Posted by Moore on May 04, 2003 at 10:05:16:
A cold, light rain fell on the dingy gray parking garage near the hospital on the last day of Tom Milcher's life. Cancer, fast spreading, aggressive cancer, really no options, "We will make you as comfortable as possible"... A thin, cold trickle got under his rain coat, and inched its way down his back. He had just gotten the bad results of his second opinion. He was a walking dead man. He walked slowly over to his beat up car. He was parked on the open roof level. It just really wasn't his day. He noticed a women standing dazed near a green mini van. She looked familiar.
She looked up at him, her eyes empty. "Do we know each other?" he asked. "Yes, I think I have seen you before" she replied sadly. They talked lifelessly about their diagnosis. Both had been given less then three months to live. In pain, losing control of their body functions, losing their dignity.
He noticed an oil slick under his car, a spreading darkness over the gray of the floor. "I don't want to die slow, shitting myself" he said, "I want some control over it."
"I don't want my family hurting, watching me die slowly" she said.
"I wish I was dead now" he said.
"I'm afraid to die alone" she said.
Then the two of them looked at each other, and realized they were think the same thing.
"How?" she asked.
"Bridge" he said.
"I'm afraid of heights. Poison?" she replied.
"I have plumbing cleaners, but its a bad way to go. How about we drive the car into a concrete wall?"
"The mini van has airbags, plus we might hurt someone else. How about the ocean?"
He had a lot of good memories from playing in the ocean with his step kids. "Its a deal."
They drove in her green mini van. It was still raining. Her windshield wipers steadily went wa-thump, wa-thump, wa-thump like a heart beat. They drove in silence until they got to a parking lot near the beach. The mini van was the only car in the lot. They looked at the ocean for a while. She turned off the windshield wipers and the car's engine and they both got out.
The sun had set, but it was not fully dark. They took off their shoes, and walked into the water. The waves quietly rolled in, then faded into nothingness with a hiss. A pair of gulls cried as they landed on the water off shore. Otherwise, they were alone.
They walked into the water as far as they could, then swam out past the waves. "Should we swim out until we get tired? he asked.
"No, we may not tire at the same time. Lets go under and do it ourselves."
He nodded and said "thanks for being here with me."
She gave him a faint smile.
They went under. Both shut their eyes. He found her hand and held it. Her hand gripped his very hard, and started shaking. He blew out his air, and breathed in. The salt water wasn't too bad
15 He coughed and tugged on her hand.
12 He breathed in again. It was less shocking to his system. He fought the urge to swim up. The kids deserved to go to collage.
8 He felt his throat relax and salt water flooded his lungs.
5 He felt at peace. She had stopped struggling and floated next to him.
1 The darkness wrapped gently around Tim. Then all was still and quiet.
The rain continued for another hour, then tapered off.