Posted by Menagerie on June 15, 2004 at 21:54:27:
A VISIT FROM ST. DOLCETT
‘Twas a cannibal Christmas, and all through the hut
The whole family dined on a recent “guest’s” butt
Her stockings were hung by the stewpot with care
For the legs that were in them still simmered in there
The children were nestled all snug in their places
The fat from her boobs was still smeared on their faces
For Mama with her hatchet, and I with my axe
Had split her in two with a couple of hacks
When out in the village there arose such a ruckus
I half dropped my fork, with the last of her tuchis
I jumped to the window to survey the din
And opened the drapes (made of stewardess skin)
The moon’s sharp reflection shone bright as I looked
At the pot in which girls from the Peace Corps had cooked
And there, through the embers and smoke, I espied
The eight ravenous wolves, tethered fast by a guide
His eyes burned like coal, and they posed such a threat
That I knew in a moment it must be Dolcett!
The wolves bayed and howled as they headed my way
And behind, on a sledge, this I heard the man say:
“Now, Slasher! Now, Hanger! Now, Knifer and Nailer!
On, Roaster! On, Ripper! On, Gut and Impaler!
To the fattening pens, to the barbecue pit,
Now, spit away! Spit away! Spit away! Spit!”
As the smoke from a chimney will rise with elan
From a stove where a cheerleader roasts in a pan
So, up to the thatch on my hut they all flew
All the babe-eating beasts, and my bud, Dolcett, too
And shortly I heard them set down on the straw
And an audible growl from each animal’s maw
As I closed the “skin” drapes and I turned toward my cot
Down the chimney he came, barely missing the pot
He was dressed all in black from his boots to his cap
And he carried a sack, which he struck with a slap
It quivered and moaned; like a hunter with game
He unloaded the bag, and out spilled a nude dame
Her jugs, how they jiggled! her thighs, soft and chewy!
Her buttocks were tender, her eyes wide and dewy
Her cute little mouth had an apple jammed in
And her navel, a rich, robust cherry within
Her arms and her legs had been bound fast and tight
By a network of ropes, so she would not take flight
Her thighs were so thick, and her belly so round
I’d be calorie counting with each bite I downed
She was juicy and sweet—a quite succulent catch
And I drooled as I planned for her trip down the hatch
As she shook her blonde mane, through her apple she’d whine
And I thought with what pleasure we all soon would dine
The man dressed in black had not uttered word one
He left sauces and spice; but, before he was done
One last gift was bestowed ere my flue he’d ascend—
‘Twas a long, steel pole that was sharp on each end
As I scooped up the blonde to prepare for the feast
Overhead flew the sledge and the wolves to the east
And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight
“Merry Christmas to all—I’ll be back for a bite!”