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Posted by Barbanne on May 26, 2002 at 23:39:22:
You might imagine from what I write that I am some sort of good looking girl who looks like what you think of when you think of a model.
I am fairly short about one sixty five (maybe sixty six) centimetres and wear spectacles almost all of the time. I have done since I was ten as I have always been quite myopic. I am pretty plain to look at and although having a recognisably female body would never turn heads unless I was wearing something ultra revealing. I tend to thin and at this time was wearing my brown hair (I have never succumbed to going blonde or red or anything) very long, down past my shouders and had had it newly permed. Suzie, my favourite hairdresser had told me, "Barb, you should think about letting me cut your hair and maybe giving up on these tight perms. Wear it more naturally." I wasn't convinced.
Actually none of the girls at Playdead dot com was what you'd call stunning. Laurise was by far the prettiest and the rest of us looked OK done up but were at best average shielas.
So I considered myself extremely lucky that Alex loved me.
I mean he was a good looking big guy and although maybe not a chick magnet was still definitely hunky.
You know what I really love?
I love waking up in Alex's bed and lying there warm and sleepy and cuddling up to him while we whisper stuff to each other. Sometimes I think that loving cuddling is better than sex. Well, maybe not better but, well, you know what I mean.
Times like that is when we discuss stuff that Playdead might do in future.
That's when the idea of a model being found dead after a breathless sex accident came up.
Breathless sex, huffing, scarfing, head rushing, flying to the moon, auto erotic asphyxia you probably call it.
We talked around it and Alex said, "Who'd play the victim?"
"Me I think," I said, "I wouldn't know about the other girls."
"Hmmnnn," he thought about that.
There was a reason actually. I had never tried auto erotic asphyx because I considered it just too dangerous, but I had once had a boyfriend who choked me during sex and had taken me to the point of seeing bright flashes behind my eyelids and teetering on the brink of unconsciousness and I knew it powerfully increased my orgasms but it was a silly and very very dangerous thing to do really and I had given it up when I broke with him.
So you see I had had some experience of breathless sex with a partner. Auto erotic asphyx on the other hand was a solitary thing and one designed to intensify a masturbatory orgasm and I did also have some knowledge of masturbation.
"So what's the scenario?" asked Alex.
"I'll have to read up," I said, "but a locked room, bedroom, maybe bathroom, stains and as our victim, me, is a woman she'll definitely be wearing a towel or scarf to protect her neck during the strangling episode, women don't want to leave marks that show, atually neither do men I suppose but women definitely not. Not fully suspended because she doesn't want to kill herself but something goes wrong. I'll read up on it in "Eccentric and Bizarre Behaviour." My text book of wierdness.
"OK," he said, "rough something out and we'll look at it."
The scenario was this.
A girl, (me) practising auto erotic asphyx locks herself in her bathroom and chokes herself with a pair of panty hose while playing with herself, aiming to achieve a super orgasm, only something goes awfully wrong and she loses consciousness during the act and the weight of her body drags her down against her self made noose and she suffocates. Because she is ridden with guilt by what she is doing and terrified of discovery she is loosely dressed. (in case she is disturbed in the act of what she is about)
Rescuers find the body within the locked room when they respond to an emergency call.
The scene, Alex doing the photography.
We had used a corner of that old ablution area where I had done my yukky blood loss set and by framing the camera into one corner only, we made it look like a home bathroom. The photographs started after I had died and so showed me slumped on the floor partly propped against a wall, with a scarf doubled over and wrapped around my neck and a pair of twisted panty hose outside that, tightly knotted around my throat and hung from the towel railing bar. I was wearing loose cotton draw string waisted pants and a matching top, sort of lightweight sweats. The top had been rucked up to allow my left hand access to my breasts and my right hand was inside the waistband of the pants. I was bare footed and wearing no undies or for that matter anything else. My eyes were closed and blushed with eye shadow to achieve a translucent bulging appearance and my tongue just showed between my teeth and my face and lips were made up to achieve the pale whitish grey colour of death. The crotch of the pants showed a damp spot.
Enter Judith and Anne playing paramedics. They wore green ambulance type outfits which we had borrowed from the costume shop on the other side of town. They were experienced and had seen it before.
Working quickly but without panic they untied the panty hose and got my body laid out on the floor.
Anne stripped my pants off revealing my right hand at my groin my middle finger inside my pussy. (actually it wasn't it was just lying along the cleft of my labia but the camera saw it as buried inside. Alex had sort of huffed and talked about porno and so this was my compromise) Anne carefully pulled my hand aside and then she was able to remove my top so that I was stretched out on my back nude.
The girls then worked over my body trying desperately to find some sign of life.
No good I was long gone.
They worked on.
Some of the medical stuff was more sexy than clinical. Anne saw to that. She stroked and fondled and rolled and turned me and her compressions were more in the nature of touching and nipple fondling and she spent an inordinate length of time checking the temperature of my body by digital inspection inside my pussy and my ass.
Finally they admitted defeat and I was bagged and carried away.
Afterwards when the other girls had gone and Alex had downloaded the pictures and we had looked at them together he said, "Barb, I am going to be plainly honest here."
"Mmmnn what's that darling?"
"You're imaginative and clever at devising scenarios and you act them out with enthusiasm but how about you consider my feelings once in a while."
"I do, I do."
"What do you mean Oh yeah?"
"Have you forgotten I love you?"
"Never and I love you too. Awfully much."
"Well have you considered how I feel seeing you pretending to be dead like this," he indicated the picture on the screen, "when I love you and want to be able to respect you as I do."
"But it's only play acting."
"Maybe so. Maybe so."
"Barb I want you to work more with me and return to doing more photography and working up scripts and leave the modelling to the other girls for a while."
"I love the posing and stuff."
"I know you do, oh believe me I know you do. Maybe you could play the live ones for a while, hmmn??, for me, please darling."
"For you darling anything OK."
"I'd really appreciate it."
"Of course to keep my fantasies at bay you'll have to play the "Playing Dead" game with me lots and lots."
He sighed............,"Oh well, if I have to I have to."
Then he laughed and I giggled and we fell onto each other.