Why They Killed-- Part 3


Posted by NL on July 12, 2004 at 17:37:21:

Why They Killed-- Part Three

First of all, let me thank you for giving me this opportunity to explain myself and perhaps justify my recent killing spree, although, when you look closely at what I did, you can hardly call it a "spree". But you know, the news media, they always exaggerate and I won't begrudge them their chance to sell lots of newspapers and stuff.

My name is Bob Dooble and you must surely be thinking in your heart of hearts that a man whose ancestry stretches all the way back to Saint Francis of Assisi and other great Peers of the Realm surely could not have wacked his girl friend so hard and so often about the head that he actually smashed her skull to bits, little bits of bone held together with flaps of skin, and then got down in the nasty soup of blood and brain and pulled up her nighty and fucked her. It can't be! Sure it can. First, you have to remember that all great noble lines, blood lines, suffer the dilutions and degradations of time, with idiocy and feeble-mindedness setting in sooner or later. And then you have to recall times when you yourself have had urges you've regreted, with or without some form of provocation.

My girl friend's name was Delphinia Bracken, and was herself of distinguished family, or so I thought. I met her in the day-old bread store and an intuition told me that she was of great and distinguished family and no doubt I could find many Brackens recorded in Burk's Peerage. Of course, I had only heard by way of hearsay of Burk's Peerage, but an intuition told me that it was a place where great people of olde tymes had their names recorded by way of posterity. And I of course desired to richen the blood, enhance mankind in its hour of great need, by breeding with a nordic machen or failing that, a Peer of the Realm, like me.

It all started on our first or second date, when I was trying to explain to her how you could buy stocks and bonds and get rich. We, or rather I, was watching one of my very favorite educational programs, Wall Street on Parade and they said the name of the host/moderator and my girl friend, who had seemed to be bored suddenly laughed. I asked her what the FUCK she thought was so goddamn funny. And she giggled and said it was "that man's name-- Paul Skanky". I was so furious! Honestly! I screamed full in her stupid stupid stupid face: NOOOO! It is NOT Paul Skanky! His name is Paul KANSAS!" And I slapped her. I was beginning to doubt that I had a Peer of the Realm here-- maybe she was unworthy after all, of the glorious name of Dooble. Well, she started crying and I had to get rough, and I was thinking shit, this is just like all the others. But I was determined to mate with her if possible and forced her to strip and put on a very lovely lace nighty which she stained with tears and blood but that's what it was all about. Even if she was not a Peer of the Realm but merely a very ordinary girl of negligable merit, I could still mate with her and produce some sort of offspring, as I had done before, and surely they would be useful someday-- that's what I thought and still think. But resistence was more spirited and so I used a golf club I'd fished out of a dumpster years ago, a driver I believe, discarded I know not why because it seemed OK to me, but then, I am not a golfer. But cutting a couple of feet off the handle made a very effective bludgeon and it was with this device that I smashed her skull so savagely.

Well, after all that the sex was perfunctory. Perfunctory but entirely satisfactory and I'm sure I felt as Lord Buckingham might have felt in his tower of ivory, raping a servant girl. You can imagine my chagrin when I got caught disposing of the body. The thing is, I lost track of how many bodies I've got, all wrapped in trash bags, sealed with duct tape, and stuffed into plastic storage containers. My Landlord showed up, just let himself in, the bastard, and caught me with Delphinia half in and half out of a hefty bag.

I guess I haven't answered your question, which was, why did I do it? But it was such a stupid question! Why do the noble salmon swim upstream, leaping great dams and earthworks? Why do the birds sing their shrill little songs in the springtime? To breed! To breed!

My offspring? They're all around you!

You fool.