That night I had a dream in which my playmate stood in front of me while I took a knife and stabbed her in her belly. Her belly deflated like a balloon and she was greatly relieved. This dream was extremely vivid and stuck firmly in my memory. For reasons I may never understand it excited me despite the fact that I knew it to be absurd.
For years after I would remember this dream curious as to why it was so interesting. When at the age of eleven I discovered masturbation, I discovered as well that ELEMENTS of that dream excited me sexually. The fantasy of stabbing a woman in her belly aroused me extremely.
What makes my fantasies particularly bizarre (and perhaps more politically correct) is that the women in my fantasies are active participants. They actually want me to stab them, they cooperate in the act and enjoy the experience. I most definitely do NOT fantasize about 'killing' normal people who would obviously resist.
I am well aware of the absurdity of this fetish and of how different the reality would be as compared to the fantasy. There is absolutely no possibility that I would ever carry out this fantasy. I have been in the situation more than once where a lover, aware of my fantasy, has tried hard to have me fulfill it with her. They succeeded in exciting me greatly but not a drop of blood was spilt.
I swear that despite this fetish I am completely safe. I would never harm anyone, no matter how much I believe they want me to. What excites me the most is not so much the act as the permission. Perhaps the ultimate in domination and submission.
Let me reiterate that although that first dream was with a little girl, she was my age. My fantasies have NOTHING to do with children! They involve sexually mature consenting women.