Posted by Lucinda Grant on October 13, 2000 at 00:00:46:
My friend Barbanne (Great great something daughter of the one in this tale asked me to post this for you guys)
THE LOST CHRONICLE OF THE DEADWOOD FUNERAL PARLOUR.
Its Lucinda Grant here again.
I thought you might be interested in something that turned up recently.
You see my Great Auntie Barbanne died a while back and when I was going through her stuff I found another story from the days when she was the lady mortician in Deadwood.
I gotta tell you it knocked me for a loop.
I mean I thought these were the sexually liberated days for young women like my grand daughter Amy, she has just turned sixteen and does things I would never have dreamed of. But geez we're all just little beginners compared with what Auntie was doing all those years ago.
Here I'll let her tell it in her own words:
My dreams were all of blood!
I saw it welling up towards me and rising unstoppably over my tummy and up and around my breasts and then it reached my chin and I cried out and no-one heard and the tide of blood covered my mouth and filled my nose and then closed my eyes and I slipped under the hot, sticky, wet surface................................
I woke with a gasp.
My nightie was wringing wet and sweat was dripping from my face and running down my body and sliding down my thighs. My hair was a tangled mess and I felt thirsty and frightened. I staggered out of the bed and lit the lantern and looked at myself.
My cotton panties were spotted and I knew my menses were on the way.
They would overwhelm me as they always did and quite soon too.
I went to the kitchen and drank a glass of water and took a pad from the cupboard.
I fitted the thick pad and crawled back into bed.
I slept but fitfully and by morning the haemorraghing was on me.
For two days I lay confined to my bed.
Some of the ladies of town called in when I hadn't shown my face for twenty four hours. They were sympathetic but no-one could do anything for me until it ran its course. I lay in my bed suffering from the cramps and the bleeding and wished I could die.
It was a very bad month for me. I remember very well because it was a week later that the woman came to town.
Paw was away in the east that month.
It was before he had his sad accident which robbed me of my beloved parent.
Hah! like hell.
He said he wuz going to look at the latest in mortuary stuff but by the time he reached St Louis, he settled into a bar and drank away a year's profits. I wouldn't see him until the cash was gone and then he'd crawl back here and make me slave for him until he recovered from his latest bout of the dt's.
But at this time he wuz probably just hitting his straps with the bar flies and broads of the big city. So I wuz in charge.
I saw the woman when she arrived by coach that Tuesday evening.
I wuz sitting on the stoop by the saloon trying to meet some of the dance hall gals because they allus seemed like heaps of fun, when the stage arrived and the woman stepped down. She wuz middle aged, but maybe youngish middle aged and she had shoulder length brunette hair which I thought was funny because most of the town ladies wore their hair more shorter when they became more mature. (their word not mine)
She was very pretty, no, maybe I should say strikingly good looking, because kids look pretty but older ladies look classy and handsome, that's the word. She wuz dressed in a long skirt and bonnet and looked like maybe a business woman or something, from back east I bet. None of us Deadwood locals look anything but what we are. Pretty rough you know?
Pioneers, frontier types!
Slags more like it.
She had one case and it was just a middling sized carpet bag arrangement and old Jeb carried it inside and I heard her tell them her name wuz Miz Smith and when the clerk asked her would she be wanting the dining room she said "no thank you" all polite like and went on upstairs.
The sheriff came along about then and pissed me off back home telling me I wuzn't to hang around saloons and stuff and what would my Paw say. Shit, Paw would be inside so much he couldn't give a stuff as long as I kept everything running back at the funeral parlour.
Well, I wuz just opening up next morning when one of the sheriff's boys came along and said I wuz to come to the saloon and bring my cart with me.
"Who's died?" I asked but he said just come.
I wheeled my cart down there and wuz told to put it out back in the lane cuz I wasn't considered good for business and to get along upstairs to room 304.
I parked the cart and climbed the stairs and when I found room 304 the same sheriff's guy what fetched me wuz sitting outside on a chair leaning against the wall and he told me to go on in.
I went in.
The sheriff wuz there and so wuz the doc.
That lady, Miz Smith wuz laying on her back across the bed.
She wuz still wearing the same dress she arrived in last evening only it wuz unbuttoned and sorta disarrayed and her bonnet wuz lying on the floor and she had dreadful purple bruises around her throat and her knickers, she had them tiny lacy French ones, were stuffed into her mouth. She wuz wearing one shoe and the other wuz on the floor at the foot of the bed and her eyes wuz open and surprised like and she wuz stone cold dead!
"Wow what happened here?" I said.
The sheriff said, "Doc here reckons she's been dead for about seven hours. The breakfast maid found her. She don't seem to have any luggage and she had a case when she arrived last night, so we reckon she's bin robbed and murdered but who dun it, we got no idea."
"Yeah," I said, sidling close and checking Miz Smith out.
"Yeah and we don't think Smith's her real name either. She ain't got no papers or nuthing and her handkerchief is embroidered with the name Lisa so we think she's Lisa somebody but it ain't Smith."
"Yeah?" said I staring at Miz Smith's very dead face.
"She's all yours Barbanne and you better just enter her up as Jane Doe, or maybe Lisa Doe until we find out something more."
He smiled at me.
"Oh yeah," he said, "you'd better take some pictures of her for identification purposes.
I wuz looking at Miz Smith, Doe whatever and I said, "She looks heavy."
"Hank'll help ya."
"Think I could borrow a sheet?"
"Hell, the hotel folks reckon they don't want to know about people getting kilt in their beds so you kin take it if you want kid."
I grabbed a sheet and wrapped Miz Smith/Doe's shoe and bonnet in it and took it downstairs. Then I came back up and Hank, he wuz the dude by the door, he helped me get her up and off of the bed and he carried most of Miz Smith/Doe's body downstairs. I followed holding her legs. He laid her on my cart and I covered her with the sheet. Her feet, one shod, one not, stuck out no matter how I arranged it and so off I went, wheeling the dead lady back to the parlour watching her toes bobble around as we bounced over the rough bits.
"Bet you don't think much of Deadwood Ma'am?" I said, "bet you wouldn't have anything nice to say about the place either."
She just lay there.
"That's if you were speaking Ma'am," I said.
I got her inside and into the preparation room and slid her off of the cart and onto the table.
I parked the cart outside and came back in and stood there looking at Lisa.
That's what I had decided I would call her.
Dead Lady Lisa.
I fiddled around and got them French knickers out of her mouth. They wuz all slimy with her saliva and when I held them up boy wuz they small. I'd sure like a pair of them I thought. But I wuz way too skinny in the ass to get into this pair and besides they wuz the property of the dead lady.
I put them on the side bench. I made a space for all of her clothes because I'd have to dress her in them once I had made her pretty and once I had washed and ironed all of her clothes.
The mortuary likes to present a well turned out customer.
Lisa had lovely full lips and a generous mouth and I bet she had done some kissing in her time. Her eyes were big and long lashed and she had a long nose with a slight turn up and a bump at the end. I pushed her hair back and looked at her face.
She wuz mighty handsome.
I checked the door wuz locked and came back and set about my tasks.
Lisa wuz a lovely woman.
I placed my hands on both of her cheeks and stooping over her, kissed her on those lips. They wuz bluish from her having been strangled and they wuz cold but they wuz sexy.
I unbuttoned her dress. It had buttons all the way down the front and I undid them one by one. Then I wrestled her dead body a bit while I got the dress off and slipped her arms out and rucked it under her and rolled her this way and that until it wuz off.
I folded it and put it with her panties.
Underneath she had on a full satin slip and a bra that matched the panties and of course no panties but stockings and a suspender belt. I took off her other shoe and added it to the pile of clothing and then I unclipped her stockings and rolled them down and off and slid her slip up and got it off over her head struggling with her arms which were like limped right out. I undid her belt and got it off and unclasped her bra and that wuz it.
I folded all of her clothes into a pile.
She wuz stretched out on my table nude and still quite dead and I measured her to check what size coffin I'd need. She wuz a hundred and seventy three centimetres long. Tall that would have been when she could stand up. Six centimetres taller than me. She weighed about sixty eight kilos, that's twenty kilos more than me and she had big breasts. She'd have been a D cup, I had only just moved up to an A.
I covered her with a sheet just to the top of her breasts.
Time for the pictures.
We had a big old camera and it took a while to set up.
Finally I had it right and took a couple of pics of Lisa but they weren't right. I just knew they weren't right because the angle wuz wrong. I got ahold of a chair and set it up on the table at one end and had to tie it down and then I draped the sheet over that and with a bit of a struggle I managed to get Lisa upright sort of and lay her back against the sheet over the chair so that she wuz sorta propped up and kinda facing forward.
She wuzn't really very helpful because her head wobbled something awful on her neck and it fell backward and I wuz looking at her chin and then forward and I wuz looking at the top of her head and sideways so she looked cheeky and sorta dopey. Finally with a lot of trouble I got her looking at the camera lens and then I covered her breasts with the sheet.
Jeez they were big and they sorta plumped forward and downward. Each breast wuz crowned with a huge brown nipple and I got a bit hot looking at them.
I concentrated and got a couple of shots and then realised that Lisa was staring open eyed at the camera and looked plumb dead. Which she wuz! Without disturbing my carefully arranged pose I managed to pull her eyelids down and she looked more peaceful. Still plenty dead but peaceful. I took some more pictures using the big old flash thing.
That should about do the sheriff I reckoned and then I got to wondering how would some pics of the two of us together look.
I lost the chair and also the sheet and then I got in back with a long shutter release and I held Lisa up in my arms and got a pic of that. Damn it, I thought, why should she be the only one naked?
So making sure no-one was about and I was well locked up I stripped off my clothes and got naked too.
Using the extension release I got pics of me and Lisa together in all sorts of poses. Me kissing her and me fondling her breasts and me kissing and exploring her pussy and me holding her in my arms and me and her laid out together, her dead and me playing at being dead. Fantastic! If you think there seems to be a lot of "me" in what I have said that's because nice and accomodating as Lisa was in making these photos she didn't really make a lot of the running.
But then she was dead, poor thing.
(Note by Lucinda: I found these photos amongst Auntie Barbanne's effects and I have to tell you my great aunt was a very imaginative photographer and even though the pictures are old and somewhat dated they are extremely erotic! I mean extremely!!)
I wuz having so much fun with this that I got Lisa on her back on the table and climbed onto her (she was so pneumatic and I was so slight) and somehow I must have fallen asleep lying naked on her naked corpse.
Banging on the door brought me awake and I jerked up and fell off of my lovely soft mattress of human flesh. I panicked and then I grabbed my dress and threw it over my head and tossed a sheet over Lisa and hurried to the door.
I opened the door and there was old Doc and Mrs Doc and two ladies from the church auxiliary.
"Just came by to see about that poor woman who was killed in the saloon last evening," said Doc.
"Yes dear," said Mrs Doc, "we thought we should make some arrangements for a christian burial."
"Er yeah," I said.
"Can I see the body?" asked Doc.
As I led Doc out I just knew that them ladies had sussed out my bare feet and my bare legs and the fact that I wuz totally without underwear. I could hear them whispering.
"Really that child."
"Needs proper supervision."
"Needs a mother."
"She's almost nekkid."
"And she lives with all of these dead people."
"Poor little thing. We must get her involved in the ladies auxiliary."
I led Doc into the preparation room.
"I wuz photographing the lady for the sheriff."
"Oh good. Can I help you process the films?"
"NO!!!!!!!!!!" I went crimson faced. "I mean no, I'll do it later I gotta get her prepped."
"Alright dear," he pulled down the sheet and looked at Lisa's strangled face. All of her lipstick wuz smeared where I had been mushing her. I realised I probably had it on my own face. Surreptitiously I wiped my gob.
"Poor woman. No doubt she was murdered for what money she had. Well the sheriff will catch the culprit eventually I have no doubt."
"Thank you dear."
I took him back and after a while they left. As they wuz going Mrs Doc said to me, "I'll collect you for church on Sunday dear."
"Er I gotta clean that day missus."
"Nonsense it won't take long and you'll meet some lovely people."
"Several young gentlemen have expressed interest in meeting you you know."
After locking the door, I went back to the prep room.
Time to git nekkid again.
I brought my bucket and cloth and started in on cleaning Miz Lisa.
I carefully washed all of her ruined make up off. Her nose wuz really cute and I kissed it some. I washed her hair and fanned it out to dry. I cleaned inside her nostrils and washed inside her mouth. It wuz all pink and soft and I stuck my tongue in there and mooshed around some. Her poor neck wuz ruined but I cleaned up as much as I could. Where her killer had strangled her it wuz horribly black and bruised. I moved on down and washed her chest. Her breasts were beautiful, big and round and soft and relaxed in death they sagged apart and splayed to the sides. I spent a lot of time washing them and their spectacular nipples and then I spent time kissing them. I washed down into her tummy and cleaned out her belly button and then I washed her hips and groin and pubic bush. It was dark and dense and perfumed with her sex even after death. I used my finger to get in and clean her pussy and felt her poor dead clitoris and wondered how excited it would have gotten when she wuz alive. I washed her legs and feet spending forever in and around her toes. I rolled her onto her face and washed her back and the backs of her legs and her beautiful bum. Her buttocks were the most perfect shape and her crack just looked so sweet. I used my finger and heaps of water to clean her out there too. I rolled her back so she wuz face up and aspirated her using my water vacuum. Then I pumped her full of preservative.
I got her onto a clean sheet on my cart and took her to the spare downstairs bedroom.
Then I laid her out on the bed. Her hair wuz dry now I noticed.
I got dressed and then I cleaned up my table and washed out her clothes and hung them in the back yard to dry.
Then I processed my photos and selected those for the sheriff and put my own away. I checked several times to make sure I wasn't giving the sheriff anything interesting.
By now Lisa's clothes wuz dry and I bought them in and pressed them and hung them in the wardrobe in the downstair's bedroom. Lisa wuz lying there looking achingly beautiful.
By now it wuz evening and I locked up properly.
I wuz too excited to eat.
I just got nekkid again and went to bed with Lisa.
I didn't get much sleep as that lady and me got up to awful things all night long. She wuz shameless I gotta tell you. We did really adventurous stuff and she allowed herself to be totally humiliated. I have a double ended dildo I got from some injuns outside town one time and although it wuz plumb difficult Lisa wuz up fer that and we got off together.
Disgusting you reckon.
Fabulous I say.
Fucked stupid I staggered up in the morning and cleaned my darling up and got her back to my table and covered her over after a last pash.
I took the pictures to the sheriff and he said that as she wuz still a Jane Doe could I keep her for a while.
Could I what!
I returned to the parlour and put Lisa away with my special ladies and then tidied the place up.
Oh Lisa, darling Lisa I can't hardly wait for tonight.
The place wuz quiet this day so I went downtown. Everybody wuz talking about the strange dead lady and they asked me what she wuz like.
"Oh just dead," I said.
No need for them to know.