I naturally revealed to her my fantasies and she in turn slowly revealed to me the full extent of hers. Low and behold, they were quite similar to my own, except that she did not imagine herself as being the 'snuff-ee', rather she imagined her male lovers so being. It was a joy to find a similar soul and I believe that it was this similarity that made us the friends we were.
There came a time one day, once we knew each other well, that she came to my apartment ostensibly just to chat. We sat on the couch and one thing led to another. I found myself naked in her arms whilst she still wore clothing, thus setting the scene for my being submissive to her (not my usual norm with other women). It happened that the clothing she wore was a costume for some event she had just returned from, and part of this costume was a dagger on her belt. She drew the dagger.
She started to caress me with it, to press lightly the point into places she desired to press harder. Lust was intense in her eyes, her desire a tangible thing. Her arousal filled the air and was contagious. I found myself to be extremely aroused. The more she fulfilled that moment, the more I too would know fulfillment.
I told her to do 'it'. I begged her to let go and take me the way I knew she would enjoy. I wanted to give her that moment. Likely I would not have done that with someone whom I did not trust, literally, with my life.
She trembled like a leaf. Never had she been so aroused. I watched her war with herself as she fought with her temptation. I felt her knife pressing into me, hard. I felt her drag the blade over me. I felt her take my genitals into her hand and put the knife to them. All the while, she didn't know if she would do it. I kept telling her to.
During those moments and afterwards in contemplation, I asked myself just how far I would have gone. If I had stared to feel her knife slide into me, what would I have done. Most interestingly I found the answer to be, all the way! At that moment I was willing to give her my life for her to have that experience!
Many would call me insane, but they do not understand. I 'knew' she wouldn't do it. The small possibility that she might was a price I was willing to pay to give her the gift of my life for that instant. What was important then, and I believe to be the most important element to my fantasies, is not so much the actual carrying of them out, as it it the willingness of my partner to let me. That act of ultimate submission is the crux of it all.
I now believe that most people who are capable of intense emotion have it within them to want to give of themselves totally. To prove the extent of their capacity for love and sacrifice both to their lover and themselves. To perhaps put themselves in a position where that ultimate proof could be made manifest.