Posted by NL on August 02, 2004 at 13:04:09:
Why They Killed-- Part 7
Sometimes it's just involuntary, or, you have suddenly been gifted with the means and the opportunity and it would be impious if not wicked to turn up your nose and say, well, I'm too good for this! I mean, this is not the sort of thing I do! Such an attitude is snotty and it would serve you right if you never got gifted with any rare ability ever again. Some people complain about "thews of steel", and some are very upset about terrorists and the harm they do, but what if you had the only known Wrists of Terror in the world? What if you had on the very ends of your radius and ulnas, those bones in your forearms, a pair of true and honest Terror-Wrists? What would you do then? What I would do, is try to understand them, try to understand the deep physical processes that make them go. What I have figured out is that somehow as my wrist bones rub against each other knick! knack! during certain extreme physical movements, like a very very vigorous flapping of the hands in front of my face, a piezoelectric thing happens, charges are liberated, and then a beam of energy like a very powerful laser beam leaps out and kills things. Although I have to admit that the actual process is probably not even remotely like that, still, I think it helps to have some sort of paradigm lest we go mad.
It really happened the first time while I stuggled to open a jar of peanut butter and it was stuck shut. I got so mad I started flapping my hands vigorously and cursing, like, you goddamn stupid fuckmothering maggot shit fuck piss cunt bastard buttcrust arsewipe contemptable shitbag bloody scum-devouring POLITICIAN of a peanut butter jar lid! I was mad. And then my wrists started glowing and tingling and a beam of energy like a laser beam, though in fact not even remotely like that, leaped out and hit me between the eyes, burning my glasses half in two at the bridge over my nose-- probably the only thing that saved my life. I was quite surprised but also very gratified as I had long hoped to find a way to carve my frustrations into the world's face, and rip and tear and destroy things in some semi-magical but preferably scientific manner. I'd no longer have to do those tedious psycho-kinesis exercises.
Now, the night before I'd worked an evening shift at the Municipal Sewage Plant and a few hours after sundown I was outdoors scraping rubbers and dead babies out of the intake screens when I noticed a buzzing noise just above my head. Sure enough, there was a football shaped object in the sky emitting orange and green beans, excuse me, I mean beams. I felt a preternatural sense of calm and well-being and felt that some sort of miracle was at hand. . I also noticed that the object was not only football shaped but really no larger than a football and only a few feet above my head! Now, this observation clarified the entire UFO phenomenon for me! I realized then that the mysterious flying objects people reported were in fact only a few inches long and were very near the observer rather than far away! So much was explained! While I had these exciting thoughts a particularly bright green bean-- excuse me, I mean beam, although it wasn't really much like a beam at all, flew out of the UFO and struck me on the head, on my forehead, knocking me backward, flat on my back. I must have blacked out for a second-- or so I thought upon awakening but a glance at my watch revealed that several minutes had passed!
I did not think of the incident again until I lay flat on my back on my kitchen floor, flanked by the two halves of my ruined glasses. A few more tests and I learned how to control and direct these energy rays from my wrists.
The very first thing that I thought of, once I'd mastered the knack of making those knick-knacking wrist bones direct their energy beams, although, really, that's not what they were, just where I wanted them to, was, why, I can kill that girl in the apartment next to mine and fuck her dead body. Except, she wasn't really good looking enough for someone who, like me, wielded enormous killing energies. I ought to go find a really good looking movie star type and kill her and fuck her dead body. But for that, I'd need money to go to Holly Wood. Hmmmm. Well, I put on my light nylon jacket and got in my car and drove over to the corner Kwik-OH-Mart and thought of all the times I'd cashed checks there and how afraid I'd felt of getting robbed. Now here it was, after dark on an autumn night, very scary, and I had no reason to be afraid at all because I wielded what I had already come to think of as a pair of Terror-Wrists. There were two customers in the store, besides me, and the middle-aged lady working there that night. I felt a little self-conscious but I overcame that feeling by not hesitating at all. I moved over by the magazine rack and started flapping my hands and within seconds beams of energy, mostly blue-white and faintly crackling and smelling of ozone were flying all over the place, although, really, it wasn't like that at all, and first the old guy with the scruffy beard fell down, and then the punk kid in the baggie pants and finally the lady behind the counter-- all dead. I could tell by their glassy staring eyes and the fact that they weren't breathing. All of a sudden I realized that the register was shut and I didn't know a thing about how cash registers operated. I realized that I would not be able to get it open. I tried to blast the damn thing with a beam of energy from my Wrists-O-Terror but I only learned that the energy beams I liberated interacted with inanimate objects much like flakes of aluminum in a microwave, making a great deal of flash and crackle and frightening pops but doing not much else, although, really, honesty compels me to say that it really wasn't very much like that at all. I felt very frustrated but at least I did manage to kill several people, all strangers and no one I'd want to fuck, now that they were dead, but it was a start. Since I was sort of hungry and had a lot to think about I grabbed a can of green beams, excuse me, I mean beans, and got out.
I just couldn't sleep that night. I was over-excited and eager to find some pretty gal, a beauiful woman, and kill her and fuck her corpse. Where would I ever find a woman worthy of my immense powers if not in Hollywood? I had to solve the problem of how to get there. I decided to steal a car and drive there. I skipped showering and shaving and all that bother since it really made no sense to do such things anymore. I decided not to dress either, since that made no sense either. In the early morning I went out on my little balcony to watch the sun rise. What a beautiful sunrise. I don't know why, but the beauty of that flaming immense power in the vastness of space made me want to flap my hands vigorously in front of my face, and I was reminded of a poem I'd read once, a long time ago. I couldn't remember all of it, but It was about a patient that the famous analyst Jung treated once, early in his career. All I remembered was this:
Look! By flapping my hands thusly,
and squinting through the scrim
of my lashes, I shall see
the sun's cyclonic penis
in Its ochre glory!
And I did that. I did that. I saw that. And I wish I never had.
I've told you why I killed. Now you know why I never killed again. After that shock, my heart just wasn't in it.