Posted by Sam (of Sam's Place) on October 04, 2004 at 18:09:14:
This was not an easy decision. There are quite a few worthy candidates here. It is very difficult to pass by Kojak's frozen camel; very difficult not to give an award to Wilkinson Sword's "Suddenly, like a commercial jet entering a building, the President shot off his volatile load." Certainly "'Thwock! Thwock! Thwock!' went the Glock" puts C strongly in the running. NL has put forward a worthy contender in Yawbilly, but this story is too well constructed and too strong to really contend, Chuck Crew has made himself a contender through the travails of little Nellie, may she rest in peace in her cardboard box with "This side up" printed artistically on the sides.
Engimatic (as in, "what the fuck?") entry has to go to Rache, whose "Mais ou sont les neiges d’antan?" and "Bulldozer" are most peculiar entries in a "bad story" contest. Although there are some "bad" (sorta) elements in "Mais" - it doesn't end in any satisfying way - it ain't "bad." "Bulldozer" is the same, in ways. I find myself wondering if the physiological errors - men do not have semen in their testicles and women do not urinate through their vaginas - are deliberate.
Barbanne's two stories are less enigmatic, but just aren't in the running. They "flash" here and there with her own voice; it won't stay down long enough, it seems, for her to write a really bad story.
I have decided (rather unilaterally) to award 1st, 2nd, and 3rd to authors as opposed to stories, meaning no one can get 1 and 2, for example.
And now, the envelope, please:
First: the truly bad award goes to Israeli Guy's pointless "Worst Necro Stroy Ever," which is indeed a pretty bad stroy.
3rd Place: Rache. "The Trouble with Being the Girl..." is impressive overall, but the "Dear John" haiku requires an award.
2nd Place: Peter Cohen as "Gudwritter." The literary voice of the first-person protagonist is classic, consistent, and almost believable.
1st Place: Emily. Both these stories demand awards. And, not only does a line such as "along the greasy, cracked paving-stones slick from the sputum of the sky" (from "The Worst is Yet to Come") literally scream for 1st place, but the ending of that story is a classic.
best,
-Sam