Posted by NL on October 16, 2004 at 13:16:32:
Blimp Hangers Of The Navy
Oh, well, it was sort of a long time ago but I still remember this movie I saw on local cable when I was a kid, and it sure had a big impact on my life. It was called "Blimp Hangers Of The Navy" and it starred Reynoldo Raygun when he was young and still not dead, and we all know of course that he not only became president of the greatest country in the world but also became the world's wisest and greatest human being of all time, excepting Jesus. But since Jesus wasn't really human in the same sense in which we are human-- I mean, if I was to go around sayin' I am the Son Of God you'd lock me up, and damned right you'd be, too-- but Jesus could do that and he didn't need thorazine.
"Blimp Hangers Of The Navy" was all about hotshot Navy blimp pilots and the brave and dedicated men who maintained the hangers they kept the blimps in. There was this one scene where some hotshot blimp pilot flew his blimp clean through the goddamn hanger and it took a good fifteen nail-biting minutes to get the thing guided through, with a lot of good natured banter passing back and forth between the hotshot blimp pilot and the crusty fellow who maintained the hanger, who was, of course, Reynoldo Raygun. I loved that movie better than the better known "Hell Divers Of The Navy" in which Reynoldo Raygun also starred. I think if Mr. Raygun had been as highly evolved then as he became later, then he would not have done that movie unless the studio moguls (all jews, or so I've heard) changed the name of that show to "Heck Divers Of The Navy", or "H--l Divers Of The Navy".
I resolved to join the Navy at the earliest opportunity and get involved in some way with blimps and/or blimp hangers. I couldn't wait to put on my sailor's suit and hat, and sail from this land into that.
Imagine my surprise when I joined the Navy at last and discovered that blimp hangers meant something else entirely! At first I was confused. A friendly rear admiral took me aside at the secret base and said, "Son, you look like a fine young man and gosh we sure do appreciate your desire and your enthusiasm! But they tell me you do not want to sail upon a big shit-- uh, ship. Is that right?" And I could not help but look the stern, gruff, fatherly fellow in the eye and say, "Sir, that is correct, sir. I have a deep yearning to be involved with blimps and blimp hangers! Sir!" And I saluted so crisply that the distinguished gentleman flinched. Then he blushed to the roots of his very gray hairs. And he grinned sheepishly and shook his head. "Son", he said, "I know where you have gotten this desire to have things to do with blimps and blimp hangers-- it was that movie, wasn't it-- the one with Reynoldo Raygun in it?" And I said, "Sir! Yes sir, it was that very movie! I will never forget how that hotshot blimp pilot flew his blimp right through that blimp hanger, and all the good-natured banter that flowed back and forth the whole time! Sir!" And I saluted so crisply and so sharply the rear admiral took a step backward. "And yet," he said, "you do still have the desire to put on your sailor suit and hat, and sail from this land into that?" And I had to confess that, yes, that aspect of the matter had its attractions.
And so I was sent to a special orientation and it was in that orientation that I discoved, not to put too fine a point on it, that in the modern Navy, with its long deployments aboard modern battleshits, er, battleships and nuclear subs and nuclear aircraft carriers, that a need had arisen to channel the lusts of the young seamen into healthy channels-- and that is where the code word "blimp hanger" had taken a new meaning. Not to put too fine a point on it, in general, a blimp hanger could be any place where a sailor or seaman could stick his dick. If a fellow seaman pointed to your left hand and called it a blimp hanger, for instance, then you were honor bound to fight to the death, loser going overboard and reported as killed in the line of duty. It was the code. But in specific practice a blimp hanger was a female corpse. Yes, I don't mean to be shocking but that was the simple truth. Navy scientists had discovered a means of removing the water from a dead body and replacing it with a sort of glycerol like substance that preserved the feel of flesh but failed to evaporate. It was also antiseptic, so no bacteria could grow, not even mold, upon or within the dead body.
By the way, I have no goddamn idea what women did aboard ship. There were some. They were friendly. But they went their way and we went ours. I guess too much fucking between servicemen and servicewomen leading to too many babies and too much scandal in times past led to the blimp hanger code-worded necrophilia solution for the men and god alone knows what the women are expected to do-- we were advised not to ask and they, the women, were advised not to tell.
So! I ended up tending a lot of dead women in my career with the Navy, a career which lasted a long time because I found myself liking my job quite a lot! The bodies tended to wear out after a time, and they were trickier to repair than latex would have been. Seems like we took on a fresh batch of blimp hangers in every port of call, black and brown and yellow for the most part. They were damn good looking! Sometimes you'd see a little hole, or several little holes, or small gashes here and there and you could sort of imagine how they died. We'd just plug 'em up with superglue, hook'em up to the perfusion pumps that slowly replaced the H2O with the special polymer stuff that made them likelike and pliable and durable (within limits) and then you sort of distributed them about the ship, cleaned 'em, serviced them as required, and finally, incinerated them. Blimp hangermen serve everywhere-- battleshits, er, battleships, subs, carriers, even in special brothels portside where, frankly, most of the men would go, as those who have once fucked a dead woman specially treated by Navy scientists hardly ever go back to living flesh, let me tell you.
Yep, it's been a long and satisfying career. And even though I never got to fly a blimp through a blimp hanger, I have parked my blimp, many a time, heh, heh, in some of the finest looking blimp hangers you could ever hope to see. Heh. Heh.