Posted by Barbanne on April 10, 2003 at 18:15:44:
PART SEVENTY FOUR
WHERE TO NOW?
Where to now?
I felt good. I was on top of my problems and had faced my demons and had conquered them and I was in love with a great guy as well as having lots of girlfriends with whom I shared not only good relationships but also occasional intimate moments. All of this was necessary to my keep my own character complexities nourished and to maintain my own well being.
But something was missing.
I felt a sort of hollowness that needed fulfilling.
Trouble was I didn't know what that was.
I knew it wasn't nutrition because I was eating properly now, reluctantly but properly. I had finally cleaned out that tummy bug and while I would never be a gourmet at least I was feeding myself and losing the painful emaciation.
I wondered if my working here at Playdead in a setting where my fantasies coincided with my day to day routine was maybe the problem. I needed to get things in perspective. I needed to explore other options.
I talked to Alex about it.
He listened to me while I told him of my restlessness, my feelings of inadequacy, my desire to move on in my life.
"Do you want to leave us Barb?"
"I don't know. Maybe I should go and get another job. Maybe that would be better."
"What do you want to do?"
"I don't know. I don't bloody well know."
"How about you take the job as our receptionist and nothing else for a while and use your time to think what you want to do?"
"Like retire from modelling?"
"Hmmm I don't know that I want to do that, well not completely."
"Just for a while."
"What about plot developments?"
"Take a rest from that too."
"Hmm. OK I'll do that."
"Welcome to the front desk."
"Yeah, but first I have to finish stuff I already have in train."
"What's that then?"
"I'm working with Jade and Loreen and Larry on some sets today."
"Good well finish those and tomorrow you start in your new capacity."
"Terrific. Alex..........am I doing the right thing?"
"Barb, only you know."
My active participation in this set was over.
I was now only a prop, a dead body prop lying on my back, sort of wedged between the seat and the back of the lounge, with my arms back over my head and my right leg bent at the knee, opening up my wet and tumid pussy to the camera, possibly for the last time. My eyes were rolled back and showing very little of my pupils and my mouth gaped open with my tongue dangling out to one side as far as I could get it. Very uncomfortable but it was my best playing dead face ever. Earlier in the set Jade had held my arms pinned behind my head while Loreen knelt beside me relentlessly forcing a cushion down onto my face, closing off all of my airways and smothering me. My naked legs, the only thing I had free, had kicked prettily but futilely until they inevitably slowed to spasmodic stabbing thrusts and finally went limp along with the rest of my body.
Jade and Loreen sat perched on the lounge beside me. Jade's fingers slowly circled my right nipple and Loreen's hand gently slid up and down my silky thigh, her fingers teasing at my freshly shaven pubes. I was loving this and realised that Loreen knew that the camera wasn't picking up everything and her fingers occasionally strayed into the area of my labia and her soft touch set my tummy alight.
"Poor Barb," said Loreen.
"She should have learnt to leave another girl's guy alone."
"She was always a little slut."
"Pussy driven eh?"
"Yeah, pussy driven poor bitch, well, she's not going to have sex again."
"Except with us."
"What are you saying Jade?"
"I'm saying killing her was maybe the best turn on ever. Now we shouldn't waste her."
"Hmmnn. I must confess that holding that cushion over her and pressing down and feeling her body fight and then die was amazing."
"Well now we should use her."
"I reckon you're right."
All through this conversation I lay "dead" as I could be. My rolled back eyes were beginning to ache and my poked out tongue was becoming painfully uncomfortable but I was determined to stick it out and play the prop corpse to perfection. After all, being dead while those around me lived, chatted and did stuff was an incredibly powerful fantasy turn on for me.
When the girls then went down on my corpse, Jade suckling at my breasts while Loreen's fingers caressed my cunt I was in an agony of arousal. Agony, is that the right word? Yes it is. This sexually charged excitement was excruciatingly raw in its intensity. My slit was hot and I was hot and horny. Loreen was insatiable and between her and Jade I reckoned that I gave my greatest ever performance as a corpse.
One being violated that is.
Oh my god I love that violation.
"Well she had her uses," said Jade.
"Yeah, dear old Barb. She was a good................................."
She started giggling and Jade joined in.
Afterwards they carried my body off stage left as they say.
Later the same day.
I was lying bleeding on top of Jade. She was lying spreadeagled under me also oozing gore. Our bodies were pressed together and I could feel her boney bits as I'm sure she could feel mine. Our breasts were squashed against each other's and our faces were only centimetres apart. We were a couple of poor dead chicks slain by Larry, the roadside slasher. Of course we were nude and I had to admit to myself that Jade's body odour stank a bit and worse still her breath was foul.
After we had lain there doing our starey eyed scene while Dave photographed us we were finally told we could get up as it was over and I followed Jade into the bathroom.
Deciding not to beat around the bush I said, "You know Jade you smell a bit honey and your oral hygiene leaves a lot to be desired."
She looked at me from out of that wolfish face of hers and then she said, "I know," and then we looked at each other for a time and I smiled and said, "Just maybe you could do something about it," and then to my amazement she was crying.
"Jeez Jade I'm sorry I didn't mean that to sound rude."
Between sobs she said, "It's not that Barb. I know I stink and I know I dress cheap and tarty and I know I speak rotten but its all I know what to do. I never learnt no better."
"Well honey we'll get you some medicated soap, nothing special just like Rexona or something and I've got some perfumes you can borrow and if you use dental woodpicks as well as brushing you'll soon be sweet enough to kiss and hell we can go shopping for clothes anytime you like."
"Oh Barb, would you help me? Would you really?
I showed her how I strengthened my gums and cleaned out stuff using soft wood picks and how to brush and how to wash yourself to keep your intimacies clean and she watched me and I said, "I can't believe you don't know this stuff."
"Barb you'd have to know my story to understand."
"Well come on after we shower together we'll dress and then I'll make tea or coffee if you like and you can tell me."