Posted by Plagiarist on August 06, 2001 at 01:25:19:
Jim sat on the bed smoking a cigarette as he watched Karen dress. "You know, if my wife knew you were here she'd kill me."
"I know," Karen replied. "That's why she hired me." She turned and shot Jim in the head.
-P.
Posted by Plagiarist on August 07, 2001 at 03:39:27:
A man and his dog went into the woods. There were shots.
*BLAM*
*BLAM* ... *BLAM*
The dog came out alone.
Posted by Plagiarist on August 12, 2001 at 05:52:51:
A walk in the park
I walked through the park holding her hand. It was a beautiful day; birds chirping, children laughing. Not a cloud in the sky. But the sun was going down, so I put her hand back in my pocket and went home.
the end
Posted by Plagiarist on August 13, 2001 at 05:21:09:
The Bad News
Jack sat down with his wife of 18 years. "Carol, I have some good news and I have some bad news. I'll tell you the bad news first. I have a degenerative disease and I've only got 6 months to live at most."
His wife looked at him. "So...What's the good news? You're insurance, right? How much is it honey?"
"No. The good news is that I don't have to spend it with you." Jack pulled out his gun and shot her through the mouth.
the end
Posted by Plagiarist on August 16, 2001 at 05:48:47:
Jack snuggled with Jill in the darkness. "Can I put my finger in your belly-button?"
Jill giggled. "Yessss..."
A moment later Jill gasped. "Oh! That's not my belly-button!"
Jack grinned in the darkness. "That's not my finger either!" Then he pulled the trigger.
the end
the end
Posted by Plagiarist on August 18, 2001 at 16:17:21:
Greg opened the door. "Honey! I'm home!"
Gina stirred from her dreamy after-sex nap...Then she sat up with a start! Oh no! Her husband! And Bill was still here!
Greg walked into the bedroom unbuttoning his shirt, "Whew! What a day!" He didn't notice his wife's guilty frown as he opened the closet doors.
Bill's dead strangled corpse fell onto the bedroom floor with a thud. "Gina! How could you?" Greg turned with an angry look. "That's my favorite tie! It's ruined!"
the end
Posted by Plagiarist on August 19, 2001 at 06:25:23:
Janice looked at Scottie with her big blue eyes filled with remorse, "I'm sorry, I can't...I'm busy tonight!" She looked at the dozen roses he held in his trembling hands and bit her lip. "And tomorrow night." She added in a whisper.
Scottie looked at the roses too. "It's another man isn't it?"
Janice nodded.
"It's HIM isn't it?"
Janice nodded again and silently accepted the flowers before Scottie turned around and left.
~3 days later~
"Beam me up Scottie!"
"Aye, Cap'n. You two-timing, back-stabbing, womanizing, son of a bitch!" And then he transported Captain Kirk into the sun. Yoeman Rand would be free tonight, by God!
the end
Posted by Plagiarist on August 19, 2001 at 06:42:12:
They hauled the dead man's wife out in cuffs; she'd confessed everything. The shock of learning her husband's infidelities had sent her over the edge and into a fit of homicidal rage.
"What was the cause of death?"
Detective Halloway looked at her partner. "Talking in his sleep."
the end
2 for 1 day, every Sunday the 19th!
I wanted to get back into the format I love but Star Trek just happened to be on my tv at the time when I was trying to think of this. I'm glad I turned it off.
Thanks to the people who read, and write ... I have a goal now: 100 stories, Buddha save us all!
Posted by Plagiarist on August 20, 2001 at 02:47:57:
"Uh, hi. I'm Brad, I'm here to pick up Dorothy."
Dale Henderson stared at the skinny teenager standing nervously on his front stoop. "So you're the Thompson boy, huh? Whatcha got there?"
"Yes sir. Brad Thompson. Uh...Oh, it's a corsage, sir."
"Hmmm, well I got some rules about my little girls, son." Dale gave him the HARD stare and chuckled as the boy squirmed a little more.
"Uh, yessir. I won't...I mean, we won't...Uh..."
Dale laughed. "Relax kid. I know you won't. Just have her back by midnight, or I'll kill you. Understand?"
(Gulp!) "Y-yessir, midnight...Yessir!"
"Dorothy's in the back, just open the big blue fridge. And make sure you don't mess up her dress, the funeral's the day after tomorrow and there ain't no 24hr dry cleaning on a Sunday!"
the end
Posted by Plagiarist on August 24, 2001 at 07:00:21:
Six privates line up for firing squad duty.
"It is an unpleasant duty, but Justice must be served. To ease you're minds and grant you clear conscience, one of you men will be issued blanks."
The Commandant to the woman. "Do you have any last words?"
"Yeah! I wish I'd read our pre-nup a little closer, I never would have married you!"
the end
Posted by Plagiarist on August 24, 2001 at 07:16:02:
6 privates stood on the firing line facing a beautiful woman.
The Commandant lifted his sabre. "Ready!...Aim..."
The private on the end turned and pointed his rifle at the Commandant's Head. "Do not move! I love her and she loves me!"
The Commandant smiled. "FIRE!"
*BANG!!!!!*
Five bullets ripped through the woman's body.
*bang*
The Commandant laughed. "You will die with a clear conscience, my friend!"
the end