Posted by PK on December 16, 2001 at 17:07:49:
Kimiko was watching the whole thing, transfixed by the spectacle, barely bothering to keep
out of sight. Her emotions had been wrung from hope at seeing Mariko alive to sick despair
at her capture and, it seemed, impending demise. What followed had brought amazement
and fierce exultation. Yes! Unbelievably, Mariko had killed the Squid-Thing! She'd always
been one of the team's more aggressive members, and probably the strongest, but this was
beyond expectation. Kimiko wanted to cheer, but prudence won. She had already been
visible longer than she should have, it was only because nobody was looking up that she
hadn't already been seen. Besides, celebration would be premature. With or without alien
weaponry, Mariko couldn't hope to hold the monstrous horde off much longer. She almost
wished she had the courage to join her and fight, but reason said it would be suicide. Fat lot
of use reason had been so far, she thought ruefully.
"What did she/it say?" was the gist of the chatter on the floor. "It sounded aggressive," one
genius opined.
Well, duh, thought Albert. He didn't feel a literal translation would be helpful at this point.
"Earth human challenge of defiance," he said shortly.
"Jolly spirited little morsel, what?" It was G'naarf again, looking placid and sipping a brew. "If
I not full already, I like eat her next, eh? Great legs. Nice lean meat." He licked his fangs.
Best of British luck, thought Albert. He fingered his stunner, but didn't use it. What should he
do now? Everybody was waiting to see how he'd handle it. He thought furiously. He had to
come up with an angle before the judges started asking awkward questions. For some odd
reason he glanced upward. Kimiko! So that's where she'd got to! He should have realised a
human would head for the heights in time of crisis, it wasn't something Toads would do. He
looked away quickly, deciding to keep the information to himself for the moment.
"Mister AlBB**/!! Knplok'' TTssskk $$9?" As if on cue, the judges and sponsors of the whole
affair had turned up. "What have you got to say for yourself? One of your humans has
murdered poor KKiiii****ooootIIIkkk. Why didn't you have them under proper control? Please
explain." It was not a request.
Albert stared blankly at the three beings, an elder Toad, a Draconian and a Voom. He
composed himself into a posture of injured innocence and went into his spiel, hoping it would
make sense as he made it up. "How was I to know the Squ...Sirian couldn't handle his
humans?" He gave the Aldebaranian equivalent of a dismissive shrug. "I thought we were all
seasoned hunters here." No chance of using the stunner now, it would be an admission of
weakness.
Mariko was baffled. What was happening now? The monsters were talking space babble and
ignoring her, and right in the middle of it was the batrachian bastard who'd got her into this.
"Hey, pond scum!" She brandished her weapon. "Come and get me, you lying, tadpole-
fucking coward!"
"Perhaps you would demonstrate how you handle this?" the Dracon suggested.
"What did she say?" asked the Voom.
"Ah...difficult to translate," Albert hedged.
"Perhaps I help," said G'naarf ingenuously. "She insult honour of Albert and challenge to
battle, yes?" He grinned amiably at Albert.
"I think we should all stay calm," said Albert reasonably trying not to smell anxious. His warts
were itching and he really didn't want to lose his last meal. "I have my own methods." If looks
could kill, G'naarf would have been a crispy critter. He lumbered closer to the tank - but not
too close - and addressed Mariko. "Look, let's just talk about this," he said in a low voice.
"Come a bit closer and say that." Mariko snarled.
"Be reasonable," Albert said soothingly. "Put the stick down and come out. It will be a lot
easier for all of us. You've had your fun, you killed the Sirian - nice work, too, I must say,
never liked him, very well done - but it's over now. You surely can't expect to fight your way
out of here. Come out and I'll go easy on you."
Mariko shook her head, teeth bared. She hadn't understood a word the judges had said but
she had a shrewd idea what was going on. "No way. They put the hard word on you, didn't
they? That's why they didn't shoot me, you have to handle it. So I've got you over a barrel. I
can't get them all, but I can sure as shit make a mess of you before they get me. If I come
out, you'll just eat me. Fuck that, slimeball."
Albert, it has been noted, was no saucer scientist but he knew better than to dissemble now.
She wasn't having any, she never had trusted him. Time for the truth. "Well, yes," he
admitted. "But it won't hurt, really. You'll enjoy it, Larissa did." He connected with her as best
he could to demonstrate. There was no way he could compel her, she was on her guard and
angry, but he might be able to persuade her with sweet reason and a bit of good old-
fashioned lasciviousness.
It didn't work. All he got from Mariko was fury. It made his head ache. Maybe he should just
get in there and overpower her. He was bigger, he was a Space Monster...
She had a pointed stick. She pointed it at him. "Fuck off, Toad," she said.
It seemed that she wasn't amenable to argument, and the crowd was getting restless. Time to
compromise, renegotiate.
"Come out and I'll let you go," he offered. Pleaded. Begged.
"Right, like I'm going to trust you?"
"I'll let Kimiko go," he said.
"Kimi's dead."
"No, she isn't."
Mariko stopped and glared at him, uncertainty evident in her body language. There was a
note of truth in that that she hadn't heard before.
Got her, thought Albert. He was playing his ace for all it was worth. And then...
Kimiko couldn't stand it any more. She climbed over the railing and dropped lightly to the
floor. The crowd parted to let her through, too fascinated by the drama to think of intervening.
"Jolly good show," G'naarf commented, idly pulling on his drink. He didn't know whether
Albert had just won or only added another complication, and he didn't care. This was the
most entertaining party he'd been to in a long while.
Kimiko hadn't thought this through at all. She only knew from the bits of conversation she'd
overheard that Albert was trying to pull something on Mari, using her as leverage, and she
couldn't allow that, at least not without having her own say in the matter.
"Kimi!" Mariko exclaimed. The Toad hadn't lied about that, at least. But: "What are you
doing?"
Kimi gave her a quick smile and a raised hand gesture: she was taking over. Her job as
captain, and probably her last. "Leave Mari alone, Albert," she said firmly. "Your friend tried
to kill her and got what he deserved. Let her go. You got the rest of my friends killed, isn't
that enough? If you want to eat somebody, eat me." Not much of a plan, she thought, but
there wasn't anything else left. At least the cards were face up now, no more hiding, no more
bluffs. She was tired of being scared.
To say Albert was tempted is to beggar understatement. He'd wanted her all along, to see her
standing there tantalisingly naked and defenseless, practically offering herself on a plate was
agonising. The dear girl was just so precious he could hardly keep his tongue off her. But if
he gave in to his impulses, what would Mariko do?
The she-devil clarified the matter. "Touch her and you're frogspawn," she informed him
helpfully.
Albert sighed. What was it with young Earth women today? What ever happened to
screaming and fainting? What was wrong with running away and falling down, legs sprawled
enticingly, and waiting, quivering with delicious horror, to be gobbled up? Where were all the
hormonally overheated willing victims when you needed them? He had to wrap this up and
quickly, whatever the cost. Unless, of course, the cost was his own precious warty hide. Only
one way out, cut his losses and settle.
"The Sirian was no friend of mine," he told Kimiko quite truthfully. "Tell your friend to put
down her stick. You can both go home."
"And why exactly should we trust you?" Mariko asked pointedly. Very pointedly, she had
climbed out of the tank but she hadn't put down the weapon.
"I witness," said G'naarf amiably. "Judges witness. I translate, yes?"
"Why should I trust YOU, furball? You ate Michi, didn't you?"
G'naarf nodded and patted his distended belly. "Oh, yes. Very tasty. She like, I like. I eat you
next, but am full, you understand? Eat prey alive, not kill no reason."
Mariko was sceptical. "Any tricks, furball, you're next."
G'naarf nodded again, baring his fangs in friendly appreciation. "Good challenge, wish could
accept, fair lady. We fight, I eat you, yes. Too full, regrets. Another time, yes?"
It would be nice to know how a Werewolf would fare in battle against an angry volleyball
player with a pointed stick, but that will have to wait for another day.
"AHEM," the Dracon uttered. The other judges stood a way behind him. He had little to fear
from Mariko but the Elder Toad and the Voom weren't taking any chances. "We have
reached a provisional agreement, AlBB**/!! Knplok'' TTssskk $$9. We await your solution
before making our decision."
Oh, thanks, put me on the spot again. Albert wished again he'd stayed at home. Plausible
explanations for the debacle ran through his mind and fell off the edge. Standing his ground
stubbornly seemed like the best option.
"I have decided," he said with feigned magnanimity, "To return these two to the wild. It's only
sporting in the circumstances. Four of mine have been taken already, I think that's a fair
enough contribution." Particulary as I've only had one so far, he didn't say. He gave an
Aldebaranian shrug. "Sorry about the Sirian (oh no, he wasn't) but I still say it was his own
fault, he was careless. If he'd only taken the stick off her before he gulped her down" - like
the mannerless oaf he was, he thought - "he'd have been safe enough."
Kimi and Mari were guardedly hopeful. Albert had left his translator on so they were getting
an echo of this in English. Unfortunately it didn't stretch to translating the other aliens' replies,
so they had to rely on G'naarf for the tensely awaited response.
The Dracon nodded solemnly. "Acceptable. We find your methods unorthodox, but intriguing.
As to the Sirian," (Albert held his breath) "sad though it is, we are inclined to agree.Hunting
humans is not without risk. It behooves us all to be mindful of this, even at a festive
occasion." (Dracons, you may gather, have a grand manner that can run dangerously close
to pomposity.) "In view of this and the fact that your human defeated him, we award you the
remaining aquatic humanoids as prizes of battle."
Albert let his breath out.
"Squid dead, hard cheese. Albert get mermaids," G'naarf translated. "Hope he like sea food."
Mariko shrugged. "Fine by me. I didn't see them helping when I was getting munched."
"And furthermore," the Dracon rumbled on, "In view of the quality of the comestibles
supplied, which all who sampled them pronounced first rate - " The Voom made an
enthusiatic belch and G'naarf grunted approval - "We award you first prize in the livestock
show. Since many of our esteemed competitors are seemingly out of the proceedings, the
leftover unclaimed humans will be shared out amongst those still conscious. You may take
first pick, any four of your choice."
Albert could hardly believe his ears. Four of his choice, and the mermaids! Maybe coming
here hadn't been such a bad idea after all. "Thank you," he said simply. "I'm honoured."
"Can we go now?" Mariko wanted to know. There followed a brief round of explanations.
"So we have to hang around while Toad Face picks some more victims? As a reward
because they thought our friends tasted good?"
Kimiko made a helpless gesture. "I know, I don't like it either, but what can we do? At least
they won't suffer."
Mari nodded reluctantly and then frowned. "How do you know?"
"I - I don't know, I just suppose it's better than being chewed up..."
"Don't knock till you try," G'naarf said, grinning wolfishly, and Mariko glared at him.
"...or dunked in chocolate sauce," she finished lamely, averting her eyes from the Dracon as
he had his dessert. (Woman with extra thick chocolate sauce.) She wasn't consciously aware
of the empathic link she'd experienced when Albert ate Larissa, but a preconscious suspicion
existed.
Mariko shook her head dismissively. "If you say so." She didn't quite buy it, any more than
she did G'naarf's insinuation that Michi had enjoyed being his dinner, but there was no point
arguing about it. Why push her luck? In the end, she hung on to her stick but promised not to
stab anybody if they didn't bother her, and the two of them waited for Albert to collect his
winnings.
It didn't take too long. Albert wanted to get this over with so he could go home and have his
supper. In the end he picked a tall, blonde Australian athlete, a nice, juicy Polynesian, an
African and a neat, slender readhead of undetermined origin. Albert wasn't sure what had
been used to control them, probably drug induced hypnosis, and he wasn't about to wake
their erstwhile owners up to find out. As long as he got them under wraps before what ever it
was wore off, he'd be happy. The blonde at least looked like she could be trouble. The
mermaids, of course, were no bother at all. Their former owner was gone, now they were his,
they simply accepted it.
"Right, ladies, back to the car," he announced cheerily as he picked up his charges. G'naarf
was still trying to charm Mariko, though he had thoughtfully picked out a brace of dusky,
buxom island maidens just in case.
"You sure you not join me for supper tomorrow night?" he tried one last time. "We can go see
movie first. I bring wine..."
"No thanks, I'm washing my hair," Mariko said with strained patience. Her stick hand twitched
but she wasn't pushing her luck.
"Another day maybe....?"
Mariko made a rude gesture as she left. G'naarf sighed with rueful admiration as ogled her
departing back. Such spirit! Such grace! Such juicily inviting buttocks...he dragged his gaze
away and shrugged. He stroked his new pets thoughtfully. Should last him a day or two...
The journey back was a strange experience for the girls. It seemed like an age ago they'd
come the other way, so naive and hopeful. Now four of the team were gone, down monsters'
gullets, and they were crammed into an overcrowded passenger compartment with six poor
people destined to become Toad meals. It was unsettling.
Mariko had practical concerns. "Do you really think we can trust him this time?" she fretted.
"I think so," said Kimiko.
"Why? I mean, we could tell everybody, warn them..." She glanced at Albert's back.
"Don't worry about that," said Albert mildly. "Who would you tell? Who would believe it?"
Mariko thought about it. She could see the front page of the National Enquirer already.
"Volleyball team abducted by aliens, Eaten in Banquet on Aldebaran, says Stunning Sports
Babe." Yeah right.
Back at the Toad's house, they watched in resignation as five of the women were consigned
to Albert's larder and realised with horror that they'd just come from there themselves.
"I won't be going back to Earth today," Albert explained. "If you like I can put you back in
storage until we go. No? All right, there's no need to point that thing at me. Oh well, I
suppose you'll be hungry. I know I am!" Like a polite host, he provided the girls with food and
drink before he dined himself.
Mariko refused to watch as Albert started to eat the unresisting mermaid. Kimiko could hardly
tear her eyes away as the pale, slender creature got up on the kitchen table for ease of
access and obligingly raised her feet to Albert's lips.
At last, Albert felt he could relax. The sinuous sea girl was surprisingly easy on the tongue
and she, unlike some people he could mention, wasn't about to be difficult. She knew her
place, and he'd had enough trouble with Terrans for one day. As he ate her, though, slowly
and appreciatively, he realised he was already looking forward to the trip back to Earth. It
promised to be interesting.