The Seduction of Shahnaz

Shahnaz woke from a very strange dream and lay awake for a while thinking about it. Her body was covered with sweat and her heart was pounding. She looked at the digital clock on the bedside table. Five o'clock. Cock crow.

Gently she eased Sue's head off her shoulder and disentangled her legs. Last night had been pretty wild. She slid out of the wreck they had made of the bed, and finally subsided into. Some going away party. She really should get some more sleep, she didn't want to show up looking wrecked. Picking her way through the discarded clothes and other debris - was that a wineglass or a bottle she almost fell over? - she left the bedroom and went to the bathroom to relieve herself.

Standing, she regarded her own face in the mirror over the washbasin. She didn't look like hell at all, notwithstanding the tangled elf-locked hair. It was her own face. Odd, that. She looked exactly the same as she supposed she did. Coffee brown skin, large almond eyes, small neat nose - all the features in place, harmonious - let's admit it, good looking. She remembered a line from a book - 'When Gravity Fails' - where the protagonist notes that he always looks terrible in the mirror and lives in the hope that his real face is much better looking. No such luck, she thought. This is me. Tomorrow - today if you want to get technical - I'm going to be roasted and eaten. I wonder if sweat salt counts as seasoning. Wine internally taken as marinade. (Marmalade, I like marmalade.) I suppose I'd better shower. Later for that. Her head reeled, hypnogogic images flickering at the edges of her visual field. Any more of this and the carpet will start writhing. Back to bed. Rest.

She slid in next to Sue and tucked herself around her sleeping lover for comfort. She smelled of warm flesh, healthy sweat and sex. Cosy and warm. She didn't wake, just shifted in her dreams and grumbled subvocally, like a somnolent cat. Sue could snooze through a thunderstorm, I could pick her up and put her in the bath, she wouldn't stir, thought Shahnaz. Should be okay to sleep again now.

Sleep wouldn't quite come. It hovered around her, teasing. She drifted into reveries or memories, the way you do when you're not quite sure whether you're awake or dreaming.

It had all started in the cafeteria, or if you want to be picky in the bar the night previously. One of Shahnaz's friends had pointed out that 'that strange looking girl is staring at you Shaz' and she had turned to look. Sure enough, an oddly dressed young woman at a nearby table did seem to be looking at her. Shahnaz glanced at her quickly, taking her in without catching her eye - it was important not to make contact in case she was some kind of nutcase - but the other girl turned away tactfully, probably aware that she had been caught staring.

"She probably just fancies you, Shaz." said one of her friends - another science and technology student - half seriously. It was an obvious attempt to tease but Shahnaz shrugged it off and eventually the conversation turned to other things and the incident was forgotten. At least until the next day.

Shahnaz was having lunch in the cafeteria when someone said "Do you mind if I sit here?" and Shahnaz said "Sure, help yourself," before she noticed who had asked. The someone was the girl from the night before. She dumped her plate on the table and sat down.

"Look, I know you saw me looking at you last night. I'm sorry about that, didn't mean to give you the creeps."

That's alright, Shahnaz almost said but what came out of her mouth with uncharacteristic impulsiveness was "Why were you?"

"Because you're incredibly beautiful and I fancy you something rotten." said the girl breezily.

"Oh...er..ah.." was all Shahnaz could manage for a moment. She wished now she hadn't asked. This could be awkward, and apart from the sexual implications Shahnaz never quite knew what to do with a blunt compliment. She was modest by nature and upbringing, not a prude by any means but rather reserved, and like most studious girls she didn't think of herself as beautiful. Okay, her face didn't stop clocks or frighten babies, and boys didn't find her repulsive but all the same.... Think of something to say girl, she told herself. You could give Hugh Grant lessons in bumbling English self deprecation, this has to stop. Be suave for once.

"Oh, don't worry. I realise you're probably not inclined or maybe I'm not your type. Spare my feelings, say nothing. I just had to get it out, or I'd be kicking myself for weeks. There, it's done. Can we be friends anyway? My name's Sue, by the way. Art student, in case you hadn't guessed." She held out a hand.

"Shahnaz". She took the hand. The grip was warm and firm. Suddenly she didn''t feel so awkward. Sue's open, matter of fact manner swept any idea of a social faux pas aside. "Engineering." She should have known Sue was an art student from the clothes, a weird mixture of Goth and neo-hippie that nobody but a fashion victim or an art student would have been seen dead in anywhere other than a costume party. She noticed that the lunch Sue was consuming with the gusto of a hungry wolf was lasagne, or what passed for it in a student cafeteria and tried a bit of repartee. "I thought you Fine Arts types all survived on brown rice and lentils. Or was that last year?"

Sue laughed. "Some of them do. You can tell them by the pallor and the pained expressions. They fart a lot. Personally, I prefer a bit of red meat in my diet. Where I come from, if you don't eat roast beef every Sunday your friends think you're taking to your death bed. Not that you can tell from this stuff, but if it's Linda McCartney's meat free mince I don't want to know."

Now she'd mentioned it, Shahnaz noticed an undercurrent of Yorkshire in Sue's speech. Not exactly what you heard on the TV programmes but it was there. On another inexplicable impulse she reached out her fork and took a bite of Sue's food.

"Not bad," she said, feigning nonchalance. Sue's grin was wicked.

"And where I come from pinching somebody else's dinner is a capital offense." Her accent thickened comically. "So tha'd best watch thissen, lass. I'll be having thee." She pointed her fork in mock threat. Shahnaz raised her hands in mock surrender. She gave the snort of laughter the sally demanded.

"You wish," she said and forgot to blush.

[Half way between sleep and waking, the irony - never wasted, only delayed - played itself out in her mind as a fragment of a dream. The fork entered her belly and Sue plucked out a plum of some essential part of her self and swallowed it. Notions of time, destiny and sexuality formed nonsense theories in her head at the same time as images of herself distributed on plates, consumed by laughing people. Shahnaz sighed and fell more deeply asleep]

As easily as that they became friends despite, or possibly because of, their different backgrounds. Shahnaz came from a rather conservative upper middle class background in the south of England while Sue was of solidly working class Yorkshire stock. Sue's sexual preferences were never an issue between them, giving rise only to some good natured mock flirting, particularly when they thought it would shock some of their more strait-laced colleagues. Sue made it clear that she was still interested but never pressured her about it. Meanwhile she introduced Shahnaz to the looser side of University life, in the form of her rather eccentric friends and some very wild parties and while Shahnaz contributed - what exactly? Occasionally she wondered. Sincerity? Logic? Her more serious friends thought that Sue was a bad influence but Shahnaz took no notice. She was enjoying herself too much. Of course, she thought many of Sue's arty friends talked absolute bollocks at times and she rarely missed a chance to say so. Sue didn't mind that at all, in fact that was probably a key point of their friendship. She didn't take their pretentions seriously either and rather enjoyed the way Shahnaz's analytical mind and verbal precision enraged or deflated them. Their sex lives were erratic but at first entirely separate. Sue seemed to have slept with most of the available lesbian art students at one time or another, and reportedly one or two of the men, while Shahnaz, though by no means guarding her virginity, was more fastidious and sedate in her choice of male partners.

In short, Shahnaz was expanding her social horizons, meeting people different from those she would normally associate with, getting laid occasionally, doing new things and losing some of her shyness, which is exactly what most students do during their University years. In that context it was certainly not inevitable that she would end up going to bed with Sue, but it was hardly surprising either. It was new territory for her, certainly, but not a emotional earthquake. Shahnaz's sexual reserve was a matter of character and personal taste rather than taboo. She wasn't sexually insecure enough to be rabidly homophobic and like many young women had at least thought from time to time about trying it. She hadn't jumped into bed with Sue shouting 'Yes I've always wanted to do this' when she first declared an interest because it simply wasn't her style. She would decide what she wanted to do and with whom, in her own time.

How did it start? It's difficult to say when anything really begins, but it could be the time they were in Sue's rooms discussing what to do with the rest of the evening over a cup of coffee. Actually, Shahnaz preferred tea but Sue had run out as usual. They had both been to a seminar given by the Art department on engineering techniques in modern sculpture which Sue had found fascinating and Shahnaz amusing.

"We could just stay in." offered Sue. "Chinese takeaway, get in a few bottles of wine and watch a video. Maybe a couple of joints..."

"Mood music, candles?"

"That would be good.."

Shahnaz pointedly mimed looking at her watch. "Is it that time already?"

"Time?" Sue, feigning innocence.

"Time for your weekly, pathetically transparent attempt to get me into bed."

"If you don't ask you don't get. I didn't know I was on a timetable. You techies. I have to let you know I still care. Why not anyway? You know the saying, you should try everything at least once...."

"Except incest and folk dancing. I know."

"I'm beginning to think you don't fancy me. I'm hurt."

"How could anyone resist you?"

"You manage somehow, " muttered Sue darkly. "Well, plan B. One of my friends is having a party..."

"Do tell. What a shock. What is it this time, Harry the Spider's coming out party?"

Sue threw a pillow at her. "Come on, it'll be fun. You might try wearing something different for a change. Do you get those clothes issued to you by the department or.."

"Not everybody wants to look like a disaster at a bad taste party. This is just another cunning ploy to make me get my kit off."

"Been there, done that."

"Oh, right. You want to get me drunk again."

"I was a perfect lady about that. How was I to know you can't hold your ale like us hardy northerners?"

This was true on both counts. Sue had explained that Yorkshiremen - and of course women - were of Viking ancestry and could naturally drink any mere southerner under the table. She had demonstrated this on a number of occasions. It was also true that she had not taken advantage the last time Shahnaz had gone under. It should have been embarrassing and awkward that Sue had half carried Shahnaz back to her rooms - nearer than Shahnaz's place - and put her to bed. Not to mention holding her over the toilet bowl while she threw up, cleaning her off and undressing her. She had slept next to her, holding her carefully on her side in case she was sick again. Later Shahnaz had grumbled that Sue just wanted to see her naked and Sue had replied that she had indeed enjoyed that. The fact remained that she had taken care of her, and to Shahnaz that mattered a lot. Sue's standards were different from hers but she did have them.

"Ok, Harry the Spider it is. I'll just read a book while you get dressed. Got any books? Long books?"

Sue grimaced at her and began pulling unlikely looking garments out of drawers. She stripped off the unlikely looking collection of clothes she already had on before pulling on the new ones. Shahnaz affected not to stare but in fact she did notice that Sue didn't have a bad body. Slim and fair skinned but not frail or scrawny, she had an energy and animal grace that Shahnaz found quite attractive, though she had no intention of saying so. It would just encourage her.

[Shahnaz stirred in her fitful sleep. Was she asleep? There was something about clothes and a box. The box had been there all the time, but she hadn't known. Pandora's box, Bluebeard's cupboard, don't look . What was in there? She couldn't quite see. The vision slipped.]

The party, as it turned out, was an outdoor barbecue outside one of the old halls of residence on campus. Somebody had managed to roast a whole lamb on a spit in addition to the usual chops, sausages and unidentifiable things on kebabs. By that time Shahnaz, having finally given in, was wearing a short leather skirt and a sort of tunic which she was pretty sure didn't go well with her trainers and denim jacket, but she wasn't really worried about looking conspicuous. Sue was tastefully attired in a mid length hippie-earth-mother skirt, a cutoff sheepskin jacket and a hand printed T-shirt reading 'Nuke Wales'. Her golden high laced sandals looked as though they'd been remaindered from the props department of a cheap sword and sorcery epic. Fairly conservative for her. Shahnaz had wondered aloud on the way over whether she'd cut down on the clunky ornaments because the way to the the party was mostly uphill.

Food and drink were plentiful, the music loud and mostly terrible, the company incoherent, rowdy and drunk. Shahnaz fended off the usual number of passes gracefully and managed not to get too wrecked to stand up. She never did find out what the party was about and didn't really care. It seemed to extend to the whole hall and its environs. In one room, as some unwritten statute seemed to require, people were dancing while packed so tightly together they couldn't move their feet without stepping on each other, to a noise recognisable only as the sort of music nobody sane would listen to unless seriously drunk. In another, several people appeared to be licking spray-on cream from the body of a giggling half naked girl. Shahzaz wondered if Sue might be in there licking but couldn't see her, and she didn't think the foot that guy had in his mouth was hers. There was the room full of quietly dedicated dope smokers, a kitchen filled with half empty bottles of undrinkable booze and people having pseudo profound conversations - in fact, everything as usual. As a whole Shahnaz enjoyed the atmosphere, there was a bacchanalian abandon to it that lifted her mood. It made no sense, and that was the point. Having done the tour she went back outside. Sue was standing near the roast lamb and seemed to be chatting up a curvy redhead, but the potential prey departed as she arrived.

Eventually they ended up sitting on the grass, comfortably numb and companionable. The last bits of the lamb were still being carved off the carcase, some of it still pink.

"Wouldn't mind eating her instead," Sue remarked as a leggy blonde in a split skirt and halter top piled some of the unevenly cooked meat onto a paper plate. Technically it was possible of course, but hardly likely.

"Dream on. Not even a Fine Arts student is going to be mad enough to have herself roasted just to make a fashion statement. Even to satisfy your unwholesome lusts." In fact, the girl did look rather tasty.

"One can but hope. Of course, " Sue added dutifully with a sideways grin, "I'd much rather eat you, my dear."

"Of course." Shahnaz regarded her friend. In the firelight, she did look like something from another age. She had taken off her sandals - good for effect but not to walk in - and her outfit now seemed like the sort of things a bronze age woman might wear while cooking the fruits of the hunt for her menfolk. Or womenfolk, in Sue's case.

"Let's go," she said, rising to her feet easily, "I've got a lecture in the morning." She had a half full bottle of wine in her hand.

Shahnaz bit back the obvious retort and staggered to her feet. Together they marched back to Sue's place singing 'Jerusalem' badly at the top of their voices. Without quite knowing how, Shahnaz found herself sitting on Sue's bed in her underwear, suspecting that she was about to do something she would probably regret in the morning. Sue seemed not to notice and was flinging her clothes on the floor.

"I'm sure your jeans are in here somewhere." She passed the bottle. "If you're not up to walking home there's a sleeping bag in the bottom drawer. Unless you want to sleep wirth me, of course." She sat down down in a heap of garments, looking puzzled. Now she was down to the T-shirt and her skin. Shahnaz passed the bottle back, almost falling off the bed in the process. "They were here when we left. Come on Shaz, I'm trying to behave here. Don't just sit there with those gorgeous legs hanging out."

"Next week, incest." said Shahnaz. Sue stared at her for a moment and then gently took hold of her bare foot.

"Are you okay, Shaz? You're pretty drunk."

"And in the morning I'll still be ugly. C'mere."

Sue pounced on her. There's only so much flesh and blood can stand.

When Shahnaz awoke the next morning she did experience a brief jolt of disorientation but it passed quickly. Sue's physical presence made it obvious enough where she was and what had happened. Well, she thought, we finally did it. She stretched comfortably. It was pretty good too. Actually it was probably a disaster but a fun disaster. It had been pretty clear from her fumbling last night that she hadn't had much experience with other women. Still, Sue hadn't seemed to mind. What would her friends think now? Probably nothing they don't think already, she guessed. The last time I stopped out and somebody asked me if I was sleeping with Sue I just shrugged and smiled, as in none of your business. I suppose I'm now officially bisexual. Funny, I don't feel any different. In fact Shahnaz hadn't felt so relaxed in - how long?

Sue stirred and lifted her head. She put her hand on Shahnaz's left breast and kissed her nose.

"I'm dreaming this, aren't I? I mean, this is really you. It has to be. I recognise this tit."

"Morning to you too. Breakfast?"

"It's not a bad idea, and I'm tempted, but I suppose I'd better settle for bacon and eggs. Don't get up, I'll get it."

And that was that. Though nothing was decided and no banns were read, from then on they usually slept together. Shahnaz did get tired of saying, 'No, I'm bisexual, it just happens that Sue is a woman' so she reverted to the 'none of your business' brush offs. Nothing really weird happened until she found the box, and that, of course, was an accident.

Sue had left earlier for once to work on an art group project, something to do with welding bicycle frames together. Since they usually slept at Sue's place, it being closer to the campus, Shahnaz found herself short of clean underwear and decided to borrow something of Sue's. Assuming, that is, that Sue had anything recognisable as underwear, she usually didn't wear any. Rifling through a drawer full of oddly assorted garments, Shahnaz found what seemed to be a jewellery box. It was a box, anyway, and it seemed to have been hand carved by a fairly talented amateur - it had that warmth about it, that slightly imperfect grace. The lid was covered with designs that looked like Celtic knotwork. Shahnaz wondered what on Earth Sue would value highly enough to keep in a box like this. Most of her jewellery was piled on every available surface and none of it was worth anything. She must have brought it in crates when she moved in. Curious, Shahnaz opened it. It contained several small plastic envelopes, the sort that you snap at the top to seal. She picked one up. It had what seemed to be a tuft of reddish blonde hair in it. There was a white paper label stuck to it with the name 'Amanda' written in Sue's neat hand. She picked another. Dark red hair, the name 'Jill'. Blonde, Corinne. Another dark one, Saida. Blonde again, Ellen. There were more.

Shahnaz sat on the floor, stunned. Trophies? Did she take them from all her lovers? She picked up 'Amanda' again, opened it, took a sniff. The faint but distinctive odor of sexual arousal. It was, as she'd thought, pubic hair. She tried to think who these people might be. Did she know them? Sue had a friend called Jill but wasn't she a confirmed heterosexual with a boyfriend? Anyway, she wasn't a redhead.

She put 'Amanda' back, closed the box and put it back in the drawer. Distractedly she rummaged through the rest of the drawers and finally found something resembling panties, if you like them in cerise with fishnet panels. I'll just have to pray I don't get hit by a bus, she thought. Deciding she could manage without a bra, she pulled a shirt, jeans and trainers on and left for her lecture.

For the rest of the day she found it difficult to concentrate. Her mind kept returning to the things in the box like a dog with a bone. Were they trophies of past lovers? What else could they be? Would Sue ask her for her pubic hair any time now? She recalled having tried shaving once, in her early teens. It had been tricky and she hadn't felt like keeping it up so she'd had to put up with stubble for several days. Should she ask Sue? After all, the box was private, she felt her own position was morally ambiguous. What do you do when you read something disreputable in someone's diary? Who is more at fault? And was it really such a big deal? Some people take photographs, some people collect beer mats. No, that's different. In the end it was no contest. She was too honest to conceal something like this. She would tell Sue she'd found the box and leave it to her to explain it or not.

That evening she found out.

"You did what?"

"We ate her. Me and some other people I know. That's how I know you won't be running into Amanda."

"Ate her." It wasn't quite a question but Sue answered.

"We roasted her on a spit."

Shahnaz could see the lamb in her mind's eye and the blonde Sue had admired. It wasn't much of a stretch to imagine her naked on the spit too. Was that what Sue had imagined? Almost certainly yes.

Of course, she had told Sue about the box. Sue had frozen for a moment and explained with an air of resignation that the tufts of pubic hair in it were not exactly trophies from former lovers, and what they really signified. They were sitting half dressed on the bed when this happened and it was clear from the expression of shock on Shahnaz's face that this was not what she had expected.

"I don't believe this, " said Shahnaz. Her stomach was doing flips and her heart was thumping. The trouble was, she did believe it. "You're a cannibal?"

Sue watched her levelly. "It's not illegal. We don't murder people. Amanda gave her consent. They all did."

"And you get the souvenirs, right?" Shahnaz was feeling a little dizzy. "Why? Are you the designated trophy keeper? Or..." She suddenly realised why. Sue could cut hair. She had trimmed hers just last week.

"I trimmed and shaved them. You have to do that so..."

"All right. I don't know if I want to know."

"Shaz, we've talked about this, you know. We..."

"In bed, sure. Fantasies, Sue. I was joking, you do know that don't you?" Another thought struck her and she went cold inside.

"Or is that what this is about? You and me? Were you just getting me ready...." her voice was suddenly hoarse and her eyes were filling.

Sue reached out to touch her but Shahnaz raised her hands. Now it was Sue's turn to look stricken. "No, Shaz," she said quietly. "It wasn't."

"When you saw me in the bar, didn't you think..."

"That you looked yummy? Yes I did. I also thought that you looked beautiful and sweet and I wanted to sleep with you. Do you think I eat everyone I sleep with or want to?"

Shahnaz almost laughed. "There'd be nobody left in the Art department."

Sue smiled bleakly. "I tried to pick you up. You turned me down. I stuck around because I liked you. A lot. I still do."

"And because you thought you might get me into bed."

"Sure," Sue shrugged, "I hoped. Can you blame me? But I didn't know I'd get anywhere and it didn't matter. You matter to me."

Shahnaz started to get dressed again. "I'm going for a walk."

"Are you coming back?"

She stopped and looked at Sue. She looked sad and that hurt her.

"I don't know."

"Shaz..."

"What?"

"It's late. Take care."

Shahnaz left with Sue's words hanging in the air. Take care? Did she mean that? Could Sue, who ate people, care whether she was safe? When in doubt, think it out. Trite but true. Walking always helped Shahnaz clear her mind and it was a nice night for it. The air was fresh and mild, cool but not cold. It would be Summer soon . Barbecue season. No, she had to stop reacting and think it through, clear the board.

First point. Of course cannibalism was legal. Since the libertarian reformation, personal liberty had been freed from restraint of the state. Your life was your own. No more prohibition. No more illegal suicide. No more victimless crimes. Cannibalism was legal because there were no grounds for it to be illegal, if the person being eaten consented. It wasn't news. Little or nothing on the media about it because it was a private matter - intrusive reporting had died under the privacy corollary of the 'your life' principle. It was illegal to use people's private business as media property without their consent. Society had not collapsed, as the prohibitionists and religious fanatics had warned. Drug use did not change much, and was now safer. Extreme behaviour - well, it didn't waste police time unless any actual crimes against persons were committed. So what had Sue done wrong?

Lied to her? Not really except by omission. She was probably just afraid of how she would react.

As usual, thinking it out had calmed her. Shahnaz had wandered back onto the campus, near the lake and she sat down on a bench. What really bothers you? she asked herself.

Firstly, does Sue really like me? Was that all a lie? Yes, and no in that order. I saw her face and she's no actor. She was upset when I pushed her away.

Secondly, me. Am I appalled or fascinated? Yes and yes. And, admit it, I can't help but wonder what Amanda tasted like, who she was. Could I do that, eat somebody, if the opportunity arose?

Shahnaz couldn't honestly answer that. For some time she turned it over in her mind, coming to no definite conclusion. Now it was really getting late. Sue would be worried. She smiled. She missed her already. What were her options? Leave Sue and never see her again, forget the whole thing and move on? No. It wasn't in her nature to run away from an unresolved problem. She worked through them. Shahnaz stood up and began the walk back. 'Do I love Sue?' was a question she wasn't quite ready even to ask.

Cindy was a sunny looking blonde girl who looked to be in her late teens. She was wearing what looked like cycling pants with trainers and appeared to be chewing gum. Her breasts were improbably full considering that they didn't seem to sag at all.

"Hello, Cindy" said Shahnaz, thinking 'ripe'. Then 'juicy, melons.....'

"Hi" said Cindy. The gum did not impair her speech at all, she was clearly used to talking around it.

"Are you here as a guest or..." Shahnaz trailed off.

"Or ?" Cindy looked blank and Shahnaz felt like an idiot.

"I mean, are you going to be eating or, er...." Oh God not again, she thought but this time Cindy caught on.

"Shit no, I'm a vegetarian. Nah, they're gonna roast me. Weird, huh?"

"It does seem a little strange" said Shahnaz , thinking I don't believe I'm having this conversation.

"I really love the way you people talk" Cindy went on brightly. "You English, I mean."

"You're American, I suppose?" Brilliant.

"Yeah, howdja know?"

"Just a guess. How did you...um...come to be here anyway?"

"We came in an airplane." Pause. "Oh you, mean how come I'm here waiting for some guy to shove a pole up my ass? Like that?"

"Like that" nodded Shahnaz.

"My boyfriend. He's English. He gets me into all kinds of weird shit like this..."

Like getting eaten? wondered Shahnaz.

"We had these bets, ya know? I win, I get what I want...."

"What did you want this time?"

"A car. I had it all picked out, y'know? A real honey..."

"What was the bet? I mean, what did you have to do?"

"Well, we played a game a checkers. I figured I could beat him. I always beat my brothers. It's not like it's chess or any a that heavy shit. Guess I was wrong." She shrugged ruefully. "You play checkers in England?"

"Yes, but we call it draughts."

Cindy looked thoughtful.

"He said he never played it before. Just that chess stuff. You figure he scammed me?"

"I don't know. Maybe he's just a quick learner." Shahnaz knew perfectly well that any chessplayer could master draughts in a moment, just as a mathematician could learn circuit theory in an afternoon. She didn't know how she could explain this to Cindy, and felt a pang of regret.

"Did you sign anything? If you didn't, you don't have to do this, you know."

"No, not yet. I gotta sign a form or something. Before they, y'know."

"Shove a pole up your ass."

"Yeah"

"A release. A consent form." Shahnaz knew this would be necessary for an American national in case of legal complications. In Britain, credible evidence of willing compliance would suffice in the absence of documentation, but Americans were a notoriously litigious people and had only recently joined the world consensus on the libertarian principles. The religious right had opposed it, of course, until their last gasp, and the Catholic Church still viewed it as an abomination. Since the Vatican had declared that it was possible to commit fornication with your own wife, however, their credibility had been on a downward slide even in the determinedly pious US.

"You don't have to do this." she said. "You can walk away."

Cindy shrugged. "A deal's a deal, right? Brian never welshed on a bet. 'sides I always kinda wondered what it would be like. He's always liked eating my pussy. Guess this time he's gonna do it for real. You gonna eat me too? You in on this?"

"I'm not sure..."

"Sure yer sure. C'mon, don't let me down here. Your the only friend I got in this country. Wanna take a look?"

Cindy posed and displayed herself coquettishly. She does look appetising, Shahnaz thought.

"Cindy, time to go." A man, Brian, she assumed. "You'd better get the shoes and shorts off. You have to be shaved and oiled. And lose the gum, please honey."

"Okay, okay, I was just talking...." she gave Shahnaz a conspiratorial look. Men. "look me up later , right? I mean, if you make your mind up...."

"I'll eat you." she said, without thinking. "I'll get something good..." Lame.

On impulse, she took Cindy's hand. Cindy smiled. Shahnaz kissed her lightly and said "What would you recommend?"

Cindy turned and pulled down her shorts.

"Ass?"

Shahnaz turned her back and stroked her side, just above the hip . "This?"

Cindy looked pleased as a petted cat. "Cool!" she said. With a gallant handwave she went off to be shorn, shaved, oiled and seasoned, stuck on a spit and roasted alive. It still seemed unreal to Shahnaz.

This is what really comes of seeing things through, she reflected. After she had decided not to leave Sue - at least without trying to work things out - this was the inevitable consequence. She simply had to know what it was like, who Sue's friends were, what actually happened. And why on Earth anyone would let this happen to them. Sue, once she was absolutely sure she really wanted to see it, had got her an invitation to the next live roasting. And here she was. Be careful what you ask for, thought Shahnaz ruefully. You just might get it.

They had arrived at the venue for the party together. Sue had introduced her to her friends, who had received her cordially, and led her through the house to the grounds where the action would take place. To see the place and the people you would have expected a nice, normal summer afternoon barbecue. There were drinks, a crowd of friendly people, even music. Someone had set up a stereo, not particulary loud, on the lawn.There were barrels of ale on rough wooden tables. Under a group of trees, someone else was playing or tuning a guitar idly and talking to other people carrying acoustic instruments. The only difference was the lack of the standard home barbecue set burning hamburgers and sausages. Instead, there were much larger constructions, at the far end, of fireplaces with upright poles, obviously made to support spits holding something a lot bigger than kebabs. They had already been lit. After showing her around, Sue had left her to mingle while she went off to sort something out. Shahnaz had got herself a drink and dutifully mingled.

Maybe I should go and watch Sue doing her stuff, she thought. There's no point being here unless I see everything. First, though, I'd better get another drink. If I stay on wine I'll be unconscious before anything happens. And I need to pee. She eyed the beer barrels and the nearby bushes. She didn't feel like going back inside the house and being polite and genteel just didn't seem to matter any more.

It took some time for her to hide in the bushes, squat down and empty her bladder, and then she had to find out which of the barrels had Hook Norton or Theakstons bitter in it. Sue had been trying to educate her in real drinking, assuring her that wine was only fit for drinking at parties where there wasn't anything decent to drink or for pansies and Frenchmen. By the time she had managed that, secure with a pint of bitter in her hand, the party had started to warm up. She decided to go and see what had happened to Cindy, or find Sue. When she did, it was at a table where Cindy, all prepared now, was being introduced to the spit. Sue was there watching, dressed in a halter top and a twelve inch skirt that would have shown her underwear when she moved, if she'd been wearing any. She carried a shoulder bag with her hairdressing kit in it. She waved Shahnaz in cheerfully.

The sight of a living woman being spitted was, as Shahnaz had expected, both appalling and fascinating. She was almost beyond shock, and into some other dimension of feeling, as if all of this was happening in a world she'd never visited before, not less real than the world she came from but simply different. Cindy took it well and gamely, she didn't struggle and seemed to be cooperating with the people impaling her. Somehow, although she'd known this would happen, the reality of it bore in on her. Until now, she realised, she hadn't really believed it. Cindy, whom she'd talked to a moment ago, was being turned into meat as she watched. Her heart went out to her.

'Looks good, doesn't she?' It was Sue.

'I liked her.' said Shahnaz forlornly. Sue put an arm around her shoulders.

'You like everybody, Shaz. Just watch.' she said absently. She was entranced.

Despite her misgivings, the spectacle aroused Shahnaz terribly. She couldn't take her eyes off it.

'Take your pants off Shaz, you're overdressed. It gets us all this way.'

In fact, Cindy did look good: better, she was magnificent. Her neatly barbered, full figured body, sweetly muscled and long limbed, was wrapped around the spit as if born for it. What Shahnaz wasn't prepared for was the sight of Cindy's hands and feet being secured. Somehow it seemed more final than the skewering. Without a voice or hands, she was completely powerless. Cindy would never get off that spit except as food. She felt unbearably aroused. Realising nobody would mind, or even notice, she slipped off her panties under her skirt.

'Want to go home?' Sue teased.

'No. I promised her...I can't.'

Sue knew what her promises meant.

They watched together as Cindy was placed over the coals, her spit locked into position and the rotisserie motor engaged. Sue had explained about that, and the ventilation arrangements in the spits, and the metabolic drugs that would allow a roasting woman to survive long enough to feel the sensation of her own body beginning to cook, but she was no engineer. With her educational background, Shahnaz would understand the technicalities better from someone else who understood them. She was curious and made a mental note to find out from whoever had devised the techniques. Later. At the moment she was fixated on the sight of Cindy, now enveloped in a heat haze. She was writhing slightly on the spit. In agony or ecstasy? It was impossible to tell, though her movements suggested the latter. A pole dance, thought Shahnaz, like you'll never see in one of those cheesy American detective movies. I wonder if it would catch on? She almost started giggling at the thought and caught herself with shock. This was a real person and she was being cooked, dying as she watched. And she was aroused by it. She turned away, her eyes stinging.

Sue turned her back, a hand on her shoulder.

"What's wrong, Shaz?"

"What's wrong? She going to die and we're just watching. Enjoying it. What's WRONG?.."

"We all die, love. Some of us choose how, most don't."

Shahnaz sighed. "She was tricked, Sue. She lost a game of draughts. She didn't have the brains to know it was unfair - for God's sake, a game of draughts against a chessplayer. She might as well have tried to box Mike Tyson. She never had a chance. And I could have told her that but I was too bloody polite to say anything, and now it's too late."

"Shaz, Cindy was a player. She wanted the high life; excitement, money, fun, danger, rich boyfriends. She used what she had, she took risks and she accepted the consequences. Brian didn't get her out of the States at gunpoint. He couldn't have, not to mention he doesn't have a gun. If she'd wanted that badly to get out of it she could have. A bet isn't a legally enforceable contract, certainly not with a penalty like that. No court here or there would enforce it. Even the release isn't binding, it's just to cover us afterwards, in case anyone asks. She could have saved herself. She didn't. You said you promised her something?"

"I said I'd - I don't know - hang around long enough to eat some of her."

"So do that. And while you're at it, enjoy yourself. You can agonise about it later. You're not doing her any favours by getting miserable at her sendoff. Let go a minute, Shaz. You decided to come here. I told you what would happen and you insisted. You won't know it until you do it, you knew that."

"I think I'm going to get drunk."

"If you're getting another beer, get me one. I've got another customer to see. Meet me at the pool and I'll introduce you."

"Another one?" Shahnaz did recall there were supposed to be two. "Who's that? Is she another of Brian's recruits?"

"I don't think so. Tony said she's a volunteer. I'll go and ask."

Shahnaz went to fetch the beer. On the way she kicked off her shoes. She'd put on something that Sue said would go well with the skirt and top she had on and they were uncomfortable. She missed her trainers, but the sensation of being barefoot on the grass was quite pleasant. By the time she got back to the 'pool' - a child's paddling pool used to oil the prospective roastees in - Sue had found her victim. She was chatting to a cheerful looking brown haired woman in a short bathrobe. Odd outfit for a party, she thought. Her feet were beautiful.

Sue turned as she saw her coming and accepted her ale. "Alison, this is Shahnaz. Shahnaz, Alison."

"You know each other?"

"Yes."

"So you're the smart, gorgeous girlfriend I've heard about. Hello." Alison offered a hand and Shahnaz took it. To Sue she said "You weren't kidding. I'd fuck her and I'm straight."

"Ah..thanks, I think. Sorry, I'd have got you a beer but I didn't think. You volunteered for this?"

"Yup."

She couldn't help asking. "Why?"

"I was asking her the same thing," Sue put in "I'd put it down to the fact that she's insane Raving loony. Daft as a brush."

Alison shrugged. "It just got to me. Every time I saw it. Sorry, I can't explain." She opened her robe. "You can start oiling me any time. I think I'm about due to go on."

Shahnaz noticed that she had already shaved. So did Sue.

Alison fished out a packet from the robe before she dropped it. "Sorry about that. I've been shaving since I decided to do it. It's an incredible turn on. I kept the first cut for you."

"It's just not the same." Sue mock grumbled.

"Shut up and oil me. And make it good. Do you want to help, oh gorgeous one?"

Shahnaz only hesitated for a moment. "Yes, Ok. I haven't done this before..."

She settled down to the task, taking her cue from Sue who obviously knew what she was doing. Alison relaxed and enjoyed it, mostly with her eyes shut. Occasionally she exchanged small talk and quips with her helpers.

"Who gets your cunt?" Sue wondered.

Shahnaz didn't quite wince, she had got used to Sue's blunt manner of speech. It didn't sound quite as shocking in Sue's voice, Yorkshire usage (as Sue had explained) being closer to old Anglo Saxon than the English she had grown up with.

"I hadn't decided. Not being currently attached, I did think of you." Ironic smirk. "But you've had it before and I think it would be nice to have a virgin. Like the lady with the eyes to die for doing such a good job on my feet."

Who, me? Alison opened her eyes and smiled at Shahnaz. Yes, me. Oh shit. If there was ever a time for a graceful response. 'I'm honoured' slipped through her mind and was mercifully left unsaid. Shahnaz ran her hand up Alison's leg and cupped her bare loins firmly and gently. She kissed her.

"Thanks. I'm sure you'll be delicious,"she said. "I just hope they don't overcook you."

Shahnaz watched Alison being spitted with almost unmixed excitement and relish. There was an awful, primal beauty to it. She didn't know, and wouldn't bother to analyse until much later, whether it was the beer, the music or the contagious mood of Dionysian abandonment of restraint that had infected her. Certainly the fact that Alison was entirely willing - even eager - helped remove the moral misgivings and emotional ambiguity she had felt watching Cindy. Alison had elected to be shafted through the vagina - Sue assured her that the spit was nonconducting and wouldn't spoil the choice meat - and accepted the spit as though she'd been longing for it. It didn't make sense, but she no longer expected to understand anything by her usual ideas of logic. Like a anthropologist studying a South American tribe and converting to shamanic beliefs, she accepted that she could only understand what world Sue lived in by living in it herself.

She knew she had taken her shoes off, become unbuttoned, in more senses than one. Her hands were still slick with the herb infused olive oil she had massaged - basted - Alison with. Her blouse was undone nearly to the waist, making her small breasts half visible as she moved, and she had no underwear on. She needed another beer.

Somehow she drifted apart from Sue. She mingled. Moving through the party, talking to people - what a pleasant crowd they seemed - came easily to her. She was aware of herself physically in a way that had nothing to do with the usual connotations of the phrase 'self conscious', aware also of the fact that many of them were wondering what she would taste like. It excited her. The beer didn't seem to affect her in the way it normally would, she had arrived at a plateau of intoxication that it only seemed to maintain.

She was sitting cross legged on the grass, beating Brian at chess and playing with a flair she had rarely managed before - fully aware of the fact that he was trying to see up her skirt - when Sue found her again.

Even to Sue - not in a class with Shahnaz at chess - it was obvious that she was winning.

Brian resigned and suggested another game.

"Want to make it interesting?"

"Try me."

"If I win, you volunteer for the next party. I get the choice piece."

"Shaz..."

"S'okay Sue."

"Shaz, he's a club player."

"What if I win?"

Brian shrugged. "What do you want? New car? Name your stake."

"Your balls on a plate. I've never eaten balls."

Brian looked at her for a long minute. "Maybe later." He got up.

Sue was just beginning to get it, but she wasn't sure. As Brian left she looked at Shahnaz. She looked different somehow.

"Are you out of your mind?"

"Yes." Shahnaz threw a parting shot at Brian.

"By the way, I know you can play better than that. The mistakes were too obvious. Chicken?"

That got no response.

"I just came to tell you that Cindy's done." said Sue.

Shahnaz got up and followed.

Indeed she was, and very nicely. Shahnaz watched her being lifted off the rotisserie device and laid on a trestle table by willing helpers. The spit pole was pulled out of her - it came out cleanly and easily. She lay there looking quite simply edible. All that living, fluid flesh turned into meat - roast woman. Shahnaz could imagine herself lying there, as naked as it was possible to be. She wondered if Sue had been right. Was this where she had wanted to be? Had she imagined this herself? The smell was irresistible and she suddenly realised that she was very hungry. Would Cindy have been pleased to know that she smelt good? That was an easier question. Shahnaz was sure she would.

People were passing plates around and calling their orders to the two men and one woman who were starting to carve her. Shahnaz grabbed a plate from a side table and asked for a piece from Cindy's side, just above the hip. She watched one of the cooks cut the meat from exactly the place where she had touched Cindy only a few hours - ages? ago.Sue took a thick cut of meat from Cindy's well muscled leg, just below the groin.

"Nice choice, Shaz. You're a connoisseur. A lot of people reckon that's one of the choice cuts."

"Natural talent." She didn't feel like explaining. She looked around for a seat and Sue ushered her to a table laden with condiments and side dishes. Somebody had baked potatoes in the fires feeding the barbecue.

Shahnaz started to cut her meat and gave up. Instead, she speared the Cindy loin chop on the end of her knife and bit into it. So much for the last few hundred years' worth of table manners, she thought.

And she chewed and tasted Cindy.

Sue watched her, forking her food more decorously into her mouth. Shahnaz tore into Cindy's flesh, still pink in places and juicy. The slick subcutaneous fat was slightly crisped but a little runny. Her strong teeth dealt with it easily.

"Good?" Sue ventured.

"Bloody excellent," said Shahnaz in a passable imitation of Sue's Yorkshire accent. She looked a little feral to Sue. "I wouldn't mind some more of that."

"I'll get you some," offered Sue. "Get me a beer will you?"

Shahnaz wanted to eat, drink, fuck and dance in no particular order. A part of her was aware that she was out of control, but as anybody who's ever got high knows, that little voice is the first thing to go. She got two beer glasses refilled - Theakston's this time - and weaved her way back to Sue's table, stopping only to watch Alison being basted. If anything, she looked even better than Cindy had.

Probably because I'm going to eat her cunt, thought Shahnaz. I'm biased. The earthiness of the observation no longer bothered her at all. Alison didn't have Cindy's muscular developement, she was slimmer and smaller breasted. Elegant, she thought. All at once she could see how appealing that ultimate surrender might seem. Alison needed no clothes, no artifice. She was wide open. It was not entirely a strange notion to her - she and Sue had played at it in their lovemaking before - but the lure of taking it to the limit...

She stood and watched Alison turn on the spit for minutes or hours. Her time sense had gone. After a while she recalled herself and took a sip of the beer still clutched in her hands.

I've definitely got to get some perspective on this, she thought. Beers, two. Where's Sue? There she is, talking to Tony.

"Hope you like Theakston's" she said.

She put down the glasses and sat down at the table, opposite Sue and Tony who had parked himself next to her. There was a substantial piece of very appetising meat on a plate in front of her.

"Eat it before it gets cold," said Sue. "It's rump. I was surprised there was any left. It's really good, I'm having some myself. Benefits of aerobics and a healthy diet. Bless you, Cindy." She raised her beer glass towards Cindy's table in salute, a laden fork in the other hand, and stuffed another morsel into her mouth. Shahnaz decided she'd need a knife for a steak this size and started to eat rather more delicately than before.

Sue was right, it was excellent meat, rich and succulent with a subtle flavour quite unlike any other. Now she had taken the edge of her hunger she ate slowly and appreciatively.

"Enjoying your first special barbecue?" asked Tony, who was dining at a leisurely pace, sipping from a glass of wine and watching her with interest. As one of the hosts - it was his property, Shahnaz recalled - he had a right to ask. She nodded around a mouthful. It was going to be difficult to keep up her end of the small talk, she believed in doing justice to her food and speaking with her mouth full was just not on. Tony seemed not to mind.

He carried on an amiable chatter with Sue and herself between bites and contented himself with Shahnaz's smiles, nods and shrugs complementing her monosyllabic responses until she'd finished her steak. He make no secret of his interested glances at the smooth brown skin exposed by her half open blouse. She though about fastening it and decided no, why should she? It wasn't as if she was actually offended, it would be silly to be. She did wonder if he was thinking about eating her. When she was finally able to speak a full sentence she caught his next look and asked him.

'Of course,' he said with a look of mock offense that implied that to say anything else would be ungallant 'I always imagine eating the women I'm attracted to. I've done that as long as I can remember. Naturally, I don't expect to really eat them all. If I did...'

'There wouldn't be any good looking women left in town,' Sue put in with a smile at her lover.

Tony caught the look and sensed the private joke. 'Actually, and since you brought it up, I was wondering what it would be like to get you into bed. You being with Sue, I don't suppose that's likely though.' He mimed a hopeful expression and Shahnaz smiled. In fact, he wasn't bad looking and seemed pleasant enough. Under other circumstances she might have been tempted, but she passed on the thought.

"Don't you ever eat men here?'"

"It's happened. Not very often. Naturally, the men prefer to eat women and the women, even the seriously straight ones, usually enjoy that too. Don't ask me why."

"But you have no objection in principle...?"

Tony shrugged. "Of course not. Fair do's and all that. But in practice, most of the volunteers we get are of the female persuasion. The whole erotic submission thing seems to work more often for the ladies. I'm sure the surviving diehard radical feminists would strenuously object to that as stereotyping, but it's what happens in fact.'"

Shahnaz nodded, conceding the point as fairly answered. Whatever Cindy's reasons, there could be no doubt that Alison had made her own choice.

"By the way,'"said Tony, '"I hear you've won first prize on your first outing. Congratulations. I had my hopes...'"

What? Oh. Alison. "You mean..'"

"You get Ali's juicy bits. She must have taken a liking to you. Not everybody ever gets the prime cut, you know.'"

Shahnaz hadn't really worked it out but it was obvious. One woman would fill a lot of plates at a party. You could do this for a long time without ever getting the 'prime cut'.

"Put it down to her natural charm,'"said Sue, smiling fondly at her, "You'll just have to hope Anthea awards you the prize when she makes her mind up.'"

"I'm in two minds about that. I'd like it, of course, but I'd miss her. Especially at bedtime.'"

"You have a girlfriend?" wondered Shahnaz. Anthea, wasn't that the tall, auburn haired woman she had been introduced to?

'"In a manner of speaking." He noticed her confusion. "Don't worry, she's not the jealous type.'"

"I thought she was your sister, that's all.'"

"She is. I'm about ready for another drink. Can I get you something? Beer or wine?'"

She decided not to bring up Sue's comments about alcoholic beverages. Knowing Sue's lack of reticence though, she'd probably done that already.

"Ah.... beer, please. Theakstons or Hook Norton if they've got it." Sue nodded her concurrence and they both passed their glasses. Tony got up and went off in search of the drinks.

Sue looked at her lover with amusement. "Shaz, please don't tell me you're shocked."

"Where I come from, eating one's sister is considered rather bad form," said Shahnaz primly. Sue laughed.

"My dear, what a terribly sheltered life you've lead," she said in the same tone. And so it went until the drinks arrived.

"Let's go for a stroll around," Sue suggested. "I could do with walking some of this off."

"Fine by me," said Tony. "I'll come along, if you don't mind. Give you the guided tour if you like," he addressed to Shahnaz.

"Okay, but I need to pee." She didn't really feel like going back to the house - it would be too much like reentering reality to go inside - and didn't know whether it would be easy to head off to the bushes with so many people around.

"Portaloo over there," said Tony, nodding at a small tent that seemed to have magically appeared under a chestnut tree. Maybe she hadn't noticed it before. Topography seemed beyond her at the moment. She made use of the facility and rejoined the group. Together they wandered through the grounds, talking idly and sipping their drinks.

The sun was westering and the shadows growing longer but the day was still warm. An occasional breeze stirred the trees lazily and raised the finest hairs on her skin. A kind of late afternoon glow compounded of the changing light and the faint haze of smoke from the roasting pits invested the grounds with an indefinable atmosphere, rather like the land of the lotos eaters, if a little livelier.

Either that or I'm just pissed, thought Shahnaz. Yet she had no trouble walking or speaking, when she wanted to, just a constant floating elevation of mood. She had heard from Sue that people who took LSD in the daytime could often consume copious quantities of alcohol while coming down without apparent effect beyond a softening of their overstimulated perceptions. Adrenaline or serotonin levels? Whether it was that or the sunlight and fresh air, Shahnaz felt in no danger of passing out. Likewise, her furious arousal at seeing Cindy spitted had melted into a constant, pervasive buzz of sensuality that she hardly consciously noticed while she was doing anything else.

People were walking around, sitting at tables talking, drinking and eating. A few were dancing free form to the musicians playing something vaguely Celtic on acoustic instruments. Some of the women were wearing little or almost nothing. Sue's halter top and microskirt were almost conservative by comparison. Almost.

"Let's pay Ali a visit,"said Tony. "She should be nearly done now."

In front of Ali's rotisserie a couple of guests were engaged in Tantric sex, sitting up cross legged with the woman's legs wrapped around the man's waist. They were touching and kissing each other slowly, as if entranced. Next to the spit two women were hanging from a construction resembling a swing, by cuffs around their ankles. One woman, fair skinned and tall, was having oil rubbed into her skin by a man dressed in a sleeveless shirt and swimming trunks that did nothing to conceal his obvious erection. Her pubic mound was clean shaven. The second resembled Shahnaz in build and colouring, down to the glossy dark mat of fur between her legs that the a man behind her was stroking. A third pair of cuffs awaited a third woman who was undressing. There was a bath positioned underneath them. Shahnaz hadn't realised there were more ready for cooking. Her stomach flipped. The brown skinned girl..

Tony noticed her expression and smiled. "No, they're not on the menu," he said. "They're just playing."

Shahnaz let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. The third woman - it was Anthea - was hoisted up and fastened into the ankle cuffs by two men. She noticed that the cuffs were padded. For a moment she had imagined watching her body double being slaughtered like a pig.

"A lot of the women guests like to play at it," said Tony. "Call it an undress rehearsal. And, no, they don't all go on to do it for real. Most don't, in fact, but you can never tell. You'd be surprised how many women like to be laid out on a table and have food eaten off them. Sort of pretend Sushi." He glanced at Shahnaz. "Or maybe you wouldn't. Care to try it?"

"You just want to see me naked," said Shahnaz feebly.

"Of course I do. What red blooded male wouldn't?"

Sue, who had eaten off Shahnaz, and out of her, before tactfully held her peace.

The distraction came on cue. Alison was being lifted down.

"Second course coming up, " said Tony. "Hope you're still hungry."

They wandered over to the table where Alison was being laid out, de-poled and prepared for carving. Two men and a woman - the same ones who had carved Cindy? - were holding very sharp knives and long meat forks. They were discussing where to start. A crowd was beginning to gather, Tony had to shepherd his charges through with a few murmured words and a little jostling. The aroma of roasted meat, always present in the background, grew stronger.

"Who gets her cunt? I don't remember Ali declaring anybody. We should draw for it."

"Yes she did, just before we spitted her. She said it was Shahnaz."

"Who?"

"Pretty, dark girl. Came with Sue. Wouldn't mind getting her on a plate myself."

"That's me," said Shahnaz. Everybody turned to look at her.

"Lucky you," said the man who had just spoken. "Just wait there, she'll be ready for you in a second." If he knew that she had heard his remark he clearly was unabashed by it. With a deft and practiced action, he slid a sharp knife between Alison's legs and scooped out her 'prime cut', slipping the tender flesh neatly onto a plate with the blade. Shahnaz felt a quick sympathetic twinge of shock, not entirely unpleasant, between her own legs. He handed it out to her with a slight flourish. "Hope you enjoy it. I know I would." He smiled.

Shahnaz grabbed a knife and fork from a side table, stepped away and sank cross legged to the grass, putting the plate in her lap. She ignored the people milling around waiting for their own cut of the roasted woman. She took a deep breath and stared for a moment at what she had on her plate. Essence of Alison. She didn't feel the least bit squeamish about eating this part of her. What she felt was harder to define but a sort of awe or reverence came close. Not regret. She was aware in the part of her mind that never stopped thinking and evaluating that later she might have qualms or regrets but she felt none now. It would have been inappropriate, an insult to the woman she was about to eat. When taboos fall, she thought, they leave you no safety net, or no cage depending how you look at it. She was naked in the world with nothing but her mind and body, intelligence and instincts. Her self.

She cut off a small piece and put it in her mouth. The tissue was slightly chewy, the flavour indescribable, but that may have been the fact that she was vividly aware of what she was eating. She imagined Alison as she had seen her alive when she had touched her here, knowing that Alison must have imagined this in turn. It came to her that if Alison was straight - and if so why her? She would probably never know - this would be the first time another woman had tasted her cunt. They're usually alive when I do this, she thought. And, a hell of a way to get oral sex. The feeble jokes barely touched her mood. She did not feel horrified at all. More like uplifted, calmly elated. This was communion. She ate the rest at a leisurely pace, appreciating every bite with a strange kind of reverence. When she finished, she licked the plate and put it down.

"Enjoy it?" Sue had been sitting down opposite her, not interrupting. Shahnaz wondered how long she had been there. Her posture and microspopic skirt left no room for modesty. Shahnaz noticed in the reddening light a glint of moisture between her legs.

"Yes."

"What was it like?"

Shahnaz shook her head and gestured something implying the ineffable.

"Thought so. " Sue smiled wryly. "Try it later when we're sober."

"What's that?" Sue had something Shahnaz didn't recognise on her plate.

"Ali's tongue. Private joke, I'll tell you later," she frowned comically, "...Maybe."

Oral sex. Juxtaposition. Tongue and...

Shahnaz leaned forward, grabbed Sue's head and kissed her while her mouth was full. She leaned back with a part of Ali's tongue in her mouth. She swallowed it and grinned at Sue.

"What's the joke?"

"Tell you later. Maybe."

"Want some more?"

"Definitely."

They rose as one and went back for second helpings. The first rush had thinned out and the servers were patiently dismantling Alison's body. To Shahnaz it seemed there was a strange beauty in the process. Alison looked quite peaceful and natural there on the table, having her flesh sliced off and served to the revellers. More than half of her was still there, recognisably a woman. A half eaten woman. She could easily see herself lying there, her meat being portioned out, people commenting on her flavour. It was a disturbing vision, but not a horrifying or disgusting one. She was briefly perturbed by the fact that she should be thinking like that. As a fantasy it was a fine idea, but really? Alison had definitely decided to do this and she felt no guilt about her part in it, but now she was dead. As Sue debated what parts of Ali to have with the people carving her, she wondered what it must feel like to make that decision, to kneel on a table and wait for the entry of a spit she would never get off alive. She shuddered, whether with fear or excitement she didn't really know. She broke off the train of thought. She must have been crazy.

"Did you enjoy it?"

Shahnaz almost jumped. It was the woman server. Now she remembered being introduced to her earlier. Fran? Sam? Sam. Mind jumping back on track she guessed what the question was.

"Yes, very much."

"What was it like?"

The taste or the experience? Shahnaz the same gesture of helplessness she'd used with Sue. "Like nothing...I can say. Indescribable." Must brush up my conversational skills, she thought. This could wear thin pretty fast.

Sam gestured at Alison's body. "What would you like next? Our pleasure. Name your fancy."

Shahnaz saw that Alison's beautiful feet were still intact. Remembered stroking them. Didn't have the slightest idea how you went about eating a person's feet and didn't want to make a mess of it.

"I don't know," she said. Sue had settled for roast ribs and was piling them onto a plate and grabbing a bottle of sauce. "I'd just like it to be personal, I suppose."

"Forearm on the bone," called Sue. To Shahnaz, "You can't really carve it, you'll have to use your teeth. That okay?"

Shahnaz nodded. One of the carvers severed Alison's right arm below the elbow and handed it to her. She took it by the wrist, the hand, gracefully curved inward, still whole.

"You really have gone native haven't you," teased Sue. They wandered off, chewing their food. The day was dying and the changing light reflected changes in the atmosphere of the party. It was winding up and winding down at the same time. There was still music. Most of the people were settling into groups, talking or dancing as they preferred. A few like Sue and herself walking and taking it all in. The two women on the gantry had been taken down but Anthea was still there, close to the embers of the roasting pit, the heat of it reflecting from the sweat on her skin.

"I really thing she's going to do it soon," said Sue.

"Don't you mind? She's your friend. I mean, I know it's her choice..." She trailed off.

"Right on both counts. Her choice. Of course I'll miss her but she's been building up to this since I've known her."

Shahnaz had no answer to that.

The rest of the party was just that, a party. They danced, drank too much, talked nonsense with total strangers and eventually headed for bed. Tony had offered them beds in the house before they'd come up here from University, and it was much too far to get back tonight even if they'd wanted to. They staggered back inside, undressed in an unfamiliar room and piled into an unfamiliar bed together the way you do at parties, too drunk to be bothered by being in strange surroundings and vaguely excited by it, but more interested in each other.

That was when Shahnaz went a little wild. Sue ended up wrestling her to the mattress - not easily, she was bigger but Shahnaz was not frail - and pinning her arms above her head. Shahnaz submitted, waiting for Sue to eat her up. Very gently and slowly, Sue licked her face clean. When Shahnaz was calm again, she kissed her.The lovemaking that followed was both fierce and very tender. They curled up together in the old familiar way and slept.

[In her sleep, Sue dreamed. Silver horses/ran down moonbeams/in her dark eyes. Cream. Old song. Whose dark eyes? She couldn't remember the name and she wanted to scream. She could hear it echoing and fading as she half woke. Shahnaz was still there, sleeping peacefully next to her. Dark tangled hair, warm sweet smell. Or maybe that was part of the dream. Something was going to happen that she didn't want to think about. She shivered and curled up. She slept again]

Sleeping, Shahnaz dreamed. She was at a party, hanging up on a hook. All around her people were talking and laughing. She couldn't speak for some reason. She used to think her tits were too small but she was pleased that they were visible. Everybody liked them, she was sure of that. She was proud of it.

In the reasonable way dreams have, she was on a table, naked and cooked. She was whole but from a dozen angles she could see people eating her. Something was wrong. Where was Sue? She was doing something else, she wasn't here. Shahnaz tried to cry out.

"It's all right," said Sue.

Shahnaz smiled in her sleep.

Sue gently lowered her head between Shahnaz's legs and ate her.

Shahnaz arched on the bed (table?) and gasped.

Now she was inside Sue. That's Ok, she thought. I'm part of her now. She still couldn't talk. She wanted to say something but didn't know what. Her legs and feet slipped into Sue's belly and now she could stand again, but her feet wouldn't move. Where were her hands? She panicked..

"It's all right," said Sue.

"Huh?"

"You were having a nightmare. It's OK, I'm here." She kissed her.

Shahnaz cuddled up to Sue again and slept.

In the morning they decided to stay at Tony and Anthea's house for the summer vacation. They had both been invited and neither of them felt like going back to their family homes. Sue rarely did anyway, preferring to stay with her eccentric friends or to make her own arrangements. For Shahnaz it was a new departure, but she hadn't much experience of setting up home with a new lover and it seemed like a natural development so she followed Sue's lead. She had already told her parents she'd be staying with friends for a while and she wasn't ready to explain to them what was really going on. She hardly knew herself.

Tony and Anthea were very easy going hosts. The house saw a number of guests come and go, moderated only by their own ideas of who was or was not acceptable. It was a society and a culture of its own, a world Shahnaz had already tasted. She felt like a traveller in a new land. For whatever reason, their hosts seemed to like her and she only occasionally wondered if she was a lobster being boiled so slowly that she didn't even sense discomfort. There was plenty of social life to entertain her, and Sue seemed to be in her element. She lived in this new country and to Shahnaz she was the only guide she had.

In time she settled down, and the environment became natural. People adapt. She got to know her hosts and their visitors.

Tony seemed to run some sort of business through his computer. He never discussed it but was charming and talkative on any number of subjects when he wasn't working.

Anthea painted pictures. Some of them were landscapes that would have done any chocolate box proud, were it not for a subtle strangeness that hinted of something ethereal and melancholy. Others were depictions of scenes that Bosch would have run from in terror. Many of the portraits - these intimately detailed - dealt with women being dismembered and devoured. It was with no great surprise that Shahnaz noticed that in each of these one of the women had Anthea's face. Sue got into conversations about art with her - usually when they were both stoned - that Shahnaz found hilarious. She wasn't always sure when Sue was joking, certainly not when she was stoned herself.

Sam was a occasional visitor. An old friend of Anthea's, she sometimes brought a boyfriend or girlfriend with her, but they changed constantly. When she came alone she often slept with Tony, and when she wasn't there, Tony usually slept with Anthea. Anthea never slept with anyone except her brother, despite Sue's attempts to involve her in a menage a trois with her and Shahnaz. Shahnaz wasn't sure how she felt about that idea anyway. Anthea seemed both beautiful and flesh-crawlingly weird. Fey. She made her uneasy. She quite fancied Tony - it was obviously mutual - but didn't know how that would play with Sue. They talked about it sometimes in bed, but somehow it never seemed to happen.

Time stretches and takes new shapes when you're in a new world. After two weeks, Shahnaz might as well have been living with a tribe in the Amazon or on Mars.

In the day, she worked on her engineering studies - there were computers in the house she could use - walked in the grounds when she needed some space, and cooked meals for anyone who wanted to eat. She'd got used to cooking for Sue, who could burn a boiled egg. At night, her refuge was the room they shared, comfortably messy with Sue's discarded dirty clothes. It smelled of them. The bed and Sue's body were home.

That was until they ate Leah.

Leah arrived on a dark and stormy night. Well, it was stormy anyway, a summer thunderstorm that growled and flashed and made everyone in the house feel more comfortable for being inside. Shahnaz was playing chess with Tony in the main room at the time, while Sue was getting stoned with Anthea and a few others. She had given up playing with Brian, who dropped in from time to time, because she had grown tired of his obvious attempts to seduce her, besides which he wasn't that good. At the time, it seemed that Tony might be winning. Then came the knock on the door, and Sue getting up to answer it. It was no big deal, people dropped by all the time. Shahnaz didn't know what Leah had come for, and didn't think to ask, until she had been there some time. By then she had conceded defeat in the chess game - Tony had come up with a new twist on Mestel's line in the King's Indian defence - and they were all seated comfortably on various pieces of furniture around an unnecessary but cosy fire with the drinks or smokes of their choice. She joined the general conversation after getting Sue to find her a beer. Some jazz was playing in the background - mid period Soft Machine she guessed.

"Hello," said Leah as she sprawled on the floor between Sue's legs. "I don't think we've met? Sue said you were - uh - Shah? Shawn? . Her voice was a low, warm drawl, obviously American and cultured. She held out her hand. Shahnaz took it.

"Shahnaz. Shaz if you like." She was smitten. Leah had one of those faces you can't help loving. She was pale but somehow rich under the skin, with curly brown hair, dark eyes and a generous mouth, which Shahnaz wanted to kiss. She was small, shorter than Shahnaz who was not very tall herself. Her eyes shone with intelligence and good natured humour. She was dressed in a sort of cloak with the hood thrown back and a standard outfit of wrangler shirt, jeans and boots, which she pulled off leaving her feet bare.

"Pleased to meet you."

The rest of the night proceeded as usual, if the term can be applied. Drinks, conversation, people drifting off to bed in various combinations. Leah departed to whatever berth Tony had allotted her after charming everybody. Shahnaz wasn't quite clear on how she was connected to which of the people she knew, but there was nothing new in that. Eventually she retired to bed with Sue.

Sue wasted no time coming to the point. As soon as they hit the mattress and snuggled up she asked.

"Want to fuck her?"

Shahnaz paused for a beat but didn't waste time pretending she didn' t know what Sue meant. Not her style.

"I'd like to get to know her first, but yes. If that's what you want to hear. I'm attracted to her."

"Can't blame you. Better hurry, though."

Shahnaz kissed Sue's nose and slipped her hand between her legs.

"Jealous? I didn't think that was your style," she teased.

"Don't be daft. It isn't, and don't stop doing that."She stretched out and let Shahnaz play with her.

Shahnaz started to lick her arm and moved her leg between Sue's. It was a while before conversation resumed on any coherent level.

"Wha'd you mean about hurry?"

"Hmmm?"

"Hurry. Leah. She not staying long?"

Sue revived for a moment and stared at her.

"You really don't know?"

"Nobody tells me anything."

Sue sighed. "Sometimes I'm not sure when you're serious." She put her hand on Shahnaz's shoulder, like a kindly doctor from a soap opera about to tell you that your baby has Farnsworth's syndrome.

"We're eating her on Saturday."

It wasn't that surprising, in the context of what had been happening in her life. Okay, they were going to eat Leah. Fine. Despite the shock, Shahnaz slept well - she always did after sex - and woke to a new day. It took her a while to remember what she had learned the previous night.

The next couple of days were to say the least peculiar, at least for Shahnaz. If anyone else found it odd they didn't say so The strangest thing was that Leah seemed not at all strange in herself. She was cheerful, pleasant and disturbingly normal. Shahnaz was constantly aware of what was going to happen to her and it was an effort not to let it affect how she related to her. There were no precise analogies for the situation. She knew it must be difficult to talk to someone who was dying of cancer and not be gloomy or over bright, but nobody was forcing Leah to do what she intended to do. She wanted to ask her why she was doing it but it never seemed like the right time to ask. The last thing she wanted was to upset her, though a part of her wondered whether this was politeness or moral cowardice. She also wondered if, should she ask, she would understand the answer. As the hours passed, Leah took part in conversations, ate, helped wash dishes and generally behaved like a good house guest. Finally, helping her peel vegetables for a stew, Shahnaz did manage to broach the subject of why she had come to England.

"I knew some people here," Leah replied, "It seemed like a nice place to do it. You don't have the problems we do in the States."

"Problems..?"

"Well, you've probably heard of the fundies, right?" A shrug of embarrassment. "Where I come from, they sometimes try to break these things up."

"I thought that was illegal now."

"It is, but they still do it. The cops, they're not too helpful. Some of them are in on it."

"They arrest you?"

"No, they just sort of help the protesters. It gets nasty sometimes. They busted one scene I was at, beat a few people up, tried to take the girls being roasted away for a Christian burial. One of them was still alive. Couldn't save them, of course, just screwed it up for them." A hint of anger clouded her usually cheerful face, another self deprecating shrug as if apologising for getting heavy. "I just don't want that to happen to me."

Shahnaz nodded sympathetically. "Of course not." A line from a play (Ayckbourn?) came to mind, where an old woman is asked whether she wants to be buried or cremated and replies, "Oh, I don't know, surprise me."

After that it was easier to talk to her, but the other problem remained. Sue had been right, of course. She did fancy Leah. It was some consolation to her that the attraction was not entirely morbid, in that she'd felt the attraction before she knew what was going to happen, but Shahnaz didn't believe in lying to herself. The idea of sleeping with someone she was going to eat - and she knew she would if Leah went through with it - was fascinating. On top of that was the fact that she was not habitually promiscuous. She knew Sue wouldn't mind even if she wasn't invited, though Sue herself had been faithful in deed if not in thought, but it still seemed like an imposition. Her world centred around the security of Sue's body.

None of which mattered if Leah didn't reciprocate her feelings. She was probably straight.

That did nothing to stop her thinking about it and she knew time was short. An urgency built in her which she tried to ignore, but it came to a head when Leah was sitting on the bed she shared with Sue, chatting with both of them over wine and the odd joint. In the end she just blurted it out. It sounded awkward even as she said it.

"Have you ever slept with a woman?"

Leah smiled. "No."

"Ah..."

"But I guess I could give it a try. You offering?"

It was obvious that her intentions were more transparent than she had thought but Shahnaz nodded. "Yes."

That easy. Shahnaz was instantly nervous. Too late for folk dancing.

Leah didn't seem worried at all. She started to pull off her clothes unselfconsciously while Sue watched with undisguised appreciation. It seemed reasonable to Shahnaz that if you were going to let a bunch of relative strangers cook and eat you this shouldn't be much of a stretch. As she did so she noticed Sue watching and struck a pose. "Enjoying the view?" she asked, smiling. "Are you going to be joining us?"

"I wouldn't mind," said Sue, nodding to the first question, "but it's really up to you. If you like I'll bunk down in your cot and leave the two of you to it."

Shahnaz didn't want to cut Sue out but had no idea how this would work. "Can we do this with three?"

Leah grinned. "How would I know? You're the experts. I thought you might like to sort sample eat me. Get a foretaste of what's coming." The idea clearly pleased her.

"Fine by me," said Sue and started to strip off too. "We'll think of something."

Leah was naked and cross legged on the bed before Shahnaz had got her socks off. She was an appealing sight. No Californian sun goddess, she was petite but roundly curved, with pale creamy skin, small hands and feet. She was nicely groomed, nails manicured, no body hair except between her legs where her pubic hair had been trimmed into a neat vertical swathe. She passed the joint to Sue, who was still pulling her jeans off, and took another sip of wine from a glass on the bedside table. Shahnaz found it was difficult undressing on a bed without kneeing somebody.

Eventually they all managed to get rid of their clothes. Leah sat placidly letting the other two admire her. Sue said what Shahnaz was couldn't. "I'm really going to enjoy eating you."

It was the right thing to say. Leah was pleased. "I should hope so. I've been keeping myself in shape. Nothing too heavy, just watching my diet, regular excercise. I'm no beauty queen, but I'd like to think I'm fit for human consumption."

"Oh, you are. Trust me."

"What happens now?" she asked brightly.

"We drag you into bed and eat you alive?" suggested Sue, eyebrows raised.

"Sounds like a plan."

So they did that. Or rather Sue did, hauling them both into bed with her wiry strength before Shahnaz had worked out what to do. The rest was a sort of small, friendly orgy. Leah, for all her lack of experience at this kind of thing, made up for it with enthusiasm and a willingness to learn. There was more passion - and hilarity - in the proceeding than grace or elegance but somehow it worked. At first it seemed macabre to Shahnaz to play the devouring game with a woman who really was going to be roasted and eaten soon but she knew that Leah was enjoying this for exactly that reason and , to be honest, so was she. When she managed to dismiss her inhibitions to wherever they go when sexual arousal and intoxication take them she started to have fun. Her mouth was on Leah's stomach at the time. She though about which part of her she would eat, and revelled in the idea without qualms.

Somehow she ended up with Leah curled in her arms, Sue against her back. Nobody spoke for a while. It seemed odd to be holding someone other than Sue. Leah was softer somehow She smelled different. Shahnaz wondered about what factors made up a person's smell. Diet, sex, degree of arousal, health...was it as personal as a fingerprint or a face? What did she smell like? Leah was.. what? A nice little pullet, she thought. A good roaster. With a nice smile and eyes to die for. She felt a tenderness for her that hurt almost physically, tightened her embrace protectively.

Finally, Leah stirred, sighed contentedly. "Uhm. I guess I'd better get back to my bunk."

"Stay."

"...if you're sure..?"

Sue grunted sleepy assent.

"Leah?"

"Yeah?"

"Why?"

She expected silence or a comment like 'I can't explain' or something else she wouldn't understand. Leah was quiet for a moment. Finally she spoke.

"I've wanted to do this all my life. I didn't know that until I saw other women doing it, but it's been there as long as I can remember being me. Ever since I found out I was meat, edible. It's always turned me on to imagine being eaten, it's been with me all the time. Like knowing you're naked under you clothes, you know?"

Shahnaz made a faint noise of assent.

"I've been to these parties ever since I found out about them and got in with the people who do it." Small shrug. "Every time I saw a woman on a spit I think 'that could be me' and I just melt. Knowing that keeps me going. And that doesn't work the same unless you KNOW one day it will be you. Not for me anyway. The funny thing is, most of the guys who eat us are okay. Nice, you know? You get some assholes..."

Shahnaz nodded. It was dark but body language carries well in bed.

"And it makes me feel like part of everything. Nature, and all that pseudo mystical new age bullshit, right? So I always knew I'd make my mind up one day, and this is it. It's my time. And none of that made sense, right?"

Shahnaz smiled a 'not for me to say' smile and said. "Maybe not sense but something."

They slept.

And dreamed.

[....Herds of African cows

grazed on her beauty

fragrant and pale.

Shahnaz didn't understand that or remember where it came from so she went to the moon. It was beautiful there but it was a cold beauty and she fled back into flesh. She thought she screamed but woke in silence and warmth. She waited until her heartbeat steadied before she could sleep again.]

Breakfast was pleasant enough until Brian joined them. Tony had produced bacon and eggs for everyone who didn't like to start the day with nothing more than cornflakes. Shahnaz and Sue had come down with Leah and tucked in to a plate each, with hot tea. Leah seemed to be enjoying herself. The whole English breakfast routine in a nice kitchen in an old house - she took in the details like a cat in a new room. Sam and Jonathan helped pass out plates and pour the tea. Routine conversation went the rounds. Until Brian fixed Shahnaz with a conspiratorial leer.

"Well, how did it go? Did you enjoy sampling the meat?"

Shahnaz felt her face flush with anger. She wanted to hit him. But of course, this might be normal conversation in this house. She was a guest, a newcomer. Besides, hitting a man was not a safe or sensible thing to do. Unless you're a martial arts heroine in a TV series or a film, you only get away with it by trading on a social belief in chivalry. She groped for a cutting riposte but nothing came to mind. She felt ashamed for her inability to protect Leah, who had gone silent.

Sue hit him.

It was not a ladylike slap. His chair went over and he fell badly. Everyone froze as Brian scrambled to his feet. He glared at Sue, his glib manner gone.

"What the fuck was that about?"

"Get out."

Brian looked at Tony, got no help there.

"If you weren't a woman.."

"Don't let that stop you."

"Take it outside if you like," said Tony.

Shahnaz was electrified. Surely Sue wasn't really going to fight him? Leah murmured "Hey look, guys, it's no big deal.."

"Get the fuck out."

"Sue.." from Leah.

Sue glanced at her. "You want this arsehole eating you?"

Leah looked at Brian. Something resolved in her face. "No."

Tony said "You heard her. Sorry, you're out. If you want to fight Sue, that's your business. Take it outside."

Watching them it came to Shahnaz that it wouldn't happen. Because Sue wasn't going to back down and Brian was afraid of her because of it. He stared around the table in disbelief. Tony was cool and resolute. Anthea seemed amused. Brian shook his head in a pantomime of disbelief and left with a tattered attempt at high dudgeon.

Time froze and fluttered like the heartbeat of a dissected frog. Shahnaz took in the faces around the table, the scent of bacon and eggs, the sunlight on knives, with surreal clarity.

Sue sat down. Her fangs and horns retracted and the berserker light left her eyes.

Time unfroze.

"Sorry, Tony."

"No you're not, but consider the courtesies observed."

Sam said "More toast in a minute. Anybody like marmalade?"

As easily as that normality returned, if you could call having a nice civilised breakfast with someone you were going to eat could be called normal. It was a measure of her acclimatisation that, at least for the moment, it seemed so to Shahnaz. Still the incident wouldn't quite let her go, and while they were clearing the table together she asked Tony why he had taken Sue's side against Brian.

"Oh, I didn't. Sue provoked the decision, but Leah made it. If Brian had chosen to fight Sue, I wouldn't have stopped him." Seeing the faintly shocked expression on Shahnaz's face, he smiled and shook his head. "Not good form, letting the chaps bash the ladies, yes? Normally I'd agree. If Brian had started it I'd have done something, but he didn't. When a woman threatens a man with violence, she loses the appeal to chivalry option. Anyway, I wasn't too worried."

"You think Sue could have beaten him?"

"No idea. Sue's tougher than she looks, but Brian's a man and this isn't The Avengers. I just meant I've known Brian for a while and one thing he isn't is brave. When Sue gets mad she doesn't bluff, and he couldn't take the chance that he might lose."

That sounded about right.

The rest of the day went pleasantly enough. There was shopping to be done for the party tomorrow, meals were eaten, games played, conversations had. Leah seemed bright and cheerful. Too bright? It was difficult to tell, she was always pleasant and Shahnaz hadn't known her that long. It was natural enough that she might be a little overexcited. In the evening, the two of them somehow ended up chatting quietly over a glass or two in the kitchen. Sue was playing Anthea at backgammon in the lounge, a game Shahnaz had never mastered or wanted to. The enormity of what was going to happen to Leah the next day kept slipping in and out of her mind. One moment she was chatting with a new friend, the next she was conscious of the fact that she would eat her. It was unsettling, to say the least. Finally she couldn't resist asking the question that had been on the tip of her tongue for hours.

"Who's going to ..er.. eat your....?" Her mind went blank. What form of words might Leah find inoffensive?"

"My pussy?" Leah grinned mischievously.

"Your pussy." That was it.

"Hoping to get lucky again? I hear you scored last time. Getting a taste for it, huh?"

"No..well, yes actually, I wouldn't mind. Oh hell, yes, of course I'd like to. To tell the truth I was curious. You didn't come with anybody so I wondered.."

"Sorry, Shaz, I'm spoken for. A friend of mine from the States. He couldn't get away earlier, he should be here tonight or early tomorrow. Tell you what, if he doesn't show you can have it. For asking so nicely and all."

Shahnaz would never have dreamed of praying for a plane crash. A flight delayed due to fog wouldn't have come amiss, though. She stared at Leah for a moment, bemused by a sudden, almost unbearable arousal she had felt before.

Leah looked at her quizzically. "Where did you just go? Something on your mind?"

"Yes, actually. I was just thinking I'd like to haul you off to bed and shag you senseless. Sorry, that's not the sort of thing I normally say. And you've probably got other plans. Sorry."

"You said that. I don't actually. Shag is English for fuck, right? I've seen the films."

"A rough translation, yes. Look, forget I said it."

"Why? Sue?"

"No, she's probably trying for Anthea again. Maybe she'll do it this time. I just thought this isn't usually your thing."

"No," - a shrug - "but I enjoyed last night and I won't have many more chances. Call me a late convert. C'mon, twist my arm. If Sue blows it again she can join us later, if we've got anything left." She grinned.

Shahnaz mimed twisting her arm and they grabbed the bottle and headed upstairs.

The next morning dawned bright and early, but Shahnaz slept late. She woke alone and, briefly disoriented, wondered where she was. After quickly washing and dressing, she went down to the kitchen to find everybody engaged in preparations for the day. It wasn't going to be a big event, as there was only one guest of honour, but there was still plenty to do. Plates, cutlery, furniture and condiments to be carried out and set up, the fire started, various bits of equipment to be assembled. Everyone seemed to know what to do. Shahnaz grabbed a piece of cold toast from a rack and went outside. Eventually, Sue got her organised setting up tables and chairs. Leah, dressed in denim shorts, a loose sweatshirt with a University logo and trainers, was pitching in herself. She gave Shahnaz a friendly greeting and a wave. A holiday atmosphere was already in the air. In the middle of this Leah's friend, a big affable American with a neat beard, arrived. After a brief introduction he put his hands on Leah's shoulders confidentially and said, "Well, kid, I never thought you'd take the plunge."

"Just hoped, right?"

Jim laughed. "You sure about this? If not, we can turn right around and get out of here. Or we can send out for a pig or something. Nobody will say a word, not that I care if they do. No offense," he added to Shahnaz, who shook her head dismissively.

"I'm sure. Fresh pussy for you today," said Leah brightly. They might as well have been discussing first time bungee jumping or a parachute drop, except that Leah didn't look that nervous.

Jim shrugged. "Sounds good to me. If you're really sure....?"

"Fer shure I'm sure." Leah mocked. "Now come on and I'll introduce you to the crowd. Nice folks, you'll like them."

Time passed quickly, it seemed, and it was after noon before everything was ready. Guests not already living in the house were starting to arrive, Shahnaz recognised most of them from last time.Soon enough it was time for Leah to start the big event. People who didn't know her personally politely stayed clear of the place where she'd be shaved and oiled to avoid crowding her, though most of them glanced that way in understandable interest.

"Well, here I go," said Leah and stripped off. She looked pale and vulnerable in the bright daylight. Sue positioned her on a camp stool and cut off her curly hair with practised ease, chatting amiably and inconsequentially as any barber. Shahnaz and Jim watched in unconcealed fascination as her mop was transformed into a short cap of curls. Next, Sue knelt between her knees, which Leah obligingly spread wide, and sheared off her pubic hair with an electric clipper from her magic bag of tools. This little fleece she popped into a plastic bag before finishing the job with a ladyshave.

"You collect those?" Leah wondered.

"Yes. If you don't mind?"

"Sentimental old thing, huh? No, of course I don't mind. We all done now? You guys want to help oil me?"

They did, but first Shahnaz folded Leah's clothes and put them on the chair, which Leah noticed with a smile. They all enjoyed the oiling process which Sue, wearing only a bikini swimsuit, seemed far better dressed for than the others. Remembering Alison, Shahnaz paid particular attention to her feet. It might not be an essential job, but she felt Leah would enjoy it and that was the main point. Finally, she was done. Tony strolled over to check on their progress.

"You ready, Leah? We're all set up for you, whenever."

Leah got up to follow him to the spitting table a couple of dozen yards away. For a moment she hesitated and turned back. She looked almost anxious about something.

"Shahnaz, will you do me a favour?"

"Of course," said Shahnaz with a gesture of head and hands implying 'anything'.

"Keep my clothes, will you? I kind of hate to think of them wasted, and you're the only one close to my size. And, you know, we've been close...." She shrugged. "I know they're nothing much, but..."

"I'd be glad to, and thanks. I didn't bring much stuff with me anyway."

"You will wear them, won't you? Promise?"

"I promise. Of course I will."

"Thanks." And she walked off to be spitted. After a moment, Shahnaz followed with the others. She was far from sure she wanted to watch, but she couldn't not watch either. Sue took up a position in front of Leah as she knelt on the low table, while Tony and Jim brought up the pole.

"Wait a minute," said Shahnaz urgently, "just hold on a second, I'll be right back." She ran back to where Leah's clothes were piled. In full view of everyone - modesty seemed ridiculous in view of what was happening to Leah - she stripped off her skirt and blouse. She hadn't any underwear on. One by one she pulled on Leah's panties, still warm and a little moist, her shorts and her sweatshirt. Leaving the shoes, she ran back. All eyes were on her.

"Okay," she said, "are you sure?"

"Sure." said Leah. Her eyes glittered. She leaned forward, kissed Shahnaz, then resumed her 'ready' position. "Lets do it, guys."

She presented herself as if awaiting a lover, even giving a teasing little wiggle with her rear end. Sue braced her shoulders and Tony led with the spit, Jim steadying it from behind. Shahnaz wondered why he wasn't inserting it himself, as Leah's friend, but she supposed Tony had the greater experience. Who wants to be impaled by a beginner? Watching the point enter Leah was excruciating, she could almost feel it herself. Leah seemed to bear down on the pole, adjusting her position to guide it in. Watching, Shahnaz wanted to cry out 'stop it, you're killing her', but she knew Leah wouldn't thank her for doing that. She couldn't bear to just watch and couldn't leave, so instead she came forward and held Leah round the middle, as if to help brace her.

"Do you mind?" she asked.

"No," Leah gasped, "That's nice. But keep it steady. Don't push me out of line."

Now she was there, arms rather awkwardly around Leah's waist, Shahnaz couldn't bring herself to move. She tried to hold herself so as to absorb any lateral movements from Leah's midsection without actually exerting any pressure. It was both intimate and uncomfortable, and she couldn't see much behind because she didn't want to turn her head. She wondered if she was so much giving comfort as taking it. Her left hand, on Leah's belly, felt a ripple of pressure. Was that the spit actually going through her or did she imagine it? She shuddered, whether in revulsion or excitement she didn't quite know. It was easier not to think about it.

"Work with it, love," said Sue encouragingly. To Leah, she thought.

Finally Leah's panting ended with a strange gasping, gagging noise, and she guessed the point must be through her. She kissed Leah's sweat and oil slicked back, gave her a little pat, and stepped back. She couldn't hear the panting any more, and hoped the ventilation was working. It must have been, because Leah slipped down onto her belly and held her hands forward to be secured as Sue fixed on the crosspiece with the cuffs. Her rib cage was still moving rhythmically as Tony lashed her ankles.

"Hope you're comfy there," said Sue cheerily. "Blink once for yes, twice for no." Leah actually blinked. That was all right then, thought Shahnaz deliriously. They did it. They spitted her and turned her into a human roast. No, WE did it. No point pretending I'm not a part of this. The woman she had slept with only last night was going onto the fire.

"All tight here," said Tony,"ready to lift?"

"Ready." said Sue.

Jim was a little uncertain. "Uh..I could take an end if you like..."

"Don't worry," said Tony. "We've done this before."

Moving smoothly together, they picked up the pole carrying Leah and lifted it to their shoulders. Shahnaz saw the sinews in Sue's arms stand out during the lift, but she didn't seem to be under any strain carrying half a woman. Off they went to the fire pit, now past its initial burn amd glowing nicely. Carefully, they manouevred her onto the supports, as concerned not to drop her in as not to fall in themselves, and a moment later the job was done. Everything fitted neatly. On with the motor,and that was it. Leah started to turn like a chicken on a rotisserie, as if displaying herself. She made an appealing sight.

Nice piece of engineering, thought Shahnaz. Good team work too. They could do it at one of those army displays. My God I need a beer.

She watched for a moment as Sue and Tony made some last checks on the soundness of the latches, then she went off to get the beers. She passed through a loose gathering of people who had come to watch. She noticed, as she had before, that they seemed quietly excited and talked in more hushed voices the closer they were to the spit. Since everyone else had got their drinks before going to see Leah get mounted, she got hold of two pints quickly enough and went back to the barbecue pit to find Sue. There she was.

"Aha! Brilliant. She's looking good, don't you think?"

"Here. Thought you might want one of these. Sorry, Tony, only two hands."

"No problem. Come on Jim, time for you to find out what proper ale tastes like. If you don't like it, God help you, we've got some of that tinned crap in a cooler."

Sue regarded her appraisingly. "Not bad. They suit you. Good fit?"

"Close enough." In fact, Shahnaz felt comfortable in Leah's clothes. "Sweatshirt - fits anyone of the same approximate mass and species of the previous wearer."

"Shorts AND underwear. Definitely overdressed. Won't you get hot down there?" She grinned one of her evil lopsided grins.

"So I'll stew in my own juice. Where were you last night? Finally get Anthea?" They hadn't had time to talk privately earlier.

"And Tony. Part of the deal. Revived my hetero side for a bit. Not bad for a bloke. I think we all know where you were. Fun?"

'Screwed like there was no tomorrow' passed through Shahnaz's head but she didn't say it, just nodded and smiled. They stood in silence for a while watching Leah turn. She was still moving. Stimulating herself or trying to get comfortable. Or - horrible thought - trying to escape. Shahnaz shook off the idea. She really, really hoped not. I hope this is what you wanted, Leah, she said silently. She didn't want to know exactly when she stopped moving. It wouldn't be for a while yet anyway. The speculation didn't prevent a return of the arousal that she hadn't noticed so much when she was doing something. She felt like....

"Come on, let's mingle,"she said.

In fact they ended up at a table with Tony and Jim, who seemed to be getting on well. Jim was telling stories about Leah. He was a good talespinner and the stories were amusing and affectionate. It seemed to Shahnaz a little like a wake, while the dear departed, the guest of honour, was doubling as the funeral meats. The concept should have been groteque, but somehow wasn't. When it came out that Leah had slept with both her and Sue, Jim was mildly surprised but not shocked.

"She said she might like to try it," he said with a shrug. "I've known a few women say that. One of my girlfriends did. I mean, she said it. Some do, most don't. I'm glad she was having a good time. She must have liked you a lot.She really loved that shirt."

"I liked her a lot." Don't say I like everybody, Sue, she thought. Just don't. Sue didn't, just nodded.

"Looks good on you too."

"They're comfortable. Can't go far wrong with shorts and a shirt."

"If you've got the legs for it, which you do. No offense."

Offense? Shahnaz smiled. Fear of sexism? "Isn't PC dead in the States yet?"

Jim looked off balance for a second but recovered well.

"It kind of hangs on. Like trying to kill a snake with a stick. We'll get it yet."

"Won't it feel funny, eating Leah's...I mean you sound as though you were really good friends."

"Funny isn't the word I'd use. Not sure what words I would use. All I know is I'd damn well better enjoy it or she'll come back and haunt me." A pause followed which almost became uneasy. Just a beat of time.

"So I'm going to enjoy it. And I guess it's my shout. That means I get everybody a drink, right?"

"By George, I think he's got it." said Tony.

After that the party developed much as the last one had, if on a smaller scale. Not for the first time, Shahnaz caught herself marvelling at how easily people adapt to new social situations. She had done this only once before, but already it seemed familiar, even homely. The guests were uninhibited - some were fondling each other with varying degrees of discretion - but not rowdy. As before, most of them were lightly dressed, the women often to an extent that would once have been illegal in public. There was music and plenty to drink, there were games, there was conversation, there was a woman being roasted alive on a spit.

Shahnaz was introduced to a few people she hadn't met before, although she suspected some of them had been at the last affair. She drifted in and out of small groups of people, chatting easily or not as the mood took her. Occasionally she went back to the roasting pit to see how Leah was getting on. By the time things were in full swing, she had started to smell very appetising, the aroma was faintly noticeable all over the grounds but close up it was almost intoxicating. Shahnaz abruptly realised she was pretty hungry, and not surprisingly so. She had been working and then partying for hours on nothing but a piece of toast.

A familiar arm draped itself over her shoulder.

"Looking tasty, don't you think? It shouldn't be too long now."

In a strange way, Leah looked magnificent, almost regal. Shahnaz struggled for a parallel. The nearest she could come up with was that this was a sort of pagan celebration of carnality and Leah had set herself up to be worshipped in the earthiest way possible. The communion idea she'd had before no longer seemed so far fetched. Of course, she reflected, I have had quite a bit of Hook Norton bitter on an empty stomach. I could probably convince myself this is a worthy tribute to the Earth Goddess if I gave it half a try.

She and Sue were not alone in admiring the elegant human roast. One tall blonde woman in a sleeveless halter and a short skirt was stroking herself unselfconsciously. Not masturbating, but touching her own thighs and breasts as if picturing herself in Leah's place, wondering how she would look, how she would taste. Shahnaz wondered the same thing. Would the blonde be up there next time, or was she just playing like the women who hung themselves up the last time?

Were they just playing?

"Got to admit, you guys have done her proud," said Jim. He and Tony had arrived to admire the spectacle of Leah getting done to a turn. "That's definitely the way she wanted to go."

The reverie was broken and normal conversation resumed, though the themes stayed in the background of Shahnaz's mind. She was constantly reminded of it on a physical level she was not conscious of in the chattering part of her mind by the clothes she was wearing. They comforted her in a way that had more to do with a primitive instinct than either intellect or any need to protect herself from the elements. She felt close to Leah. She was sorry she'd never talk to her again or sleep with her, but not sad in the bitter way of unjust bereavement. Sue had been right, she was a little hot in the denim shorts and sensible cotton underwear, and more than a little sticky, but she enjoyed the sensation. She felt pleasantly dirty, aroused, and hungry. Just the right state for eating the woman she'd made love to the previous night. She wondered if she still smelt of Leah. Traces of her must still be in the clothing and on her own skin. The magical law of contagion and quantum inseparability played games in her mind.

Sam turned up and spoke to the blonde woman, then came over and joined the group.

"I think she's about done. Want to risk it?"

Jim looked uncertain. "Risk what?" He didn't want his friend's big moment spoiled.

Tony smiled. "Don't worry. It's more an art than a science, but Sam's usually right. Leah isn't big, she's probably ready now. You don't want her overcooked, do you?"

Jim shook his head. "I'll trust your judgement. I guess she'd prefer rare to burnt. Go for it."

"Trust me," said Sam reassuringly. "She's cooked. Let's get her while she's juicy."

That phrase stayed in Shahnaz's mind as Sue and Tony took her down and put her on the table to be carved up. She looked splendid there. Sense memories of last night came back to her. Hair tickling her nose, pale bare toes, her hands on soft skin, a tongue on her own rigid nipples, legs pressed against her. Soft breath and heartbeat as Leah slept. The taste of her lingering. Lines from a song, half remembered, never understood but powerful anyway.

Seething wet we meeting fleck? Mingling jet and statuesque. Something like that. Dimples dangerous and blessed. About right. Rats.

She wanted to eat all of her.

Of course that wouldn't be possible, so she decided to settle for a nice thick steak from Leah's upper thigh. Before they started carving her, however, she held Sam back with a gesture, bent over the browned and mouth-wateringly aromatic body of her recent friend and lover and kissed her. You'll be great, Leah, she told her mentally. It'll be just the way you wanted it. Then she stood back, nodded to Sam and waited patiently for her cut. Jim came forward when he was called to claim the prize, and eventually they all ended up at a table together, herself and Sue, Jim and Tony. They were joined shortly after by Anthea and Jonathan. Conversation was mainly confined to monosyllables and the occasional smile, gesture or appreciative grunt as everyone concentrated on the food.

Jim ate Leah's pussy - Shahnaz couldn't call it anything else in her mind - slowly and with what might have been a gourmet's appreciation, reverence or possibly both. Nobody spoke to him at all while he was thus preoccupied. When he finished the last bite he looked around - everyone somehow seemed to watching him at the same time - paused for a long moment and then just said. "Wow." and shook his head. He raised his glass in the direction of the serving table, took a good pull at his beer and then went off for seconds. Shahnaz noted that he rose carefully, and suspected that he was at least half erect under his jeans. She had often wondered how men dealt with that. She also wondered, surprising herself, what his prick and balls would taste like. There was no malice in the thought, and it occurred to her that she quite fancied Jim.

For herself, she ate her thigh steak with unalloyed pleasure. It would have been a relief to find that Leah did in fact taste nice - how embarrassing if she hadn't, she felt, as if Leah were watching and she would have to be polite about it - were it not for the fact that she had never doubted it. This is great, she told her in her mind, you really are delicious. It was an additional pleasure to imagine telling her this. The old self-serving cliche 'she would have wanted you to do this' was here nothing more or less than the truth. People don't taste exactly alike, she noticed from her growing experience. Whether from diet, genetics or her imagination, it seemed to her that Leah had her own personal flavour. Why not? Dogs can tell people apart by smell. So can people, if they bother to notice. We're not all alike. It pleased her to know - not merely think - that Leah would have been delighted to see that everyone, perhaps especially Shahnaz, was enjoying her. Shahnaz was an agnostic. She didn't know if she was going to heaven, hell, nirvana, another life or nowhere at all and rarely bothered to speculate on it, but she knew that Leah was in her memories and in her belly. And in the trace scent of her in the clothes she now wore. It would be a pity to wash them, but if she didn't at least rinse the underpants she'd be smelling pretty funky before very long.

Leah's flavour was rich, subtle and somehow soft.

Jim returned with a steaming plate full of medium rare Leah flesh and two small jars with hand lettered labels. "Almost forgot," he said sheepishly, "home made condiments. She left them with me and I left them in my bags."

"What are they?" asked Sue.

"The white stuff is kind of sharp and hot, the red one is sweet and tart. She used to make them up and try to figure out which would taste best with which parts of her. There isn't enough for everybody at the party, so don't yell about it." He unscrewed the tops. "Try it if you like."

"Try what?" Sam joined them, with the tall blonde in tow.

Jim explained as the blonde introduced herself to Shahnaz as Gina. Most of the others must have known who she was. Shahnaz reciprocated, shook hands, and went to get some more meat.

When she got back with the food and a fresh beer, Tony was talking about the next big bash. It seemed they had one every year and invited everyone they knew. She tried some of the whitish stuff. It was a bit like horseradish with a hint of grain mustard and something she couldn't identify. Interesting. She took a juicy spiced mouthful of Leah and asked.

"What is this?"

"No idea," said Jim after swallowing. "She never told me. I like it though."

"We need about three," Tony was saying, "and as usual we don't have any definites. I've got some bites on the Internet but you can never tell if they're serious. We could try a member's lottery with the guests. Something - um - somebody will turn up. Or we cut the guest list or fill up on baked potatoes and a lamb or something. Not the same, but I'm sure we'll have fun anyway."

Gina looked at Sam, who grinned wickedly. "You didn't tell them?"

Tony looked nonplussed.

"I'm going for the next one. Sam sort of.. well, I'll tell you later." She smiled and sat proud, as if expecting applause.

She must have known that when she was watching Leah, Shahnaz realised. Not 'that might be me' but 'that will be me.'

Everybody joined in a confused chorus of thanks and congratulations, assuring Gina she'd be an excellent main course. Anthea looked thoughtful.

Tony turned to Jim. "Want to stick around for the big one? You'd be welcome and it'll be good."

"Well...I'd just planned to come over to see Leah off, but .... you sure you don't mind? I don't have any place to stay, just thought I'd bunk down on your floor and head on out tomorrow."

"Oh, we'll find you some room," said Tony.

Shahnaz was pleased he'd be staying. Sue glanced at her and smiled fondly.

In fact it was three days later that Shahnaz actually slept with Jim and that was only because he won her in a card game. At least, that was the technical reason. Really, it was something that everybody had seen coming since the party.

Leah's party, as Shahnaz later thought of it, was a great success, despite or because of its smaller scale. Good cheer and conversation abounded, and went on until everything edible of Leah had been eaten, everything drinkable drunk and the last of the long afternoon sunlight faded. There was no unpleasantness, even the falling down drunks were festive rather than surly. All in all, it was a fitting send off. After the last guest had been sent home, in taxis or with friends - since the laws on killing people by driving had been changed to classify it as murder there were remarkably few 'accidents' any more and nobody sane drove while drunk - Shahnaz went to bed with Sue as usual. In the morning she rose, showered, and dressed in the clothes Leah had arrived in, which she had left in the bedroom. The jeans were an inch or so short, but that wouldn't matter too much with the fine leather boots on. These fitted Shahnaz's feet perfectly.

The affairs with Leah and Anthea had not adversely affected their relationship, despite the fact that prior to coming to the house they had been exclusive in practise if not in principle. These little excursions - infidelity wasn't really an applicable term since there was nothing furtive about them and nothing had been forbidden - seemed somehow to be a part of the lifestyle, as if their time here existed under a different set of rules, a different part of reality. It didn't alter the fact that they were still perceived as a couple by everyone else as well as themselves. That was probably why Jim, who was notably lacking in the brashness that Americans are perhaps unfairly accredited with, never tried to make a move on Shahnaz, though it was no secret that he was strongly attracted to her. Sue was perfectly aware that the attraction was reciprocated, which is probably why she offered a night with Shahnaz as a stake in a card game, it was just her way of prompting them into getting it off their chests.

Gambling for sexual favours and other services, not to mention games involving even more bizarre and extreme forfeits, seemed to be a custom of the house and the loose community of people who came and went. That was apparently how Gina had ended up on the menu for the next party, compared with which Sue's gamble was pretty mild stuff.

It happened one evening when several people were sitting around in the large common lounge, drinking moderately, smoking and playing games of various sorts. Shahnaz was playing chess with Tony while Sue took on Jim at cards. Shahnaz paid no attention, as one doesn't, until she heard her own name mentioned in the phrase "I'll match that with a night with Shahnaz."

Jim glanced at Shahnaz warily. He didn't believe she'd allow it, but she just looked at Sue with a wry expression and nodded. Sue grinned wickedly. Jim won the hand but lost most of them after that. He didn't seem to be able to concentrate. Eventually he gave up and waited for Shahnaz to finish her chess game. When she stood up, stretched ostentatiously and said she was about ready for bed, he picked her up and carried her upstairs. After getting her as far as the bed, he ruined the caveman routine completely by saying "Uh, look, is this really okay with you? Not that I don't want to but, I mean, if it was just a little joke on me..."

"Stop rabbiting and get your kit off," said Shahnaz, pulling off her boots. In fact, she had been a little uncertain until he'd said that, though she'd almost certainly have gone through with it anyway. Of course, Sue had no right to wager her without permission but she'd allowed it and that was that.

Jim undressed without grace, he had never seen Shahnaz naked before and he liked watching her get that way. He'd only caught a glimpse when she changed into Leah clothes - he had been talking to Leah and didn't realise what Shahnaz was doing until she was half dressed again and her back was turned anyway. To him, at that moment, her slim brown body was the most wonderful sight in the world, heartbreakingly beautiful. He felt awkward and shy. For her part, Shahnaz also felt a little uncertain. It had been some time since she had been with a man, she was out of practice, maybe she'd be terrible in bed. She reassured herself with the thought that it was just like riding a bicycle and almost giggled as she slipped between the sheets. Things worked themselves out, as they do, and they had sex. It came closer to lovemaking than simply fucking, and though they weren't sufficiently used to each other for everything to go smoothly it went pretty well and they soon got into it enough that it didn't matter. Shahnaz couldn't help imagining that he was devouring her, a big male beast eating her up. This had nothing to do with any roughness on Jim's part, in fact he was gentle with her, almost painfully so until he reassured himself that she wasn't fragile, but she imagined, when his mouth was on her breast, that he was about to tear it off, eat her raw. It excited her. She wondered, in the delirium of a rising orgasm, whether he was imagining her cooked and served to him or whether he'd just like to swallow her whole. The imagery was inconsistent, the feeling nonetheless overpowering. Sue was strong and often played eating games with her but Jim's greater size, or possibly the unfamiliar shape of his male body, made the fantasy raw and vivid, even though he'd said nothing to suggest it himself. Shahnaz lost it completely.

Afterwards Jim kissed her, stroked her back and her hair, held her close. He didn't ask if it had been good for her. Bloody hell, thought Shahnaz ironically, I might have known he'd be a considerate lover, the bastard. I just hope Sue isn't expecting me to tell her I don't like men any more. He looked at her, spoke quietly.

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to."

"Trying to get rid of me?" Feeble. She wanted to kick herself. She knew it wasn't true.

"I know you're with Sue. That's okay. I wish you weren't but.."

Second chance, don't be flippant. "I am. But I'm fine where I am right now." She kissed him. She didn't know if Sue had made other arrangements, and anyway it would be rude to leave. Never fuck and run, not polite. Besides, she wasn't uncomfortable. Sort it out in the morning, she thought.

Jim slept, and Shahnaz rested, cuddled up in his arms. Half asleep, she recalled her earlier conversation with Gina with the clarity of a lucid dream. She had wanted to know how Gina had managed to wager herself into being the next main course, and why. Gina was sitting on the kitchen table at the time, swinging her bare legs. She was wearing an oversized sweatshirt and briefs, no shoes.

"It was bound to happen sooner or later," said Gina. "I've been playing at it for ages, taking chances, acting it out. I've always been a thrill junkie. I always knew I'd get caught eventually.That was part of the fun."

Shahnaz remembered Leah saying something similar, though she seemed to recall that she had simply decided when it was time. "It has to be a real risk or there's no kick, I suppose?"

"That's right. If I were a guy back in Victorian times, I'd probably be climbing mountains or tramping through South American jungles full of head hunters, looking for the Lost World. Especially if there was a chance of naked Amazon women in there somewhere.I'd probably end up being eaten by crocodiles or cannibals. Or a dinosaur."

"Danger, romance and sex."

"Exactly.She grinned. "But I don't fancy falling off a mountain and rotting in a crevasse somewhere. Sort of impersonal, don't you think? I'm not the solitary splendour type. I'm a people person."

"But now it's happened. They're really going to eat you this time, unless you change your mind. Doesn't that disturb you a bit?"

"Thanks for reminding me. No, I mean it. Sure as hell it disturbs me." She shuddered. "I can't move my legs without turning myself on. It's incredible. And it's 'we'."

"What?"

"You said 'they're' going to eat you. Don't tell me you're not going to share me. I'm hurt." She gave a mock pout.

Shahnaz had been trying not to stare at Gina's statuesque body since she'd announced she was going to do it. There was no way she wasn't going to eat her. "You're right. Of course I will." She smiled. "Terrible faux pas there, do forgive me." She pronounced it 'fox paws'. I'll pig myself, honest."

"That's better."

Gina was naked now, lying on the table. She was cooked, but somehow looked the same. She was awesomely beautiful. Shahnaz realised that she must be asleep, but the knowledge fled as quickly as it had come.

["Well, what are you waiting for? Aren't you going to eat me?" she asked. "Come on, leg or breast?" Shahnaz couldn't decide. Everything looked delicious. "All of me?" Well, why not? Shahnaz gulped down one breast, then another. Gina, she knew was enjoying this as much as she was. She ate Gina up in huge bites, buttocks, belly, legs, everything. She was firm but soft, and very juicy. The last to go was her head, which she swallowed whole. Gina was smiling.

Smiling and standing over Shahnaz as she lay on the table. "There," she said. "I told you you'd like it." With a big sharp knife she cut off Shahnaz's right breast and ate it. Shahnaz wanted to say, no, use your mouth, but she couldn't speak. "Oh, that's all right," said Gina. "You don't need to. Not any more." She bent down and bit off the other breast. Then she swallowed Shahnaz whole. It was wonderful.]

In the morning, she woke confused. The body next to hers didn't feel right. Too big, wrong smell. Oh, Jim. She lay still for a minute thinking. Not being totally insensitive, she was aware that Jim might want a little more from her than sex - well, a lot more - and while she liked him, that wasn't going to happen. She didn't want to hurt his feelings either. This could be awkward. She thought about slipping out without waking him but he had felt her stirring and woke himself.

"Good morning." He kissed her.

"And good morning to you. Jim..."

"Don't say it. One night, no strings. Okay. If you ever change your mind let me know, okay?"

"You'll be the first to know."

Jim held her for a moment and then let her go. "I could use some of that good old English breakfast about now. You've given me an appetite. Coming?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Breakfast was a pleasant, informal affair with people coming and going as various breakfasty things - toast, bacon and eggs, cereals - were cooked, poured, burnt and generally passed around. Jim volunteered to fry a few things and explained to Shahnaz what hash browns really were. Sue looked at her quizzically between mouthfuls of a huge fried breakfast and Shahnaz made expressions intended to convey 'fine, tell you later'.

Afterwards, Gina departed to visit friends for a few days, saying she'd be back for the big event. Nobody doubted that she would be. Finally Jim left, after helping wash up. Sue couldn't stand it any longer. "Well? Come on, gory details."

"Not bad, and I'm not doing a blow by blow."

"Not bad? That's it?"

"Pretty damned good, then. And he was nice about it too. Look, don't say anything but I think he's got a thing about me."

"I won't tell. I don't have time to find the New Guinea tribe that doesn't know yet. It couldn't be more obvious if he'd put an ad in the paper. No, make that TV."

"Oh God."

"Don't worry about it. I don't think he's going to go mad and abduct you. He seems pretty civilised for a colonial."

Shahnaz threw a tea towel at her.

The next few days were uneventful, at least in the sense that nothing dramatic happened. Sue took Shahnaz off for a few days to do some sightseeing and walking in the Dales, a pastime Sue assured her she would love. It was country she had never seen before except on TV and it was just as beautiful, and much more impressive, in real life. It also made her feet sore. Shahnaz was no couch potato, but she wasn't used to walking the kind of distances that Sue took literally in her stride, and none of it seemed to be flat. She discovered that a couple of pints of Theakstons with her lunch helped a lot. After a couple of days it got easier, and she started to enjoy the views, and the pubs, without constantly having to wonder when her legs would drop off. She learned to appreciate the strange delights of sex in a sleeping bag. Eventually, they'd both had about enough scenery and they returned to the house. The first thing Shahnaz did, after getting a really good bath, was to switch the hiking boots Sue had lent her for the ones she'd inherited from Leah. After that, all she needed was a cooked dinner. Well, sex and booze would be fine too but that could wait.

Dinner was semi-formal, in that everyone sat down and ate at the same time. Tony had done the cooking, so it was good. When everyone had finished he tapped his wineglass as if to announce a toast. "Anthea would like to make an announcement." he said. Anthea smiled.

She looked around the table and gave a small self-deprecating shrug. "I'm going to do it," she said without preamble. "I'm sure you all know I've been working up to it for some time, and this would be as good a time as any. Well, better than most. It's the big one and so far we've just got Gina. So now it's two."

Tony raised his glass and there was a brief pause while any empties got filled, then everybody raised them (Shahnaz followed suit) and gave a general chorus of "Anthea!" followed by the traditional gulp. There were a few murmured comments of appreciation and encouragement, a few slightly earthy jokes, and that was it. It seemed a little perfunctory to Shahnaz, given the occasion, but Anthea seemed satisfied with it. She tried to imagine what Anthea would taste like but her imagination balked. The irony didn't escape her. She didn't really dislike her, but the woman left her cold.

So I'm more excited by the prospect of eating someone I actually like, she thought. Understandable in a perverse way. I miss Leah but I enjoyed eating her. Not for the first time she wondered what the hell was happening to her. She finished her wine in one draught and went for another. The door opened and Gina came in.

"Hi everybody. Hope I didn't miss anything."

After that, things livened up.

Gina's arrival seemed to set things in motion, as though a turning point had been reached. Gradually, the atmosphere in the house became infected with the mood of an impending party, rather like the days before Christmas. Some of the guests for the big event arrived early, and it was soon clear that people would be sleeping on floors, in groups in each other's beds and on the kitchen table before long. Many of them had come from parts of the country too far to commute on the day, a few even from overseas. Others simply wanted to be there for the runup to the event. Gina herself was always in the middle of it all, as if she were the life and soul of the impending carnival, which in a very real sense she was. Shahnaz wondered how someone who was about to die - let's not mince words - could be so perpetually cheerful. On anyone else it would have been almost insufferable. The only answer that made sense was that there was no other way for her to be. Apart from the option of giving the whole thing up, what sense was there in her taking any other attitude? Anthea as usual stayed relatively aloof. She didn't exactly hide herself away, but still maintained the screen of reserve, though she was outwardly friendly enough.

Every night was a sort of party in miniature. Playing silly games, getting stoned, dancing and flirting, the guests were working their way up to the main event, each in their own way. Gina, always in the thick of it, had taken to wearing nothing but her underwear, or almost nothing without it. Before long, she could have had any man in the house - not much of a change there perhaps - and most of the women, gay or straight. Inhibitions were abandoned like heavy old clothes when the summer comes. It was impossible to take offense at any personal remark unless it was a deliberate insult. One recently arrived guest asked Shahnaz if she was going to be on the menu too.

"No, sorry," she said.

"Pity. Any chance of getting you into bed, then?"

"Not tonight, thanks. Other arrangements."

"Oh, well, another time maybe."

The conversation was repeated in essence an hour or so later, this time by a man. Shahnaz took to wearing Leah's shorts in the evening, with a blouse tied up to bare her midriff. She found that she liked the attention, and imagined people devouring her with their eyes. It helped knowing that it was probably true.

The second night after she arrived, Gina got Jim into bed. Shahnaz could hardly blame him - hell, I'd fuck her myself in a minute, she thought. The odd thing was the look Jim gave her when it happened. He was sitting on the floor, mildly intoxicated, when Gina attacked. Dressed in a short negligee, nothing underneath, she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist and plied him with a subtle but seriously effective pick up line.

"You're a cutie. How about we go to bed and screw each other senseless" was the gist of it. With a half naked, jaw-droppingly gorgeous blonde plastered against him, Jim actually sought out her face across the room. Yup, he's got it bad, she thought. If she did that to me I wouldn't think twice. Nobody could. She smiled and made a circle with thumb and finger, putting 'go for it, I would' into it. Gina caught it and smiled at Shahnaz without either rancour or triumphant rivalry. She wasn't looking for a long term relationship. To Jim she said, "You can try again after you've eaten me. Come on."

They left. Shahnaz hoped sincerely that they had a ball. She slept with Sue as usual.

The evening of the next day went in much the same vein, just a little more crowded and a little wilder. Until Tony mentioned that they were getting too close to the day and were still one short.

Sam shrugged. "Looks like we try the members' lottery then."

Shahnaz had asked Sue before what would happen if they didn't get the required number. It hadn't seemed to matter before.

"Nothing, really. We just bake more potatoes."

Nonetheless, towards the end of the night's carousing Tony called for everyone's attention and announced that they'd be asking for voluntary. contributions. He had a wad of paper slips in his hand and an old top hat. Everybody cleared a space around the centre of the room, where he placed the hat on a table. He put a pile of ballpoint pens on it.

"What are the rules?" Shahnaz asked Sue sotto voce.

"Rules? Write name on slip, fold, hand back. Tony picks a name out, whoever it is gets cooked. Pretty much your standard lottery deal."

"What's this about?" someone said. Clearly not every one knew what was going on.

"Very simple," said Tony. "We could really do with one more volunteer for the barbecue, so anyone who wants to take a chance can do so now. That's the members lottery."

"Yes!" said a pretty redhead in a see-through dress, punching the air. Tony regarded her with amusement and gave her a show of considered appraisal. Nice girlmeat there.

"If you want to just volunteer, Rachel, please feel free."

"I'll take my chances, thanks. As long as there are six or more. That's my bottom line."

"Well, I'll just keep the jolly old fingers crossed, then." He handed her a slip. "I'd be delighted to eat you," he added gallantly. "Anyone else?"

Six more women took the slips, and two men. One of them a stranger, the other was Jonathan, to Shahnaz's surprise. She never had worked him out. Neither Sam nor Sue offered to join in.

"Come on, Sam," urged Gina. "You got me into this, not to mention all the others, the least you could do is take a chance now and then." Surprisingly, perhaps grudgingly, Sam did. "How about you Sue?"

"I'll pass this time, thanks."

"Shaz? Want to keep me company?" She made it sound like a lark, a party game of minor consequence.

"Sure, why not?" Even as she said it, Shahnaz realised she must be totally insane. This was not a game of strip poker or charades. She watched herself in disbelief as, by some inner momentum, she followed through, writing her name on the slip, folding it and handing it back. I can't believe I said that, she thought. 'Why not?', for Christ's sake. Sue is going to give me hell about that one. She turned to look at Sue, who was staring at her blankly. She shook her head and glanced away.

"Any more?" asked Tony, offering the slips in his outstretched hand. "No? Alright then, let's not keep you in suspense." He shook the hat with with his eyes shut and put it down on the table. Shahnaz watched every move like a hawk. Ceremoniously he dipped in his hand and drew out a slip. Opened his eyes and unfolded the paper. Read the name carefully as if deciphering hieroglyphics.

"And the lucky winner is...." his eyes came up, met hers, and she knew. The next part was like deja vu.

"Shahnaz!"

Somebody said "Oh God..." Sue? Somebody else said, quietly, "Who's Shahnaz? Oh her, great!"

So this is what it's like, she thought. Her heart was pounding as if she'd touched a high voltage wire. Her stomach dropped away and the room lurched. She heard her own voice, slightly breathless but steady, say "Okay. I'm game." I hope I don't throw up, she thought.

Lots of voices offered appreciation, congratulations, lavish compliments on her expected flavour, a few hopeful come ons. She managed to smile, nod and mumble appropriate responses while looking for Sue. She found her still staring in blank shock. "Why, Shaz?" She sounded both stunned and hurt.

Shahnaz had no sensible answer. "It seemed like the thing to do at the time," she said feebly.

"The thing to do? Jesus Christ, Shaz, this isn't like you. Just tell them you've changed your mind, they can do it again. Nobody will blame you. There were plenty of others here, people who've done this before and they'll keep doing it until they win."

"I can't do that, Sue."

"Shaz, this was your first time. What were the odds that would happen?"

"One in eleven, the same as for everybody else here.You art students never do get the hang of probablity."

"Bugger probablity, just tell them.."

"Sue, don't. Please. If Rachel had won, I'd have eaten her. So would you."

Sue shook her head, not denying it but unable to argue and unwilling to concede the point. "I can't stand this. I'm going out somewhere. Don't follow me."

"When will you be back?"

"I don't know."

"Will you be back?"

"I don't know." She left, her body stiff and awkward with anger. Shahnaz stared after her feeling lost and alone. A familiar hand touched her shoulder and she turned to see Jim, face grave. Gina was with him, smiling.

"I wish you hadn't done that," he said quietly. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," she lied. "Well, not quite. Sue's upset. And why do you? You're going to eat Gina, aren't you?"

"Yes, but.." he faltered, wanting to say that was different.

"Don't you like her?" she teased.

"Of course I do...."

Gina rescued him. "He means everybody knows I'm up for it. You surprised us."

For a moment Shahnaz entertained the mean, bitter thought that Gina had effectively killed her. She dismissed the idea. It would have been cruel and unfair to suggest it.Gina couldn't help the mood she was in, and the decision had been hers. She smiled at her, and Gina gave her a friendly hug.

"Looks like I'll be sharing the menu with you, instead of being your lunch. I couldn't be in better company." She pulled back and stared at her. "Look, ignore me, I'm crazy, everybody knows that. If you change your mind I'll be glad to have you eat me instead. Back to plan A, right?"

"Thanks, I'll bear it in mind."

"Come and dance with me. Jim has two left feet. Make that three. Sue will come back if she's going to. This is a party, dammit!"

Life's too short, thought Shahnaz wryly. "Oh hell, why not?"

So they danced. Gina danced well, Shahnaz didn't, but that hardly mattered. Grace and perfection are for ballroom contests and ballet, party dancing is for fun. Jim supplied drinks and an audience, though he wasn't alone in that. Shahnaz got hot and sweaty and more than a little abandoned. Sue's desertion didn't go away but she couldn't deal with it now, so she simply put it aside. It was easier to do that when she was in the thick of things. She took off her denim shorts and footwear, ostensibly for coolness and freedom of movement but more than somewhat from sheer exhibitionism, and danced in her tied up shirt and Leah's brief white underpants. Before very long she stopped feeling awkward and her improvisations got better. Well, she thought so when she thought at all, and nobody was complaining.

During one breather, while somebody was arguing about what to play next, Gina took her aside and indicated urgently that she wanted to talk. They found a quite corner and sat down on the floor. Gina didn't waste words.

"Look, Shaz, I have to say this. You know when I asked you if you wanted to join me? I was kidding, I was high, I was crazy. I hope you didn't do it because of that."

"It was an impulse. I'd been thinking about it for a while." Shahnaz shrugged. It was at least half true, probably more.

"Okay, maybe. And maybe you're just being nice so you don't spoil it for me. You would. I just want you to know you don't have to. Not for me, not for anyone."

"Gina..."

"Shush. I'm being serious for a minute, so just listen, okay? I'm not going to argue with you. I'm just saying if you change your mind there's a plateful of me with your name on it and you'd better stay and eat it, or I'll get mad."

"Unless they sling me out for defaulting..." Half smile.

"It doesn't work that way. Nobody's throwing you out. Shaz, there are people here who never do the lottery. Sue never has. Tony probably never will. Nobody will say a thing. If they do, I'm out of here. I'm not staying to get munched by a bunch of soreheads who piss off my friends. You cook with me or you eat me, one or the other, that's the deal, all right? Don't answer now, and don't argue. I've said it and now we drink and dance."

Shahnaz smiled with genuine warmth. She knew Gina would accept whatever she did, there wasn't a mean spirited bone in her body - odd expression that, she thought - and she loved her for saying it.

"How about you? Did you ever think..."

"Nope. Not my strong suit. Saturday, I cook."

Shahnaz knew it would be pointless to take it any further. Break over. Back to the floor.

By the time the party started to wind down, Sue still hadn't returned. Shahnaz was sitting drinking with Gina and Jim, conscious of the fact that they were probably wanting to go to bed.

"I'm about ready to turn in," she said. "See you in the morning."

"On your own?" Gina was concerned.

"Sue may be back later." She shrugged.

"Bugger that. Why don't you come with us?"

Jim looked both interested and embarrassed. This could get awkward, Shahnaz thought. "Look, that's really nice of you but I'm not sure it's a good idea. Anyway I thought you were straight."

"So I'll bend a bit. A couple of days and I'm shish kebab. Look, I know you like Jim and I'm pretty sure you fancy me. Come on, it'll be fun. You do fancy me, don't you?"

She was close enough for Shahnaz to smell her. She could have eaten her raw right there. Oh no, Gina, I find you totally unattractive, she thought. And pigs have wings. She licked her lips suggestively at her and then looked at Jim. He seemed uneasy but covered it with a slightly forced joviality.

"All welcome, ladies. Just remember I'm not a sex object, okay? If I run out of steam you'll have to amuse each other." He smiled. "Seriously, we'd love to have you, Shahnaz."

Shahnaz knew it was likely his hesitancy was not feigned. Having sex with two women sounds great as a male fantasy, but in real life it's a tricky proposition for a man, unless he's the sort of man who actually does regard women as passive and interchangeable objects. It would be a lot easier for Jim to take either of them to bed alone. Shahnaz wavered. She didn't want to take advantage of their kindness, but she really didn't want to sleep alone.

"I don't know..."

"Be a voyeur if you like. Watch me and Jim fuck, join in if you want to."

"It'll be a mess," said Jim with comic gloom. "A total disaster, I can feel it."

Shahnaz smiled. "You silver tongued devil. You've talked me into it."

Gina looked surprised. "I'm disappointed. No clever arguments? Not even a token resistance?"

"Help, help, I resist." said Shahnaz without emphasis.

"That's better." To Jim: "Fetch!"

Jim laughed and carried her upstairs, Gina leading.

It probably did look like a mess, if anyone had been watching, but it was not a disaster. Jim was a little reticent at first, and none of them was sure who should be doing what to whom, but they didn't let that stop them. Since this was a new situation for each of them in one way or another, the only solution was to abandon any self consciousness and inhibition - Gina didn't seem to have any to begin with - and trust each other. They found themselves in positions that you will not see in any graceful, polite coffee table books on sex, and there was a lot of giggling and a few near accidents, but they all had a good time. It was also very comforting for Shahnaz. She forgot her hurt over Sue, and any concern about the future, and just indulged herself in messy, friendly, and ultimately satisfying sex. They didn't hurry. Nobody got anxious. When they'd just about run out of ideas and energy, they collapsed into a boneless, tangled heap. Shahnaz felt relaxed and happy, she refused to be anything else. Wrapped in and around the two warm bodies of people she liked, she slept.

She didn't hear the bedroom door open in the middle of the night, or Sue come in. Sue stood for a moment, surveying the intertwined bodies in the bed with mixed emotions. She was glad Shahnaz had found comfort, but ached to feel so cut off from her, though she believed she deserved it. As quietly as she had come, she left and went back to her own room, feeling wretched. She curled up in their bed and tried to sleep. Eventually, exhausted, she did.

She woke from dreams of ruin and loss to a bright morning. Nothing remained of the dreams but a sense of urgency. For no especial reason she went to the window. On the grass, Gina and Shahnaz were doing Tai Chi exercises, facing each other. Jim was sitting on the grass, watching them. Shahnaz was wearing Leah's shorts and an oversized T-shirt. Gina wore nothing. Sue had to admit she looked magnificent, a goddess. Shahnaz looked like Shahnaz. Paradise lost. She had to talk to her, grovel if she had to. Nothing was more important. She could fight anyone in the world but her. Dressing quickly, she went outside. She stopped short of interrupting them and stood watching herself. Jim looked up and nodded a greeting.

It became clear that Gina was leading Shahnaz through the motions, but Shahnaz was following well and gracefully. Not surprising, Sue knew she practised Yoga occasionally. Her face was serene, almost entranced. When Gina's body language told her the session had ended, she waited impatiently for Shahnaz to acknowledge her, holding herself still by an effort of will.

"You do that well," said Gina.

A smile. "I'd ask you to teach me but it's a bit late."

"It's not a matter of time. You do it in the moment you do it." Gina gave a self deprecating grin. "I can't do the Zen bullshit spiel very well. It works, that's all. I think there's somebody here to see you." She picked up a short dress and pulled it on over her head.

Shahnaz turned and saw Sue. She ran to her, grabbed her shoulders.

"You came back! Are you okay? Where have you been?" Her eyes shone.

"Walking. I needed to think. Shaz, I'm sorry. Forgive me? Come on, you can hit me first if you like. I've got it coming."

"Don't be silly. Of course I forgive you. Nothing to forgive. You were upset. Walking where? On your own in the middle of the night? You could have been mugged or raped."

"Shaz, you watch too much TV. This is Yorkshire. The worst that could happen is meeting a couple of drunks who wouldn't take no for an answer. I could have been groped or slobbered on."

Shahnaz looked at her. "What happened?"

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"Tell me."

"One broken nose, one lout with a suspended sex life. I probably overreacted. I wasn't in the mood, that's all."

"Sue, the karate killer chick. I didn't know you did that."

"Jackie Chan films and native aggression. They were pissed, Shaz. A schoolgirl could have done it. Forget it. We have to talk."

Shahnaz tensed. "Sue, don't..."

"Stop. Please. I'm with you whatever happens. I won't run away again."

Shahnaz relaxed and smiled. "Let's get some breakfast. I'm starving."

Sue took her hand and they went in together. Paradise regained, at least for a while.

Inside, Gina was explaining the virtues of old English marmalade to Jim. He affected to be confused by this. Tony had managed to locate Gina's favourite brand and bought it for her. She was delighted with it, and insisted everybody try it. It had to be eaten, Gina insisted, on hot buttered toast for the best results. Sam and Jonathan did their best to keep the toast coming. Sue and Shahnaz had some. Shahnaz enjoyed it, Sue was noncommittal. She seemed distracted. Jim handled the bacon and eggs with the ease of increasing practise and the zeal of a convert.

When everyone had broken the back of the meal and tea was issued, Tony announced that they needed to decide the running order for tomorrow. He produced a pack of cards and invited Shahnaz, Gina and Anthea to take one each.

"Do we choose which one?" Shahnaz asked.

"Yes, pick the one you want."

"So how do we know who wins? I mean..."

"Bear with me. Just pick one."

Anthea picked the Ace of Spades, Gina the Queen of Hearts. Shahnaz took the Jack of Clubs.

Tony shuffled the pack and passed it to Sam for a reshuffle. He took it back.

"I deal the cards face up. You go on in the reverse order your card appears." He dealt the pack in a stack on the table. The first card to turn up was the Ace of Spades. The second was Gina's Queen.

"You're on first, Shahnaz."

Gina smiled at her. "You'll be a hard act to follow, Shaz," she said.

I'm the appetiser, thought Shahnaz. Makes sense, I'm the smallest. She said it.

"So I'm your hors d'ouevres. A snack to whet everybody's appetite for you."

"Rubbish, you'll be great. I hope they've got room for me after they've tasted you." Gina turned to Anthea. "That means you're dessert." She picked an apple from a bowl on the table and tossed it to Shahnaz, who caught it. She took one herself and bit it.

"Good for the skin," she said. "And sweetens the flesh. So I've heard."

Shahnaz felt a flood of arousal at the idea of preparing herself like that, not unmixed with a rush of primal terror that spiced it. She bit the apple, swallowed a bite. You are what you eat, she thought. Apple stuffed me for openers. One in my mouth for garnish. Would that look cute or just silly?

"I don't suppose any controlled tests have been done?" She imagined huge numbers of women being roasted with and without eating apples first. There would be plenty of volunteers for the blind tastings.

"Don't ask me about that science stuff. Over my head."

Watching Shahnaz as she chatted nonchalantly about her imminent conversion into meat, Sue could hardly make sense of the words, let alone join in. She just stared at her, noticing with poignant intensity how the sunlight caught the small hairs on her forearms, bared by the rolled up sleeves of her shirt. In that moment, with ice cold clarity, she knew that she would cheerfully kill everyone at the table if it would help protect her. The difficulties involved in doing it didn't bother her at all, nor did any concept of morality. Shahnaz wouldn't thank her for it, that was all that mattered to her. She bared her teeth in a smile. Her blue eyes burned coldly. Nobody saw it but Shahnaz. It was directed at Gina and she wasn't looking that way, which was just as well.

Shahnaz caught the edges of it when she turned to look at her, to invite her into the conversation. You don't believe in telepathy? Fine. Call it body language or intuition. Everybody who lives in the real world knows that sometimes you perceive the pattern of things whole in an instant, more immediately than logic can explain. For one moment she saw something that explained exactly why Brian hadn't come back. She knew that if anyone else had seen it as she had they'd be shocked, perhaps terrified. They probably should be. She understood what Sue had been doing last night and why. Her lover was dangerous. Understatement of the year. She didn't want to see Sue fight Gina. Gina was bigger, she knew Tai Chi, all that pretty martial arts nonsense. No contest. She wouldn't stand a chance against Sue's fury.

"Time we had that talk," she said. Sue nodded.

Shahnaz led the way to their room and sat cross-legged on the bed. Sue remained standing.

"I had to get you out of there before you tore somebody's throat out with your bare teeth," she said. "Sue, we can't go on like this. I couldn't stand the tension."

"What do you expect me to do?" asked Sue stiffly, "Tell you I'm perfectly happy with it? I'm not and I'm not going to pretend I am."

"So what are you going to do? Spend the next day and a half looking like a murder waiting to happen? I'm not asking you to pretend, but you have to accept it or neither of us is going to have much fun. You said you'd be with me, and that's what I want. But not if you're like this, and not if I have to keep dragging you off everybody else. I don't have time for it."

"So give it up. We can go now, if you like. Just get up and leave, never come back."

"I can't do that."

"Why? Why can't you?" The plea was agonised. "Why are you doing this to us?"

Shahnaz paused for a minute. How could she explain? Sue waited.

"I entered the poll because I wanted to be part of it all. I've been feeling it since the first party we went to. It wasn't something I planned. I wanted the thrill, I suppose. The knowledge that it might be me this time. It was exciting."

"And the very first time, you were the lucky winner," Sue snapped bitterly. "Amazing coincidence, assuming Tony didn't fix it. He's wanted you from the beginning. Now he's got you, the only way he could."

"Sue, there's nothing amazing about it. I had the same chance everybody else did. It's no good saying 'why me?' if you lose a gamble, any more than if you win. The answer is always the same: 'it had to be somebody.' This time it was me. You don't really have any reason to think it was fixed, you're just trying to find somebody to blame, some way out. It doesn't work like that. The thing about danger is it's dangerous. If you hazard your life, sometimes you die." She thought of Sue's remark about Cindy - we all die - but didn't say it.

Sue was silent for a while. "This is about Gina, isn't it? She got you into this. I'll bloody kill her." She realised what she'd said and laughed without merriment. "Not much point, but I'd enjoy it."

Shahnaz stared at her in disbelief and, finally, anger. "I don't believe you, Sue. You come to these parties and eat people like Gina, and now you're blaming her for being the way she has to be to do it. It's not fair and you know it, you're just lashing out. Stop it! Nobody made me do anything."

Sue gave sweet reason a try. With forced calm she said "Okay, forget that. You're right. Not her fault. But Shaz, she wants to do it. You don't."

"Maybe I do. I haven't stopped thinking about it since Cindy got spitted."

"Maybe? Not good enough, Shaz. You're going like a lamb to the slaughter on a maybe?"

"I'm going like a woman to the slaughter. I lost, Sue. The least I can do is try to go through with it. I don't make excuses and I don't run away." She saw Sue flinch. "Sorry, I didn't mean you, and anyway you came back. That's ancient history. I'll get ready and go out there tomorrow and if I chicken out, I'll do it up front and face that too. I'm not sneaking off."

Sue tried low cunning. "If you think you might rabbit, better tell them now. More time to pick a substitute."

Shahnaz didn't dignify that with a reply, just a wry grin. "Nice try, Sue."

"So you're just going to go through the motions, pretend you enjoy it, and see if you bolt when you see the spit? Some plan."

"No. I'm going to do it and I'm going to enjoy it, and if I rabbit that's not part of the plan. I'm going to live today as if I'm going to be eaten tomorrow, because I probably am. I can't get through that wondering every second whether I''ll go through with it or not. I'd be miserable and so would you. I'm going to enjoy myself, because it's the only way to go. I want you with me but if you can't do it, go now, leave me alone, because I'm not going to spend that time arguing with you. I couldn't stand it." Shahnaz wanted to bite her tongue. How hard must this be for Sue?

"I should never have brought you here."

"I'm not a dog. I chose to come with you. Don't start the guilt trip bit, it won't wash. This is the bottom line, Sue. Stop it. Now. Stay with me or go, now."

Sue slumped. "I could just bash you over the head and carry you out," she muttered.

"No you couldn't." Shahnaz relaxed. The struggle was over, but it hurt her to see the fight go out of Sue. She held up her arms. "Come here," she said gently. Sue came.

"Just once," she mumbled into Shahnaz's hair, "you could let me win an argument. Now would have been a good time." Shahnaz kissed her. Sue leaned back and looked her in the eyes. The berserker light was gone from her own. "So what's the plan, boss?"

"We have a nice time. We party. Whatever you want. Together, I hope. I know it's selfish but I want you to stay with me. Tomorrow I get cooked and you eat me. You get my cunt, the rest you'll have to share. I dreamed it that way. I know it sounds silly but I'd like that."

"You don't believe in precognition, Shaz. Or dreams." But already she was letting herself be drawn in. She had to.

"'There are no atheists in foxholes'. I don't know what I believe any more. Only what I feel. If you can't do it I'll understand. Go now, I won't blame you."

Sue couldn't leave. She was out of options. "I'll stay. I'll eat you. And I'll bloody well enjoy it, you stubborn cow." She pushed Shahnaz down onto the bed and pulled her clothes off. Shahnaz let Sue dominate her. She lay still as Sue kissed her all over. It tickled pleasantly.

Sue wanted to touch and taste every bit of Shaz's skin, alive. She kissed her feet, her armpits, her nipples, behind her ears, while her lover lay passive. When she licked between her legs, thick tufts of hair tickling her nose, Shahnaz's knees came up reflexively, then fell again. Finally she got to her mouth. Then Shahnaz moved, tugging at her clothes urgently. Sue tore them off.

They made love and it was as good as it had ever been.

They fell asleep for a while, Shahnaz content that Sue was with her again, Sue simply exhausted. Shahnaz stayed awake longer, holding her. Finally, surrounded by Sue's scent and the feel of her body, she slept too.

[She walked through a strange country but the people were friendly enough. The light was getting brighter. Suddenly she noticed that she was naked. Nobody seemed to mind, but she was worried about it. It seemed that she was walking into light and that was frightening in ways she didn't understand. She tried to turn away but couldn't move her hands. She wanted somebody or something but didn't know what. Suddenly it was clear. Sue held her hand and that meant it was alright. They were going somewhere together. The dream faded.]

Shahnaz woke knowing that she had no time to waste. It was important to get ready, though she didn't immediately remember what for. Then she did. It was almost lunchtime.

[Sue was at a school party. She was eleven. Sara was there wearing a short green dress that left her legs bare. Her dark eyes and her smile enchanted Sue. All she wanted in the world was just to touch her. Just to touch.]

Sue forgot the dream as she woke and saw her lover shaking off sleep. She remembered that her only aim was to make Shahnaz happy for the rest of her life. Any reservations she would keep to herself. It was nearly time for lunch. They showered together, dressed and went downstairs

Gina gave them a conspiratorial 'I know what you've been doing' smile as they entered the kitchen. Apart from the sex, the rest of the interaction had passed her by completely. Only what Shahnaz thought of as the core community was there, the kitchen wasn't big enough to hold all the people currently in the house and by some unspoken convention most of the others fed themselves quickly and left. Jonathan was passing out bowls of leek and lentil soup with chunks of bread. They both took one and sat down. Conversation resumed, it seemed to be about Gina's assertion that women tasted better if they were sexually satisfied.

"Like free range chickens?"

"Do they really taste better or do we just feel better about eating them?" somebody wondered.

"I think they do."

"Women or chickens?"

"Either way it's a good idea. We wouldn't want poor Gina kept in a pen until she's ready to be roasted. Not humane at all."

"You try it and you're toast," said Gina with an unconvincing frown. "Tony, if anybody says I taste like chicken, they're barred. Throw them out. No seconds." Tony raised his hands in acquiescence.

"What would you rather taste like?"

"We could test the idea. How about it, ladies?"

"Not if I'm the one who doesn't get laid," said Shahnaz. "Wouldn't work anyway. We're not the same body type. You'd need twins."

"True. An antelope."

"With tits like melons?"

"Jessica Rabbit. Definitely."

"I'll stick with antelope," said Gina. "An antelope with great tits. Or maybe an okapi."

"What's an okapi?"

"Nor a gnu. How about you, Shaz?"

"Bambi," muttered Sue and hoped nobody heard. Shahnaz covered for her.

"An otter."

"Why?"

"They're sexy and I Iike the way they catch fish. Or a bunny rabbit. Not Jessica, I don't have the tits for it. A nice little bunny being gobbled up by the Big Bad Wolf."

Sue, the Big Bad Wolf, got through it without biting anybody. Gina shared private jokes and comments with Shahnaz about the best ways to make yourself edible. It was obvious that Shaz had entered a new country that she shared with Gina. She was determined not to lose what contact with that she had. Hard as she might try, she couldn't stop looking for ways to fight. After lunch she took Tony by the arm and drew him aside. "I want a word. In private."

Tony raised his eyebrows quizzically. "All right. My study private enough?"

Once there, Sue wasted no time on niceties. "Did you rig the draw?"

"What? The members lottery? No, of course not, why? Look, I know you and Shahnaz are close but that's a bit much. Why would I do that?"

"Oh gee, I don't know. Let me think," said Sue with leaden irony. "You fancy Shahnaz something rotten, she won't sleep with you, so you decide to eat her instead. How's that? If you did, tell me now, because if I find out after she cooks, I'll kill you." Her lack of emphasis left Tony under no illusion that she was speaking metaphorically.

"Of course I find her attractive, it's no secret. So do half the men here and some of the women. That doesn't mean I'm obsessed, I fancy a lot of women."

"Not all of them give you their poll slips, Tony. Means, motive, opportunity."

"This is silly, Sue. I know you're upset, but get a grip. It was a blind draw, you saw it."

"Any amateur conjuror could have palmed that slip. I bet I could learn to do it myself in an hour. I've seen a lot of party tricks, I usually guess how they're done."

Tony looked genuinely bemused. "You know, you're right? It could be done. I should have had someone else pick the slip, then I couldn't be accused of it. But the thing is, I didn't. Anyway, I like Shahnaz, I wouldn't do that to her. Oh, I'll eat her and thoroughly enjoy it, I'm not going to pretend otherwise, in fact I'm looking forward to it. I was pleased she volunteered. But she got a fair chance, like all the rest. As a matter of fact I was wondering how Rachel would taste when I pulled the slip. I have a roving eye." He shrugged. "I'm sorry, Sue, but you're groping for an excuse and this isn't it."

There was no way she could prove otherwise, and Sue wasn't sure there was anything to prove. Tony felt the pressure go off him, a pressure he only then realised had been there.

"Look, if you can talk her out of it - as a member you strictly shouldn't, but we won't worry about that - we'll sort something else out. You can both come to the party, nobody will say a word or I'll see to them. But unless Shahnaz opts out herself, she goes on the spit tomorrow. Sorry, but that's all I can give you. I suppose you've already tried?"

"Yes. Okay. Sorry about the drama."

"Oh, accusing me of cheating? Nada. Threatening to kill me? Forget it." He paused. Now Sue wasn't attacking, it almost seemed unreal. "Were you serious about that?"

Now Sue looked surprised. "Of course I was."

"Of course."

Tony followed her out of the study and back to the kitchen. Everything had been cleared up and a small group remained drinking tea and discussing the cooking arrangements for tomorrow. Shahnaz threw a quizzical look at Sue who gave a small 'later' sign and sat down.

"Okay," Sam muttered, taking notes in a small ring-bound notebook. "Garlic and lemon butter for Anthea. Shouldn't be a problem. How about you, Gina? Any preferences?"

Gina leaned back in her chair, bare feet on the table, considering. "I don't know, maybe barbecue sauce, that stuff the Yanks like." She grinned at Jim. "Or tandoori. Is that different? I never was much good at cooking."

"You will be," said Sam. "Better make your mind up soon if it's something we don't have in the house. We'll be doing a shopping run for any last minute supplies, that's why I'm asking now. How about you, Shahnaz?"

"Nothing heavy, thanks. Just baste me with olive oil, herb infused. Tarragon if possible. Don't let me burn. And please don't overcook me."

Sam gave her an arch look. "Did I overcook Leah? Don't fret Shaz, I won't let you burn and you won't be overdone. You'll be perfect, tender and juicy." Shahnaz squirmed in her seat and touched her breast unconsciously. "We've got one of the best menus we've ever had for tomorrow and if I screw it up I'll deserve to be made into meat pies and sold at a football match."

"With monosodium glutamate in." said Gina grinning. Sam winced.

"That's harsh. Look, everything will be fine, people will be talk about your flavour for months. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. Any preference for dressings, condiments?"

"Well, it's up to the diners really," said Shahnaz, "but there's some of that white sauce of Leah's left. Maybe some horseradish and grain mustard. Black pepper, fresh."

Sam nodded approval. "Classic. We'll make sure it's available. How about Leah's sauce? Did she leave a recipe? We could make some up."

"I know a friend of hers in the States who might know," Jim put in. "I'll get on the phone."

"Mushrooms," said Anthea suddenly, as if remembering something vital.

"Right. That's on the list. We'll get extra. If anybody thinks of anything else, let me know." She closed the notebook and went to follow Jim who was looking for a phone.

Shahnaz looked at Sue again, got a 'come with me' look and followed her out of the house. The sunlight was almost blinding and the air was warm and calm. Sue felt it like a pressure on her shoulders.

"What were you and Tony up to?" asked Shahnaz as soon as they were out of earshot.

"I had to discuss something with him."

"So I gathered. What's the big secret?"

There was no point trying to evade it. "I asked him if he'd rigged the draw."

"Expecting an abject confession, no doubt. 'It's a fair cop, I done it', he whimpered."

"I said if I found out too late I'd kill him," said Sue. "I thought it might rattle him a bit."

"It would me. What happened?"

"He says he had no particular preference for the draw and he woudn't cheat anyway. I'm not convinced about the first bit, personally. I think he wanted it to be you. He said he's looking forward to eating you, which is reasonable enough, but he's not obsessive about it."

"Sue, he's eating his sister tomorrow. Then there's Gina, who's spectacular. And a third course, whoever it is. I think he's got enough on his plate - sorry - not to get all hot and bothered about me."

"Maybe. I still think he's got a thing about you. But I don't think he cheated. I could never prove it if he did, but I'm sure he'd have been just a little bit uncomfortable in front of me if he had."

Shahnaz turned her by the arms and kissed her. "Thank you. I know you had to do that, I understand perfectly. But let it go. You'll drive us both crazy."

"Sorry, I'm just not good at giving up."

"I know that. Give it up, love. It's going to happen."

To Shahnaz, the coming day's events had taken on the shape of something not only inevitable but almost preordained, at least since she had come into this world. She recognised that this was a mechanism of acceptance, that logically nothing was fated or fixed until it happened, but she felt it anyway. Everything that had happened since she came seemed in retrospect to be heading her in this direction and nothing remained but to fulfill her part in what would happen. She was schooling herself to accept and enjoy it.

It was a condition Sue had seen before. She recognised the dreamy sensuality, the langour of perpetual arousal. She knew she wasn't as intelligent as Shahnaz, but she was far from stupid. Her dilemma was simple but profound. She could try to shatter her lover's fatalistic complacency, but what if she succeeded and Shahnaz went ahead anyway? She had never found the limits of her stubborn integrity. She might break her mood but not her resolve. If Shaz went to the spit terrified but determined, she couldn't bear it. All she had left was to play along. If she emphasised what was going to happen, Shahnaz would either come to her senses and give it up, or go through with it with Sue's support. The only other option was abandonment and that was no option at all.

Gina had come outside and was sunbathing in a deck chair, elegantly dressed in a pair of sunglasses and a thin sheen of oil.

"You need a manicure," said Sue. "Grab a chair. I'll go and get my kit. You want to look your best when they - when we roast you."

"Sounds good to me." Shahnaz smiled. She took a chair next to Gina while Sue disappeared into the house. She took her shoes off. "I hope that stuff's edible," she said.

"House brand. Guaranteed fit for human consumption. I'm pre-marinading. Is it marinade or marinate? Never mind. Want some?"

"I'm just getting my nails clipped. I don't sunbathe. Lying in the sun makes me dizzy."

"Must have been rough on your parents."

"My parents? Why?"

"Ancestors, forebears, whatever. They must have been from India, Asia, somewhere out there or you wouldn't be that colour. How did they stand it?"

"Oh, right. Haven't a clue. I suppose you get used to it if you grow up there." She regarded Gina's body appreciatively. Her oily pubic hair looked like spun gold. She brushed it with her finger and Gina arched her loins into her hand. She slipped a finger into her and brought it to her mouth, licked it.

"Tasty."

"I should hope so. Do that again." She did.

Sue arrived with her kit and they submitted to her ministrations as she expertly clipped and cleaned their fingers and toes.

Gina massaged more oil into her breasts. "I really hope somebody's going to eat these. Do you think Jim will.? He seems to like them. Americans are big on tits, aren't they?"

"He'll be big on those. He won't have to eat for a week. I wonder where Anthea is."

"Probably bathing in asses milk."

Shahnaz laughed.

When she'd finished grooming the two of them, Sue asked Gina what sort of sunscreen she was using. She had abandoned her animosity towards her, based as it was on the unfair idea that she was responsible for the situation, she was a combative person but she didn't nurse grudges. Gina explained that it was edible and infused with culinary herbs.

"Smells nice," Sue mused, "Maybe you should try it, Shaz. Lift your hips."

Shahnaz did, without thinking. Sue pulled off her shorts and underwear. "Arms." Obediently, she let her remove her shirt.

"Um, Sue...."

"Bottle?" Gina passed her the oil. "What, Shaz? People will see you naked?"

"Good point." Shahnaz relaxed and let Sue oil her. It was a pleasant sensation, to say the least. She stretched out sensually. "It can be either," she said to Gina after a while.

"What?"

"Marinade or -nate. Personally I think marinade sounds like a noun and marinate like a verb."

"I'll take your word for it."

"Lean forward," Sue ordered. "I have to do your back."

By dint of some squirming around in the chair and a lot of bending and reaching, they managed to get the scented culinary oil all over Shahnaz's body. Sue tried not to linger too long on her most sensitive areas, having an orgasm in full sight of the world was probably going a bit too far for her lover's sense of propriety even now. Shahnaz still felt a little self conscious, sprawled out on a deckchair in her birthday suit, but she told herself it was silly and let the thought go. There wasn't exactly a crowd gathering anyway. A few people coming and going gave her and Gina an appreciative lingering glance, but were too polite to actually form a crowd around them and gawp openly. She affected not to notice them, if she did at all. Most of the time she had her eyes shut anyway.

"Okay, you just stay there and simmer a bit. I'll get us something to drink."

The two prospective ingredients of the coming feast baked together in companionable silence while Sue fetched a tray of orange juice and chilled lemonade form the kitchen. After handing out the drinks, she produced a pumice stone from her kit bag and proceeded to smooth any rough skin from their feet.

"Presentation counts," she explained.

After half an hour of idle chat, Sue sitting on the grass, Tony and Sam appeared. Shahnaz started to reach for something to cover herself with, then subsided and let herself sprawl. There is no way to sit decorously in a deck chair.

"Preparation is all," Sam commented, eyeing them approvingly. "You two look good enough to eat already."

"Last call before the shopping run," Tony announced. "Any ideas, Gina? Still want the barbecue sauce?" He seemed to have shrugged off Sue's accusations and was as friendly towards her as if nothing had happened.

"I'm not sure," she murmured drowsily. "Maybe Sam should decide."

"Honey glaze with cloves and light mustard ," Shahnaz suggested. She could smell herself, sun hot flesh and light seasoning. I'd eat me, she thought.

"Not a bad idea. We'd still need oil during the early stages, but we could do that. How about it, Gina?"

"Sounds good to me." To Shahnaz, "Do you think it would suit me?"

"Definitely."

"We'll go with that then."

"Excellent choice."

The long afternoon passed idyllically, like a stream meandering in sunlight, with silly games and idle conversations, echoes of music played not too loud sounding from distant windows, lounging in the grass. Shahnaz tired of sunbathing after another half hour and dressed again in shorts and T-shirt. She left off the underwear. The old denim was soft and she was oily, the light chafing as she walked was just enough to keep her continually stimulated. She seemed to be naturally high. Everything was vivid, smells, sounds and sights. Over all, the heat of the sun and a kind of hum in the background of her consciousness, a vibration of intensity and vitality. It was an energy without urgency, that needed no expression but existence itself. It seemed to her that she had never been so alive. Sue drifted in her slipstream, abandoned herself and went with the flow.

At teatime, Jim told her that he'd discovered the recipe for Leah's white condiment and had reproduced it. Also the red one.

"We've made some up. It's a berry sauce with wine, a bit like something that would go with venison, according to Sam. She thinks it might suit you."

"Really? Well, by all means try it. Lay them both out and let people make their own minds up." I'm venison? Deer me. Mental wince.

As day turned to night, the never ending party moved into it's manic phase. Gina got elegantly drunk - hangovers were a meaningless concept to her, she had a constitution an ox would envy - while Shahnaz maintained her elevation without overdoing it. By the time Gina was dancing naked on a table - how DID she do that? - she still had her shorts and a halter on. Everyone, however drunk or wild, was courteous to her. People fetched her drinks, offered compliments without being crude. She saw every face with preternatural clarity. These were her people, the ones who would partake of her.

Sue watched her constantly. She didn't object or intrude when someone touched her, looked at her or even kissed her. This was her due. She was radiantly beautiful in Sue's admittedly biased view. I'm going to eat an angel, she thought with awe and surprised herself with the both the content and the intensity of her impression. She was not a person normally given to either sentimentality or reverence. Everybody here wants her, and they're going to get her. The touchable ideal, an edible goddess. She saw the other women at the party watching her too, with something that might have been envy. How many of them would follow? Would Rachel be next? She had seen it happen before.

But this was Her goddess, her Shahnaz, who had slept in her bed and thrown up in her toilet. She kept her feet as the party wound down and the guests staggered off to their several beds. Jim and Gina stayed to the last.

"Want to join us?" invited Gina. "We could have a really weird time."

"Tempting," said Sue dryly. She was half afraid Shahnaz would go for it. Then she'd have to.

Shahnaz took Sue's arm. "Thanks," she said, "but I think we'd like to have this dance to ourselves. I'm sure you'll take good care of each other."

Jim looked relieved. Gina smiled. "Sure we will. Come on, Yank. Tenderise me."

Holding hands like teenage lovers, Sue and Shahnaz went to bed.

Shahnaz woke from a deep and peaceful sleep, slowly. She hardly remembered the wakeful hour at dawn, and it was a while before she fully remembered where she was. Then she did and her heart jumped. Feast Day, first item on the menu, me.She lay still for a while, letting herself stabilise and calm down, allowing the events of the past few days to reassert the mood of acceptance she had half-consciously built up. Don't get stage fright now, she told herself. You'll do fine. She felt the fear, never quite gone, transmute into an edgy excitement and let that find its own level. She felt Sue beginning to stir.

"Umm. Morning. What time is it?" Sue raised her head and looked at Shahnaz, who could see realisation fill her mind by the dilation of her eyes.

"Late morning, I'd guess. Time we got up."

Sue stared at her for a while, wondering what to say. Finally, "You don't have to do this, you know."

"Leah did. Cindy did. She didn't run out on a bet."

"Maybe she should have. Anyway, you're not Cindy."

"No, but she was."

Sue gestured impatiently. Shahnaz touched her face. "Sue, we've done this one. Please?"

Sue grabbed her and held for a while. Shahnaz stroked her back and waited. Finally Sue released her. "All right, Iisten very carefully, I shall say this only once," she said in a bad French accent, continuing in good Yorkshire, "If you change your mind, that's it. I don't give a toss if you're that close to the spit. It's over, and you can stay and eat Gina or get the fuck out. I'm with you. Choose your pick."

"Understood."

"Right." She sighed. "I suppose we'd better get ready then. Shower?" Shahnaz nodded and they went to the bathroom together, relieved themselves, brushed their teeth, showered and washed each other, the usual morning rituals of preparation. Shahnaz shampooed thoroughly. Her hair was greasy.

"Look, do you want me to shave you here, before we go? I know you're not fond of making an exhibition of yourself. You don't have to go through that."

"Yes I do. Anyway, you said it yourself, there's no point hiding my body from the people who're going to be lunching on it. They'll have plenty of time to see me naked while I'm on the spit."

"That's not the point and you know it. What is this, some sort of penance?"

"No, that' s not it. I just want to experience it all. I'm only going to do this once, you know. Getting shaved outdoors is part of the fun." She smiled.

And gets you in the mood, thought Sue, but didn't press the point.

Back in their room, Sue opted for the short skirt without underwear and halter approach. She had to rummage to find her shoes, which were under the bed. By the time she found and put them on, Shahnaz, never a fussy dresser, was ready. Sue stared at her. She was wearing her old standard outfit: jeans, trainers, white T-shirt and denim jacket.

"What's wrong?"

"Not exactly your best party dress," said Sue finally.

"It's my last party and I'm going as me. Don't worry, I won't be wearing anything for the main event. Come on Sue, you look like a deer frozen in the headlights. We should get moving."

Neither of them felt like eating breakfast. In the kitchen they grabbed some orange juice. People were going in and out with various items from the pantry, starting to set up. Tony was sitting at the table looking vaguely worried. He greeted them absently with a nod, then noticed Shahnaz and recalled his usual easy good manners.

"Good morning, you two. Feeling fit, Shahnaz?"

"Fine, thanks. Problem?"

"Anthea. One of her allergy attacks. She's about due one, pollen count's off the scale, but it picked an awkward time."

"Poor Anthea. Where is she?"

"In her room. She's embarrassed. She's not looking her best and it's no secret my dear sister is a bit vain. Besides, she's worried that people will think she chickened out."

"Do you think... sorry, no offense."

"None taken. No, I don't think so, I've seen the symptoms. This was the big one, she'd been holding out for it."

"Oh dear. What are you going to do? Another poll?"

"If we have to. It's a bit late but we might get a few takers. First I'll ring around. As luck would have it, there's one of those Internet volunteers not far from here, I'll give her a try, but you never know if they're serious, and it's a bit short notice. Wouldn't blame her if she knocked us back. She might be at work, anyway, I don't even know if she works Saturdays." He waved his concerns aside and smiled. "Look, it's really not your problem. If we find somebody, we do, if not we'll count ourselves damned lucky to have you and Gina, that should be enough for anybody. We can pride ourselves on quality, at any rate."

"Thank you, kind sir. Well, good luck."

Shahnaz started to leave. Sue waved her on. "Bit of business with Tony, see you outside in a minute." Shahnaz raised her eyebrows, but nodded and left.

Sue turned back to Tony. "Any way to put me in instead?"

"Of Anthea? Feel free. But that's not what you meant, is it?"

"No."

"Glad to. Just get Shaz to agree to it. Let me guess, she hasn't asked you and doesn't know."

Sue shook her head. It had only occurred to her a minute before she said it.

"I can't do that. I'd have to exempt her - tell her we won't cook her - on your promise that you'll stand in for her. It doesn't work that way."

"I'm good for it."

"I don't doubt you are. But I can't do it unless she agrees. You could try talking her into it, but I'm betting we both know she won't."

"Bloody rules,"

"You haven't thought it through." Tony said gently.

"Do enlighten me," Sue snarled.

"She'd know. She'd have to stand and watch you do it, and she would, you know. She wouldn't leave you. She'd have to watch you take her place. How do you think she'd feel about that?"

Sue knew exactly.

"Want my advice?"

"No, but I'm going to get it anyway."

"Grit your teeth and tell her you love her."

"She knows."

"Do it anyway."

Sue stared at him stony faced for a moment and left. She caught up with Shahnaz by the tables.

"There you are. Plates are over there." They worked setting tables for a while until Shahnaz asked "What was all that mysterious business with Tony about?"

"Nothing important."

As they worked, Sue wondered at herself. Had she really said that to Tony? Offering herself for someone else, even Shahnaz? I must be completely off my trolley, she thought. Of course, she consoled herself, I knew it wouldn't work. That almost convinced her but a nagging uncertainty remained. What if he'd accepted? What if it had been possible? Would she have done it? She looked at Shahnaz, who smiled back at her, oblivious. She shook her head and tried to shake her mood with it. She's going to cook, and I'm going to eat her and enjoy it, and that's that.

Jim came to join them. "You know, you guys don't really need to do this. There are plenty of spare hands. Let some of us bums who've being freeloading off Tony work up a sweat for a change. Take a break." He shrugged diffidently. "Unless you'd rather work. None of my business, I guess."

Shahnaz looked at Sue who raised her eyebrows. "Why not? Cheers, Jim. I fancy a stroll. Sue?"

"Fine by me. Where to?"

"Beer first. I'm thirsty."

The beer barrels had been set up and some people had already started. Shahnaz ordered a Hook Norton bitter but was told it wasn't available.

"Theakstons is on, and Brakspeares. We've got Timothy Tailor's if you like."

"I'll have one of those," said Sue. "Try it, Shaz. You'll like it." Shahnaz nodded to the volunteer barman and took a pint, sipped it.

"You're right. I like it."

They sauntered around for a while, watching the bustle of preparation continue. Shahnaz could see that the fires had been lit and wondered which of them was hers. Seeing Sam, her hands grimy with charcoal or something, she went over to ask. Sam brushed sweat away with her forearm as she approached.

"Hi Sue, hi Shaz. Come to see your cooking pit? We're not quite ready for you yet."

Shahnaz could feel the heat through her clothes. She knew the flames would have to burn down a bit or they'd char her. The nearest one seemed furthest along.

"Which one's mine?"

"This one. It's where we did Leah. I thought you'd like that, I know you were fond of her."

"That's nice, thanks."

"No problem. We aim to please." With a nod to Sam the couple wandered off.

"What next?"

"Why don't you shave and oil me? I'm hot in this stuff. Might as well get ready."

"You sure? You're not going to be on for a bit yet."

Shahnaz saw Jim with Gina, the latter dressed in very little, and waved. "I'm sure." She didn't want to be unprepared until the last moment, she wanted to get herself thoroughly into the mood of things before it started.

"I'll have to get my kit. Grab us both another beer and I'll meet you by the pool."

At the pool, Shahnaz stripped off with an audible sigh of relief. She was already a little sweaty under the denim she'd been wearing. Nonetheless, she folded her clothes neatly and put her trainers beside them with the socks tucked in. She sat down on the camp stool and watched Sue arrive with her shoulder bag. She closed her eyes as Sue clipped off the thick mane of hair, styling it into a neat cap, with just a hint of curl left. Next, Sue got out her shaving kit and Shahnaz spread her legs. Sue knelt and sheared off her pubic hair carefully, catching it in her hand. She looked up uncertainly.

"Save it like the others," Shahnaz told her. "Between Leah and Gina's. I'll be in good company." Sue obeyed, slipping the trophy into a plastic bag and putting it away. That done, she shaved Shahnaz's pubis smooth with an electric razor and used a damp cloth to clean her off. Shahnaz twitched a bit as she did that, though Sue noticed that she was moist and engorged with arousal and was very careful. Next, Shahnaz stepped into the pool and sat down in the oil slicked bottom. Sue proceeded to anoint her, taking her time. Jim and Gina came over and offered to help. The oiling took longer than was perhaps strictly necessary. Jim made sure to do her small breasts justice - her nipples were almost painfully erect - and she wondered if he was going to eat one when she was done. Sue went in for detail, making sure no crevice was neglected, including the skin between her toes. Gina massaged her belly with enthusiasm. When her front and shoulders were finished, she sprawled face down across the pool and let them work on her back, buttocks and legs. Shahnaz experienced several small climaxes before it had ended, which somehow didn't diminish her arousal at all. Finally, all of them breathing a little harder, it had to be admitted that the job was well done. Shahnaz slithered aound and, standing up carefully, stepped out of the pool. She was tingling all over.

"You'll do for now," said Sue with slightly forced nonchalance. "If you're going to walk around like that I'll have to do your feet again before you go on."

Gina was scrutinising her with unrestrained admiration. "Shaz, you look terrific! They're going to come in their pants when they see you! I hope I'll look half as good."

Jim just nodded. He looked entranced. Shahnaz guessed he would be walking very carefully for a while.

"Want me to do you now?" asked Sue.

"Not yet. Wouldn't want to steal Shaz's thunder. Besides, the sight of both of us oiled would be just too much." She grinned. "I like the costume, though." With that she discarded what little she had on. "Let's show you off."

Shahnaz felt light headed, in more ways than one. Her hair and clothes were gone for good, and with them her former life and the last of her inhibitions. She was transformed, a walking incitement to appetite. Everybody who saw her now would want to fuck her or eat her, or both. She walked proudly, revelling in it, not trying to conceal anything. If the beer glass in her hand seemed a little incongruous, she didn't notice.

The party was moving out of the preparation stage and starting to warm up. Some people were already a little drunk. Shahnaz caught herself hoping they'd pace themselves, then shrugged the thought off. If they get too drunk to eat me, too bad for them. More for the discerning diners. A small band were playing some sort of Celtic influenced jazz under the trees. It reminded her of the first party she'd come to, an eternity ago, and near as yesterday. Here we are again, she thought. This is the view from the other side of the mirror.

Tony appeared, shepherding a pair of new arrivals. He introduced them as Mike and Lindsay. Everybody shook hands, exchanged names and smiles in the offhand way you do at parties with people you'd probably forget five minutes later. Lindsay looked a little lost and nervous, staring about her, trying to take it all in. She was wearing a short summer dress and sandals, almost overdressed by comparison with most of the female guests. She tried not to stare at the two naked women if front of her, possibly wondering if she was supposed to strip off too. Probably her first, thought Shahnaz. I wonder if she'll get used to it.

"How's the search coming?" Gina asked.

"No luck so far. The Internet girl is out, probably at work. Jonathan's trying to find out where, if we had a work address we've misplaced it." He waved it away. "Never mind. If she doesn't come through we'll do fine with you two." Lindsay, who had followed this casual exchange with ill concealed disbelief, now looked positively shocked.

"I though you were all just guests. You mean you're going to be....I mean..." Lindsay faltered.

Mike was staring at her, almost drooling visibly.

"I'm going to be roasted, yes," said Shahnaz kindly, recalling her first conversation with Cindy. "I'm the first course. Just the appetiser for her, really." She nodded at Gina.

"Doing a good job of it already, it seems" said Gina, grinning.

"You certainly do look tasty," Tony put in with obvious sincerity. "Nice job on the hair, Sue."

"I'm sure you'll be delicious," Lindsay choked out, doing her best to find the correct form of courtesy amongst the cannibals. She stared at Shahnaz in what might have been horror or fascination.

"Thank you, I hope you enjoy me." I sound like a waiter, she thought. She suspected she wasn't the only one wondering if Lindsay would end up on the menu herself one day.

"What do you think?" Mike asked her, covering himself with a jocular manner. "Shall we let them roast you next? There's a place going spare."

It was a little too early for that, Shahnaz thought.

Lindsay gave him a look, recovered enough to mimic the light tone. "Don't be in such a hurry. I'm sure they'll manage. Right now I think I need a drink."

As they left, Shahnaz and Gina exchanged a knowing smile. Gina looked at her glass. "There's a thought," she said.

They got their drinks. Gina was drinking wine with fruit juice, which sounded nice, but Shahnaz stuck to beer. It occurred to her how easily you get used to things. She was more naked than she'd been since she passed puberty but of all the emotions going through her mind, embarrassment wasn't one of them. She was comfortable in her bare skin, though acutely conscious of the unaccustomed coolness between her legs, a sensation she enjoyed with each current of air that touched the newly exposed skin. The counterpoint to her inner heat was exquisite. Fragments of conversation drifted by her, she tuned in on some and ignored others, as you do. Expressions of admiration and anticipation were common. She took them as her due, basked in the attention.

She heard somebody say, not intending to be overheard, 'I wonder which lucky bastard gets her cunt?' and another reply 'Don't get too hopeful. It's probably Sue or the Yank'. The first voice (she deliberately didn't turn to look and affected not to hear) said 'Well, if she doesn't give a name we can have a raffle'. She turned to Sue.

"Um..Sue..a word." She drew her a little apart from the others.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine. I thought we'd better tell Sam you get my juicy bits. I know you always wanted to, I just wouldn't like you to miss it because I forgot to say." She didn't intend to be cruel, her state of mind rendered her oblivious to the implication until Sue pointed it out.

"I'll look forward to it." The smile slipped. "Shaz, you and me...it wasn't ever about that. If you went thinking that's all there was, I couldn't..."

"Don't be daft, I know that."

Sue looked at her oddly, obviously wanting to say something. Shahnaz waited. Sue composed herself with a visible effort.

"Shaz, I love you." She shrugged, awkward with embarrassment. "I'm not just saying that because.. you know...well, maybe I am but it's true anyway."

"I know. I love you too."

Sue smiled painfully. "The funny thing is I think I have done since before we slept together. I didn't say it then in case you thought it was just another 'pathetic attempt to get you into bed' and after that it never seemed like the time. Stupid, isn't it?"

"Just you being you. I never said it because I didn't want to embarrass you. Just as silly."

"I don't suppose it changes anything?"

Shahnaz's smile was angelic. "Not the way you mean, just everything else."

All the same, they had to go and tell Sam. She was regarding the fires with professional satisfaction. She turned as she saw them, greeted them both warmly.

"Hi Sue. Shaz! You look great! We won't be much longer, it's almost ready for you.Take a look around." She gestured at the fire pits with proprietorial pride.

Shahnaz stared into the heat, she could feel it on her skin. Not long now, she thought, and I'll be roasting over that. Cooking like Leah did. She could almost see it, piecing it together from the memory of seeing Leah turning on the spit. The smell. Her throat felt thick. For a moment, she was afraid. Afraid she wouldn't be able to go through with it, she told herself. The more basic terror was being translated somehow into eagerness and excitement, but she shuddered anyway. Everything was too real, too immediate, to be believed. Some fragment of her turmoil must have shown in her face. She turned to Sam, her chef - her Charon, a part of her mind gibbered - an unspoken question on her lips. Sam smile reassuringly.

"You'll be fine, just like Leah. Remember?" She gave a companionable grin.

"We're not exactly the same body type," Shahnaz pointed out apologetically. She hated to nag but there wasn't going to be any rehearsal for this.

Sam was patient. "I can see that." She ran a practised eye over Shahnaz's body. "You're a little taller and not so plump. More lean meat, so a little heavier. You'll need a bit more basting."

"I'm sure you know what you're doing," Shahnaz offered, sounding anything but. She was putting herself into this person's hands. It all seemed too casual. An unfair assessment, she knew.

Sam smiled. "I can do this by eye, but I'll do a hands on assay if you like."

"Please."

Sam stepped in, crouched slightly and ran her hands up Shahnaz's flanks, stood up and stroked her arms. In a few practised passes she assessed her livestock. She reached around and grabbed her rump. Squeezed a breast, not hard, then cupped her groin, flicking a finger in without actually probing deep. She put her forefinger into Shahnaz's navel, a curiously intimate contact which sent a shock through Shahnaz's body, as though she had triggered a node of her nervous system. Finally, she ran a finger across her slick belly and licked the herbal oil off it.

"You're prime meat, Shahnaz. It'll be a pleasure to roast you. I'm going to do a good job, so stop worrying. I've cooked a lot of women and I do know what I'm doing. All you have to do is relax and let me get on with it." She turned to Sue. "If I spoil her, you can toast me next, promise."

That careless or that confident? Shahnaz wondered, but she was reassured.

"I'll hold you to that," replied Sue.

"Oh, Sue gets my pussy. Just so you know. Nicely done, I hope."

"Of course. I guessed as much. Pity really, we could have had a members draw with you as the prize."

"Don't get greedy," Sue warned. "You've got Gina. She should be enough for anybody"

Sam looked surprised. "I meant as an incentive. Volunteer for the draw, equal chance of getting roasted or eating Shaz's..."

Shahnaz found the idea of being a sufficient reason for somebody - several somebodies - risking being cooked themselves rather exciting, but she demurred with a headshake. "Sue gets me. Sorry, but that's it."

"Don't push it," said Sue bluntly. Sam raised her hands.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Tony appeared, as was his wont, and deflated any possible tension.

"Jon's found out where the near-mythical Internet candidate works. Looks like we might get three after all. I'm going to give her a ring now. Wish me luck." He turned to Sam. "Are we ready yet?"

"Nearly." She looked at the pit like an artist or a master Chef judging the right time to fry an omelette by the feel of the heat, the scent of the oil. She didn't use a timer, she just knew.

"You've got time to use the loo, maybe finish your drink. I'll call you."

That close. Shahnaz handed Sue her glass and went to relieve her bladder. In the privacy of the tented chemical toilet, the sun no longer on her skin, she had an icy moment of clarity. She had perhaps five minutes to come to her senses. A wave of dizziness almost made her retch and her vision went dim for a moment. She breathed deeply and shook it off. She was only trembling slightly and it would subside soon. She wiped herself and went out into the warm sun again. Sue handed her back her drink and she took a draught.

"Whenever you're ready," said Sam.

Shahnaz took a long unhurried look around the grounds, taking in the sky, the trees, the people, everything. The gestalt of the party filled her again. She finished her drink, nodded to herself.

"I'm ready," she said.

It wasn't strictly true, 'Ready as I'll ever be' would have been nearer the mark. Only someone like Gina (or Leah?) could ever really be ready for something like this, but she convinced herself that she was. Words and music were going through her head. There's a mushroom on my eyelid, there's a carrot down my back...

She moved as if in a dream. Her senses were overloaded, she could feel every blade of grass that touched her feet and the air was like wine. She floated towards the table where she would be spitted, Sam and Sue in her wake. Her legs felt like rubber but she moved steadily enough. Everything was hyperreal and unreal at the same time. A part of herself felt disconnected, as though she had switched off anything that could break her resolve. Her body was filled with a paradoxical longing, a survival driven desire for sex turned into a physical lust for the spit. Perhaps she was terrified, but simply refused to recognise the feeling for what it was. She had little in the way of coherent thought in her head, it would only get in the way. Like a parachutist taking her first jump, she could only get through it by going forward without thought. She wanted to get on with it, could hardly wait.

"Here," said Tony, "drink this. It will help." He handed her a cup of something murky with a heady, warming taste. She wondered if it would affect her flavour, but she drank it without comment.

"Just kneel on the table," said Sam. "We'll take it from there." She did.

Sue cleaned her feet with an cloth soaked in oil. It tickled. As Sue moved round in front to brace her shoulders, Tony brought up the spit and slipped the point into her carefully. She raised herself to meet it, gripping the end of the table to brace herself further.

"Shaz, last chance," said Sue tensely. "Are you sure?"

Shahnaz shook her head dismissively, as if the question was meaningless. "Let's do it," she rasped. "Get me skewered."

"Good luck," said Sue inanely, but Shahnaz managed to smile back at her and say "Thanks."

Tony pushed it in firmly and steadily. She gasped, the feeling of penetration was shocking, overwhelming, but not painful at first, the pole was well lubricated and so was she. As easily as that, it went in. Shahnaz felt the spit tease her opening as Tony made sure he had the right line to get it through. Possibly he was playing with her a little too, pushing in, skewing, pulling out. She bucked against it, pushing back and inviting it as if welcoming a lover's entry, wanting it inside her. Her heart was pounding, but steadily. Suddenly she felt something tear inside her and knew in a way deeper than logic that she was being killed, this was final. She wanted to tell Sue something but couldn't find any words for it. Love isn't love unless you let your lover consume you was all that came to mind and it didn't make sense. She tried instead to put it into a look, started to speak but the words froze.The moving spit filled up her mind as well as her body and she couldn't breathe or speak. She arched her back and throat and the point came out of her mouth. No more time for words, no more need. The ventilation system kicked in and she could breathe, but beyond the first gasp she hardly noticed it except as the release of a tension she hadn't been aware of until it went away. She slipped down onto the table, an odd sensation with a stiff pole running right through her centre, felt her ankles being handled and relaxed her legs so she could be tied to the pole. She couldn't see Sue for a moment, but there she was again, taking her hands and fastening them. If anyone spoke to her, she didn't hear it.

For a moment after her feet and hands were secured, she started to panic. Steady girl, she told herself, this is not the time for an attack of claustrophobia. Keep calm. She concentrated on the not unpleasant feeling of being handled.

Willing hands lifted her - the sensation of being carried on a pole through her body was new and she wallowed in it, absorbing everything - and carried her to the pit. Opening her eyes, she could see every muscle moving in Sue's slim, strong back and legs. She felt every jolt as her spit was locked into place, and the growing sensation of heat.

"Goodbye Shaz," said Sue. "Think of me eating you, if it helps. I will, I promise." Shahnaz blinked at her. The heat haze made it impossible to make out Sue's expression. She tried to say something by her posture, pushing her hands forward against the cuffs and nodding as much as she could with the minimal motion her transfixion allowed. Sue nodded back, and Shahnaz closed her eyes. It would be painful to make a long farewell. ['Platform ticket / Restless diesel / Goodbye windows.' ]

The rotisserie motor engaged and Shahnaz began to turn like a roasting chicken. She knew she would be sweated for a while before the spit was lowered, and the turning motion, though it made her dizzy, was a relief. Whatever was in that drink - she was no pharmacologist and hadn't asked - seemed to be working. The heat was already intense, but she felt it as a sensation, not as the excruciating pain it should have been. She would feel herself beginning to cook, or so it would seem to her. Now she had taken the plunge, her balance returned, as much as it ever would. There was nothing left for her to do but become food. The dream returned to her, of herself on a table surrounded by people waiting to eat her. Dream mixed with memory and she heard Sue say, "It's alright Shaz, I'm here." She relaxed and drifted into reverie.

"Looks great, doesn't she?" said Sam with proprietory pride. Shahnaz was hers now.

"Yeah, great," Sue responded. Her expression was unreadable. Shahnaz did look terrific, she admitted to herself. Better, in her admittedly biased view, that anyone else ever had up there.

Sam looked at her. "Sue, I know you were fond of her," she offered, with an uncharacteristic attempt at sensitivity, "I liked her too. But she wanted to do it. She's going to be great, that's what matters now. Don't go moody on us."

Sue didn't hit her, there was no point. Sam was just being Sam, the same as she had always been. She affected a shrug. "Right. Get me a beer, will you? I'll just watch a bit."

Sam got the beers without another word. After a while, she used a long handled brush and scoop to baste Shahnaz, who was glistening now with droplets as sweat mixed with the oil. Surplus drips hissed and flashed in the banked fire. Sue stood there for a long time, trying to put the image of Shahnaz roasting together with her memories of her alive and failing. She shook herself. This wouldn't do at all. She would have to see to Gina soon and she had better be cheerful about it. You'd want that, Shaz, wouldn't you? She nodded and smiled. She tore herself away and returned to the world. She trimmed and oiled Gina, who took it with her usual cheerfulness, and met the new girl, Jenny, a good looking redhead, who had turned up against all expectation at the last minute. Things have a way of working out, she thought.

Shahnaz felt the bastings, they had become a part of her world. She drifted in and out of a pleasant delirium the rest of the time, moving reflexively against the spit, the sensation of its solidity between her legs perpetually surprising. It wasn't the sort of thing you got used to, she thought and would have giggled if that had been possible. She was vaguely aware of people around her, voices and shapes, but even with her eyes open she couldn't see much. She took it on faith that Sue was there. Eventually a shock of awareness passed through her and she realised that she was dying. Panic transmuted to a desperate reaching for the escape into ecstasy and she moved more urgently against the spit, feeding her growing orgasm with both physical sensation and fantasy images. The friction of her vulva rubbing the slickened spit. Her tits on a plate. Her legs being sliced into steaks. People gulping her down, eating her alive. Sue's tongue inside her, her teeth waiting to bite, now, any time now, taking her, swallowing her up. She groaned under her breath and bucked frantically, toes and fingers curling, wave after wave of fire running from her feet to her head. Higher and higher, until the waves broke like a star exploding and Shahnaz dissolved into light.

When Sue came to see her again, Shahnaz was dead. Her body rotated peacefully in the heat and Sue knew she was gone. Despite her emotional numbness, she noted that Shaz was starting to smell very good indeed, and she realised that she was very hungry. With that realisation came the kind of earthy, carnal arousal that drowns any finer feelings, and she let it take her. She might mourn tomorrow, but this was not the time for that.

"You do look great, Shaz," she said. "And you smell bloody good too. You would." Her mouth twisted in wry humour. She would taste very good. Shahnaz always did her best at everything she went in for.

She went for another beer feeling an strange mixture of melancholy and elation, like a reveller at a wake. The day was far from over. She had its consummation to look forward to. What she would do after that, she had no idea.

She reverted to type, became Sue the Barbarian again, at least in her fleeting fantasies. Dressed in her short skirt and halter, she lacked only a sword. With Gina, she was as polite as a barbarian can be, shaving and oiling her cheerfully and gently. Her sense of herself was in flux, shifting between her adolescence and what she had thought of as her new life. Her anchor was gone. The party itself was the chaos she lived in, emotionally labile, a sea with a bed she couldn't find with her feet. Over all, there was the scent of Shahnaz cooking. If her cheer was a little more subdued than usual, nobody noticed, or if they did they didn't want (or dare?) to comment. Jenny seemed nice. Sue looked forward to eating her without any misgivings at all. That would come later.

[And you try to take her with you, to the hard lands of the winter]

[Sue woke suddenly from a very odd dream and lay still for a while trying to recall it. The bed seemed strangely empty. As the morning fog cleared in her head the details came back to her in a rush. That had been some party. She half turned to her side and stopped. Right. Some party indeed, probably the best so far. She had eaten the sweetest parts of her own lover and still found room for some of Gina and that other girl, the cute redhead who had kindly volunteered at the last minute. Jenny. Lucky she'd always had a healthy appetite. She wanted to tell Shahnaz that she had been a real hit, that everybody had said how tasty she was, but of course that wasn't possible. She was gone, everything edible had been eaten, there was nothing left of her but bare bones and memories. And this. She picked up the box from the bedside table and took out the little bag with the tuft of glossy dark hair in it. She stared at it for some time, but her mind was elsewhere. There would be other parties this summer. Maybe she should offer herself next time, she mused, hardly noticing that she was stroking the little bag with a finger. Funny, I never really considered it before, not seriously. What would it be like to ride the spit for the first and last time, to go where she went, feel what she felt? Am I that curious, or is this just the lonesome blues? For the first time, it became a real possiblity to Sue, not an abstraction. The only problem was that if she did that, she wouldn't be around to remember Shahnaz. She reached over and picked up ...something She curled herself round the jacket and fell asleep again

The table, that was it. The last thing she remembered. And Jim, the conversations. It came back to her in pieces. It would have been easier if she had wanted to wake up.]

It would be difficult to say exactly when Sue realised that Shahnaz wasn't coming back. You'd think actually eating her would have done the trick, if seeing her being spitted and cooked hadn't, but it didn't, not quite. It's not that she was stupid, nor was she insane in any normal sense. Possibly it was because it had happened in another continuum called Party Time. Logically she knew that people you ate never came back, but the first thing to go in Party Time is any sense of location in time and space. Logic isn't far behind. Perhaps it was simply because there are some facts that are too big to swallow in one gulp, some states of being that possess too much momentum to be diverted in an instant. Maybe you just had to be there. The psychoanalytic term is denial, but that's just a label and as far as Sue was concerned, if she bothered to think about it, psychoanalysis as a science ranked a fair way below voodoo. Sue just let the party take her with it.

When they served Shahnaz up, she had to admit that Sam had done her proud. She lay naked and infinitely edible looking on a table, still beautiful. It was her, and it wasn't. Sue was familiar with every part of her body and that was definitely it, but in her mind she still talked to her as if they were both observing this. Looking good, Shaz, she thought. Clearly, everybody else thought so. The wolfpack of guests were clamouring for parts of her. Sue didn't resent this, it was a part of the process they had both anticipated. That didn't stop her noticing Rachel gazing at her lover's body with a different kind of hunger in her eyes. Shouldn't be long before she's there herself, Sue noted with savage satisfaction. If this had anything to do with the notion that it should have been her lying there today instead of Shaz, she wasn't conscious of it. She did wonder briefly how everyone would react if she ripped open Rachel's see-through blouse and tore off her tits with her bare teeth.

"Prime cut goes to Sue," announced Sam, doing the honours and passing her a plate with Shahnaz's cunt on it. "Anything else with that?"

"Thigh steak," said Sue thickly and got it. She retired to the nearest table to eat. The condiments prepared for Shahnaz were there. After a minute, so was Jim and a few other people, each with their own preference, or what they could get. Nobody interrupted Sue's communion. Regardless of their previous relationship, eating somebody's cunt was generally acknowledged as a bit special. Sue was entranced. Before today, she'd never even seen Shaz's genitals without fur. She ate. It was like nothing she'd ever imagined. It would take some time for her to even understand what she'd done. She cut into the thigh steak and took a bite. It seemed to her that Shahnaz did taste like venison, at least as far as comparisons like that go. Definitely not like chicken. If you've never eaten venison, try some. It's good meat, better than beef or pork.

[Shahnaz was laughing, sitting on the bed wearing an oddly coloured tie-dyed blouse and naked below the waist. They had been to a jumble sale and bought a collection of ridiculous items of clothing purely for amusement, it was part of Sue's ironic crusade to get her to be more adventurous with her wardrobe. Shaz wrapped her legs round Sue's waist and kissed her. Her fur tickled Sue's lower belly, she licked her nose. Sue bit her ear. She loved the smell of her.]

Jim actually did eat one of Shahnaz's breasts, a fact which Sue knew would have pleased Shahnaz enormously, and gave every appearance of enjoying it. It wasn't Sue's favourite cut of a woman, but Jim had only beaten off the crowd of eager petitioners by virtue of the fact that he'd slept with her and Sam knew it. Gina would have been entitled to the other one if she hadn't been adorning a spit herself at the time. Sue did see a brown nipple disappear into Jim's mouth.

Sue stood up and went walkabout. Gina was cooking nicely, probably dead by now. Sam was talking to Jenny (Sue had her fleece in her shoulder bag) as they ate more of Shahnaz. You're a hit, kid, she thought. Everywhere she looked, somebody was eating her. The general opinion (fragments of dining conversation were clear to her) was that Shahnaz had a particularly tasty rump. I told you that before, she said.

"Of course you did," Shahnaz laughed.

You're not nuts when you talk to the lizards, you only have to worry when they talk back.

"Are you okay?"

A hand on her shoulder. Jim.

"Fine, thanks."

"If you want some company tonight..."

"No, it's okay."

"It wasn't a proposition, I just thought.."

"I know. Look, I'll let you know if I change my mind."

"Okay.."

Sue relented. "Let's get a beer and talk. Want some more Shaz meat?"

"All I can get."

It was a struggle. Despite the fact that two more women were coming, everything edible of Shahnaz got eaten. Jim and Sue got what they could and washed it down with copious quantities of ale. In between bites, Sue told Jim things she wouldn't have told her best friend (if her best friend wasn't already dead) about her relationship with Shahnaz. In lucid moments, she seriously hoped Jim would return to America tomorrow and never come back.

It was another minor miracle that they found room to eat Gina and Jenny, but they managed it. Despite having tasted Shahnaz, it had to be said that they were not a disappointment.

On the way back to the house, Sue picked up Shahnaz's clothes. She sniffed the underwear and tucked it into the waistband of her skirt. The shoes and shirt she wrapped up in the jacket, after trying the jacket on. It still smelled of her, but it didn't fit, too tight across the shoulders. She thought of ripping the sleeves off but couldn't bring herself to do it.