Posted by Archer2 on June 21, 2001 at 21:17:28:
The King assembled all his scribes and messengers, and said, "Go forth
unto the world and spread the news. His royal highness, King Ludwig
of Ottobruen, is ready to marry."
"O Merciful King Ludwig! I have travelled from the Far East to
be your bride. I eluded the Mongol horde that I might offer myself
to you a virgin. Alas! my seven maidservants did not manage to escape
with me and perished at the hands of the Mongols. You are a just
and righteous king, and, if you deem me worthy, then I would be honored
to be your bride. I am Princess Kiti of Kampuchea."
The King was ready to accept this worthy maiden's hand in marriage when
another princess bowed before him and introduced herself:
"O Just King Ludwig! I have travelled from the Far West, all the
way from the land of Britannia. I eluded the dragons of the Channel
that I might offer myself to you, pure and unspoilt, as your bride.
Alas! my seven maidservants did not fare so well for they were eaten by
the Dragons. You are just and righteous, and, if I be worthy, then
I would be honored to be your queen. I am Princess Beatrice of Brittania."
No sooner had the King fallen madly in love with his second suitor,
when a third suitor did arrive. She too bowed down before the King
and introduced herself:
"O Kindly King Ludwig! I have travelled from the Far North to
answer your plea. I eluded the deadly Danes that I might offer myself
to you, chaste and unsoilt, as your bride. Alas! my seven maidservants
did not fare so well for they were beheaded by the marauding Vikings.
You rule justly and righteously, and, if I be deemed worthy, then
I offer you my hand in marriage. I am Princess Laakallit of Lapland."
And as men are wont to do, King Ludwig fell madly in love with this
third suitor. Yet he was no less in love with the first two.
But before he had time to breathe, a fourth maiden, every bit as lovely
as the first three, stepped up to his thrown and felt prostrate before.
She introduced herself thus:
"O Righteous King Ludwig! I have travelled from the Far South
to answer your plea. I eluded the deadly dust devils that I might
offer myself to you, a virgin, as your bride. Alas! my seven maidservants
did not fare so well for they were buried by in the sand dunes of Araby.
You are known world around for justice and righteousness, and, if I prove
worthy, then I delight in bearing you an heir to the throne. I am
Princess Agatha of Australia."
Yes, she too found the King's favour. But no sooner had she finished
speaking when three more women stepped up to the throne and stumbled over
each other. The King bade the first of these, a lovely blonde of
German extraction, to speak:
"O Gentle King Ludwig! I have travelled from the city to
serve you. I hiked through nettles and brambles and briars that I
might offer myself to you, unsullied, as your bride. Alas!
my seven maidservants did not fare so well for they were stung to deat
by the stinging nettles of the woods of Bavaria. You have ruled uprightly,
tempered your power with justice, and, if I am lucky to prove myself
worthy, then I would be honored to bear you many sons. I am Princess
Maria Margarethe of Muenchen."
The King, now already hopelessly in love with all seven of these suitors,
acknowledged the sixth, a lovely redhead dressed in rags. She
fell to the floor in fear and awe and, despite her limited education, she
struggled to introduce herself with the dignity of the five worht princesses
who preceded her:
"O Wise King! I fear I am not on par with these lovely princesses,
for I am but a beggar. Nor am I a virgin, though I have lain with
but one man on but one occasion. But, if you would have me, either
as your wife or your concubine, then I am yours. I am Ruby Red of
Oldenburg."
Now alone of the suitors, the seventh woman, clearly a muscular warrior
from the Near East, laughed, as did the seven women who accompanied her.
And alone among the suitors, she did not abase herself before the King.
Standing proudly, she spake thus:
"O Powerful King Ludwig! I am Princess Scylla of Scythia, heir
to the throne of the Amazons and these women are my worthy guards.
I pray you send these pathetic princesses and this worthless whore to the
quicksand pits. If I am your bride, then you and I will soon rule
the world!"
Now King Ludwig really had no desire to rule the world, but he was so
overcome by all these women's beauty that he took no note of the evil implicit
in the words of the Scythian princess.
"Perhaps I could marry you all..."
Princess Kiti, the wisest of the seven, spoke up, in part out of her
fear of Princess Scylla. "O Good King! I know six of us would
gladly serve together, but I think the seventh would not. And though
I would serve with the others, I am forced to agree that it would not be
wise. Consider your sons, your heirs. Would you have them fight
among themselves for control of your kingdom?"
"But I fear I am in love with all seven of you! How shall I decide?"
Princess Scylla tried to speak but she was thwarted by the clever Princess
from Kampuchea:
"O Honorable King! A contest! Let each of us pleasure you
as best as you can. The one who pleases you most will become your
queen and servant. The others will be put to the sword as befits
their station." She graciously nodded to the commoner Ruby Red to
indicate that she too would die in this honorable manner should she lose.
All but Princess Scylla immediately agreed that this was the best plan.
And the King's advisors agreed. Before Princess Scylla could offer
her idea for a contest, the King spoke:
"So be it!"
For each of the next seven nights, the King was entertained by one of
the seven suitors. Each did her best to please his majesty.
On the sixth night, Ruby Red sought to please her king. And though
she was slightly more experienced, she was less educated in the art of
love. Yet she managed to please him no less than any of the others.
All the women pleased the king greatly. Unfortunately, none of
the women succeeded in pleasing the king any more than any of her adversaries.
So, on the eighth day, after seven nights of the greatest lovemaking the
world had seen for many years and the greatest lovemaking the world
would see for many years to come, the king stood before his court with
a heavy heart:
"Alas, I am no closer to a decision than I was when we first met.
You are all excellent lovers."
This time Princess Scylla managed to speak before the Kampuchean princess
could offer another proposal. "I propose a different kind of contest.
A swordfight -- to the death!"
In response more to the excitement in Princess Scylla's voice than to
her actual proposal, the crowd roared in approval.
Before Princess Kiti could offer wiser counsel, the King, caught up
in the excitement, said:
"So be it!"
As soon as he said those three words, he regretted it, but these three
words were words that even the king himself could not take back.
But Princess Kiti saw a possible out. "O Foolish King! Can
this contest be fair? For Princess Scylla has her own sword, but
the rest of us would be forced to fight with an unfamiliar sword."
Princess Scylla had an answer for this:
"O Mighty King! You cannot go back on your word. But if
it is fairness you seek, then let each suitor in turn claim the sword of
her choice from among those of my guards. I will choose last.
And so that none can call me unfair, I will not only fight with an unfamiliar
sword, but I will wield it with my left hand. Surely you cannot call
that unfair."
The King saw no way out, and his council could offer him no good alternatives.
"So be it," he said weakly.
Each of the six good suitors joined in a pact. They agreed to
try to kill Princess Scylla -- and if they succeeded, they would leave
it to the king to draw lots to decide who would be his bride and who would
die.
Know that Princess Scylla's guards were dangerous even without their
swords, Princess Kiti obtained the help of three of the king's maidservants
in poisoning the wine cups of the Amazon guards. These same
maidservants also tried to poison Princess Scylla, but she wasn't so easily
fooled as her guards.
The next morning, the seven suitors gathered in the courtyard before
a large audience. Princess Scylla took immediate note of the fact
that none of her guards was present. And a grin from Princess Kiti
was enough to confirm her suspicions about the three maidservants.
Princess Kiti wasn't ready to let this contest happen just yet.
Words might still prevail. "O Foolish King!" she said to the man
that she loved. "Surely this contest is unfair for Princess Scylla
wears battle armour and the rest of us have but cloth to protect us, and
fair Ruby Red has little even of that."
Princess Scylla was not to be denied. She removed her battle armor,
naked but for the sword she held in her left hand and the strap that restrained
her right hand. "Sire," she addressed the king, "surely I now have
no more protection than the others. " Having overheard some gossip about
the pact, she decided it was time to neutralize even that: "May I propose
that these others do battle with me in turn. That way I will surely
tire so that even my experience in war will prove no advantage..."
Princess Beatrice issued a cry passed down from the ancient Picts, and
she doffed her gown to reveal a body stained in ceremonial blue.
But, though Beatrice was descended from these mighty warriors, she herself
was no warrior. For she charged to fast and was unable
to change course when she saw Princess Scylla's sword pointed straight
at her navel. Ruby Red winced as she saw the unfortanate Beatrice
impaled on Scylla's sword.
Princess Laakallit noted that Scylla was struggling to extract her sword
from the dying Beatrice. So Laakallit uttered a Finnish cry as she
charged. Without the help of her right hand, Scylla knew she would
be unable to retrieve her sword in time. So just in the nick of time
she jumped aside. And "nick of time" is an apt description for the
edge of Laakallit's sword managed to nick Scylla's left buttock, drawing
some blood, but causing Scylla more embarassment than pain. Unfortunately
for Laakallit, the momentum of her charge was enough to send her sprawling
to the ground face forward as she tripped over the falling body of the
dying Beatrice. And worse yet, as Laakallit hit ground, she let go
of her sword. It only took her a moment to recover it, but in that
moment, Scylla was able to recover her own sword.
The two princesses now stood face to face. And in the fall,
Laakallit's modest shift had torn, exposing her right breast and about
two thirds of the nipple of her left breast. Scylla used the right
nipple as a target, and even with the unsureness of her left hand, her
warrior aim was true. Laakallit cried out as she fell back.
Scylla managed to cath her shift as she fell -- the fabric tore straight
down the front. And as soon as Laakallit hit the dirt, Scylla slew
her with a thrust through her open mouth into her head.
Princess Agatha spoke: "The bitch is mine!" And then
she too charged. But Australian beer had taken a toll on Agatha's
agility. (Agatha's figure would be described as Rubenesque, but in
Ludwig's day, that was a compliment.) Scylla had tired a little,
but she was still quite agile, and Agatha was a bit surprised to hear Scylla's
voice behind her saying, "Where are you going?" As she turned to
face Scylla, Scylla's sword cut through the flesh of Agatha's neck and
her head went flying. A light push was enough to cause Agatha's now
headless corpse to fall to the ground. And following Amazon tradition,
Scylla desecrated her fallen opponent by cutting the fabric of Agatha's
dress so that her vagina was exposed for all to see.
Princess Kiti started to approache but she was stayed by Princess Maria
Margarethe. "Let me tire her some more. Then avenge me."
She glanced at Ruby Red struggling to keep her sword off the ground. "She
won't be of any help. Protect her."
Kiti reluctantly let Maria approach the evil Scythian. It was
clear to Kiti that Scylla wasn't as resilient as she was about when the
fighting started. Though everything seemed to happen so quickly,
Kiti could tell by the position of the sun that over an hour had passed.
And Kiti admired the way that Maria took care to add as much time as she
could. Maria wasn't particularly strong, but she had the lightest
of the swords, and she knew how to move quickly without losing her balance
and without gaining too much momentum. Kiti realized that Maria must
be an excellent dancer.
Of course , Scylla was starting to realize this as well.
Maria wasn't quite strong enough to do Scylla serious harm, but she had
managed to draw some blood. Most embarassing had been a parry which
had resulted in a cut on Scylla's inner thigh, just inches from her mons
veneris. But Scylla was quickly seeing a regularity in Maria's movements.
Maria saw her opportunity. Scylla's left breast was exposed.
One quick thrust and...
Scylla had moved somewhere else. Maria realized that her jig was
up, and and instant after that recognition, she felt the cold bronze of
Scylla's sword enter through her back. As soon as Maria fell
to the ground, she could feel the cool air over her now exposed labia...
Kiti approached as Scylla desecrated Maria's body by exposing her sex
for all to see. As she approached, she let her robe fall to the ground.
"You'll not exposed me," she said. "At least you're denied that!"
Her sword was met in midair by Scylla's sword.
Kiti's attacks were met by Scylla's able defenses. Kiti quickly realized
that even though she was perhaps the best trained fighter among the six
good suitors, she was almost as worthless in battle against Scylla.
For Scylla had trained in all of these standard techniques.
For reasons that Kiti didn't yet understand, Scylla was clearly playing
with her. Surely a blow would come for which Kiti would have
no defense. And clearly Scylla was letting opportunity after opportunity
pass. But why?
And then, very suddenly she had an answer. Humiliation.
She felt the cold hard bronze enter her now as the King warm hard
penis had entered her eight nights ago. As the sword tore into her
uterus, all she could do was cry out a warning:
"Run, Ruby Red! Save yourself!"
Ruby Red ran and Scylla cursed loudly as she tried to extract her sword
from the corpse of Princess Kiti...
But Scylla wasn't at all happy. First, her rival Ruby Red was
still alive. Second, when Princess Kiti had called out to Ruby Red
to save herself, she had turned the humiliation of rape by Scylla's sword
into death with dignity. In fact all five princesses had died with
dignity. Scylla's only hope for happiness was now to humiliate and
kill Ruby Red.
In the meantime Queen Scylla ruled cruelly as her heart-broken husband
hid from the world. But even a heartbroken king has limits.
When Scylla ordered the hangings of several peasants for making irreverant
comments about the Queen, King Ludwig stepped in and pardoned the
peasants. He did not interfere, however, when the Queen ordered the
deaths of the three maidservants for poisoning her guards.
Under no circumstances would he tolerate murder. And, if Ruby Red
should be captured, though he loved her, he would not interfere with
the Queen's designs.
Since the Queen couldn't trust any of the people of the Kingdom of Ottobruen,
she requested a new honor guard from her sisters in Scythia.
Her sisters knew that the death of Ruby Red would be required before a
formal alliance could be established between the Kingdom of Ottobruen and
the Federated Principalities of Scythia. And without that alliance,
Scythian world domination was simply out of the question. Needless
to say, she was sent an honor guard of ten -- and a full legion of 1000
Amazon troops.
The king's advisors were alarmed, but if any of this was of concern
to the king, he made no show of it. The queen tried hanging
a few more innocent peasants, and sporting a large complement of the Ottobruen
Army, the king made a public appearance to pardon them. But apart
from actually killing innocent peasants, the king gave his evil queen full
reign.
The woman apparently was a servant to a couple of ogres and a troll
and she came into town once a week for supplies. Now
smart Amazon warriors like Hermione didn't mess with trolls and
ogres. That was something smart Amazon warriors left to brave
Amazon warriors. And brave in Hermione's Scythian dialect
was quite curiously a homophone for stupid. So Hermione sent
her four compatriots to the cottage of the two ogres and the troll.
Meanwhile, she waited in town.
Her compatriots lived up to Hermione's expectations by knocking on the
cottage door in broad daylight to arrest Ruby Red. Now four armed
Amazons are no match for two ogres and a troll, whether armed or not.
Ruby Red knew nothing of this, but she was very puzzled that the ogres
and the troll were simply not hungry for a couple of days. A passing
hunter was also puzzled when he found some human bones stripped of all
flesh in an abandoned cooking kettle with four bronze Sythian swords lying
scattered nearby, but he decided it was best to say nothing about such
matters.
Hermione had to wait five days, and then she caught sight of Ruby Red.
And she was so awestruck by Ruby's beauty that she pledged her undying
love. Hermione found another redhead, stabbed her to
death, cut out her heart and a took a few strands of hair as well.
These she brought back to the queen saying:
"O Mighty Queen! Fair Ruby Red is deader than dead!
Alas! the wolves took her apart, leaving nought but her heart.
And here and there, I found strands of her hair!"
The Queen Scylla was no fool. She knew that only unrequited
lovers are poets, and it wasn't hard to guess who was the object of Hermione's
unrequited love. Since Hermione was Scythian, the heartbroken
king did not interfere when then queen had her beheaded for treason.
Of course the queen was not stupid. Before Hermione was beheaded,
she was tortured and made to betray her love, the fair Ruby Red.
After Hermione's execution, the queen sent the rest of her honor guard
to the cottage to fetch Ruby Red. Of course, the queen had made an
unfortunate error of omission. She had failed to ask about the residents
of the cottage. Had she asked, she would have known not to send the
rest of her honor guard, for five Amazons, fully armed, are no match for
two ogres and a troll.
The five brave guardswomen were seen entering the cottage to arrest
Ruby Red. Their armor was found a few days later along with a few
human bone stripped of flesh, but they disappeared without trace.
And Ruby Red had no idea why her employers weren't hungry for two days.
Queen Scylla let her sisters know the whereabouts of Ruby Red.
Each of her six sisters brought an honor guard and one legion of Amazon
troops to meet her in Ottobruen. (The king took note of this, but
dared not interfere. He had but 2000 troops. Though they were
still loyal to him, they would easily be destroyed by the 7000 Amazon troops
at Queen Scylla's disposal -- and this wasn't even counting the honor guards.)
"I'll take care of him when we get back!" Queen Scylla promised
her sisters.
She led her sisters, an honor guard of 78, and 7 legions to the cottage
where Ruby Red worked. The ogres and the troll were out chopping
wood, and Ruby Red was home alone, sweeping the floor, whistling a popular
song with lyrics that Queen Scylla felt were treasonous.
"You're under arrest, Ruby Red!" Queen Scylla declared.
All possible escapes blocked by the thousands of Amazon troops, Ruby
Red made a plea for mercy.
"Denied!" the Queen said.
At this point, the two ogres and the troll returned from woodchopping.
The battle was over in minutes. The survivors: two ogres, one
troll, and a broom-wielding maidservant. Ruby Red noted that Queen
Scylla received a fitting end, impaled indelicately on a broken broomstick.
Her memory of the courtship contests wa still fresh, and in revenge,
she took a few hours to loosen the lower parts of the armor of the other
7084 dead Amazons, leaving their privates quite public.
Now ogres and trolls are usually given to tears but they were crying.
With 7085 dead Amazons littering the yard, they had several years of ready-to-eat
meals, and they couldn't really pay Ruby Red just to sweep the cottage.
"Sorry, kiddo," said Wham to Ruby Red, "but we're gonna have to let
you go. I mean we're just not going to have any appetite for your
lousy cooking with all this food lying around."
"I understand," said Ruby Red, trying to hold back her tears.
And everybody lived happily ever after -- at least in Ottobruen.
Scythia? Well that's another story.