Posted by Moore on April 16, 2004 at 16:22:26:
The author would like to gratefully acknowledge the contributions of Diana B.; and the real person behind the alias.
Mercenary Captain Jean Baptiste Fourier watched his boss sink into a depression. Sardana moped around, barely mustering the energy to eat. His business dealing were canceled or rescheduled. Sardana withdrew into himself, mourning the loss of Diana.
Fourier had more bad news for his boss. Some of Fourier's fellow mercenaries who were leaving for the capital told him that Diana had booked passage on a ship that was sailing tomorrow. Fourier told Sardana Diana was leaving Perpignan, and left him to decide what to do with the information.
It would have been far easier to let her go without speaking to her, but Sardana was not a coward. He went to her rooms at the inn. She had a suite: a common sitting room, a back bedroom, and a small bath area. He knocked on the door and she let him in without saying anything. They turned and looked at each other, former lovers that seemed so far apart.
"Why did you come here? What do you want from me?" she asks.
"I don't know," Sardana mutters.
He aches for her. He wants to run to her, grab her up, shower her with affection. But his pride, his stubbornness, or his stupidity make him immobile, as still and cool as a heartless stone.
"I am leaving tomorrow. There's no reason for me to stay, is there?" Diana asks.
He shakes his head no sadly. He isn't going to show her how upset he is; his pride is all he has left.
"If you don't want me for anything, then I should get ready."
He waves his hand futilely. His thoughts flood to his mouth and jam in tight before they can get out. Sardana says nothing.
"If there is nothing else," she pauses, then continues angrily, "then good bye!"
She walks away, shoulders slumped.
He watches her walk into the bedroom. In his mind's eye, Sardana sees her get on a ship, sail to the capital, meet a mysterious stranger, and become a vampire under the stranger's control. It ends with her being destroyed a few years latter.
Sardana sees his future as well. A life of bitter loneliness; missing the one that had left him. Suffering with the pain of living without the one you want. Knowing he will never have as much as he desires. Living with the bitter taste of failure.
"Let it go," he thinks as Diana closes the door. "Retreat and lick your wounds. Your pain and bitterness are all you need to keep you company." It is so easy to turn and walk away.
He stops before he leaves the sitting room. Sardana lets out a ragged breath he doesn't know he was holding. Sardana doesn't want his loneliness to turn into bitterness, and his bitterness to turn into rage or despair. He HAS to talk to her while he has the chance and sort out what happened, even if it means knowing she never loved him.
Suddenly sure of what to do, he opens the door to her bedroom.
Diana's back is toward him, but she turns when he comes in. Her eyes search his.
"Does it have to be like this?" he asks, his love finding voice at last.
"Like what?" she asks, daring to hope.
"Why can't this be the type of love we both dream about? Why are you angry with me?"
"I'm not mad at you, you are mad at me," Diana answers.
"No, I'm not," he said, confused.
"You don't want to be with me," she says at last.
"Yes I do, more then anything," he says, his confidence returning.
"Why," she asks plaintively.
"What's not to love?" he quips. Sardana steps closer to Diana, and they seek out each other hands. "Don't leave. Stay with me. I love you and I want you," he declares.
Diana laughs, a brief, surprised laugh, tears forming in her eyes as she puts a hand over her mouth.
They embrace, finding each other at last.
"I didn't think you wanted me," she asks, needing to be sure.
"Yes, yes, I do," he reassures her.
"You kept ignoring me, sending me away."
"I didn't know. I didn't mean to. Lets make sure that this misunderstanding doesn't happen again."
"I'm pushy," she says.
"You know what you want," he answers as he nibbles her neck.
"I want...," she trails off.
"What?" he encourages her.
"I like sex."
He laughs. "So do I. I will match you as passionately as I can. When I am spent, I will tell you stories. We can rent you a girl if that isn't enough for you , or for variety."
"I need to be wanted, lusted after, kept close, and loved ferociously," she says. Her eyes dare him to accept her.
"Love is like a fire. Both need the constant addition of fuel to grow. If you stop putting effort into a relationship by not giving gifts, attention, and affection, the love will dwindle and die. I only want to love ferociously, nothing else will satisfy me. I will love you unconditionally, without reserve."
"I want someone to own me; someone I can please in return." she says.
"The more you give me, the more I will give you," he answers.
"I thought you didn't want me, so I pulled away, hoping you would chase me. When you didn't, I thought it meant you really didn't want me," she says, tears welling in her eyes.
He pulls her closer. "I thought you needed space, so I tried to give you what you wanted. Next time, please tell me tell me you need more of my time, affection sex, whatever, OK?"
She smiles. "I need someone to test me, spank me, bind me, but also snuggle and cuddle me afterwards," she says and looks at him hopefully.
He shrugs. "I'm good at the vanilla, and with your help I'm getting better at the rest."
"I need you to make me laugh, and make me think."
"I can do that," he says, grinning.
She looks at him, and takes a deep breath. "You don't like everything that I do."
"Nor should I. We don't have to mesh perfectly. Perfect only exists in fairy tales. It will take work from both of us for our relationship to work. But I want it to, and I am eager to try."
"What do you want me to do for you?" she asks.
"Keep telling me what you want," he says. She nods. "Support me in my business ventures," he continues. She nods again. "Tell me if we have a problem so we can fix it." She nods. ""I don't ever want to come this close to losing you again."
"Then there is one last thing I want you to do for me," he says, swallowing hard.
"Anything," she answers, smiling at him.
"Marry me," he asks. For him, time stops, his breathing stops. Everything else ceases to matter but her answer.
"That isn't something to tease about," she says, trying to give him room to back out if he isn't sure.
He has almost lost her once this week, and it has forced him to realize how much he loves her. He can't stand the idea of being without her.
"I'm not joking. This is a serious marriage proposal. Will you marry me Diana?" He swallows nervously and waits for her answer.