Remember Playdead dot com ?

Posted by Barbanne on February 22, 2004 at 22:51:52:

For those who do this conversation was recorded between Barb and Alex recently.


"Hi Alex."
"Hi Barb, how did it go?"
"Well I got a part in the movie, that's what I've been doing this last two weeks."
"Yeah I'm chuffed."
"Good part?"
"I'm on screen for quite a long time."
"Great do you get any good scenes? Knowing what you're like with dialogue I can just imagine you would be good."
"Well, actually I don't have any dialogue."
"Not one word?"
"Not a speaking part."
"Oh, well what are you? A maid or a cop or something?"
"Not exactly."
"But if you're on screen a lot you must be in a lot of scenes."
"I am."
"Well what part is that?"
"Well, I'm a................."
"A dancer maybe or a cool government type."
"Well what then babe?"
"Er, well, actually if you must know I'm a..............."
"Don't keep me in suspense."
" A corpse."
"A corpse babe?"
"Yeah but I feature very prominently in a number of scenes. The heroine finds me lying on a sofa in this flat she goes to and I'm in my panties and I've been strangled."
"Your panties Barb? Anything else?"
"Well no just panties, but although you can see everything and my tits are in close up its very artistic."
"Just panties Barb?"
"A thong actually. And high heels. Really high."
"A thong?"
"They made up my bum, can you believe it?, make up for my buttocks."
"And high heels. Tell me they were'nt.............?"
"Fuck me shoes, well yeah they are a bit."
"Anyway the heroine finds me lying there all starey eyed and gaping mouthed and tongue hanging out and strangled like yeeerch, the camera pans across my body and then zooms in on my, er, er, um, crotch and then travels up for a tight shot on my face, and then she like screams fit to bust and staggers about a bit and the hero runs in and gags and then checks my carotid but I'm long gone. Like deado for sure and they call the cops and the room fills and I'm the star attraction....."
"In a thong and high heels." (sigh.)
"That's it."
"Nothing else? A blanket maybe? A sheet perhaps?"
"Nah more or less naked."
"I see." (sigh.)
Well then there's all this scene of crime action and in just about every shot you can see me lying there, no less dead at any time, OK, so sometimes you see me from in between two actors and other times you see legs moving around and there I am in the background and there's even an overhead shot and the hero and heroine and the investigating detective are all foreshortened but I'm seen lying there full length. See on account of I am down and out you see all of me.............."
"I get it."
He sounded resigned.
"Aren't you happy I got this big part Alex?"
"Sure Barb."
"You don't sound enthusiastic."
"Maybe I could have wished you were maybe upright even for a little while and maybe if you'd been covered just a bit more than a thong and those heels."
"I haven't told you everything."
"Oh there's more?"
"The medical examiner he comes in and he turns me sort of sideways and that's when you see my bum and you know I told you they made it up for me."
"With the thong?"
"Yeah well that's sort of disappearing into my ass crack but it's my bum is the star."
"And then what?"
"Well after a scene lasting maybe five minutes, and I'm in nearly all of it, they bag my body and then I get another thirty seconds lying there bagged."
"Well at least you got some wardrobe, or is a body bag a prop?"
"Yeah well."
"Well I'm glad you got this big part Barb."
"That's not all. Later on there's a shot where the cops and the pathologist have me in the morgue and there's a shot of them wheeling me over covered by a sheet and then the morgue assistant removes that and there's an overhead shot and you see me full length and nude on the stainless steel slab and even though its only a few seconds long you can see my nipples and pubics and all."
"Is that good Barb?"
"Well maybe talent scouts and stuff will see me and give me some work."
"Playing prone, nude women Barb?"
"Well you know what I mean its all exposure."
"That is certainly true."
"I knew you'd agree and anyway that's not all. After that I'm autopsied and although there are a lot of low level camera shots showing the other actors bending over the table you get to see a lot of my legs and arms and thighs and hips and even my tits at times."
"I'm pleased for you Barb. Is that it then?"
"Well yeah, although you do see one last shot of my face looking very peaceful as my body is filed in one of those stainless steel drawers."
"That's great Barb."
"Well I thought it was good, especially the bit where they find me sprawled out and the heroine screams."
"So will you be getting anymore work Barb?"
"I reckon I will, I mean who could ignore me I'm a fabulous corpse."
"Righto Barb, now.................."
"Yes darling."
"Are you alive enough to cook me some dinner?"
"Sure I can whip up a stiff meal."
He started laughing and that started me and then we were both giggling fit to bust.
My big part eh?