Posted by Childe on August 10, 2005 at 21:51:56:

Or maybe not

Ones up ona tyme there were three pigs. They maybe have been lady pigs or police pigs or little pigs or plane hams with eggos. I don’t know but they didn’t have a dog. I think Won was smart cause she was brunette. Maybe Too Won was too but maybe she was blonde. The Lass Won was blonde fer sure cause she liked straw and had straw in her hair which vanished cause she was blonde and that was cause she was dumb except she talked way too much to make sense which this doesn’t because I don’t want it to.

She liked straw a lot though which was why she lived in a straw house. She said it was a strong straw house cause it was Environ Mental cause it didn’t have to have air conditioning in the winter nor a heater in the summer which was also cause she was two hams and had em and was very big for a pig which mighta made her a porker except she wasn’t human so that since she was a piggy she was right for the piggy rite so she was maybe the main dish at a Lou Wow which is not a peeing Lou cause it’s not nice to pee in the main dish even if you’re the main dish and a dish anyways.

Her sister Too Won was nicked named Won Ton cause she was since she was a piggy to. Maybe she was also stupid since she made a house of sticks without stones cause she thought that she might get hurt cause sticks and stones will break your bones. Maybe she licked the sticks so they stuck like a pig on a stick cause that’s whatcha do when you roast em maybe.

The third sister, Won Won was really, really, really, really smart cause she knowed that sticks and stones mix well in a cement mixer and can make concrete if it’s concrete and cement put together. But she didn’t use sticks and stones but bricks cause she was a really BIG piggy and was built like a brick sheet rock house so maybe it didn’t make a difference if she was Won Won cause that made Two which woulda been two Ton of Won Won. She didn’t move fast either and that was ok for her but the other two had to move fast but that was later when they did.

Anyways Won Won told her two sisters that they were not very smart cause there was a windbag in the forest by the name of Big Bad. Some say he looked like a wolf or maybe that was a Virgin Wolf but they weren’t afraid of a virgin Virginia Wolf cause the windbag wasn’t female but was a mail man. Or maybe that was a male woof-woof except that was what Herman sometimes took to bed when he got scared and he took it away from his son, Eddie who looked like a wolf also but had to wash behind his points.

So one day the two blonde porgies piggies were outside when Big Bad blue in cause he got blue too sometimes. So they went inside the house of straw and he said he’d be a blow hard but they shoulda given him a blow hard but they were to scared to. I donno if it was Big Bad or a tornado or a politician doing his ton of washing came by but the straw house came loose from the ground and flew up in the sky and landed on a sand witch some place in a file cabinet labeled O through Z. That left the piggies high and dry or low on the food chain if they were into chains and nasty sex stuff which I don’t know about and don’t wanna learn no how. But they hadn’t gone to Ams Stir Damn to see the sex museum there though there was a stick thing that mighta been thought of by Too Won who was into sticks like I said she was.

One of the pigs noticed a strong breeze up her skirts (if she had em) and they run and run and passed the turtle and almost caught a hair of the chinny chinny bang bang but they got to the house of sticks and it was closed to Big Bad. But Big Bad didn’t care. He brought or bought several more politicks who were good at sucking blood outta turnips and they bent over and made wind. Some of em musta been sailors cause they bent over a lot and blasted the ship’s sails in the wind so that the ship sailed good.

But Big Bad wasn’t dissed courage cause he wasn’t scared of fear itself if it was itself and it wasn’t. So that he had those piggies flopping their floppies cause they didn’t have newer computers without floppies even if they did dood floppies a lot cause they were piggies with lotsa extra pork on em. So Mr. Bad got some real BIG politicks cause he paid in big tick bucks which weren’t dough or dough boys but not doughs either cause they didn’t have fauns or nymphs either. But they blew and they blew until they turned blue and the sticks came unsticked which made it unstuck but is the past of stick, stuck? I donno. So we got unstuck sticks and the piggies were bare like the cupboard. So they run real fast to their sister piggy who had a brick sheet rock house. So Big Bad thought to blow til he was blown blue and it didn’t work and he was sly and climbed up on the roof to look for a way inside but the smart pig opened a pot so that Big Bad fell down the chim chiminy but went charoo when he got into the boiling pot cause it was opened but got closed by the butt of Won Won who weighted a washing ton cause she was also a polished teachon and could pay off those politick people real easy.

So maybe the three piggies had a nice feast of Big Bad who mighta been a man. But cause they were big fat piggies, it didn’t matter cause pigs will eat anything.

Now you mighta thumpked this was the end but there was the problem with Big Bad‘s brother Zack. Now he didn‘t go around eating pigs. I didn‘t like pigs. He did like elk tho and that was a problem earlier. It had to do with the piggies cousins who weren‘t a litter bit part of their litter bit but were something else. Anyway he also walked in the woods near house the same as the other three pigs - one straw, one sticks, one bricks. Next to em was an elk (a member of the elk‘s club if he had a club but he didn‘t even have a sand witch). He got next to that elk and was gonna take a bit when the elk made a fast move and runned away and he bit into the three pigs a bit The next day the pigs mom found out and asked him why he dood that and he told her why and what for and she didn‘t believe him and told him to give her a buncha cash or she‘d call a hunter. Sounds like Mikie Jacksonian maybe. So he gave her lotsa money but the newspapers wanted a story so he told em and they didn‘t like it so they switched it around and that‘s the truth of the true story of more three pigs..
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So now you know the story and another story like it but makes em both different.

Bye, Bye,

Childe