Posted by Socrates on October 19, 2005 at 02:50:05:
I tried my best to be fair. I based my judgment -mainly- on the entertainment factor and uniqueness of style in each entry. I also tried to be brief, so here we go.
Childe :
In both of his stories the kid’s eye view is impressive, and though it looks easy to imitate it isn’t . “Three Pigs” is something you can use to infect the imagination of little kids while baby sitting.
PK :
“Glebes” is a weird story that looks like a classic statue of a long forgotten and very unpopular virtue which you could neither spit on nor admire .
The story isn’t expressive, isn’t impressive and isn’t even there, except maybe in some dimension of its own. That doesn’t make it a bad story, it makes it sort of a fiction-ghost . A murky see-through creature which tries to reveal something about the author’s ideas and feelings but nothing audible comes out from the apparition’s mouth.
C :
“Gilligan Gets Off” has a cool plot and the sort of goofiness required to make a cool bad story in addition to a fair amount of interesting violence. The story has a balanced diet of humor and snuff. It stands exactly in the middle between the piles of incomprehensible gibbering offered by some and the brilliant humor submitted by others.
Rathead :
Blondie is a cool photostory . It has no place in this contest but a joy to go through anyway.
RolePlay :
Vivid imagination, stylish humor and, above all, a great misuse of language !
The elements of deprivation, alien cannibalism, and tortured language were elegantly mixed to add a unique, and quite entertaining flavor to bad Fiction. The short melodic verses are both funny and eerie. They’re like one of those optic illusions where three horizontal lines can look like an embossed letter E . Most of the plot is not written but hinted at implicitly, and the rest of the work is done by the reader’s imagination.
The major drawback is that if the reader’s imagination couldn’t match the author’s, the whole story would look and sound like static.
Emily :
A Roller coaster’s ride through Never Land ! (not the one Michael Jackson owns, but the real thing). From the very first line to the last word the author assures you, in an insanely funny manner, that nothing is as bad as - and in fact much worse than- it seems.
The idea of spoofing the movie “The Matrix” was well carried out. The style is so unapologetically rebellious and aggressively offensive that by the end of the story you feel like you’ve been hit by a train. Imbecilic metaphors and delirious humor were a pack of hungry wolves unleashed to chew your brain.I also liked the notion that terrorists are animals ( a bunch of monkeys to be precise).
Moore :
Moore is a true sadist . He knows how to torture the reader .
OK, the idea of repeating a phrase thirty seven zillion times sure makes a story bad, yet never counts as stylish . It’s the fictional equivalent of flooding . The story is simply hazardous for your eyes and mental stability.
NL :
A genius is weeping. That’s the impression I’ve got after reading both of NL’s stories. Sadness and humor come in equal quantities , and the whole thing is as stylish as a black room with black furniture and lots of ambient black light to brighten the mode!
Both plots reflect lots of craft and skill in using words. The ideas hold a great deal of depth but the humor is as dry as an old nun’s pussy. The result is impressive but not exactly entertaining. It belongs to the realm of horror more than anything else. Bottom line: A unique blend of fear, sadness and (excuse my French) philosophical depth, which could’ve been more enticing if the funny undertones were more pronounced. Especially in “Spare me these complications” which, I believe, is almost good enough to be published .
Kojak :
Kojak seemed to have had lots of fun writing both of his stories. The bad news is that I couldn’t share the fun and I can’t imagine someone who could. I just didn’t have a clue as to what he was talking about, and worse still, I didn’t feel tempted to know. Both stories had a very prominent “don’t read me you fool” quality.
It’s amazing how the person who introduced the mischievous idea of writing stylishly entertaining bad stories to this board have totally failed to deliver something which remotely fits the specks. There is zero style, nil entertainment and the nano-traces of humor need a microscope to be observed. A real torture .
Israeli Guy:
“Jack the great” is a joke. Short and funny. Too good to deserve the Nelli and too weak to be among the 1st three winners.
Rache :
Rache’s snowballs , as well as the rest of her stories , are symptoms of an acute case of literary diarrhea. The girl holds her fiction machine gun and shoots words at random until she’s out of ammo. Lots of humor and interesting dialogues, but the whole things sounds so familiar , as if you’ve read it before. It’s both a good and a bad thing.
The long multi-entry submission doesn’t fail to be entertaining but only mildly. Some more fuel is needed to keep the reader running at pace with Rache’s fiction marathon.
Chips Rafferty :
Teenage Hitgirls For The Mob is a well written snuff story for everyone. The usual kill-for-joy erotic fiction which doesn’t care much about looking bad or being a parody..
John Oliva :
Hell’s Bells ! Now that’s what I call a funny style.
JO has a remarkable affinity for the essence of nonsense in the celebrity world and a unique logic twisting mind . His writing is a clear example of creative chaos. The Wookie Like Bartender has the same quality of a Mad magazine movie satire , if not better.
The results :
Worst Bad Story - The Nellie:
The winner is : Kojak
He managed to offer not one piece of wretched, pointless, mindless, tasteless fiction, but two . The total lack of skill and the absolute absence of humor places Kojak on a unique level of badness. Congratulations.
The 3rd Runner-up :
The winner is : NL
Both of his entries deserve awards . His ability to write truly great fiction is marred by nothing but his inability to make it funny. What’s a bad story contest all about if it isn’t fun?
The 2nd Runner-up :
The winner is : Roleplay.
His creative abuse of language is amazing. The story is very entertaining and the narration is a trade mark .
1st Place :
The Winner is : Emily
Her detached sub-plots, insane metaphors, and superb humor brew a killer badness potion and she gets the reader overdosed.
That’s all. Now it’s aspirin time.