Posted by Rip on November 29, 2003 at 20:56:18:
It's now time for our FEATURED story, this week it's a cannibal story!
"What? But last week you couldn't find a Cannibal Story and you said that it was because they all fucking sucked, and now THIS week you post a fucking Cannibal Story???"
Yep, welcome to my mind. By this time next year my goal of driving you totally raving mad should be complete, and then I can finally live at peace with myself.
The following document came from the local time warp. Judging from the size, shape, and color of the time warp, the holographic book came from 200 years in the future. Immediately after I found the device, I knew that I had a message very important to the cannibal community.
You may find the story posted below hard to read. The 200 years of reverse time travel has eroded the manuscript a bit. The tattered frames also show that the rules of spelling and grammar will change in the next couple of centuries. I did not attempt to change these features when I transcribed it.
The document starts off with a dedication. The dedication introduces a diary. The author of the dedication did not write the diary. Also, the dedication is decades older than the diary. It is not clear when the diary starts. During time, the diary chronicles an important event which started a new era. I could not find how to convert from the current calendar, measured in years AD, into the calendar of the diary.
I could not determine how long a time the journal records, either. Frankly, I cannot be sure that one person wrote the diary. It may record several lifetimes. Until the time warp gives me more, all I have are several disjoined fragments. I will post what fragments I have as soon as I can restore and transcribe them.
As fragments connect to other fragments, I may need to re-post everything from the beginning. Therefore, we will agree to call this posting version 1. The details of this narrative will get clearer as time moves on. Eventually, of course, everything will be clear. In fact, one day this story will be our history . . .
Yours,
-XZZY
We take it all for granted. Unless we give it a second thought, we think we could always have fine meat. We might think that a woman could always get the ultimate orgasm by turning herself into meat for her man. It seems natural to us today that a man could always get a good hard-on while he watched his lover roast on a spit. God just made things that way, we believe.
There were not always great days at the Cannibal County fair. A young man could not always find a high paying and sexually satisfying career at Luis Cypher Industries. A guy and his gal could not always have a thrill at Club X. There were not always great cultural institutions like The Karyn*8 Art Institute.
There was a time before the Meat Lottery held regular Feast Days to stabilize the world population. A run away population was quickly using up, and poisoning the planet. Mankind even threatened the world's climate!
The destruction of the whole world was not the worst nightmare from the past. Lawyers used to run free! Today, we cage lawyers just to scare our children on school trips. One of the hardest lessons we learned was to keep only one lawyer in a cage. We must pass this lesson on to our children. When two lawyers get caged together, they sue each other. Each lawyer tries to charge more per hour than his cell mate. Then, the people must pay the salary of a third lawyer to act as a judge. Soon, people of low character everywhere flood into law schools. They all hope that they too could become lawyers, and live on Easy Street.
Today, we limit lawyers. We limit them because if we do not, they will bury us. Lawyers do not like woman-eating. When lawyers ruled mankind, even a woman-eating dream was dangerous. Woman-eaters hid out on the Internet. They could only share pictures and tell stories.
Woman-eaters tried to drive lawyers away with "Disclaimers." A "Disclaimer" was an evil lawyer idea. It was a lawyer magic spell that drove away other lawyers. Woman-eaters had to stain their pictures and stories with this lawyer shit. Like all lawyer ideas, it was wrong. The disclaimers did not protect the woman-eaters against lawyers. The disclaimers really invited lawyers to strike. When a lawyer saw a disclaimer, he said to himself, "How can I get around the words of that magic spell and sue that Cannibal?" Then, the woman-eater had to give his money to lawyers.
Disclaimers got longer. Woman-eaters got poorer. Lawyers got richer. In 1998AD the average woman-eater story needed a disclaimer that was less than 3% of the story's size. In a few decades the ratio was 97% disclaimer to 3% story. Finally, the lawyers refused to allow even pictures and stories. Then, the Cannibals could share only disclaimers over the Internet. They could only do that when the lawyers left them enough money to pay for Internet service.
Yes, we take it all for granted. Maybe, a thought of the sacrifices made by the heroes of the Lawyer Wars might cross our minds every March 14. But, most of us are too busy stuffing ourselves with barbecue on that day.
We must never forget the evil that lawyers made. We must never forget the paradise that those heroic fighters gave us. That is why each new generation needs to hear these stories:
The lawyer's head simply exploded! I could feel the fraction of a second between the report of my rifle and the explosion. I sat stunned and looked out the window. Stan brought me out of it. "GO! GO! GO!" he said. I quickly disguised my weapon. Rick joined Stan and I as we bounded down the stairs. As we left the deserted building, we walked casually. We walked a couple of blocks. Kathy drove us out of the city.
We were silent for about an hour. I broke the silence. I said, "That was my first lawyer! I am part of the revolution now!"
"Yes, you are," Stan agreed.
"I put the truth round into that son of a bitch. I did it right in the middle of the word 'whereas'," I bragged.
"That is the way the Cypher06 works," Rick said. "Truth and a talking lawyer cannot occupy the same physical space. When the two meets, the lawyer suffers cognitive dissidence. Its head explodes," he said.
After an hour, we abandoned the stolen getaway car and walked a short distance. Kathy drove the three of us in a different direction. Stan listened to the police band radio. It took two more hours to make it to our hideout.
Our hideout was a typical suburban tract house. The one story ranch house had a two-car garage and a full-size basement. We took care to look like any other middle class family. Rick even mowed the lawn.
A click of the control made the garage door open. Kathy drove our car into the garage and clicked the control again. As we got out of our car, I took a long look at Kathy's thighs. Tonight was Kathy's special night. Tonight, Kathy would become part of the revolution too.
We men put the weapons and other gear in a hidden room downstairs. Kathy followed us into the basement.
"I am hungry," Stan said. Kathy quickly stripped off her shirt and cutoffs. She looked very tasty. The extra food we gave her had added 10 pounds to her original 116. She was ready. She wanted it.
"Now Kathy will show us what we are fighting for," Rick said as he dropped his pants and picked up Kathy's naked body. He quickly spread Kathy out on the basement floor and jumped on her. He felt her breasts. He started gently squeezing. With each squeeze she moaned. After a minute, he grabbed her ass. He punched his hard cock deep into her cunt. The two of them bounced on the basement floor for a few minutes. She screamed. Together, Kathy and Rick stopped moving.
A minute latter, Rick got up and put on his pants. He tied a rope to each of Kathy's ankles and threw the rope over the top of an overhead beam.
"Next!" Kathy said. Stan unzipped his pants and revealed his erect cock. Then, he quickly laid himself on her, "NNooo!" she screamed. Stan's butt went up and down. Kathy grimaced in sheer pain. Shortly, the pain left her face. She joined in Stan's dance. For an instant, every muscle in her body tightened. "Yes!" Kathy said. She relaxed. Stan collapsed on top of her. They were both out of breath.
After a few minutes, Stan got up. Kathy still was panting. She had not caught her breath. With Stan's weight off her breasts, she could finally breathe deeply again.
"I have saved the best for last, the very last," she said.
I took off my clothes. Kathy seemed to enjoy watching me strip. I got down on my knees and kissed her on the lips. Kathy took a deep breath. I put my limp member between her legs. Kathy used her hands to massage it. Slowly, my penis grew hard. Soon, it was as hard as steel. My cock hit its mark. Kathy moaned as I plunged deep into her. I began to rock my hips. Kathy played counterpoint to my rhythm. I would move down and she would move up to confront me.
Kathy spoke, "Let's make this one to remember. I have only one chance left." Our bodies slowly tensed. I started counting mentally to our mutual beat. At 20, I felt Kathy's skin begin to sweat. I started to sweat. At 35, both of our bodies grew hard. I lost count soon after that. Time stood still. I was in another dimension.
Suddenly, my whole body let go. Kathy screamed, "Yes!" Her body relaxed also. Both of us were wet with sweat. I rolled off Kathy. We kissed each other. Kathy remarked, "The fuck of a lifetime!"
Rick pulled the other end of the rope that he had put around Kathy's ankles. Kathy hung upside down. We three men went upstairs into the kitchen. We gathered a knife set, a meat saw, a large tub, and some cleaning supplies. We were as happy as kids at our first birthday party. We raced down the stairs with our presents.
Stan won the race. He dropped his armload of tools at the bottom of the stairs. Without losing a step he continued to the other side of the room. He quickly pulled a plastic tarpaulin off a large wooden table. Kathy barely took notice of this. Rick picked up some cleaning things and wiped the top of the table.
Before the table dried, Stan and Rick arranged the knives and the saw on the table. Kathy ogled the largest knife. "That will be the one!" she said.
I spread the tarpaulin under Kathy. Then, I put the tub directly under where she hung. I fetched a couple of gallons of water to fill the tub from upstairs. While I climbed the stairs, Rick and Stan did their chores. Rick put a cross bar between Kathy's feet. The bar spread her feet apart. Stan tied Kathy's hands behind her.
I brought the second gallon of water down the steps. Rick and Stan cleaned Kathy's body. I pulled an electric razor from the junk we had brought downstairs. Kathy sighed as I shaved her cunt. After I had shaved all over her body, I turned the razor off. The four of us stood in silence.
Kathy broke the silence, "I am ready."
"Well, there is only one way to feed a cannibal guerrilla," Rick said.
"Kathy, we love you. We have had some good times over the last few months," Stan added.
"Yes, I love you. I love you all. I want to give you my body. It will be part of you. I will always be with you. I cannot believe how lucky I have been. I spent these last months in paradise. I have lived a lifetime in less than a year. Keep fighting until every woman can have paradise, too," Kathy cried.
Rick brought the largest of the knives to Kathy's neck. Kathy screamed in pain. Rick cut deeper. Kathy's scream muffled down to a soft gurgle. Her blood streamed down and covered her face.
Stan took another knife and pierced about 1 inch into Kathy's body. When the knife struck her belly, Kathy twisted. Her body convulsing for a few seconds. Stan waited for her to stop. Then, Stan cut a line from Kathy's pubic bone to her rib cage. He followed with a cut along her waist. Kathy had two perpendicular cuts in her body.
"You are the new man, so you get to work the guts," Rick said. While Stan pulled the skin back, I entered through the hole. I pulled on her stomach and intestines. I used a small knife to cut away any connecting tissue. I knew that I should not cut the stomach or intestines. That would pollute the meat.
By the time I had gutted her, her blood covered me. I went up stairs and took a shower. After the blood left her body, Stan and Rick finished cutting up Kathy. They wrapped up her parts in butcher paper. They put the cuts of meat into the freezer, the freezer that was in the hidden basement room next to our weapons.
While we baked a piece of Kathy, we discussed strategy. Rick said, "Every day brings more recruits like Kathy, and our new man Dan. We are growing. There must be two dozen cells like us in the world now. But, winning will require more than field teams. Ten times ten more teams could not defeat the lawyers. We could never stage anything larger than a hit and run assassination from a rented suburban ranch house. The revolution needs a home."
We had a very late dinner. Kathy's rump tasted good.
After that first entry, the holographic book from the future must have lost a few pages. The book mentions several battle sites. The events at most of these sites followed a bloody pattern. The cannibals took a city. They held it for a time. The lawyers surrounded the city. The cannibal defenders starved. The city fell. The cannibal casualties were always very high.
Then, just before the second full entry, one name comes up repeatedly, Osawatomie. According to the book, Osawatomie, Kansas was the first city permanently held by cannibal forces.
As a student of history, I see an irony. Osawatomie is an American Indian name. More than 100 years ago, American lawyers wrote lies. They put them in documents the lawyers called "treaties." The people of the Native American Nations believed these lies. The lawyers took the land from the people. Like the disclaimers of today, yesterday's Indian treaties were a lawyer's right to steal. The cannibals at Osawatomie will revenge the spirits of the Indians.
The story begins with a supply caravan attempting to break the blockade at Osawatomie.
Yours,
XZZY
The trail to Osawatomie was long. It followed the old car highways. A few years ago, all the lanes of the highways were full. Today, they are abandoned. No one can own a car now. The threat of lawsuits raised the price of insurance beyond what anyone could afford. Of course, lawyer-legislators had passed laws making proof of insurance a requirement.
Weeds cover both sides of the road, eight feet deep. These weeds conceale anyone traveling down the center lane. The only tactical problem that our convoy could run across was meeting someone else on the road. Until we reached the Osawatomie blockade, we were safe.
We were a party of seven. Rick, Stan, and I were old buddies. We were one of the best field teams of the revolution. Sally, Julie, Terry, and Ann were all new volunteers. They were searching for a day of fame, and minutes of extreme passion. They would pay any price for it, too.
Rick, Stan, and I took turns pulling the two rickshaws. We traveled mostly at night. The seven of us could walk almost 15 miles a day.
During the day we would stop at abandoned service stations and empty roadside restaurants. All four of the women were wild for sex. Every day each girl had to outdo the other's sexual adventures. The winner that day got bragging rights during the nightly hike. This kept the women busy.
Personally, I liked Terry. She was unlike the other girls. For one thing, she didn't carry pajamas or a sleeping bag. She slept nude. She slept in my bag. After a night on the road, she was a very good fuck.
Also, unlike the others, Terry was loyal. Sally, Julie, and Ann slept around. They each tried to do both Stan and Rick every night. This gave them points in the woman's daily game. Terry was a one-man woman. I was her man.
We were always the first to be ready for the nightly hike. We would wake up late in the afternoon and make love again. Then we would wash each other, dress, and assemble our gear. While we waited for food, Terry and I would talk.
In the first few days on the road, Terry told everyone how she wanted to be eaten. Now, she would whisper to me how she wanted me to eat her. I would make up recipes for Terry cuisine, and whisper them back to her. Then, we would quickly strip. I would bury my rock hard penis deep into Terry. After we found release, we would dress again.
This was our second week on the road. It was a good night for travel. We had a full moon with us most of the night.
"Let's be on our guard now. We are about one day from the blockade. The lawyers could have patrols out this far," Rick said.
"This walking is a bitch. I can't wait until we can get back into the war," Stan complained.
"I have never seen a siege before," I said. I wondered aloud, "Will running the blockade be hard?"
Rick predicted, "Yes. Tomorrow will make the rest of this trip look easy."
I had to blink twice to see it, but it was there. It looked like a two-legged ant walking on the horizon. That was all I needed. In one continuous motion I: attached the magazine, uncapped the telescopic sight, put a round in the chamber, sighted in my target, released the safety, and squeezed the trigger. About 3 seconds later the 'ant' had no head. The lifeless body fell down.
"What the hell are you doing, you trigger happy son-of-a-bitch? You just can't go around shooting everyone you see," Julie screamed.
"Take it easy Julie. It was only a lawyer goon," Stan said.
"At that distance it could have been anything. Dan could have shot a human being," Julie scolded.
"He did not use a bullet. It was a truth round," Rick barked back. "A truth round can only hurt a lawyer. People just feel a little tickle," Rick explained. "When a human being decays into a lawyer, it loses the ability to hold truth and common sense in its brain," he continued.
Rick produced a cartridge from Stan's backpack. He gave it to Julie. "Look at the bullet. See how it glows," Rick said.
"Wow! It looks like a green flashlight." Julie exclaimed.
"It means that there are lawyers near by. Truth and the lies of lawyers annihilate each other. Only gamma rays are left", Rick instructed.
"WWOOSSHH!!", came a voice from the sky. Some unseen giant then yelled, "Pro-Active."
"It looks like we won't have to wait until tomorrow," Rick sighed. In a hurried tone Rick issued orders. "Spread out and dig in. Keep your head down," he commanded.
The sky spoke again, "WWOOSSHH . . . Nolo-Contendere."
"Well, it looks like I am back in the war now!" Stan said.
I grabbed Julie's hand. We ran to nearby rocks. We tried to hide under them. "What is happening?" I asked.
"It is lawyer artillery. They are shooting lawyer words at us. Shut up and keep down," Rick yelled.
The battery started firing in threes. "WWOOWSWSOHOHHH WWOOSSHH libel pro-forma limited-liability," came the first volley of evil words. "WWOOSSHH WWOOWSWSOHOHHH minor-child peremptory statutory," the second volley screamed.
Julie and I huddled together. We squeezed hard. We could not completely hide between those rocks. There was barely room for one.
The lawyer's took their next shot, "WWWOOOSSSHHH tort disclaimer force- majeure."
"They are getting closer," Julie whimpered.
"WWOOSSHH IMMUNITY!!" A shot fell just in front of us. I felt woozy for a second. The lawyer crap had reached my brain. I snapped out of it and saw that Julie took most of the hit.
"WOSH contingency-fee Woosh class-action," barked the other two shots.
Julie's eyes looked empty. There was a noise behind me. Using just a fraction of second, I glanced over the top of our rock hideout. It was Terry. She was screaming and running away.
Just then the enemy battery fired again, "WWWOOOSSSHHH in-rem lien legatee," exploded the shells. "EEEEAEA!!," screamed Terry as the second shot landed near her. I couldn't take it anymore. I just had to make a move.
"Stay here," I said. Julie kissed me.
I waited for the next volley.
"WWWOOOSSSHHH in-re subpoena immunity," the shells sang. They were very near misses. The lawyers were finding our range.
While they reloaded, I moved to the next closer clump of rocks. I thought I saw something on the other side of the road. I aimed my 06 at the patch of weeds where it stopped.
"WWWOOOSSSHHH subrogation contract penalty," the evil words exploded from the shells.
As soon as the unseen artillerymen started to reload, a man moved from behind the weeds. I looked through the scope on my 06. It was Stan! I almost shot Stan!
Together, we advanced down the road. The foe continued to bombard our old position. As we moved closer to the guns, I could hear the shells go over our heads.
The road ahead cut through a small hill. The cut was much larger on Stan's side of the road. He started to climb the exposed rocks.
Since I did not need to climb, I went down the road faster than Stan. From the top of the road I could see all three guns. Every gun had a truck pulling it. Each gun had a crew to service it. Each crew had six lawyer goons. They danced in a synchronized choreography. Together, the three crews unloaded a shell from the back of the truck, ejected the spent case, locked in a fresh round, and fired.
I jumped under a rusting car on my side of the road. Stan was still climbing. He gave the hand signal to start firing. The dance skipped a step after my 06 brought down one of the crew. All the others watched a headless soldier and a live shell fall off the back of a truck.
Before they could hide behind their trucks, I got one more clean shot. I shot the man who was shouting orders. I never did like officers.
Stan opened up. The enemy was ours! They could not hide behind their trucks. Stan and I could see both sides of all three trucks. They could not fire their guns. They tried that once. Stan and I got four of them.
I do not know if I heard it first. I may have felt the ground shake beneath my feet before I heard anything. I paused. The lawyer words may have slowed my powers of reason. A couple of seconds later my brain had the answer. It took more time for my lips to utter the word.
"Tanks!" I said aloud. The lawyers had tanks.
I moved away from the road. I did not think the tanks saw me. I could not see Stan anymore. The artillerymen could have got him. The dam metal monsters drove down the road. I could count them. "1, 2, 3! 4! 5! What a fine mess," I shuddered.
They drove between the rock face that Stan had climbed and me. Suddenly there was a flash of green. It was Stan. He had dropped a common sense grenade on the lead tank. The 4 tanks that followed moved off the road. They were heading away from Stan and for my location. I was dead!
Stan tried to get another tank, but his second grenade fell behind the tanks. They were too far away from him.
They were getting too close to me, however. When they were about 40 meters from me there was a huge flash of light. The center of the two tanks stopped.
"That was too big a bang for a CS grenade," I mumbled. "Anyway, Stan couldn't have thrown something that far," my brain continued.
Another two flashes stopped the other two tanks. A green glowing junkyard was all that remained. I kept hiding. I did not know what was going on.
Across the road, I saw Stan stand up. "Take cover," I hand-signaled.
"All clear," Stan signaled back.
Carefully, I lifted my head up. I could not see anything. My tired feet lifted me. There they were. I knew that they weren't lawyer goons. They hadn't any uniforms. If they weren't with the lawyers, then THEY WERE ON OUR SIDE!!
"Don't shoot! Don't shoot!", the lead man pleaded. "We are from Osawatomie," he said.
I ran to meet him. I was glad to be alive. We shook hands so hard we could have pulled our arms out of their sockets. Others joined us.
"We wondered why those lawyers turned their guns away from us. They were firing away from town. Capt'n figured that they were firing at you and ordered a charge," another of the rescuers said.
"We left some friends along the road," Stan said.
We led them to Rick and the others.
"We've got one who took a direct hit and one who got nicked," Rick said as he pointed to Terry and then Julie. "One of your supply carts was hit too. It is so covered with lawyer crap it'll never come clean. Just throw it away. But that doesn't matter. We have broken the blockade. If we can hold this road, we have a home," he continued.
The whole town came out to meet the 7 of us. The city fathers tried to organize a parade. But the people had other ideas. Crowds mobbed us the minute we stepped into the town. We couldn't parade through the crowd. After order was restored, everyone gathered around the band shell in the park. There were plenty of speeches. The mayor said:
"Not since John Brown has this town seen a
great liberator! John Brown liberated people
from abject slavery. He set people's bodies
free. The Osawatomie 7 liberated people from
intellectual fear. They set people's souls
free.Through an implied threat of lawsuit, lawyers
demand a piece of every one's fantasy. They
force their disclaimers in front of every
communication, every story, and every web site.Until these 7 rescued us, nothing could prevent
any author from the lawyer shake down. Whether
he did or he did not include a leading disclaimer,
an author or artist could be jailed. The old
system let only the lawyers win. Even if the
artist won his freedom back, his 'defense lawyer'
could still demand his fortune.Thanks to these 7, the people of Osawatomie are
free to communicate their fantasies. Now, our
duty is to extend this freedom to the rest of
humanity!"
"After all that hot air, I am hungry!" said Rick.
"You brought the only fine meat this town has seen in weeks," the mayor said.
"Four Grade A, prime cows; Sally, Julie, Terry, and Ann," Rick boasted.
"That's only 3. Your Terry looks dazed," the mayor said.
"A shell from the lawyer artillery landed on her," I volunteered. I knew that I had lost Terry. The shell had taken her soul. I wish I were with her when it happened. The shelling split us up. My Terry could not speak now. She couldn't whisper either.
The mayor explained, "So, she was hit by a shell. Those shells contained lawyer words. Most of those words the lawyers borrowed from Latin or French. If they didn't find a foreign word, they corrupted the meaning of a little used English word. Lawyers speak this drivel to paralyze their victims. Few casualties ever recover. We have so many like Terry, we can barely grow enough grain to feed them.
You can't eat them either. A comatose cow can't give her consent. Also, she can't feel the pleasure of the ultimate orgasm."
"But she wanted to be spit-roasted before she was injured. She talked about it all the time. Can't we just go ahead and . . ," I asked.
"NO WE CAN'T!" interrupted the mayor. The Mayor spelled out the situation clearly, "If we roasted a woman without her consent, we would be no better than those god-dammed lawyers!"
"How are three women going to feed this big crowd?" I wondered out loud. "We could gut and clean the lawyer goons," I said.
"FOOL! Sometimes, I think you do not understand what you are fighting, Dan. Lawyers just ain't game animals. They're varmints," Stan scolded.
"Well, I suppose that we should be thankful for what we have. Three will have to do it, for now. With the blockade broken, many more women will come," the mayor said. "You guys changed everything. Our girls will get better than a field dressing in some basement hideout now. During the siege, we managed to put together a Jessica. Many women will come down that road you opened, for a date with our Jessica," the mayor grinned.