Posted by rache on October 01, 20010 at 19:40:37:
Hi!! Someone emailed me and said, "Where can I find your old psycho stuff?" (paraphrasing) and I said, "Gee...I haven't been to Sam's in awhile..." So, here I am and I just wanna say hello and love you guys and miss you guys and I'm grinning like a moron right now.
Have you seen this? It's the only thing I have remotely on topic :)) and I hate not bearing gifts.
The following is a mostly true story, except for the obviously made up parts.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
The Day Clint Eastwood Killed My Boyfriend
by rache
The day Clint Eastwood killed my boyfriend we were cruising Studio City. I sat scrunched between my boyfriend and Jimmy, his best friend, in the front seat. Johnny chilled in the back with a big cooler of beer. We needed some ice though and Jimmy wanted some smokes, so we stopped at a Seven-Eleven to get some and there he was.
"Holy shit!" my boyfriend said with a grin. "You're Clint Eastwood."
"Yeah." Clint was coming out with a little plastic bag. I guess he wanted some Ding-Dongs or something.
"Goddamn!" All three of the boys were crowded around the door and Clint looked like he just wanted to get past them.
"Hey, say something cool!" my boyfriend said.
"You're so bad ass, dude!" Johnny said.
"The man with no name. Fuck!" Jimmy jumped up and down because he's short and couldn't see over his friends, even though Clint looked way bigger than life.
"Excuse me," Clint said, being patient.
"What?" My boyfriend stared at him. "That wasn't cool! Come on, say something like..."
"I just want to go home, thanks." Clint made like he could slip between them.
"Oh, no!" Johnny groaned.
"Yeah, you can't go dude!" my boyfriend said. "See my girlfriend? She's like your biggest fan, you gotta meet her."
That was true, I seriously thought Clint Eastwood was the coolest person on the planet.
"I appreciate that, kid, but I need to..."
"Kid?" My boyfriend shook his head. "Why you gotta be all that, man? Come on, just hang for a minute."
"Say some Dirty Harry shit, dude!" Johnny said.
"My girlfriend says you're the fastest gun ever...Hey, wanna draw against me?" my boyfriend asked. "I'm pretty fast myself."
"I'm an actor, you asshole." Clint sounded a little pissed, having three punks in his face like that.
"What? You talking to me? You old has been fuck!" My boyfriend had a temper. "I oughta kick your wrinkled ass!"
"Yeah." Clint gave him a look, like a real Clint look. It kinda made my nipples pop.
"He's laughing at you!" Jimmy grinned.
"Kick his ass!" Johnny laughed.
"How about it, no name dick wad motherfucker! Wanna do something..." My boyfriend was sticking out his tongue and shoving Clint in the chest.
"I'm seventy goddamn years old, shithead," Clint growled.
"So what, you don't get it up no more?" My boyfriend poked him again.
"No. I just don't have time for assholes like you," Clint told him, and that made a lot of sense actually.
"Well you got time for Mr. Colt?" My boyfriend pulled his Python .357 out of his waistband and pointed it up at Clint's face.
"Pop him!" Johnny giggled like his little sister.
"Oh shit! You got the drop on Josey Wales!" Jimmy scratched his head and looked around like the world should stop and look, but there wasn't nobody else around really.
"Give him a gun," my boyfriend said and his two friends looked at him like he was crazy.
"What do you mean?" Jimmy asked.
"You can't give William Munny a gun! Fuck! He's killed women and kids!" Johnny exclaimed and his favorite movie was Unforgiven, so he'd know.
"I said give the bastard a gun! I wanna show Christy who's fastest." My boyfriend grinned at me and I realized I had to speak up.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Eastwood," I said, feeling really bad and kinda embarrassed. "I love your movies."
"Thanks." He gave me a little smile, but maybe that's because Jimmy was handing him a revolver of his own, an old Ruger Blackhawk .44 magnum. Clint hefted it with a nod, like he was weighing it against the Ding-Dongs in his other hand.
Everybody kind of moved to the parking lot then, real slowly and spreading out. Jimmy had another gun, his black 9mm Glock, and Johnny had pulled out his pearl handled Colt .45 too.
"Okay, everybody just guns down...down...by our sides..." My boyfriend grinned. "Time we gave Blondie here a little lesson in real gun fighting, eh?"
"You boys oughta clear out," Clint told them and his voice had gone soft and cutting and gritty like the desert wind.
"Oh no! Ain't nobody going anywhere. Christy, you turn on that radio...Make it loud," my boyfriend told me with a wink. "When the music stops...We draw."
I turned on the CD player and the Gorillaz were playing "Dare" which is a way cool song and when it ended I only heard one shot, and then I heard the soft plastic smack of those Ding-Dongs hitting the pavement.
Clint had fanned that Blackhawk so fast all three of those boys were dead before the sound went away. They kinda looked at Clint for a second, then at each other, and then they fell down too. It was pretty amazing.
"That was amazing, Mr. Eastwood!" I clapped my hands and he picked up his Ding-Dongs. "You must be the best gunfighter in the world."
"Yeah." Clint drew a breath and looked around like one of them might only be winged, but they weren't.
"Hey, um...Can I get a ride?" I asked, cause he was getting into his BMW, a nice red convertible.
"Where are you going?" he asked me.
"Anywhere." I shrugged and smiled, brushed a lock of blonde hair out of my eyes. "I could, um...I'll give you a blowjob, if you want."
"Is that right?" He put his key in the ignition and turned the motor over.
"Uh-Huh." I licked my lips. "Can I get in?"
"Go ahead." Clint gave me a crooked smile, a thin one too, the way I liked it. "Make my day."
I came in my panties when he said that.
The end