Posted by Barbanne on February 22, 2003 at 22:08:20:
PART SIXTY ONE
My mate Barbanne has talked me into telling my story. She could talk me into jumping into hell that girl. I don't know what it is but she is just the most persuasive person I have ever met. We became friends when we were working together as waitresses at that chinese restaurant. In between darting around the packed tables with serves of fried this and steamed that and heaps of boiled and fried rice we somehow found time to become best pals. Barb went and got herself a job working at this place where they did sort of soft porn fetish photography and stuff and ever since she has been working on getting me to come and join her there.
Its not that I mind being photographed in strange and compromising positions or that I wouldn't shed some of my clothes but I have sort of resisted going there. I don't know, its silly and all, but I sort of feel that I would be riding on Barb's success and all and I don't want to do that and then there is the other.
Yeah, the other. That's that when I look in my bathroom mirror what I see is a girl I'm not sure anyone else wants to see. Certainly not nude!
Hey my name by the way is Loreen and I'm tallish, I'd be five and a half centimetres taller than Barb and I've got nice thick brown hair. That's my good point. My face is longish (like a horse) and I have nice hazel coloured eyes but my chin is strong and not really feminine and my eyebrows are thick and unruly and I have to spend yonks plucking them and stuff and then there's my nose! Hell my nose is big and turns up a lot like the proverbial ski jump and ends in a sort of bulb that is really not flattering. My mouth is way too big and really splits my face when I smile (which I do a lot when Barb is around) and my lips are full and sort of okay, but all taken together I'm no beauty. Then there's my body. I'm thin, stringy thin. My shoulders are quite wide and very bony and my tummy is flat and looks like a man's but as you keep going down my hips are wide and my bum is big and you certainly wouldn't think I was mannish looking at that. My legs and arms are both long and skinny and more muscley than shapely. I've got really big feet and very big hands with long straight fingers and although I'm not overly hairy I have to shave my underarms and around my pubes lots and also have to do my legs regularly. But, and its a big but, my breasts are not the ones I would have chosen. I mean when they were giving out breast genes and I went by I sure missed out. I mean I have really small breasts especially for a girl my height and they are like two little bags. Just imagine having two small plastic bags half full of water hanging off your chest and that's me. I have brown nipples with big aureoles and little bumps like permanent goose bumps around them and my nipples are always sticking out as though they are erect. It can be an embarrassment. If I have a tee shirt or anything people think I'm constantly in a state of arousal with these little suckers poking out all the time and even when I wear a bra they poke through. Buying a bra is hard too as nobody makes one that's quite right for me. Cup wise I almost need the teen section but to get one the right size to go around me I always end up with room to spare. I have found a Target chepie brand that suits me best but it isn't the world's sexiest bra I can tell you.
I really burn badly if I get too much sun and then I go red and peel and just never tan so I stay indoors a lot and my skin is really white and to top that off I have several small flat brown moles on my shoulders and chest.
Let's face it I'm a dog.
And to top it all off I have permanent dark circles under my eyes and look like I haven't had a decent night's sleep for ever. Yep I have to admit I'm a real dog.
But not according to Barb.
"Hey Loreen," she says, "you're beautiful girl," (as if) "they'll go ape over you," (oh yeah) "naked you'll kill 'em." I probably would too, like stone dead. Just what I want.
One thing I have found I share with Barb is that we both suffer bouts of depression, what I call my moody blues. I reckon I have heaps of reasons to be miserable but when I found that Barb gets really down too I couldn't believe it. She has everything going for her. Pretty, smart, bright and clever in a way I never was and she is just such a goer. But then she let me see the black depression that totally floors her at times and I found that in comforting her I could comfort myself and I reckon its that which has forged such a strong bond between us.
Anyway, like her and all the other waitresses that worked with us I was always sort of strapped for cash and so when Barb asked me to come and do some pics for them I was tempted but wouldn't use her success to advance myself.
It did however set me to thinking and I saw an advert in a magazine I picked up somewhere for photo "models" and thought if I could make a go of this maybe I could go and do some stuff with Barb.
So I rang the number in the ad and an oily character asked me to meet him and his "partner" for lunch.
I was iffy about it, but what the hell I thought, nothing ventured nothing gained, and went for it.
I tarted myself up as best I could and wore my nicest dress and went to the restaurant they had nominated. The guy I had spoken to on the phone was a dark complexioned swarthy foreign looking young bloke with his long hair in a ponytail and acne scars. His partner was a crew cut blonde who looked like those old pictures of a Hitler youth type. He didn't have much to say leaving most of it to his mate.
I'm a picky eater, always worrying about image and neurotic about putting on weight and I only toyed with my salad. They asked me about my experience, none, and asked me how I felt about doing riske photos and I said I thought I could handle that. The dark guy ordered me a glass of white wine and after I had finished that and pushed my half full plate away I had to go to the toilet and excused myself.
As I was leaving the ladies rooms the nausea and dizziness hit me and I knew I was in trouble.
A young waitress steadied my arm as I staggered and said, "Are you alright Miss?"
""Nooo," I slurred, "think druggggg................."
"Would you like to sit down?"
The guys were there. I was going into a fog and thought, I've been date rape drugged.
"We'll take care of her."
"She doesn't look well, maybe I should get the manager."
"No need for that."
"Just a little too much to drink and its warm today."
I heard everything through a fuggy mistiness.
"They're goin' raaaaaa meee," I couldn't say what I wanted to, only make sort of noises.
"I think I should get someone the lady does not look well."
"We told you she drinks too much. We'll handle it."
With that they hustled me across the restaurant with everyone pretending not to look at the drunken girl being dragged out. My shoes clattered on the vinyl flooring scraping as I went.
Outside the air hit me and the drug must have kicked right in and I almost fell and would have been on the pavement if they hadn't been holding me upright. They got me into their car in the backseat with the blonde while the dark guy drove. I was moaning and nearly out and the guy beside me was going through my handbag.
"Lee that aa'lone," I said through a tongue swollen to fill my mouth.
"I've got it," he said and then he said to me, "shut up bitch."
"bastaaarr.........." I said and then I passed out.
When I woke up I felt awful and realised my hands were tied behind me and I was on a bed and I was naked, my clothes ripped and scattered around the room and the guys were naked too and were standing over me.
The dark guy pulled me off of the bed by my hair and I screamed with pain and he said, "Fucking bitch, this is what you fucking deserve bitch." Then he slammed my head into the wall and my nose popped and blood poured out and he held me while the other guy, the blonde hit me again and again in the stomach. I folded up and threw up the left over wine and they slammed me back onto the bed. I was drifting in and out of consciousness and my nose hurt and was swelling up and my eyes felt puffy and then they set into me and raped my cunt, my mouth and my ass, turning and rolling me and sometimes both doing it to me at different ends. My mind couldn't handle the horror and blanked out altogether.
Just as I was slipping into blackness I heard them laughing together.
"Model, hah the fuckin' ugly bitch really thought she could be a model."
Then there was nothing.
I woke up lying on the floor, beaten, bruised, and utterly disgusting.
I realised with a jolt that I was lying on the floor of my own bedroom. I dragged myself over to where the phone was and using my teeth pulled the handset down beside me. I heard a dial tone and used my chin to push the speed dial buttons to call Barbanne. Her answering machine picked up.
"Barbanne, its Loreen I need you badly."
Then I passed out again completely.
I struggled back to consciousness and Barbanne had me in her arms. She had untied my hands and the returning blood flow was killing me.
"Oh Loreen, Loreen, what happened? Who did this to you? I have to call the cops."
"No! No! No!" I whispered.
"But baby you've been raped. They have to get evidence."
"NO!" I said, "Barb they've invaded and conquered my body but if you get the cops, if I have to go through that then they'll have conquered my head, then they'll have won."
"Loreen you need help."
"Barb you do it for me. Please. If I have to go through this again and again it will kill me."
"Geez I can't."
"Yes you can. You better than anyone else."
"Loreen you need medical help."
"I need a friend Barb."
"Now help me to the shower I must be a mess."
"Baby you said a mouthful."
When I got home and heard Loreen's message on my machine I had never heard so much agony and suffering in so few words. I rushed over to her place and found her on the floor in her bedroom. I didn't have to be told to know what had happened. The room was wrecked and my mate, my girlfriend whom I think of as the long, tall streak lay crumpled like a child in the corner, her hands bound behind her back with cord. Her nose was busted and her eyes were puffy and her face above her mouth was one big bruise. Snot and saliva and blood and tears streaked her face and her thighs and buttocks were smeared with blood and shit.
I wanted her to let me get the cops and get her help to find whoever did this and punish them. But she wouldn't let me. She just wanted me to help her. I thought that was the wrong thing but at the same time I have never been so honoured by a friend as I was by that request at that time.
The drug whatever it was was wearing off. Rohypnol maybe something else, definitely one of the so called date rape drugs.
I stood under the hot shower and let the water run all over me, washing away the feel and the smell and everything. Washing away them! I had wobbled a bit when Barb helped me get into the shower and get it running and adjusted and she had gotten good and drenched as she refused to let me alone until she knew I was going to be OK. She's a super friend.
I could feel them inside me still, in my front and up my rear and I could taste their filthy cum in my mouth. I scrubbed and scrubbed until I felt my skin starting to chafe and even then I wanted to scrub more.
Finally I turned the shower off and Barb handed me a towel. She was down to bra and panties, her wet clothes wrung out and hung to dry. After I had towelled myself all over I had to sit on the toilet to finish off because I was just too tired and too hurt to stand.
I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw.
My nose looked even worse than usual and my eyes were all puffed up and black and blue all around and my lips looked puffy too and one was split. I started to cry, not wailing or anything, just silent shakey sobbing and Barb held me again. She felt my nose and said she didn't think it was broken just sort of bopped and she gave me another lecture about not doing the right thing and submitting to the whole rape victim procedure. I told her that I could get over my physical pain and hurting but if I let it get to my head I would be lost.
She's good and understood where I was coming from and dropped it.
She made me lie on the bed and she went over me ever so gently, her little fingers probing into my woman's slit and into my backside and she told me that apart from some minor tearing and a lot of bruising I hadn't suffered anything too ghastly, not in her opinion anyway.
Then she made tea and helped me drink that and held me while I cried some more and then she put me to bed.
I must have slept for a while and when I woke it was dark and Barb was dressed again and she had a lady doctor from the women's shelter there.
The doctor gave me a thorough ticking off for not submitting myself to a rape suite immediately and then said she was going to take some pictures and report it anyway and then after Barb had talked to her she calmed down some and examined me again. She agreed I wasn't permanently wrecked and then she asked me if I would press charges and I said I didn't even know the guys' names and no I wouldn't and she sighed and gave me something to help me sleep and I heard her giving Barb a real telling off.
Then I must have zonked right out.
The next morning I came too and felt like I had been hit by a truck. A rape truck.
Barb helped me shower again and then made us both breakfast and while we ate that she advised me that I was coming to live with her for a while and that I was going to work for her outfit and not to even try to discuss it. The look in her face said "Don't argue Loreen" and I knew that look and so I agreed to do whatever she wanted me to. To tell the truth that's what I wanted. Just to turn myself over to someone else and be looked after for a while.
The place was in an old warehouse building and their business was called Playdead dot com.
I turned up there later that day.
I still looked like a battered lady as though I had had a brief and totally unsuccessful career as a boxer. Barb introduced me to her boyfriend Alex and I could see that here was the kind of love affair that we girls dream of. They didn't do or say anything overt but their adoration of each other shone through every moment. I was jealous but only for a second or two. My feelings were not of jealousy for Barb and Alex but for the fact that such partnerships could be and I didn't have one.
Alex listened to Barb's retelling of my story and then smiled and welcomed me and went upstairs. Barb set me up in a room that she told me used to be hers (my lease on my bed sit was up and I didn't really want to renew and so I thought what the heck, if they'll have me its a new opening.) and after I had settled in she took me up to meet Alex and several other girls who worked there. I met Sandi and Sarah and Roxie and Jas and no-one took any notice of my bashed up face or they pretended not to and Alex showed me how they did internet sex and play death fantasy fetish stuff and although I thought that weird at first when I watched Barb putting Sandi and Roxie through a session later that afternoon there was so much giggling and play acting and just hamming it up that I realised this was all simply great fun.
I thought maybe I'd like to try it later when I felt and looked better.
The camera guy was called Dave and when I was introduced I found my throat was choked and my hands were sweating and I was getting hot goosey feelings and that I was maybe a bit smitten. I wished like hell that I looked better but he was really nice and he was taller than me and ooooh you know how it is when you meet someone and your hormones say this is the one!
Barb told me that tomorrow she would run me through everything and from now on I was the official gofer girl.
I was happy. Far happier than I had any right to be and I guessed I had my little waitress mate to thank for that.