Posted by Barbanne on December 22, 2003 at 21:46:11:
PART ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY FOUR
It was dark and then suddenly light slid across the scene like paint spilled from a tin on the floor.
I looked down and saw the huge, shiny knife blade come at me and then I felt the awful pain as it stabbed into me.
Blood gushed forth and I sank down into my own gore.
I was sinking, sinking, sinking in a sea of redness, struggling to swim up but inexorably sinking down.
I heard alarms ringing.
I heard voices say, "We have to stop the bleeding."
"Is it coming yet, damn where is it?"
"She's bleeding out."
"Hurry, hurry. Oh god I've never seen so much blood."
"Where are they? Where are they?"
Sounds like far off sirens.
"They're here..........they're here."
"Hurry, hurry, oh god I think its too late."
I was drowning in the redness.
Then a new voice.
"Oh god this looks bad."
I drifted down into the vat of red.
I was in a room, a darkened, cold and hatefully silent room.
I looked up and realised I was in a deserted ER. A single gurney stood under the harsh overhead light.
I walked forward shaking with terror.
My body lay stretched out dead on the gurney.
Somehow it looked shrunken, diminished and horribly fragile. I was nude, my clothes cut off me and lying drenched in blood in a scruffy little heap at the foot of the gurney. A nurse had covered my mons veneris with a blood stained cloth although the bottom folds of my slit peeked out from under its curled edge. Massive blood stains on my chest and around my mouth appeared black against the dead whiteness of my skin.
I moved forward and looked into my own dead face.
Now I knew what lifeless really meant. There was nobody home at all. My body was an empty, abandoned shell and my wide open eyes stared dully at nothing.
I woke in frenzied horror, bathed in sweat and found myself gripping Alex's arm with steel banded fingers.
"Oh my god Barb, what's the matter?"
"Nightmare, nightmare, horrible, horrible nightmare."
"Oh darling it must have been ghastly, actually dear you're trying to drive your fingers right through my biceps."
I giggled half hysterically.
"Oh I'm sorry, oh but Alex it was so awful, so, so real and just so awful."
"What did you see love?"
"I saw....................no it doesn't matter, I don't want to talk about it.
"Alright baby just let me hold you. Don't you know I'm here to save you from the boogey man."
I laughed and snuggled against him and let his strong lovely arms embrace me and drive out the fear. I couldn't sleep but clung to his hold and when I felt his body relax back into sleep I let go and realised that tears were running down my face.
The next day we had Cass and Keely coming in to film a pirate girl battle with lots of sword play. I couldn't help thinking of my horridly realistic dream and decided to ask Jade to go easy with her depictions of sword cuts and stuff. Alex had a headache that he couldn't shift (probably from the bad night I had given him) and decided to run down to the local pharmacy for something to cure it.
"I'll come with you darling," I said and we both got in the car.
When he got there there was absolutely nowhere to park and I said, "You go around the block and I'll run in and get what you want."
"Won't take me a minute they're always quick here."
"What do you want, Panadol like you have had before?"
"Yes but not the forte ones they bind me up mercilessly."
I laughed and as he pulled over I popped the door and hopped out. He drove off and watching him go an awful sense of losing him swept over me and I shivered and shook it out of my head.
I walked into the pharmacy and smiled at the chemist.
Funny she was looking at this young man as though they were in a staring contest. He had on one of those jackets that have writing across the back. It was dirty and crumpled and said something I couldn't read although the last bit said ".....ers Rule."
I walked up behind him and he spun around and I saw the pin pricked eyes and the knife and everything took so, so, long to happen and I felt mired in stickiness, like molasses and then I saw the knife in his hand and it came at me but I couldn't move and I was thinking "Drugs, drugs, bloody, bloody drugs," and it pricked and then it was inside my chest right up to the handle and then the chemist screamed and I felt the searing pain and my chest was being flooded inside with something warm and thick and flowing and I was falling backward and I saw blood all over my top and across my tummy and running onto the tops of my jeans and I felt it filling my mouth, forcing its way out between my lips and I thought, "Oh no, not like this, not like this, I haven't said goodbye, I haven't said so many things, oh Alex forgive......................................................................"