Posted by Kojak on August 31, 2005 at 22:00:55:
Jack Manly takes a walk
Jack Manly was a manly man....he walked with a swagger much admired by other manly men who for the sake of acceptance of the general population attempted to immulate his walk with little success. Would that Jack had shared his secret but it was not to be. For U dear reader it can be told.
As a child Jack sat on the lap of John Wayne, yes, the Duke himself, not once, not twice but many many times. The Duke disclosed the secrets of the manly swagger walk in small increments as Jack was able to digest this information. Jack admired the Duke's Woody, especially after watching some porn that the Duke had stashed at his abode. To no one else did the Duke ever teach the secret of the walk. Now as an adult (& a manly man) he walked with a walk like no other. No, not even the Duke in his prime could walk like Jack.
Then one day, as Jack stepped out from a gutter torn & wet muddy road in an old western town named Rabbit Run, he mistakenly allowed his foot to become lodged under the heavy iron wheel of a passing stagecoach. He was thinking of the Duke. He yelped as was only right to do & pulling his six gun, his intent was to shoot the stagecoach driver in the head. Being angered as he was rightly within his manly rights to be, he was, however a bit hasty & thus, his trusty sidearm discharged most suprisingly as he pulled it from his holster in a blazing move....the .45 went bang & the great toe of his left foot became vaporized.....now at this point, a comely lass peered out the window of the coach....she gasped.....Jack, meanwhile was hopping about on his left leg.....
The Duke, recollecting the times when Jack as a boy sat on his knarly lap, chuckled a bit. He wondered if little Jack had discovered his porn stash. Then he coughed a bit but not a lot, his one lung being already a bit tired from all that resperation as he sat on his front porch. He thought lovingly of young Jack, wondering where he might be & hoping that he (Jack) would remember the manly walk he had taught him. He had a BIG woody, a 1958 woody, it glistened in the evening light. Taking his hand he ran it along the smooth hard surface of his woody..he loved his woody.....sometimes he took it to the beach but he did not surf, instead he sat on that woody & watched the beach girls.......& asked them if they would enjoy riding along with his woody....or to sit on it with him.
Her name was Sally, seeing Jack hopping about she giggled. She was new to the territories of the old west..........Jack was hurting a lot.......The Duke hit the gas & sqealed out of the driveway....his woody was running good but his vision sucked.
Jack groaned, the doctor was amputating the remains of his large toe. 7 Months later, Jack was hobbling about, his walk, his swagger, his Duke engendered walk, was history....Sally had become a whore in the local saloon. Jack hobbled to the saloon doors, he was now the town gimp especially after refusing to use a crutch as the town doctor had insisted he do.
The Duke awoke from his coma, only to realize his woody had been destroyed......he fondled his crotch & found his penis......was...not.....there........then he awoke from his deep sleep & walked outside..he touched his woody once more & remembered his dream, his nightmare......then thought of Jack Manly.....he touched his woody.
Jack made it to the room after paying the fee for fornication. Sally opened the door....she stepped back with a start. 'U R the man that shot his toe off!' Jack replied 'Yes'..then he boffed her violently. After that, he became angry because Sally laughed once more at that emberrasing moment in Jack's past...he pulled a sharp knife from his belt & taking ahold of his boot, he pulled it off, then he took the knife & shoved it deeply into the crack on the floor at the base of the bed where a small rodent appeared.....then he left his left boot on & taking the knife he plunged it into the tip of the boot near the toe area. She gasped, he smiled, the knife went straight thru the boot into the floor.
The Duke wheezed as he walked onto the stage to accept his Oscar for lifetime achievement....he faltered for words.....his Woody was being watched closed but his pecker was in a bottle someplace on some shelf in a science lab due to his decision to donate organs to science.
Mr Crowley, the head custodian of the local school, upon coming to work one morning, saw a strange figure lurking. It was Jack Manly.....there to educate the kids on the dangers of firearms, he was too early for the class presentation. Sally had been murdered by Jack, who unceremoniously made love to her corpse while chanting the opening lines of 'She wore a yellow Ribbon'. 'If only the Duke had not smoked Chesterfields' he thot. He lit a Camel & tugged at his drawers......Jack Manly was ready, ready to terrorize those little bastards in 3rd grade with tales of missing toes.....
The Duke Walked over to Sally's grave marker. He took a piss as best he could, not knowing that the ground his pee soaked into was the very cannester of the remains of Jack Manly's victim (Sally) who had laughed at him (Jack Manly), the Duke thot of Jack Manly, he laughed in his mind & this made the Duke angry, that Jack's memory would laugh at him & he who was full of anger for missing the Duke (Jack was) & the Duke did not know this of course. 'That Bastard' thot the Duke, as he wiped his pug penis with a kleenex....His Woody was there, he was ready to go, as he turned he saw.......Jack Manly hobbling towards him......'U bastard' said the Duke....'U pervert' said Jack Manly....they came together with a thump, as Jack took out his six gun & shot the Duke in the ass........he fell backwards onto his back & the Duke, taking advantage of Jack's toppling, pulled out his keys, he ran to his Woody, as best he could & started the engine & gunned it.
Mr. Crowley sat on the bench, wondering how it all happened, that a man like Jack, now the town Gimp, had come to this. Terrorizing small children. His bowl syndrome was acting up (Mr Crowley's bowls). The Duke passed three times around the graveyard but could not find Jack......he drove up the hill to a small building & asked the cemetary attendent if he had seem a Gimp walking about. The Duke never found Jack Manly......Jack had been under the ground for 50 years & the Duke was already dead & Sally was just a memory..........as I tell U this story. Jack was never found, neither on top, nor under the ground. The Duke kicked the bucket, Sally did too, Jack laughed, as he hobbled down the street, another beer on his mind.....then to be free......& wake from this dream & kill Sally once again....he put all his anger on her, when it was the Duke he really hated for making him hate himself when he knew he should not care, should not hold this anger, for....he was already dead....but maybe he would wake up.....'That Bastard'.
The Duke was cruising the streets of Oakland, his Woody was shining, his ass was sore. The bullet was lodged in his ass. He took a puff of a Chesterfield. The morning came & the sun rose & Jack Manly laughed, as he swaggered down mainstreet, his manly walk was untouched, his mind was free & his toe was there. He said 'Good Morning U whore' as he passed the Saloon, Sally smiled.....the Duke said, 'Come back to bed' & she did............& they never knew that the other was so close to the other....but Sally knew & she was glad that she was not yet dead.......