Posted by C on October 02, 2005 at 15:07:26:

I hope the bad story contest isn't over. This one, I hope, is pretty bad.


Bad story by C

One day, Gilligan was gathering coconuts and bananas on the far side of the desert island, when he heard a noise: "Eeee eeee ahhhh ahhhh ooo ooo ahhhh!" This prompted something in his memory, so he shouted out in answer: "Oooo ooo ahhh! ahhh! oo oo oh oh ahhhhhh!" Soon came the reply: "Eeee eeee ohhh ohhh ooooo ooooo ah ah ah ah!" Then, out of a thicket of palm trees, stepped the largest gorilla Gilligan had ever seen, easily 15 feet tall resting on its knuckles.

Seeing it, Gilligan said: "Oh boy, I guess that course in great-ape-talk I took at the Community College was worth the 200 bucks!"

(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

Then Gilligan said: "Ooo ooo ooo oh oh oh ah ah aaaaahhhhhhh!" and tossed a big bunch of bananas to the enormous creature. The beast grabbed the fruit with one paw, looked it over closely, and then said: "Hmmm?"

"That's right," said Gilligan. "I know where all the bananas on the island are. Stick with me, big guy, and you'll never get hungry. Say, why don't I introduce you to the others?"

"Eeee eeee ohhh ohhh ooooo ooooo ah ah oh oh oh!"

"What's that you say: you want to show me some interesting things?"

"Oooo oooo ohhh ohhh ooooo ooooo ah oh oh ah!"

"Another island? And a bunch of nifty stuff we can do together? Tell me more!"

And so the gorilla did.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Several hours later, back at the encampment, the Skipper was busy powering the Professor's new generator by madly pedaling away on a bicycle contraption the Professor has created for just this purpose. The Skipper's sparse hair was plastered back with sweat, and his pudgy jowls were shaking.

"I . . . I sure . . . hope we'll have enough . . . enough juice in the next . . . few . . . minutes . . . ." wheezed the Skipper.

"Oh stop complaining," said the Professor, and turned back to the calculations he'd been perusing. "Would you rather we did without power?"

"I'd . . . rather . . . you . . . did some of the pedaling!"

(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

Just then, Ginger stepped out of her cabin. She was a breathtakingly beautiful redhead, sheathed in a tight, white, satin dress. "Oh," she said, "I wonder where Gilligan is. It's getting late!"

"Oh . . . can it . . . you . . . loose-legged . . . slut! wheezed the Skipper. "You just like having someone around that you can cock-tease!"

"It's not my fault you can't . . . rise to the occasion," said Ginger with a sneer.

(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

"Now now," said the Professor, "the Skipper's impotence is no laughing matter."

(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

The Professor got up from his calculations and shouted: "Mary Ann! Come here right now!"

A very pretty brunette in white shorts, blue t-shirt, and pigtails stepped out of her cabin and said: "Oh what do you want now, you pompous old prick?"

"Mary Ann," said the Professor, "is that any way for my research assistant to talk?

"Ha!" said Mary Ann. "When the job description includes getting fucked in the ass, I'll talk any way I like!"

(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

"Well," said the Professor, "your insolence aside, I'd like you to check these figures. I think that if we can just find a few more feet of twine, my coconut-milk powered palm-wood airplane should just be able to fly us back to civilization."

Mary Ann rolled her eyes, came over to the Professor, and picked up the piece of paper with his equations on it. "All right," she said. "It WOULD be nice if your scrawny, tenured ass was better at math . . . but . . . well, hmmm, you might just be right!"

"I knew it!" he said, snatching the paper back from her. "Now we just need to send that little idiot Gilligan to scour the island for twine or some local equivalent, and we'll be out of here in no time!"

"Whawt's up now?" said a new voice. "It was Thurston Howell III, the Millionaire, dressed in yachtsman's getup and accompanied by his lovely wife, Mrs. Howell, looking very elegant in a red foxhunting jacket, white breeches, and black riding boots.

"Oh, Mr. Big Brain/Little Johnson here thinks he can finally make that airplane work," said Mary Ann. "Though frankly, I've seen cargo cults make better planes than that!"

(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

Crack! The Professor knocked Mary Ann to the ground with a vigorous backhand to her face. She slowly got up again, wiped the trail of blood from her lower lip with a hanky, and then threw her arms around her mentor and started kissing him passionately. "Oh . . . you bookish beast!" she cried.

"Give it to me, you little dean's list bitch," he growled. "Then turn around, and I'll give it to YOU . . . ."

"Not from behind again!" she shrieked, and punched him in the face so hard he flew back and landed on his ass. Then she stalked off in a rage.

"Oh, Dahling," crooned Mrs. Howell, "I just love it when common people go to it. Does it give you any ideas?"

"Hm, well," said her husband. "It gives me the idea that you'll need a lawt more magic than you've gawt to raise little Mr. Howell from the dead . . . ."

(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

"Oh, do go try and fuck yourself!"

(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

his wife retorted in disgust, then walked rapidly back toward their cabin.

Just then, Gilligan entered the encampment. "Hey everybody, I'm back, and I brought a new friend."

The Skipper, the Professor, and Ginger all stared in thunderstruck awe at the enormous gorilla. Mary Ann and Mrs. Howell, who had both heard Gilligan's voice, returned from their cabins and shared in the general amazement.

"Gee, little buddy," said the Skipper. "That's one big monkey."

(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

"It's not a monkey, you fat ignorant seadog,"

(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

said the Professor, "it's one of the great apes . . . GORILLA GORILLA, to give it its scientific name. But I've never seen such a big one!"

"Oooo," snarled the Skipper, "one of these days you're gonna go too far, you pretentious little git, and then I'll pummel you to death with my belly!"

(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

"Hey, everybody, just shut up!" yelled Gilligan. "My new friend and I have some announcements to make!"

"Whawt did you just say to us, you young nobody?" said Mr. Howell.

Gilligan nodded to the gorilla, who strode over to the Millionaire, picked him up with his right paw, and threw him to the ground. Mr. Howell just lay there, stunned.

Gilligan spoke again: "I said, you arrogant environmental rapist, that my friend (his name's Norbert by the way) and I have some announcements to make." This time, everyone was very quiet.

"A few things are going to change," Gilligan continued. "It used to be: you ladies would complain about the sexual inadequacy of all the other males on the island, then tease and taunt me until my feelings were hurt and my balls were very blue. No longer."

"Ohhhhh," purred Ginger. "I think I know where this is going. I was just playing a little game with you, honey." She walked over to Gilligan and began stroking his hair. "I'm happy now to give you . . . all of my attention."

"Me, too!" chirped Mary Ann.

"And I as well," said Mrs. Howell, "you delightfully lusty boy!"

Gilligan shoved Ginger away and said in a low, snarling voice: "Get over by those other cunts, you worthless bitch, and don't open your mouth again without my say so." Clearly frightened, Ginger nodded and quickly skittered over to where the other women stood, a little bit to Gilligan's right. "Now, all three of you cum-guzzling sluts . . . just stand there and be very quiet. Very quiet." More fearful nods.

"Now you," he said to the men, "all of you move over there" (and he pointed to his left). "You too, golden spoon boy!" Clearly still disoriented, Mr. Howell nonetheless contrived to get up and join the others.

"Now where was I. Oh, that's right. No more blue balls . . . at least no more for me. And as for you sorry bunch of bastards: Professor Ass Bandit; Captain I Left My Erection in Davy Jones' Locker; and Mr. I'm Rich and My Wife Has Bored Me into Sexual Torpor, So You All Simply Must Listen to Me Whine about It at Every Opportunity . . . "

(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

"well, I'm not gonna be hearing any more 'Gilligan, you idiot, do this,' and 'Gilligan, you shit for brains, do that.' No sir. Me and Norbert, we've come to an arrangement. I know where the best bananas are, and Norbert's a real talented enforcer, so from now on, you're all gonna be MY idiots. In fact, Norbert's got a whole bunch of talents. Why don't you show 'em, big fella?"

And with those words, Norbert whipped out a big lasso from behind his back and began twirling it.

"Good Lord," said the Professor. "That looks like . . . twine!"

"It's not gonna be part of your fucking plane," snapped Gilligan, "you crazed, butt-busting, third drawer Einstein!"

(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

"No, we have something better in mind for it . . . ." And on that cue, Norbert let the lasso fly. It fell 'round the three women, and just as it reached waist level, Norbert pulled back on it sharply so that they all fell screaming to the ground. Then he quickly pulled them to him. He held them in place with one of his mighty forearms, and tore the lasso into smaller lengths of rope with his sharp teeth. These he used to bind the women's wrists behind them. Then he lined them up side by side. The women screamed, and cried, and kicked, for all the good it did them.

"Is this really necessary?" sobbed Mary Ann. "I mean, I think I speak for all of us,

Gilligan, when I say we'll gladly give you what you want!"

"Oh yes," said Ginger.

"Hear, hear!" said Mrs. Howell.

"Ladies, I don't think you've fully grasped what's going down . . . or maybe I should say: what's going in,"

(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

said Gilligan with a malicious chuckle. "I mean: sure, when I thought you were the only pussy around, I wanted a crack at you. But Norbert put me on his back and swam out to another island a few miles away. There a mixed Melanesian-Polynesian tribe lives, with beautiful DARK-SKINNED girls, just like I used to love at the whorehouses back home. DARK-SKINNED, with sweet, HAIRLESS pussies. Norbert is the god of the islanders, and they sacrifice ten of their prettiest girls to him every now and then. He let me try some of them first, and MAN! I've never had cunt so good! And what made it especially good was the way they all begged and cried and pissed themselves when I fucked them. And guess what: Norbert's gonna let me have first dibs on all the rest, too! I'll be his co-god, and I'll give 'em the first fuck, and he'll give 'em the last . . . the very last. I saw him do these girls, and, well, it gave me an idea. What better comeuppance for three tight, stuck up white cunts than to get rogered the way Norbert does it?"

"No! No!" cried Mary Ann.

"Oh, please, dear God, have mercy on us!" wailed Ginger.

"Oh, save us from this madman!" sobbed Mrs. Howell.

"No mercy, and no salvation," said Gilligan. "Norbert, old chum, do your stuff."

Norbert rose up, and his enormous woody was a wonder to see. The three doomed women screamed at the sight of it.

"Now see here," said Mr. Howell, "I have some proprietary interest in this matter, and I simply . . . ."

"SHUT UP!" shouted Gilligan. "JUST . . . SHUT . . . UP! Or you'll take your wife's place!" So Mr. Howell shut up.

Norbert advanced on the struggling, screaming women. His first choice was Ginger. Effortlessly, he tore her satin sheath away, revealing black thong panties, which he proceeded to shred. Then, with no ceremony at all, he pulled her frantically kicking legs apart and plunged his male ape-hood into her trembling, red-tufted pussy.


(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

The ripping of her tissues was audible as he entered her. He forced himself as far in as he could go, then drew his monstrous member out, now wet with the dying girl's blood. Then, once more, he plunged into her. Another agonized cry.

This was repeated several times. As he savaged her cunt, something very strange began to happen. Despite, or perhaps because of the searing pain, an orgasmic pressure built up in Ginger's tummy, like nothing she'd ever felt before. Soon, she was moaning and groaning in between the screams. And so, it was accurate to say that she went coming, spurting a good bit of cunt liquor out with her life's blood.

Then it was Mary Ann's turn. She struggled madly as her white shorts, and then her flower-pattern panties, were torn from her. This time, Norbert pushed her legs back toward her chin before thrusting himself into her little brown-bearded twat (which, by the way, was a good bit tighter than Gingers's).


(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

And it wasn't long before Mary Ann was coming as well as screaming, the blood gouting out all the while between her legs.

When the young research assistant had kicked her last, the gorilla turned to Mrs. Howell. He thrust a big paw down the front of her breeches and pulled them away, as if they were made of paper. Then he stripped her of a pair of frilly pink panties. Her snatch was a good deal looser than those of the two younger women, but that helped not one bit as he made his customary entry.


(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

And it wasn't long before Mrs. Howell was groaning and moaning and hard-come kicking as she bled and died.

When he'd finished with the Millionaire's wife, Norbert got up, smeared his face with pussy gore, and began to beat on his chest: THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!

"That's . . . . just wrong," said the Skipper.

(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

"Now it's time for you assholes," said Gilligan.

"Hey there, little buddy . . . " said the Skipper, "we used to tease you a lot and all, but that was just good-natured fun! You must have known that!"

"That's right, you little id . . . I mean my fine young friend," said Mr. Howell.

"You know, Gilligan," said the Professor, "it's my understanding that the typical island god has a contingent of slaves to do his bidding. Surely, we could perform that role for you . . . ."

"Good try," said Gilligan, "but Norbert has other ideas."

(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)

As he spoke, the gorilla somehow produced another lasso and, in a trice, roped in the three men. "It seems that Norbert swings both ways. I hope he won't be offended if I don't watch this part. Hey, irony sure is ironic, eh Professor Butt-Plug?"

And so Gilligan made his way toward the other side of the island. Even there, he could hear the screams quite clearly.

Later, Norbert was making his way with powerful strokes toward the other island. Gilligan was perched somewhat precariously on his shoulders. As they approached land, Gilligan said: "Mmmm, I can already smell where the best bananas are."

"Aa aa ooo ooo eeee eee ohh ohh ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!"

"As many as you like, big guy . . . provided I keep getting that tight brown pussy!"

(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)


(Laugh track: ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ho ho ho ha!)