Posted by critmk on February 20, 2003 at 09:40:22:
Loni, Demi, Victoria and the Movie They Should Have Made
a fantasy by critmk
The Time: 1984
The Place: Hollywood, on the set of a new thriller, 'Alienation of Affection'
'Quiet on the set!' the assistant director cried, as the director gathered his three actresses for final instructions.
'OK, ladies,' he said, 'everyone ready?' He smiled at the trio of beauties -- Victoria Principal, Demi Moore and Loni Anderson -- and they smiled back.
'Nervous?' he asked Moore.
'Sure, a little. It's my first speaking role in a movie, and my first death scene. It's exciting, too, though.'
Anderson patted the young star-to-be gently on the shoulder. 'Just enjoy it, hon, There's nothing more fun than being the victim in a violent death scene.'
'Unless it's being the killer,' Principal added, affecting a vicious expression that cracked up the other women.
'OK, let's concentrate, now,' the director said. 'If we all work hard, I have a feeling we can do this in one take. The fight choreographer coached you well, you all know what to do. You all have been great developing character, so I'm not worried about that.'
'Oh yeah, some character,' Moore cracked. 'Unnamed party guest says excuse me and gets stabbed in the back.'
'And?' teased the director.
'And shows a lot of leg as she dies.'
'Vicky, you're clear on how the knife works?'
'Yes -- the blade goes into the handle, and the blood squirts out -- all over Loni's boobs! How many times should I stab her?'
'Lots!' Loni said, brightly.
'Props tells me that the reservoir will empty after eight plunges,' the director said. 'So if you do Demi twice, that leaves six for Loni. You can improvise as to where you stab her, but the first one has to be in the throat, so she can't scream. The squibs look great, too, Victoria -- can't even see them through your top.
'Any more questions? OK, let's do it. Remember to hold places at the end of the scene, for the aftermath shot.'
The director consults briefly with another actress, a forty-something redhead in a security guard uniform, then sets things in motion.
'Scene 104, 'Alienation of Affections' Take 1.'
'Places everyone. Lights... camera... aaand ACTION!'
Anderson's full breasts sway fetchingly beneath her filmy white slip dress as she strides into the ornate gilt and marble bathroom. She aims a satisfied smile at her image in the mirror and begins to touch up her make-up.
Slowly, she becomes aware of a presence to her right. It's Principal, wearing tight black jeans and a body-hugging white turtleneck. Ablack leather jacket is folded over her arms.
'You!' Anderson says, startled. She quickly composes herself. 'You know you're not welcome here. Now get out before I have hotel security throw you out! Don't come sniveling to me for money -- I won't give you a dime.'
'I'm through begging and through crying,' Principal answers, icily. 'I have no tears left to shed. You stole my husband and you poisoned him and you took his money -- my money...'
'Maybe, but you can't prove that!' Anderson snarls, through a cruel grin. 'The law is on my side -- his new will can't be broken. That money is mine, legally, and you can't do a damned thing about it.'
'We're not in court, now, bitch,' Principal says, calmly. She drops the jacket to the floor, exposing a heavy, 8-inch fighting knife with an ebony handle. 'We're in the execution chamber.'
Anderson takes an awkward step back, setting her tits to jiggling. Her eyes widen and her jaw drops, but a ray of hope shines through the horror in her face.
Principal hides the knife behind her back as Moore breezes in. Her hair is up. A cameo on a black ribbon encircles her throat. Her shoulders are bare above her black, strapless minidress. Black seamed hose and black, ankle-strap stilettos complete her costume.
'I'm so glad to see you dear! The senator's daughter, right? How nice of you to come to my party' Anderson says, with nervous, forced gaiety.
Moore is a little drunk. She lurches between the two older women and says: 'Whoa! The Ex and the widow! I thought you two hated each other, but here you are, chatting in the john! Don't want to intrude, I'll come back later.'
She turns to exit, but stops in her tracks as Principal plunges the knife into the center of her bare back. Moore grabs the wall for support as blood trickles to the top her dress. She lets out a little cry as Principal withdraws the blade, and moans as she is stabbed in the back a second time. She looks over her shoulder, bewildered, at her killer, then slides down the wall to the floor. Moore struggles to crawl forward, but manages only to reveal bare thigh and black panty above her stocking tops before she sighs deeply and dies.
While the cameras are turned to Moore, Anderson slips a blood capsule into her mouth. Then Anderson, trembling, gives Moore's thigh a little kick; her leg rocks listlessly.
'My God -- you killed her! Why?' Anderson gasps.
'Because she could place me here with you,' Principal says. 'She would have been an eyewitness to murder.'
Anderson starts to run, but stumbles over Moore's body. She scrambles to her feet -- clad, of course, in sexy white high heels -- and gets the beginning of a scream out of her mouth.
Principal cuts it off by plunging the knife into the hollow of her throat. In a little dance step that the two women had spent hours rehearsing, Principal swings Anderson, who still has the knife in her neck, around, so that the blonde is bent back over the marble sinksand countertop.
She pulls out the knife and raises it high. 'This is for alienating my son from me,' she says, as she drives the knife into Loni's belly. The dying blonde bucks and flails with the impact. Her short dress hikes up to reveal garters above her white stockings.
'This is for seducing my husband!' She splits Anderson's right breast with the knife. 'This is for murdering him!' She drives the knife through Anderson's erect left nipple. 'This is for humiliating me in court and taking my money!' She stabs her again in the left tit, this time in the bulge of bare flesh above the blood-soaked dress. Blood pours from the left corner of Anderson's mouth. 'And this is for throwing this party to celebrate it all!'
Anderson is dead. Her big brown eyes are wide open, staring at the ceiling. Principal's chest is heaving with her deep-breathing rage. She is leaning against her victim, holding her in the back-bent position on the counter. When Principal backs off, Anderson slides down to the floor. The camera pans slowly over Moore's and Anderson's dead bodies, then up Principals body. She breaks into uncontrollable laughter as the camera reaches her face.
A voice comes through the door: 'Is everything OK in there? What's going on?'
The grin vanishes from Principal's face. She grabs the knife from the counter and raises it into attack position as the door opens.
'Oh my God!' exclaims the security guard. She hastily goes for her gun as Principal advances on her, and fires just before she would have been stabbed. Principal staggers backward, almost stepping on Moore. A burn-black, reddening hole is in the white fabric over her belly.
Resolve overcomes the shock and she charges again. The security guard fires twice, and Principal spins and falls backward.
We see three bullet holes in Principal's back. The bullets have run her through. She has fallen atop Anderson. The shaken guard, gun still drawn, turns the brunette over. She's dead. Two bloody wounds mar her otherwise perfect left breast. Her lush lips are open, as are her beautiful brown eyes.
The women lie still for a full ten minutes as the director lavishes film upon them from every angle.
'Aaand... CUT! That's a wrap! Brilliant work, ladies. You've got to be the sexiest collection of corpses ever filmed.'