Posted by jamie on May 05, 2002 at 22:22:21:
PART 3
28th June 4986
I had to get up early this morning. God it was awful waking up knowing I had to go to the Selection and Training School. Mom could not bear to go with me so Dad drove me there by himself. He dropped me at the door and wouldn't come in with me. He looked so sad. I am sure he really thinks I am going to be selected for culling.
I had to wait in a large room like a picture theatre while lots of other girls came in. They were draftees just like me. Golly they are all so beautiful. Surely I will not be wanted by a man to kill with all of them to chose from first.
A man and a woman came in to talk to us. Four young men stood at the back of the room and I guessed they were there in case any of the girls tried to run away or something.
The man said his name was Richard and that he was the Director of in House Processing. He said his job was to ensure the maintenance of standards throughout the school and things like ensuring girls provided high levels of satisfaction to clients who might purchase rights to them.
I tried not to listen much.
The lady seemed so kind. She said she was in charge of our training and she hoped she could help us through our stay here and make it bearable if we were chosen to be culled. She said she could do nothing about making our deaths hurt any less if our client chose a method which made us suffer before dying, but hoped to help us accept and understand what had to happen in the interests of the Federation.
I don't care about the damned Federation. I want so to live and go home.
The lady said the first thing we had to accept was that girls came here to be killed and to help us appreciate that fact she was going to select one of us now and let us see a girl being actually processed.
It was awful. She seemed to be looking at me for a long time and I was sure I was going to be picked, but she asked the girl next to me to come down to the platform, which, when the lights were turned on, had a rope and horrible looking noose dangling down.
I tried not to watch the girl being hung, but I could not stop myself. It was awful.
They said they were going to hang her in a way so it did not hurt her for too long, but they had to leave her hanging alive at least for a little while so we could get a better understanding of the process of a girl's death. Richard said it was important that no girl be asked to die without full value being obtained from her, even one being killed as a demonstration.
I said to the girl across from the now empty seat that I did not care if they never got value from me if I was killed, just so long as it did not hurt too much. God, what am I saying. I don't want to die at all!
Richard made the girl introduce herself. She was Jenny Hicks from Oxford. She could hardly speak she was so frightened. Richard told us that Jenny was having more trouble facing her death than we should after we were trained to cope better with it.
The woman had to help Jenny undress. She said all girls were asked to be naked for their culling unless their client wanted to act out a scene in some costume of his choice, but that was rare. She said it was easier for the staff to prepare the dead body for examination if a girl was naked for her death and in any event that was how clients wanted them as it allowed full appreciation of her reactions as she was dying.
Jenny was a very slim very pretty girl with long straight legs. I had the silly thought that she would have looked good doing ballet.
She tried to pull away when Richard began to bind her hands behind her back. He spoke quietly to her and she crossed her wrists for him. I did not hear what was said.
The two of them spent a while explaining things to us, the sort or knot they had set and where they had put it on the side of poor Jenny's ear. They wanted her head to remain up as she hanged so we could see her face in the monitors on our desks. They said they were going to give her a small drop to dislocate some vertebrae or something like that to speed up her death a little and to make sure the rope went tight around her neck to stop her from being able to breath at all. They said those of us who were selected to be hanged by our clients could expect to live a bit longer than Jenny will, but as this was only an introduction to the school's purposes, Jenny could be spared a slow strangulation.
Richard said a significant majority of girls were processed by one form of strangulation or another so we should watch closely.
Please don't let me be strangled, it must be terrible.
It was for Jenny even if she did have a short drop before strangling.
She struggled dreadfully in the end though she seemed to freeze and hang very still as if moving hurt her very badly to start with. The look in her eyes, I will never forget that. Her body shook and quivered perhaps as long as a minute before it went limp. Time was so hard to guess at. Richard said she was experiencing involuntary convulsions as she strangled, something all girls did as they suffered asphyxiation. She was conscious at that stage, he said, telling us to watch her eyes for signs of dying then she hung still as until her eyes went strange, sort of distant and a little series of trembles shook her then she began to kick with her legs. I thought doing that must have increased her pain with her body jerking by her poor neck, but Richard explained she was then dead and what we were seeing were her death throes.
I was glad she was dead. I mean I was glad she was not suffering anymore.
Her body was shiny with perspiration, glistening under the lights as she swayed on the rope. Richard said her dead body was very hot because of the heat build up as a girl strangles. He said it is to do more with the loss of oxygen than her struggling or pain.
We had to file past her dead body before going to dinner. I was not hungry, none of the girls were much. We talked about what we saw a lot. Some girls said it did not look too bad, but I remembered what Richard said about the different ways clients liked to kill their girls and how some methods hurt a lot more than others.
I had nightmares seeing over and over again Jenny being killed and then myself hanging there struggling and crying out for someone to help me. Dreams are awful when they do that, let you do things like cry out while strangling, I mean.
Please, don't let me be slowly strangled to death.
29th June 4986
We had a pleasant day after the horrible introduction to the school yesterday.
They put on a little party for all the girls from the previous intake who had not been selected and were going home. The law says girls can go home after forty percent of them have been culled. All these girls who are going home are so lovely. Those who were selected to be killed must have all been stunning. It makes me think I may not get selected after all as I don't think I am as pretty as any of these lucky girls.
Only selecting some of us to die did not help poor Jenny yesterday, hanged like that just to show us what it looked like when a girl is killed. I hope I don't have any more dreams of her hanging.
26th July 4986
Today starts our last week of training.
We were given a complete tour of the School's studios, the specially prepared rooms where the girls are taken to be killed by their clients.
We watched girls being processed in most of them as it was a busy day with over eighty percent utilisation. We were told seventy three girls died today.
I hope, if I am selected, my client wants to kill me with a knife. Hardly any of the girls prefer that way, but I think I might. Anything is better than being strangled although I did see one girl manually strangled in Studio 7 (b) and the man seemed very kind to his girl, talking quietly to her and telling her he obtained his pleasure from the actual killing of a girl, the taking of her life rather than her pain. He took a long time to kill her using such gentle pressure on her throat, but other than for a minute or so at the end she did not seem to suffer too badly although I don't know for sure. She was able to get a little air as he strangled her and I did not like the sounds she made. Perhaps it would be better to be strangled quickly, even if it hurts more.
I saw two girls have their throats cut and it is very quick. The studio where girls are killed this way is a bit frightening at first, the stark tiles and the drain in the floor, I mean. I suppose it has to be like that to clean away the girls' blood once they have died.
One girl was asked to kneel next to the drain in the floor and her client tilted her head back from behind using her hair, sort of curving her neck over his thigh before cutting her throat. The other girl was killed by asking her to lay on her side on the floor then her client knelt with his knees in the small of her back to arch her body in a curve by pulling her head back by her hair.
He positioned her so that the front of her throat was right over the drain in the floor. He was well dressed and wanted to control where her blood went, he told her, while he positioned her on the floor.
A girl thrashes about a lot when her throat is cut, but our instructor told us that most of that occurs after the girl is dead and while it might look distressful, a girl does not suffer much and then only briefly if she is killed by having her throat cut.
I do hope, if I am chosen, my client will want to kill me that way.
27th July 4986
Yesterday's tour of the School's processing facilities was reviewed in today's class. A series of high definition videos were shown to us allowing a much more detailed study of the girls as they were being processed and then explanations were given by two of the medical staff about the various stages girls go through as they are actually experiencing their culling.
The scanner which takes the images is able to monitor the girls' vital signs so we could see the effect on their hearts and brain activity. They also had a pain monitor going for that day so we could see how much each method of culling a girl would hurt us if we were chosen to be killed that way.
I was surprised that slow hanging causes a girl about the most pain. I thought manual strangulation would, what with the thumbs pressing so hard into her soft throat and all. The rope hurts her just a little bit more to start with and a lot more as she continues to hang by her neck.
I would still hate most of all to be manually strangled just the same - all of the pain being in the one spot on your throat. And it would be so, well, personal, his bare hands about your neck. Perhaps that is what they like, all those clients who like to strangle their girls that way.
I took close note of the girl who was laid on the tiled floor to have her throat cut as she seemed to do the most thrashing about of all the girls although the one who got shot in the forehead reacted a lot too. The big difference was the way the girl with her throat cut kicked her legs. Gee they were nice legs, so long and such nice shape. Odd how I should notice such a thing. Perhaps I am getting used to the thought of girls being killed although not the idea of it being me, of course.
I always thought a girl being hung would kick her legs a lot too One of the doctors explained that in drop hanging she does, but with her legs swinging free, their own weight tends to make the motion less obvious whereas the girl laying on the smooth wet floor can slide about quite a lot making her movements exaggerated. Our instructor explained that the floor had just been cleaned of the blood from two other girls processed earlier and that was why it was wet.
If my throat is cut like that I hope the floor is dry. I would not want my client to see my dead body slide about like that girl's did.
25th July 4986
I hated the lectures today. They were about how a girl should present herself to her client for processing. You know, how she should do all she can to make herself appealing to him and make his experience of her enjoyable.
We were told that we had a duty to the State not just to offer our lives to it if called upon to die, but to ensure that the State got the maximum value from us. We also had a duty to our school. We had to make the experience had by our client when he killed us very rewarding for him so he would come back to our own training and selection school and purchase the rights to more girls.
We had to watch some videos of girls presenting themselves to their clients and pick what they were doing wrong or how they could make themselves look better for him. I saw the girl in my video looking down a bit and said she should have looked at her client so he could see her eyes which was the correct answer.
The girl also looked glum, the instructor said, and while we were not expected to look happy, every effort had to be made to look attractive and willing to accept what the client wanted of us. The clients would expect us to be afraid, she said, and anyway most customers thought pretty girls were at their most beautiful when they were frightened.
The hardest part was being shown how to undress when we were asked to by our client. Almost all girls have to be naked for their client as he kills them. Our new pattern presentation gowns are made of polished satin so it will slide over our skin when we undress. This is supposed to look good for the client. The dress comes to just above our knees and it has a satin sash around the waist which we have to take off first and give it to the client. It is to tie our hands behind our backs so we cannot use them as we are being killed. Girls who are killed with the client touching them such as when they are strangled or smothered or have their throats cut by a knife, must have their hands tied behind their backs first. They say it is better for the girl if she cannot do anything with her hands as she is being killed. Making it easier for her client to do it to her means she might not get hurt as much. Anyway, we know men prefer to have a girl helpless when they kill her.
The gowns are held up by thin strings of silk which are tied over the girl's bare shoulders by bows which we have to learn to slowly undo one side at a time, carefully letting the first side drop to just expose the nipple of one breast then the other then slowly lower the gown down our bodies until it has fallen around our feet leaving us naked ready to be positioned for processing. The satin allows the gown to slide evenly down the girl's body.
We had to practice this lots of times to get it just right as we were told it will be harder for us to do on the day as we will be very scared of what is going to happen to us and the undressing must come naturally for it to look good for our client.
That night in our lounge us girls all said we did not care about the awful old Federation or our clients or anything else. We just want to go home. None of us want to be killed.
It's not fair. Almost half of us will be killed soon.
28th July 4986
Today we had our final lesson. It covered the reason clients pay so much for the rights to our lives and what it is they look for in killing girls.
We were told that, for us girls, women clients were often the worst as most wanted to kill us out of jealousy. They got their pleasure out of killing a girl more beautiful than they were or, where they were once very lovely themselves, it was revenge for their lost beauty. These women almost always got the most pleasure from our pain and would hurt a girl as much as they were allowed to before killing her. They like to hear a girl cry out in her pain and especially to hear her beg them to stop hurting her. The best thing for us to do is to try to bear the pain silently if we can and they will get impatient and go too far causing the girl to die before they want her to.
A female client who loves girls is the best to have however, for she will usually be very sympathetic and kind. She seeks her sexual pleasure from girls and knows how they think and feel. And we were told that even those women who want to hurt their girl for a while before killing her understand what she is suffering and won't want to go too far.
They told us that almost all of these women are very grateful to their girl once she has died for them and are often sad when it is over.
That's what they said anyway.
They also say it helps a girl who has been told she has been selected to be culled to know what her client wants from her, whether her death is enough or whether she needs to suffer more than is necessary to kill her although I would probably not want to know if I was going to be made to suffer a long time before dying. Especially if I was told the night before how he wanted to kill me, as happens mostly.
We were told that most men want to kill a girl for sexual reasons as well, that their urge to kill girls has been developed over thousands of years.
No one knows why men like to hurt us and then kill us, but most do. Our instructor says there are over seven million men in the Federation who have purchased perpetual culling licences from the Bureau of Female Population Control as well as millions of casual users of culling schools.
We are in dread of inexperienced cullers. Sometimes they need four or five attempts to kill a girl by, say, strangling her and she must be as good for them and compliant to their wishes as she can to help them get what they paid for. The school punishes us very nastily if we do not do our best for our clients and they want to hand us back for a refund. It is hard to believe, but we are told it is very tiring to manually strangle a girl as the hands get very tired and inexperienced clients stop before the girl falls unconscious so they have to start again with her throat already very sore and bruised.
I know it would be so hard to do, but it is best if a girl can relax her neck as much as possible as she is being strangled by hand as by making it easier for her client to kill her she will suffer less. At least that is what they say.
And I have heard awful stories about poor girls where their client has hesitated as he tried to cut her throat.
We also have to accept that some men deliberately stop the process which they are using to kill their girl to make their pleasure last or sometimes because they like to see her suffer. Again they told us to remain calm and accept the pain until his needs from our suffering are satisfied and he decides to let us die.
It is all so easy for our lecturers. They are not the ones suffering and dying.
The teachers said we would be told if we have a novice or casual purchaser. They are asked to fill out a questionnaire and say what they want from a girl and how they want us to be positioned for culling and so on. If it is likely to result in a girl suffering too much they are given tuition as to better methods of enjoying their girl without being too cruel to her.
Licensed cullers don't have to say what they intend to do with their girl, but they usually follow the same pattern so the staff can tell us about what will probably happen to us although we must be prepared to accept his wish if he wants to try a new method or enjoy a new experience.