Posted by DirtyDave on April 12, 20012 at 18:27:05:
Note: Premise based on The Biowar and Its aftermath http://www.necrobabes.org/samiam/stories/sam/biowar/biowar.htm
It
was not my fault that the bloody bitch of a judge sentenced me to three
hours a week of community service. Nor was my choice to do my
community service at the
county impulse park As I already have a
criminal record, if I get hauled into court and have face the judge
again, she will treat me as a repeat offender. In the future, I only
want to do is my public duty.
On Thursday last, I had disturbing incident at the local impulse park. As i said, neither created the virus, the culls, special beaches or the impulse parks. Nor was I was one snipped Mrs. Jones' bottom. I'll be the first to grant that Mrs. Jones had the right to upset about having her bottom snipped, but that her problem, not mine. I kindly asked she had a last request, and all she did was scream at me and call me a misonogist Damn it all, I am sixty-one years old, much too old to have to chase a hysertical wench through the park. She run, I tackled her. It is darn hard to have to kill a girl by having to beat her to death with a rock. It does her face no good and only the rock seems to enjoy it. Further I bruised by hand beating the late Mrs Jones to death and to add insult to injury, she refused to offer me my headman's purse. Mr.Jones, you owe me.
What has this country come to?
An excerp from A Special Beach, by Petra Bee:
[begin]It was a killing
beach. The agreement was that girls, under appropriate circumstances,
could be killed on the beach. And everybody who went there knew the
rules. To be sure, it wasn't quite so simple, and the rules were
complicated. Girls were not to be bothered on the beach if they were
wearing a bathing suit or other clothes. But if a girl went topless,
then she was indicating a willingness to be killed, but had to be asked.
And could refuse if she wanted to; it was up to her. But if a girl went
topless and bottomless, then she could be killed by anyone who wanted
to, by any means they wanted to use. A girl who went naked was offering
herself to be killed. And to make the game more exciting for all
concerned, there was at all times one person -- usually a guy, but not
always -- who was the beach 'Joker': he could wander around and either
tell a girl to undress completely (thus enabling others to kill her), or
could kill her himself, clothed or not. The Joker didn't do this very
often, usually just once or twice a day, but one never knew. All girls
going onto the beach had to wear "toe tags" (actually, they were ankle
bracelets, but always called toe tags) which indicated what was to
happen to their bodies if they were killed: girls could elect to have
their bodies returned home or given to someone in particular, or just
left there for anyone to do what they wanted with the body. Things also
sometimes got organised, and girls would be organised into teams and
contests held (tug of war, or volley-ball), with the losing team all
being killed. When these happened there would always be a small crowd to
watch, and the Joker could be particularly active on such
occasions.[end]
IF the Joker sees hundreds of girrs a day, but only kills one or two, it seems like he doing what I do, a lot a looking, but not much else. While it would seem amusing to write s story from the Joker's perspective, it would like a lot like an episode of Stienfeld, a lot about nothing. So is it possible to faithful to Petra's model and yet interesting at the same time?
[Author's
note: In Petra's version of the Special Beach, she mentioned an
occassional female Joker. It seemed like an amusing problem to attempt
to solve. So I took a shot at it
If the Joker, or Population Control Officer is another government employee, then it would seem obvious that he would have to deal with both red tape and written documentation.]
Contact Sheet (Citizen's backgrond information provided by Office of Pooulation Control (OPC) to individual PCO)
Name Rebecca "Becky" Smith
Age: 19
PCN: xxx-xx-xxx
Attractivenss Rating: BB
Breeding potention: Low
Leaderhip: Strong
Desire to retain: Low
Mission: Recruit if possible, or otherwise terminate.
Case File: (Paperwork bucked up to OPC by PCO in the field, or one beach)
[Note to reader from PCO: What a guy has to do to get a few days off these days]
Monday:
Established contact with party. Told her my name was Dave, and asked what se like to be called. Said that I worked for the county. Asked Becky if she was interested in a temporary position. She indicated yes.
Then told her that I was a population control officer, with a job offer, but any non cooperation would result in her sudden termination.
Explained that the Equal Employment Commission (EEOC) was pressuring the county to hire more female Population Control Officers (PCO) The problem is that PCO's work under cover, and that a female PCO can not operate more than three days before her cover is blown. Either she always keeps her top on, which draws undo suspicion, or she goes topless, but declines all requests to be killed, also drawing suspicion.
Told Lady, that the county would send her to PCO school for one day, Tuesday. She would then work as a PCO, a/k/a Joker for three days, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I then inforrmed her that she would be asked to sign a standard request for voluntary execution effective as of 6 PM on Friday. So after ending her tour of duty as a PCO on Thurday, she would then have the rest of the day Thursday and all day Friday to get herself dead in any manner that she could so arrange. That if she were still alive after Six on Friday she would subject to immediate and instant termination with extreme prejudice.
I then made her an offer, either I would kill her then, there and now, or she could sign her request for voluntary execution and could die not later than Friday. She accepted my fine offer. Attached: Standard Three Day Contract, and /signed/ Reguest for Voluntary Execution.
Having
accepted the offer, I suggested that a giving her fellow PCO a hug and
kiss would not meet with my objection. Shame I gotto go back to work
on Friday Then asked if she had an plans for Thursday night? I
paroled to her class tommorow.
: [Author's note: While I would like to be able to go longer, in this case I like it short, and frentic]
Voice of telephone hotline* operator, "Suicide Hotline! May I ask you two quick queestions, what is your A.R (attractiveness rating) and are currently in the downtown metro area?"
[Evidently positive answers]
"Please stand-by while I patch you through."
.
New
voice, "Hello my name is Doris and I am the assistance producer for the
News 2 Five O'Clocu News. So ma'am, do you have any particular
aversion to fireamrs?
[Evidenlty acceptable answer]
"Good, because we would like to lead off our Five O'Clock news with your in studio suicide. If it bleeds it can lead. Can you grab a cab and get down to the New 2 studio now?"
[Postiive Answer]
"Just tell the taxi driver to take you to the News 2 studio, and the the security guard will pay her your fare. It is our standard arrangement. Don't worry about a weapon, I will instruct the security guard to loan you, her gun. Tell the receptionist that you have an appointment with the assistant news producer. Of yeah, I will need your name. for the receptionist."
[*] Suicide preventiion hotlines, funded by the government, or chartiies, are so Twenty-First Century. The Suicide Hotline is run bu the station's news division]