Posted by NL on August 07, 2007 at 13:17:19:
The Flying Saucer Menace-- Part 4
Barfullo Snit made a statement: "Goddamn flying saucers is all you hear about these days, them and snuff necro maniacs and it makes me sick. How can a honest man eat his hawg sausages without gettin' skeerit of having a big old whopper flying saucer jump on his head and then the next thing you know all that sunday school crap goes out the windown and you wake up to find yourself with a dead gal with big tits under you, and her blood all over you, or maybe a pair of pantyhose knotted around her neck and her with her tongue stickin' out and you with your teeth marks on her butt and her with her lusty busty bod all naked and dead and beckoning you on for another go, in for a penny in for a pound, and you with your dick stuck up inside her still and cussing to beat all hell cause of what the goddamn flying saucer done to you. Ever time I eat my breakfast hawg sausages I ask myself what might happen if those flying saucers turned into something MANLY like a flying sausage, yeah, a flying HAWG sausage like they used to eat off the back of those old chopped hardtail shovelhead harleys in the old days?"
Mr. Snit had every right to be frightened. As the grip of the Flying Saucer Menace tightened around every throat in the land, and seized the psyche of every brainpan in the pisspot, so to speak, different people tried to cope in their different ways. Some waxed literary and tried to conjure away the ugly devil demon disks with sweet music of their own device:
oh, flying saucer devil you
don't you take me by the nose
because every which way you goes
i just think about all the wimmin i would like to hose
and fuck and fuck the lee lang day away
makin' the dead fat titties swing and sway
until I just have to turn my head away
and say: hey! I ain't no killer!
no fuckin' way!
"Lots of luck, you dumb fuck. When the flying saucer gets ahold of you, all bets are off. I just shudder to think of all the big-busted bikini gals that have turned up dead on the beach lately, shot in their boobs and bellybuttons with .22 caliber bullets"-- so said a Mr. Trivett of Ohio.
Some felt that the best thing to do is legislate the Flying Saucer Menace away. Since the lawmakers of the great state of Kanvas had already decreed that the earth is flat and that the sun moves around it, and that the earth is the center of the universe, why not declare the Flying Saucer Menace non-existent? And so they did. And it was not long before a godless atheistic heathen pagan liberal progressive flew over Pig's-Rear-End, Kanvas, in a Piper Cub and dropped a whole shitload of rubber imitation flying saucers. That day there were thirty-seven murdered nude women in Pig's-Rear-End, when the smoke cleared. They had been hung, shot, stabbed, drowned. Imagine the chagrin. And they weren't even real flying saucers!
It is said, and this is controversial, that the flying saucers are not even real! Yes, it is said that the only real thing in the frenzy of the Flying Saucer Menace is the Human Spirit, and that the only constant in all the madness is Human Nature!
But most of us, when we get a chance to view those old nazi war films, created in the death camps and especially in the killing fields in Poland, where nude women were herded into ditches and shot to death-- shot in bellys and heads and necks and even butts, are quite certain that the crimes committed there were not anomalous and were not unrelated to similar crimes committed throughout the ages, whenever boys have had the freedom to be boys in a setting where the rules don't apply and, really, you can get away with just about anything-- no, NOT anomalous, we say, insisting that the Flying Saucer Menace must have been at work throughout ALL of human history!
So far the Flying Saucer Menace has brought us-- so very, very far! The smart money is on the flying saucers. They seem to hold the best cards...