Posted by Clemstra on August 20, 2004 at 03:58:21:
copyright 2003 Clemstra
I'm Beef He Said - by Clemstra
"I'm beef" he said to me.
"Beef, you look like a person, a human man."
"Oh no, I'm beef, really cook me up and eat me," he said.
I took him at his word, made him strip, removed the hair on his body.
"Is beef supposed to have hair like a man," I asked?
"I'm special beef," he said. "You should play with me first then
pop me in the oven to cook," he pleaded.
"Well okay," I said, "but this is really weird."
So I played with him, he asked me to give him an enema too...if
he was meat we didn't want any waste in the meat so I did that
too. Then seasoned him and popped him in the oven.
He's there now, as you can see.
The doctor and the nurse look at me like I'm from Mars.
"Lacey, you understand that Mr. Brown had a DELUSION of his
being food," they say to me.
"He said he was beef, he asked me to cook him, so I did what
he asked." "Now if you excuse me I'd like to eat the beef
since it's all nicely cooked."
They seemed to be turning green.
"Hey, it's only beef that for some odd reason looks like a man"
I tell them. "Amazing how they package these modern foods isn't
it?"
They take me away without even letting me eat the beef. That's not
right, he was so looking forward to my tasting him and he smells
so tasty now after 5 hours in the oven. They put a straight jacket
on me mumbling about how I have become dangerous and poor
Mr. Brown.
"But he said he was BEEF" I yell to them. After all of that
and they didn't even let me eat the meat. They probably are eating
him all themselves...shssh, just can't trust mental health professionals.