Posted by AlOmega on December 30, 1998 at 02:44:48:
The Might-Have-Been
by
AlOmega
Sometimes what is, isn't; and what isn't, is. You may not understand what I just said but you understand the
meaning. While dreaming, the blind see, the lame walk, and lovers who've left return once again. Then you waken and realize what was, wasn't. And the waking dream is the same as when you walk the real world in a dreamy state. We've all done this. Anyway, I have; and that's all that matters.
It was about a month ago that she left me. It wasn't that the sex was bad or that we fought. She just left. And I remained alone in an empty house with no one, nothing, left for me. Unless you have something to occupy your time - to live for - , you begin dwelling on what I call "might-have-bens". Oh, there was business and other real life situations. But there are times when you have nothing to do. Nothing but the remembering of the might-have-beens.
And the dream and the awake start to blend so that you no longer know whether you are awake or asleep. You don't care. Like when she finally returned. Almost as if she had never left, it seemed. But I knew this
was a might-have-been and a dream. That night we made love; and, it was better than before. She would never leave me - at least not in this might-have-been dream.
And the might-have-been dream continued. I didn't care. She was back again even though it was a dream.
It might have been real. But deep inside, I knew it wasn't. Then one day, she told me she was leaving me
again. Why?, I asked. And she laughed that I asked. Her lover - the one she had known before me - had returned. I was just her meal ticket, a place she could hang out at until something better came along. But I didn't understand. Wasn't this a might-have-been dream? Or was it a nightmare. It was unreal! That I knew right enough. So I let my anger free itself. Terrible I was to behold. I saw myself do this as if I were someone else. That is what someone does I a dream. Yes?
And all alone I am again. No purpose; no direction. I live again in my might-have-beens. there are more
people in my dream now. They whisper lies and half-truths.
"I hear they had to pry his fingers from her
neck."
"His fingers were so deep in her flesh that the fingernails couldn't be seen."
"Her neck was broken in seven places."
They should all die. This is MY might-have-been dream. Not theirs!
Why do they use belts on my wrists and ankles? Why the cap on my head? I can still see the people. They
are not near me now. I see them through the glass. They don't smile. They don't laught. They don'....