Posted by anne2snakie on November 05, 2005 at 15:57:27:
It's short. It's dumb. Here it is.
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"But- I don't want to be eaten by wolves," said Geri, and as far as she was concerned, that was that.
But that was never that, was it? And so Bob said, in his snotty way, "No one WANTS to be eaten by wolves. But today is national Get Eaten By Wolves Day."
"So? It's not required to get eaten by wolves on Get Eaten By Wolves Day, is it?" She was pretty sure it wasn't mandatory. If it were, there wouldn't be anyone left to be eaten by wolves the NEXT time it was national Get Eaten By Wolves Day.
"Look, I've got reservations for us over at Hailee's already. Two PM, you and me, we get eaten by wolves."
She shook her head, eyes closed, and her fists were clenched. "You are not listening to me. You never listen to me. I don't want to get eaten by wolves today. Or tomorrow. Or ever."
Bob's eyes narrowed to slits the way they did when he was really pissed at her. "Look, we have reservations. Do you know how hard it is to get reservations at Hailee's? It's hard. Really hard."
"I don't care if you had to sell your sister for spare parts," said Geri, and by Bob's wince she could tell that's exactly what he HAD done, he'd sold his sister for spare parts. "I don't want to get eaten by wolves and that is that! Do you hear me? Are you listening?"
"Fuck!" yelled Bob, and he got stares in the middle of the sidewalk as people walked around them. "All I want is for us to get eaten by wolves and you're acting like it's the end of the fucking world! Is it so bad that I get what I want for a change? Is that it? That I fucking win? You can't even let me get what I want?" He was almost screaming and his face was getting that unpleasant red that he always got these days. Geri realized she actually hated him.
"Bob, if you want to be eaten by a wolf today, that's great. Go for the gusto. I don't care. But I am not going to get eaten by a wolf today."
"Yes, you are," he said, and he was sounding all quiet now. "We are both going to get eaten by wolves. It's Get Eaten By Wolves day and we are going to get eaten by wolves."
This was going to far. He was getting all crazy, and she was getting way too pissed, and pretty soon one of them was going to kill the other one. She calmed herself down with a few deep, deep breaths and then tried again.
"Do you know why we are not going to get eaten by wolves today Bob?" And as he started to open his mouth again with that weird look in his eyes, she cut him off. "Because I already have a date. With Craig."
"Craig!" he shouted and it really did look like his head was going to just explode- just blow right off his shoulders and spray everyone around them in a shower of blood and bone and brain.
"Yes, Craig. And do you know what we are going to do today?"
"I'll fucking kill him-" said Bob and he wasn't even looking at her, so she cut him off before he could get distracted.
"We're going to get eaten by mountain goats," she said and this stopped Bob right in his tracks. She could see him get mentally derailed by his expression.
"Mountain goats," he said, very slowly. She could tell he was trying very hard to understand this.
"Yes, mountain goats. His brother, Samuel, is going to cram us down the throat of a mountain goat. I'm going first, then Craig is coming in second."
"But- mountain goats aren't even carnivores," said Bob. He seemed very confused, and even defeated. I have him, she thought to herself, and she could feel a thrill of victory.
"That's right. That's why Sam is going to have to cram us down the mountain goat's throat. It's a big goat, we'll fit in it's belly."
"Fuck," said Bob. His eyes were closed and he seemed very small. "Craig. Mountain goats. You fucking cunt." He turned away, shoulders hunched down tight, and Geri felt sorry for him for a brief moment.
"Bob," she said. "He has two goats..." But Bob's eyes were still narrow slits and there was no use.
"I have a date at Hailee's," said Bob, very quietly and with a small dignity. "With a wolf." Then he turned away and walked into the crowd.
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Anne