Posted by NL on March 14, 2005 at 13:48:11:
Revelations-- Part 4
Imagine my disappointment, when there was nothing to be seen! We milled about on our front yards, all the folk in our neighborhood, searching the skies, chatting over hedges. My wife and Mr. Foooms joined me in the front yard, and we all looked up. As dark as it was then, you could see a lot of stars but that was not what I had brought them out to witness, with such urgency. Well, Humdinga asked, just what is it we're supposed to see? I searched desperately, and then-- Look! Up there, I shouted. Where, where, they all asked. I didn't know where! There had to be something! Good Gawd, my wife exclaimed, getting severely exasperated again, he's seeing things! He's hallucinating! There, there, Mr. Foooms said. He put his arm around her waist. It's all that glue, he said. Then I saw it! It was orbiting just above the treetops, sometimes vanishing behind them. Look at THAT, I said then, pointing to the east. Humdinga squeaked. Mr. Foooms gripped her tightly. What I saw was a big orange light, changing slowly from orange to green and back again, sometimes throwing out a beam of pure white. I assumed it to be rotating slowly, quivering eerily as it floated slowly higher and higher in the sky. It's an airplane, that's all, Mr. Foooms said. At least those accursed aluminum teeth of his were no longer buzzing. But I couldn't help but notice then how much his head resembled some sort of armored turret. Strange, I had never noticed that before. What's wrong with you, pal, he asked. Something in his attitude got to me, that persistent smug non-belief! Or maybe it was the way my wife squeaked whenever Mr. Foooms reached behind her back that got me so upset. Such ignorant, shallow, people! I realized at last that I was an extra-ordinarily sensitive and sapient human being. My senses were as acute as an animal's! I thought of Slobber, my dog. Where was Slobber, anyway? Here, Slobber, here Slobber, I called. My EFFING Gawd, Humdinga said, now what the fuck? What's he want with that stupid mutt all of a sudden? Look, I said, almost out of patience, animals can sense things we humans can't! Slobber knows what's going on, what's up there! Didn't you see what was on the TV, just when the power went off? The Mr. Goombah Show, Mr. Foooms said. What's Mr. Goombah got to do with all this shit? Humdinga said, I think I've suffered enough. I've just about had it with this crazy goofball. Ah, I said, it's almost overhead now! And at that moment, Slobber appeared, bounding over a hedge, leaving streamers of spit and drool in his wake. He leaped at me and just about knocked me over, in his frenzy! His tail wagged furiously! Look, I cried, this poor dog is scared almost to death! Looks like the same old mutt to me, Mr. Foooms said. Hiyeah, crazy dawg! Good doggie! Stop it, I cried! He's frightened half out of his mind! Just then, old Widow Gormany appeared on her front porch, in the house across the steet. She held a huge military style flashlight in her hands, waving it about, calling out in her feeble voice: Yooo hooo! Yooo hoooo! And the flashlight beam hit me squarely in the eyes!
I seemed blinded, in the sense that I could see nothing but pure, white, light. And I heard a delightful, musical, feminine voice speaking in a strange, charming, accent: Greetings, Mr. Max Woe, of Skankytown USA, the World, the Universe! Welcome to (hard to follow here-- it sounded like she said "the asshole plain"), welcome to our Whirl! And then the light diminished and I could see, that I stood in a very curious and scientific looking room of indefinite dimensions,full of colorful glass shapes churning happily with cheerful bubbles, and before me stood the same voluptuous scantily clad lady I had seen on my TV screen-- and yet another, much like the first, except with even bigger breasts, and even wider hips, and even more shapely legs! Their skin was bronzed and smooth, their lips were full and soft and pouting, and great masses of blonde hair drifted across their perfect shoulders! They wore almost invisible pink bikini bottoms and nothing else! Their nipples were huge and erect and quivering! Their perfect gorgeous breasts sported aureoles the size of saucers, and I was later to discover that people referred, in their world, to boobs like theirs as "nosecones" and "headlights"! Their nosecones and headlights were enormous but defied gravity by ever pointing straight out from their chests as though they floated in a warmth bath of scented pure water! Later I discovered that they had tiny gravimentric implants inside of them, and that they truly did defy gravity! Always, always, the women of their world, of the "asshole plain" (surely I heard wrong) sported nosecones and headlights that swam in perpetual freefall, undulating gently in every current of air! And in a reflective surface conveniently placed behind them, I beheld the breath-taking majesty of their butts! God help us all-- buttocks to cheer for, buttocks to die for, asses of such comeliness, one would hurl oneself upon a hedgehog merely to possess them for one instant, to plant one kiss upon one celestial buttcheek, and die there, held fast by love's sweet suction to that undulating nether region, that realm of twin MOOOOOONs, of lust, and die there happily, in ecstasy, in an endless swoooooon! I was speechless, and I hardly knew what to think! (Editor's note: What he thought, was, gee, if I could just carve something like this out of balsa wood I'd have splinters in my dick ALL the time!) But I haven't mentioned their bellybuttons yet. Their bellys were so soft and sweet and gently feminine, so rounded and so vulnerable, their navels so round and deep it seemed a man could thrust a finger into one, up to the joint of the second knuckle, without even yet encountering the resistence of a bowel, but bowels there must be, even within such divine vessels, churning with half-digested ichor, and bathed in blood. UMMMMMMM! They spoke to me in unison without moving their lips, though they smiled and even licked their lips, and blushed and batted their huge blue eyes, so vacant and yet so naughty! We haf not make mistake, it seem, Mr. Max Woe of Skankytown, USA, Earth, Universe! No no, not make mistake! On asshole plain life so boring, pretty fucky girl must go slumming to haf zee fun! Oh most pure and refined fun for jaded fucky girl (this part unclear-- "sounded" like she/they said "nectarbabes"-- were they keepers of hives, I wondered? Could they be extraterrestrial Bee Girls?) Yah! Haf to come to phooey stinkpot place to have nectarbabe dream administered by sordid goofball-- only sordid goofball can give real spice to nectarbabe dream, die belly death, you dig? Great God in Heaven! What were they talking about? Oh, you know Mr. Max Woe! We zee zecret thoughts, most naughty comic book thought, yah? AIEEEE! Cannot wait! You have boner and we haf zee need! Take ziss knife, quick! And they tossed me a slender bladed ivory handled stabbing stilleto affair, which I caught expertly, and I must say, it seemed made for me, like that knife and my hot hands had been destined for each other since before the world began! Yesssss, they said, knife of dreams Mr. Max Woe! And now you take me first! I ztrip naked first, zee, zee hot, wet, poooozzzy? It for you, for you, like that knife for me, for my--- teehee bellybutton! Ztab me! Ztick it in while it hot! Pleeeeeze! I seemed overcome by lust, more overcome than any amount of Ambroid hobby cement and nitrate dope and banana oil had ever made me, and I lunged forward and unerringly drove the point of that shiv into the nearest bombshell's bellybutton, deep, deep! Oh, the sighs and swoons that followed! I surely thought I would cream my dungarees as the space girl folded at her midsection as I pulled the blade out of her guts and the blood, red as yours or mine, streamed forth! She lay on her side, and her words came to me as nasty innuendoes: Oh, Mr. Woe, you sexy dirty man, you give me so filthy sexy death! Now I die like slut whore and not like girl of asshole plain, not vapid and pointless but slutty and gutty, and dirty and hot! HOT!
She must have come then, and I couldn't believe the quantities of fluid that spurted out of her snatch! Humdinga sure never did anything like that, though it is true that I never stabbbed her to death. Maybe, if I had...
But then the second girl was upon me, her lips upon mine, stripping off my clothing even as she vacuumed up my spit with lips as smooth and tart as a pair of bing cherries from hell! Yemmm! Yewwww! She slurped at me until I was naked, erect and quivering and more alive than ever I had been! And the wanton whisper in my ear, Now you muzt keeel me, nasty Mr. Max Woe-- Skankytown hazz no zuch like you-- stab, strike deep into my tender bowel-- and I did, the hot blood splashing over my hands, I did, and as she swooned, even more voluptuously and sexily than the first girl, she bade me fuck her corpse, she said, oh pleeeez, you must not let ziss hot flezh, zo recently murdered, MURDERED, by you, go to ruin! Fuck us, fuck uzzzz, fore and aft, butt and snatch, chew upon the pooty nosecones and headlights, pummel the dead flezh... and oh, before I die, let me show you zizzzz..... And a quick vision came to me, of Humdinga in our marriage bed, naked, and Mr. Foooms with his vast turret head and metallic tendons and pulsating aluminum teeth rooting about, all through and in and among my wife's most tender and hidden and sacred womanly places! WELL!