apart from the
hands and the feet, the skinned body was complete. It was bended in the
center so that the trunk and the head were laid on the legs. The ass rose
up into the air beyond the edge of the disk.

Zhuge Ang now called out, 'Cut!' and commanded to serve everybody.

To carve the dish, a great bearded fellow appeared, wearing leggings and a
shaggy jerkin. Drawing his hunting knife, he made a furious lunge and
gashed open the boy's flank, from which there flew out a number of
fieldfares. Fowlers stood ready with their rods and immediately caught
the birds as they fluttered about the table.

These scenes, which occurred so fast that there was almost no time for
thinking or for speaking with other guests, had actually calmed down the
guests. Surprisingly, the very sight of the wholly roasted child moderated
the fright and dismay. While the cut-off members had looked very
human, the roasted young body provoked quite another impression.
Despite the obviously human origin it resembled very much wholly
roasted animals, like pig roasts, familiar and popular meals. The exquisite
aroma of the roast filled the air.

The appetizing transformation of the child's body made the fright and
aversion disappear almost completely. 'He's not a child, it's just a roast,'
somebody expressed the changed mood.

The carver was undisturbed, and posturing in time to the music, sliced up
the joint with such antics you might have thought him a jockey struggling
to pull off a chariot-race to the thunder of the organ. He worked like a
madman and had the child divided into handy pieces after a few minutes.
Making passes now up and down, he collected the pieces on his point and
so distributed the meat among the astonished guests.

Zhuge Ang said, 'Look what elegant fruit this two-legged lamb fed on.'
Instantly slaves ran to the baskets that were suspended from the child's
mouth and divided the two kind of dates in equal proportions among the
diners.

We had little time to admire these elegant surprises; for all of a sudden the
ceiling began to rattle and the whole room trembled. I sprang up in
consternation, fearing some tumbler was going to fall through the roof.
The other guests were no less astounded, and gazed aloft, wondering
what new prodigy they were to expect now from the skies. Then lo and
behold! the ceiling opened and a huge hoop, evidently stripped from an
enormous cask, was let down, all round which hung suspended golden
wreaths and caskets containing precious ungents. These we were invited
to take home with us as mementos. Then looking again at the table, I saw
that a tray of cakes had been placed on it next to the child roast, with a
figure of a fertility god, the handiwork of the pastry-cook, standing in the
middle, represented in the conventional way as carrying in his capacious
bosom grapes and all sorts of fruits.

Eagerly we reached out after these dainties. After some hesitation, most of
us started taking from the child meat which had been served us. The
appetizing sight and smell were irresistible, and the memory of the
outstanding taste of the child meat we had eaten unknowingly before did
the rest.

Meantime three slave boys entered wearing short white jackets. Two of
them set on the table images of the house gods with amulets round their
necks, while the third carried round a goblet of wine, crying, 'The gods be
favorable! the gods be favorable!'

Zhuge Ang ordered them to prepare a capacious bowl of wine for all the
slaves sitting at our feet, but on this condition, he added, 'If any one won't
take his whack, souse it over his head! Business in the daytime, now for
jollity!'

After this display of good nature, there followed a course of delicacies,
only to think of which, if you'll believe me, makes me feel ill. For instead
of thrushes, a fatted hen was set before each guest and chaperoned
goose-eggs which Zhuge Ang urged us most pressingly to partake of,
assuring us the hens were boned. The chicken meat supplied an
interesting contrast to the human meat. We agreed that while it could not
keep up in taste, it excellently complemented the child meat.

When I could not eat any more, I turned to my neighbor. She enthused of
our host, his generosity, his imaginativeness and not least his fortune.

'His lands reach as far as the kites fly, and his money breeds money. I tell
you, he has more coin lying idle in his porter's lodge than would make
another man's whole fortune. Slaves! why, heaven and earth! I don't
believe one in ten knows his own master by sight. For all that, there's
never a one of the fine fellows a word of his wouldn't send scuttling into
the nearest rat-hole. And don't you imagine he ever buys anything; every
mortal thing is home grown ­ wool, rosin, pepper; call for hen's milk and
he'd supply you! You see all these mattresses; never a one that is not
stuffed with the finest wool, purple or scarlet as the case may be. Lucky,
lucky dog!'

4

Meanwhile our host had been asked how this idea had occurred to him.

'It was during my journey through the Shandong provinces. I had been
invited to a banquet. We had everything in the world you could dream of.
My hostess was giving a very elegant funeral meal in memory of her poor
old father. I assure you it was all very pleasant, though we did have to
pour half our liquor over his old bones.'

'But what did you have for dinner?' we asked.

'I'll tell you, if I can,' was the answer, 'but there, I have such a first-class
memory, I often forget my own name. However, for first course we had
cold tarts, and to drink, excellent wine poured over warm honey. So I ate a
fine helping of tart, and smeared myself well with the honey.

'The main course was a joint of girl's meat. The little one was served
whole, topped with sausages and garnished with nuts and apples. My wife
took some inadvertently, and very nearly threw up her guts. I on the
contrary ate nearly a pound of it; indeed it tasted quite like boar's meat,
even finer and more aromatic. And what I say is, if we eat animals that
nourish from other animals, why not eating humans that also nourish
from other animals after all? As accessories, were chicken trimmings and
lupines, beetroot of course, and whole-meal brown bread, which I prefer
myself to white; it makes muscle, and when I do my does, I don't have to
yell. Additionally we got peas and beans at discretion.

'To end up with, we had cream cheese flavored with wine jelly, snails, one
apiece, chitterlings, scalloped infant liver and chaperoned eggs, turnips,
mustard and (by your leave!) a dish of mixed siftings; pickled olives also
were handed round in a bowl, from which some of the party were mean
enough to help themselves to three handfuls each; must of us had to
decline the ham altogether, even through it came from most delicate
babies like the sausages.'

Now the ambassador of Shandong seized the word, who had so far been
silent.

'In our region, we highly estimate this kind of meat and use it in versatile
ways. We consider it an entirely normal food, which is offered in
restaurants, for example. You should regard the menu of a typical
restaurant of ours. Not only different kinds of selection and preparation
are listed there; but the meat is also divided into various categories by its
origin, by sex and age ­ adults, young people and several age groups of
children are differentiated.

'We also utilize the human body for medical purposes. For example,
consuming the hearts and livers of infants is considered extremely
life-prolonging. Those eating 1111 child hearts are supposed to live
almost forever. This is surely propaganda of the pharmacists to increase
their turnover, but this medicine should certainly work well against aging
and senility.

'Writers also spread the fame of this meal. For example, T'ao Tsung-yi
said that children's meat was the best food of all in taste, and next to this
were women and men. Chuang Ch'ao was more specific about the taste of
human meat; he referred to children's meat as well-boiled bone, which
means that because of their superior tastiness children could be eaten
whole, including their bones, when they were well-boiled. He also
characterized women's meat as more delicious than mutton. Men's meat
was less so, and was referred to as the least tasty of all human meat. He
believed that both young children and beautiful women were particularly
good for mutton soup.'

'You should have seen the surprise at our last reception,' the wife of the
ambassador broke in. 'The hors-d'oeuvres were followed by a course
which obviously did not by any means come up to the expectations. Still
the oddity of the thing drew the eyes of all. An immense circular tray bore
the twelve signs of the zodiac displayed round the circumference, on each
of which the arranger had placed a dish of suitable and appropriate
viands, quite simple and inconspicuous meals. In the middle was a sod of
green turf, cut to shape and supporting a honey-comb. Meanwhile an
elder slave was carrying bread around in a miniature oven of silver,
crooning to himself in a horrible voice a song on wine and self-pity.

'Seeing the guests look rather blank at the idea of attacking such common
fare, my husband cried, 'I pray you gentlemen, begin; the best of your
dinner is before you.' No sooner had he spoken than four fellows ran
prancing in, keeping time to the music, and whipped off the top of the
tray. This done, we beheld underneath, on a second tray in fact, stuffed
capons, young women's breasts, and as a centerpiece a broiled baby fitted
with wings to represent Phoenix. We noticed besides four cherub figures,
one at each corner of the tray, spouting out peppered sauce over the
meals. All joined in applause and laughingly fell to on the choice viands.'

'The meat of which origin is actually the best?' someone wanted to know.

'Originally this kind of meal was introduced by our army, for which
prisoners of war often offer the most accessible source of food,' the
ambassador answered. 'Based on their experience, the soldiers soon
developed clear preferences for the composition of the menu: most
highly they estimate the meat of children, so the caught children are
always butchered first. If the soldiers cannot find enough child roasts,
they switch to women's meat, if possible. Only if this is missing as well,
men are the food of choice.

'I suppose that these preferences of the soldiers are based on a double
motive. On the one hand, usefulness: children are otherwise useless for
them, while caught women can be used for completely different pleasures
while alive and male prisoners of war can carry out lots of work in the
long term, when kept as slaves. On the other hand, it's quite clearly the
taste, and the simple trisection of preferences is a useful rule of thumb in
civilian life as well.

'If you want to know exactly, you must naturally pay attention to the
purpose as well. When bringing the gods the highest sacrifice of all, a
human being, and consuming the body of the sacrifice, we prefer men
and boys, because they are the higher sex. For medical purposes we
utilize children and youths, since they contain most life; preferably boys,
as they are stronger than girls. For normal food we prefer the female sex,
since this meat is more tender and tastes better; at the same time, youth is
an important factor as well, because the taste of meat sinks with the age
of the source. The meat of women and male children is equally
recommendable, but the meat of small girls is unsurpassable.'

5

Little we thought we had still another hill to climb, as the saying is, and
were only half through the elaborations of the meal. For when the tables
had been cleared with a flourish of music, three little girls were brought
in, hung with small bells and muzzles. Their bodies were painted with
dazzling white color, reflecting the shine of the lights. One, so the
nomenclator informed us, was a three-year-old, another five, and the
third nine. For my part, I thought they were trained, come in to perform
some of those marvelous tricks you see in circuses. But Zhuge Ang put an
end to my surmises by saying, 'Which of the three will you have dressed
for supper right away? Farmyard cocks and pheasants are for country
folks; my cooks can serve up children boiled whole.'

So saying, he immediately ordered the cook to be summoned, and
without waiting for our choice, directed the nine-year-old to be killed.
Then speaking loud and clear, he instructed the man, 'Mind you serve the
dish carefully dressed; else I shall order you to be degraded into the
decuria of the outdoor slaves.'

And the cook, thus cogently admonished, then withdrew with his charge
into the kitchen.

But Zhuge Ang, relaxing his stern aspect, now turned to us and said 'You
have heard what the ambassador said about girl meat ­ soon you will be
able to assure yourselves of the truth of his words. Do you believe the
meal we have had cannot be outperformed? Then prepare for still greater
pleasures!

'If you don't like the wine, I'll have it changed; otherwise please prove its
quality by your drinking. Thanks to the gods' goodness, I never buy it; but
now I have everything that smacks good growing on a suburban estate of
mine. I've not seen it yet, I do have so many.'

He was still in the middle of such nonsense when a tray supporting a
whole roasted girl was set on the table. The silver disk, on which it was
arranged with the belly up, covered nearly half the table. Round it were
five tiny babies, almost as if at suck; and they were gifts to be taken home
with them by the noblest guests.

One and all we expressed our admiration at the expedition shown, and
swore a mere ordinary fowl could not have been cooked in the time. After
exact examination the girl really seemed to be the one selected a while
ago, despite the remarkable conversion it had undergone ­ some time ago
a small living animal, now a scrumptiously looking roast. Presently Zhuge
Ang, staring harder and harder, exclaimed, 'What! what! isn't the
two-legged lamb gutted? No! by heaven! it's not. Call the cook in!'

The cook came and stood by the table, looking sadly crestfallen and
saying he had clean forgotten. 'What! forgotten!' cried Zhuge Ang; 'to
hear him, you would suppose he'd just omitted a pinch of pepper or a bit
of cumin. Strip him!'

Instantly the cook was stripped, and standing between two tormentors,
the picture of misery. But we all began to intercede for him, saying,
'Accidents will happen; do forgive him this once. If ever he does it again,
not one of us will say a word in his favor.' For my own part I felt
mercilessly indignant, and could not hold myself, but bending over to my
neighbor's ear, I whispered, 'Evidently he must be a villainous bad
servant. To think of anybody forgetting to bowel a roast; by Gad! I would
not let the fellow off, if he'd shown such carelessness about a fish.'

Not so Zhuge Ang, for with a smile breaking over his face, 'Well! well!' said
he, 'as you have such a bad memory, bowel it now, where we can all see.'

Thereupon the cook resumed his clothes, seized his knife and with a
trembling hand slashed open the girl's belly. In a moment, the apertures
widening under the weight behind, out tumbled a lot of sausages and
black-puddings.

At this all the servants applauded like one man, and chorused, 'Zhuge
Ang for ever!' Moreover the cook was gratified with a goblet of wine and a
silver wreath, and received a drinking cup on a salver of pure metal.

The discussion turned to poets and poetry. For some time we talked
about some love poems, until Zhuge Ang turned to the difference
between two Shandongian poets.

'For my own part, I consider the former the more eloquent author, the
latter the more genteel.

''Tis arrant luxury undoes the State;
To please your palate children become fattened,
Instead of their labor, their meat is valued,
Tenderly roasted resembling divine dishes.
To fill your oven pampered peacocks die,
That flaunt their plumed Assyrian gold abroad.

'Whole capons and babies bake for you,
Delighting you by spreading their sweet aroma.
Even the kindly stork is sacrificed,
Our graceful, noisy, long-legged friend,
Fearful of winter's cold and harbinger of Spring,
And finds the cruel cooking-pot its nest.

'Why are the Indian pearls so dear to you ­
If not to deck with sea-sought gems the wife
That lifts a wanton leg adulterously?
Why love you so the emerald's greeny gleam,
And flashing fires of Punic carbuncles?
Honor and virtue are the truest gems.
Is't right the bride should wear the woven wind,
And stand exposed in garments thin as