Posted by The Black Knight on January 25, 2004 at 19:37:25:
A huge colliseum in sunny Southern California was filled to capacity and the patrons eagerly awaited the arrival of the Ringmaster on the main platform. Shortly after sun rise the Ringmaster dressed in his accustomed tuxedo and followed by his card toting Vegas girl sidekick Cindy walked up onto the platform. The patrons lept to their feet screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs. The Ringmaster walked up to the microphone and smiled as a hush fell over the crowd.
"Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the annual Celebrity Elimination Tournament. Thirteen lovely ladies are waiting to entertain you today with what will be for twelve of them their final performance. Cindy draw the first two cards please."
Cindy shuffled her oversized deck and held it to the Ringmaster to cut the deck. He smiled and passed. Cindy flipped the top two cards off the deck and came up with The Five of Diamonds and the Queen of Diamonds.
"The Five and the Queen, two lovely Latino ladies: Daisy Fuentes and Salma Hayek." the Ringmaster said.
Daisy and Salma walked out into the battle area wearing tight white body suits. A black five was emblazoned on Daisy's left shoulder and right hip. A black Q was emblazoned on Salma's shoulder and hip.
"As the high card, Salma you are considered the champion so Daisy has the choice of weapons." the Ringmaster said.
Daisy walked over the table at the edge of the pit and looked over the weapons: a pair of knives, a pair of broadswords, a pair of dueling swords, two Navy colts with holsters, a pair of spears, and a pair of crossbows with a quiver full of bolts. Daisy smiled as she strapped one of the holsters on her right thigh. Salma winced as she put on the mate to Daisy's gun.
"I hate these things." Salma moaned.
"I know." Daisy said with a wicked smile.
Daisy and Salma walked into the middle of the arena and stood tensely waiting on the Ringmaster's command.
"Draw."
Salma reached for her gun as fast as she could, but just as the barrel cleared the holster she heard the gunshot.
"Uugghh!" Salma grunted as the bullet pounded into her gut.
Salma stumbled back and blinked away tears. She lay her left hand on her belly as she tried to raise her gun to fire at Daisy. Two more shots rang out and Salma stiffened. She looked down in disbelief at two bullet holes less than a sixteenth of an inch apart in her left breast.
"Ooohh!" Salma moaned a she crumpled.
Daisy spun her gun on her finger and slid it back into holster. Men came into the ring and carried Salma's limp body out as Daisy put her gun back to wait on her first challenger.
The Ringmaster looked at Cindy and she shuffled again. She turned over the top card which was the Two of Diamonds.
"The Two that would be the lovely Ms. Alison Sweeney." the Ringmaster said.
The door opened and a small buxom blonde walked out into the arena. Alison walked to the table and her bright blue eyes lit up in excitment. Daisy groaned as Alison lifted one of the thin bladed dueling swords. Alison walked into the middle of the arena and Daisy picked up her sword.
"Don't worry Daisy, I'll make it quick for you." Alison said with a cocky smile.
"Fight." the Ringmaster shouted.
Alison swung her sword toward Daisy, but the taller brunette easily parried it. Daisy turned her sword and pushed the point into Alison's tight belly.
"Ooop!" Alison gasped as she bent slightly.
Alison dropped her sword as Daisy pulled her sword out.
"You're right Ali, you made it pretty fast." Daisy said with a smile.
Alison fell to her knees gasping heavily. Daisy picked up Alison's sword and turned both in her hands. She pushed both thin blades into Alison's massive breasts.
"Aacckk!" Alison spat as both of her lungs were pierced.
Blood poured over her lower lip as she fell. Alison was dead. Daisy pulled both swords from the corpse and threw them onto the table. Men walked into the arena and removed Alison and all eyes returned to Cindy.
Cindy drew another card from the deck and showed the Ace of Clubs.
"The Ace, the lovely and talented Ali Larter. This could be a hard defence for our champion." the Ringmaster said.
The door opened and a sultry blonde sashayed into the arena enjoying every cheer from the crowd to its utmost. Ali glided over to the table and picked up one of the broadswords.
"Swords again?" Daisy whined.
Daisy picked up her sword and walked out to the middle of the arena. Both women held their swords at the ready and waited for the Ringmaster.
"Fight."
Daisy swung toward Ali, but the lithe woman glided out of the way. With one quick motion Ali dragged the razor sharp blade of her sword across the middle of Daisy's belly. Daisy bent slightly and staggered. Daisy turned her sword and rested the point in the ground. She leaned on the sword and looked down.
"A-Aliieeeee!" Daisy gasped as her intestines rolled out of her belly.
Daisy's eyes rolled upward and she fell forward over her own guts. Daisy was dead.
"Congratulations, Ms. Larter, you unseated a skilled champion. Now prepare for you first defence."
Men came in and carried Daisy's corpse out and Ali looked nervously at Cindy.
Cindy shuffled her cards and turned over the Seven of Hearts.
"The Seven, one of Ali's former co-stars and friends the sexy Eliza Dushku." the Ringmaster said.
Ali winced as Eliza glided into the arena playing to the crowd. Eliza looked at Ali and flashed a cute dimple cheeked smile.
"Well Ali, are you ready to go?" Eliza asked.
"As ready as you are Eliza." Ali answered.
Eliza laughed as she put on one of the colts.
"Of all the things to pick, it had to be these?" Ali asked.
"At least I have an even chance." Eliza said.
Both women walked out to the middle of the arena waiting tensely on the Ringmaster's command.
"Draw."
Eliza drew her gun like lightning and fired. Ali knew she was too slow the minute her hand touched the handle of her pistol.
"Oooh F..." Ali began.
She had just pulled the gun out when she felt the hot stabbing pain of the bullet piercing her belly.
"Uuuckkk!" Ali grunted.
The gun slipped from her fingers as she staggered back bent just slightly at the waist.
"Sorry Ali, didn't have time to aim. That must really hurt." Eliza said.
"Just shut up and finish me off." Ali grunted.
"This from a woman who just gutted her last opponent like a fish. What's the matter Ali, can't take it?" Eliza taunted.
"Just do it. I'm gut shot, no hope of survival." Ali screamed.
Eliza raised her gun and aimed it at Ali's left breast. She blew the suffering blonde and kiss and smiled. Eliza fired and slid her gun back into her holster. The bullet knocked Ali off her feet. She twisted in the dirt and whimpered for a few seconds before finally going limp. Eliza took her gun off and threw it on the table as men carried Ali's body out of the arena.
Cindy shuffled the cards and drew the Ten of Diamonds.
"Another hard defence for our newly crowned champion. The ten is the lovely Jamie Dantzscher."
The small brunette gymnast looked uncomfortable as she walked into the arena. Jamie walked over to the table and picked up a spear.
"Compensating for your size, Shorty?" Eliza asked with a smile.
"Compensating for your ego." Jamie said smugly.
Eliza laughed as she picked up her spear. They walked into the middle of the arena and looked at the Ringmaster.
"Fight."
Jamie ran toward Eliza with her spear at the ready. Eliza stepped back and threw her spear like a javelin thrower.
"Huhhh!" Jamie grunted as the point sank into her rounded belly.
Jamie stopped dead in her tracks and bent, but the end of Eliza's spear stuck into the ground and held her there, impaled through the middle. Eliza walked over to Jamie and patted her cheek.
"That was a real smart choice there Jamie." Eliza said with a smile.
Eliza pushed Jamie back and put her hands around the spear. Jamie howled in pain as Eliza twisted the spear three times. Eliza put her foot on Jamie's belly and pushed the gymnast back off the shaft, pulling loops of intestine out of Jamie's belly that had been wrapped around the spear. Blood oozed over Jamie's lower lip as she fell back. Eliza threw the spear back on the table and raised her hands to the crowd. As the crowd cheered her victory Jamie's corpse was carried out.
Cindy shuffled again and drew the Six of Clubs.
"The Six is the number worn by the lovely Elisabeth Rohm." the Ringmaster said.
The door opened and a tall slender bright eyed blonde walked into the arena. Elisabeth walked straight to the table and picked up one of the knives.
"Oh goody a knife fight." Eliza said.
Elisabeth just shrugged and walked out to the middle of the arena. Eliza took her position and looked at the Ringmaster.
"Fight."
Eliza took a step back and threw her knife with precision. Elisabeth had watched the previous match and realized Eliza's tactic, she simply took a step to the side. Eliza's bright brown eyes widened and her jaw dropped as the knife missed Elisabeth completely.
"Oh no!" Eliza gasped as Elisabeth walked toward her purposefully.
Elisabeth held her knife low and ready to plunge into the brunette at any time.
"Mercy?" Eliza whimpered.
"You gut shot a friend, then made her suffer and expect mercy from me?" Elisabeth asked smugly.
"Awwwhhh!" Eliza screamed as Elisabeth sank the blade to the hilt in her gut.
Eliza gritted her teeth and closed her eyes tightly as Elisabeth pulled the knife up, cutting open her belly. Eliza gasped as she watched her intestines fall at her feet. Her eyes rolled upward as she fell back and lay motionless. Elisabeth dropped her knife into Eliza's empty belly and walked back to the table. The crowd cheered their new champion as Eliza's body was carried away.
Cindy drew the next card and held it high for all to see. It was the Jack of Spades.
"Oh now this could get confusing. Our new champion greatly resembles her challenger. The Jack is none other than the lovely Jewel Kilcher. I don't know who will win this one, but I'll bet it's a beautiful blonde." the Ringmaster said.
Jewel walked over to the table and picked up one of the crossbows. She slung the quiver over her shoulder and walked to the center of the arena. Elisabeth's hands trembled as she picked up her crossbow.
"The object of the crossbow is to load the weapon and shoot before your opponent can. Let's see which lady has the steadier hand. Fight." the Ringmaster said.
Elisabeth and Jewel both pulled bolts out of their quivers, but Jewel was faster. Elisabeth raised her crossbow and before she could squeeze the trigger a solid thump echoed in her ears.
"Noooohhh!" Elisabeth screamed as she stumbled back with both hands wrapped around a bolt stuck in the middle of her stomach.
She looked up at the woman who could very easily be her mirror image.
"Why?" Elisabeth gasped.
Jewel raised her reloaded crossbow and fired. Elisabeth jerked as the arrow hit her left breast.
"Aaaah-haaaaahh!" Elisabeth whined as she fell.
Jewel put her crossbow back on the table as Elisabeth's body was carried out of the arena.
Cindy drew the next card and raised it so everyone could see the King of Clubs.
"The King is worn by the lovely Ms. Scarlett Johansson." the Ringmaster said.
The door opened and a buxom brunette walked out into the arena. She offered a nervous smile as she walked up to Jewel. Scarlett strapped on the holster as she walked to the center of the arena. Jewel winced as she put on her gun.
"I don't want to do this." Scarlett said.
"Neither do I, but what choice do we have?" Jewel asked.
"Draw."
Jewel had barely even grasped the handle of her gun when Scarlett fanned off three shots.
"Oooohhhh!" Jewel screamed as three bullets cut into her belly.
Jewel didn't even bother to pull her gun she just looked up at Scarlett pleadingly. Scarlett opened the chamber of her gun and replaced the three spent cartridges.
"Oh no!" Jewel gasped.
Scarlett fanned off all six shots. Jewel staggered back with a grunt as her big tits bounced unnaturally. Blood poured from Jewel's mouth as she fell back. Scarlett smiled as she put her gun back in her holster. She walked over to Jewel and looked down at her.
"Didn't even have a chance." Scarlett said as she raised her hands to the crowd and lay her foot on Jewel's belly, which brought a fresh torrent of blood from the blonde's mouth.
The crowd roared in approval as Scarlett replaced her gun and Jewel's corpse was removed.
Cindy drew the next card in her deck.
"The Four of Spades, the Four is Carmen Electra's card." the Ringmaster said.
The door opened and a curvaceous blue eyed brunette walked into the arena. Carmen walked over to the table and picked up one of the broadswords. Scarlett walked to the middle of the arena carrying her sword.
"Fight."
Scarlett swung toward Carmen's belly and the taller woman blocked it easily. Carmen pushed Scarlett back and Scarlett feigned another blow toward Carmen's gut. Scarlett pulled back at the last moment, spun, and severed Carmen's head from her body in one stroke. Carmen's body fell back with a thud while her head spun in mid air for a second, then it landed with an unceremonius thud between her breasts.
"Well at least you could say that they're looking you in the eye now." Scarlett quipped as she threw her sword back on the table.
Cindy drew the next card and held it up. It was the Three of Clubs.
"The Three is the number worn by Angela Harmon." the Ringmaster said.
The door opened and a tall slender raven haired bombshell strutted into the arena. Angie walked to the table and picked up one of the dueling swords. Scarlett picked up her sword and followed Angie to the center of the Arena.
"Fight."
Scarlett thrust her sword toward Angie's left breast, but Angie parried and pushed Scarlett back. Angie slashed toward Scarlett's belly, but the brunette jerked back bent just slightly. As Angie overcompensated for her slash, Scarlett stepped in and pushed the point of her blade into Angie's belly.
"Oooo!" Angie gasped as she bent over in pain.
Scarlett pulled the blade out and pushed it into Angie's chest through her heart.
"Ohhhh-hooohhhhh!" Angie moaned as she fell.
Scarlett looked toward Cindy as the fresh corpse of Angie Harmon was removed.
Cindy shuffled her oversized deck and turned over the top card to reveal the Nine of Spades.
"The Nine is the card belonging to the lovely Ms. Hudson Leick." the Ringmaster said.
A tall slender blonde walked into the arena with her hands raised and cheering along with the crowd, trying to get them to cheer even louder. Hudson walked to the weapons table and picked up a broad sword.
"Somehow I had a feeling you would pick that." Scarlett said with a smile.
Hudson spun her sword lightly in her hand as she looked at the Ringmaster.
"Fight."
Hudson brought her sword down in a stroke that was meant to seperate Scarlett's right shoulder. Scarlett grunted as she blocked the blow. The blonde turned and slashed toward Scarlett's gut, but the brunette jerked back out of the way.
"You're fast girl, but you can't run from what's coming to you." Hudson said.
Hudson swung down toward the top of Scarlett's head. Scarlett moved to the side and let Hudson's sword come down into the dirt of the arena. Scarlett kicked Hudson in the gut and the blonde grunted as she stumbled back away from her sword.
"Oh no!" Hudson gasped as Scarlett spun.
Hudson's eyes widened and her jaw dropped as the sword slashed across her belly cutting her navel in half.
"Yaaacckkk!" Hudson spat as her intestines fell out of her belly.
Blood poured from her lips as she fell back. Scarlett smiled as she threw her sword back onto the table. Men came in and carried Hudson's body out as Scarlett looked back at the Ringmaster.
"There's only one more woman left. Heather Kozar is the last contestant to face this incredible champion." the Ringmaster said.
The door opened and a sexy buxom blonde walked into the arena. Heather walked over to the table and strapped on one of the pistols.
"This is where I came in." Scarlett said confidently as she adjusted her holster.
The two women walked to the center of the arena and waited on the Ringmaster.
"Draw."
Scarlett's hand flashed to her gun, but she heard the shot as she felt the barrel clear the holster.
"Noooohhhh!" Scarlett screamed as a bullet whined into her gut.
Heather raised her gun and took intentional aim. She squeezed off two shots and Scarlett grimaced in pain as her big tits were hit. Blood bubbled between Scarlett's full lips as she crumpled. Heather turned and fanned off three more shots.
"Ooohhhh!" Cindy screamed as she clutched her belly and tumbled off the platform.
The show girl landed on her back and lay gasping heavily with three bullet holes in her bare belly.
"I know what happens to your champions. This little wannabe is not going to open my belly." Heather said as she walked up to the platform.
The Ringmaster clapped as he walked off the platform.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to present to you this year's Celebrity Elimination Match Champion, and my new Card Girl, Heather Kozar." the Ringmaster said.
Heather's face brightened in a cute smile as the Ringmaster raised her right hand. Heather was too busy looking over the crowd to notice the Ringmaster flick open a knife.
"Ooooohhhhh!" Heather shrieked as her rounded belly was cut open up the middle.
Heather gagged and blood poured from her mouth as her intestines rolled out over Cindy's body. Heather crumpled, just as dead as the other contestants and Cindy.