Posted by Barbanne on June 09, 2002 at 23:42:45:
PART TWENTY ONE
PARTY TO A NECKTIE.
I stood looking into the full length posing mirror.
Naked except for a pair of totally impractical but totally sexy mesh panties, so transparent that I could clearly see where my pubic hair was mashed in behind the coffee coloured material and the pinkish twin folds of the entrance to my love tunnel were very, very obvious.
I was aching to model again.
To play dead, helpless, sprawled out with my tits and vagina on show for the wider audience of anyone who subscribed to Playdead dot com.
I looked critically at my body.
Thin shoulders, skinny arms and legs, small tits with big nipples. My ribs were visible and I could see the bones of my collar and chest above the swelling mounds of my breasts. I had a tummy bulge, not that bad but it would need working on. I half turned and looked at my butt.
Too big! Way too big!
I sighed and realised I was certainly no great beauty. My hair cascaded around my shoulders and I thought maybe Suzie was right, maybe I should try cutting it and wearing it shorter with bangs and a fringe, something like that.
I supposed my face was sort of cute although the liberal sprinkling of freckles across my nose and cheeks and down over my shoulders and upper chest didn't do all that much for me.
I sighed again.
Worst thing was that despite being something of a dog I was blessed (or cursed) with a raging libido and went through life with fantasies and dirty thoughts percolating inside my head.
I slipped my hands inside my panties and pushed them down and used my fingers to spread my labial lips and study the pink flesh that throbbed with wanting.
Urges, desires, needs. Very unladylike!
I needed for my sexual fantasies to be given free rein and I like to share. I wanted to play dead again for the camera. I wanted it very badly.
I decided to discuss it with Alex.
I found him upstairs fiddling with his PC.
"Alex," I said, "lets not beat around the bush, I want you to let me do some of the modelling around here again."
"Eh????????........did you say OK?"
"But I......but I......I thought."
"Barb come up with something good and I don't mind you doing some of the modelling again. My dear I realise your fantasy life is very important to you and I'm happy to have you work in front of the camera again as long as you keep it professional."
"Oh I will, I will."
"Sure you will."
(was he being sarcastic??)
"So what will you do?" He asked with a, (for him) rather impish grin that I had never seen before.
I knew what I wanted to do and explained it to Alex. A series where the girl victim is strangled with a necktie and in each photo shoot I would play the victim done to death with a succession of neckties, each different one leading to a different story.
He could see the potential and agreed, if not enthusiastically at least not reluctantly either.
The first in the series.
The tie was a silver, plain and formal, quite broad silk tie.
I was nude. In every set my only garment would be the tie I would end up wearing knotted around my strangled neck.
In this as in every set to come Larry was to play the strangler.
Larry watched as I stood naked in front of the dressing table applying my make up.
(Our studio had been turned into a bedoom for these photosets.)
He fingered his tie, the silver one and slipped the knot and pulled it off. He came up behind me and I turned at his touch and smiled and pcukered up and said, "Not know darling. I've spent hours on making my face."
He smiled a feral snarling grin.
Then the tie whipped up and around my throat and he jerked it tight.
I looked shocked and then frightened and finally terrified.
He pulled it tight.
"Larry, ergh, what are you, erggh, doing? Larry let me go, Larry it's not funny, Larry, Lar......................uk uk uk."
The strangling was shown in extreme closeups.
The tie around my neck.
My tongue protruding and drooling.
The tie biting into the flesh of my neck.
My eyes rolling back.
My tongue unravelling.
And then it was over and I had fallen back across the bed the tie knotted tightly around my neck, my fingers curled, my legs spread. (I love that!!)
Enter Laurise playing my flat mate. We have both wished we could have the flat alone and we have often competed for jobs and boyfriends.
She throws up her hands in horror and says, "Oh Barb! Oh my god she's dead."
I cough and my eyelids flutter and I struggle weakly upright.
"Fuck it, I want this flat," says Laurise, "you can just stay dead sister!!!........none of this resurrecting for you"
She grabs the ends of the necktie and pulls and pulls, finishing the job for Larry.
"Errkk, arrk, arrkk, eggh, egggh, er, er, er, er, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggghhhh................................."
This time I flop back onto the bed truly dead, eyelids at half mast and eyeballs rolled back and tongue hanging out.
Laurise phones triple zero.
"Hello, police please." A pause. "Oh yes I want to report a murder........................"
I was, as you will recall, still working for Julian and my happiness was sort of complete what with having a satisfying job and working at my favourite fantasies in my spare time and having Alex to love and the other girls at Playdead dot com as my gal pals.
So imagine the shock I got when on a Tuesday morning, as I was doing some deliveries for Julian, I saw Alex and a spectacular brunette walking hand in hand towards the Trattoria in the big mall just down from the warehouse where Playdead's studios were. I should have gone up and said hello, but I hung back. I ducked in behind a column and some plants and watched the two of them. The icy spikes of jealousy pierced my heart. She was everything I wasn't. Tall, unblemished, gorgeous and dressed to kill. Damn the man, he was cheating on me!!
And I loved him so much.
You're being stupid Barbanne I told myself. She could be a new model, or a client or some other business contact. Now come out from behind the palm trees and go and say hello.
I had almost decided to do that when Alex leaned over and kissed the mystery woman and she responded and then he put his arm around her shoulders and they went into the Trattoria laughing like old friends and LOVERS!!!!
I sank down in shame.
Then with my ears burning I raced away from the mall and continued my deliveries in a haze of confusion and hurting.
I took to lurking around and saw Alex with the woman three more times that week.
Jealousy ate my tummy like acid.
I realised that I had been nothing to him No-one, a quick fuck when he needed it. Jealousy ate away my reason and I went over and over what had happened between us until I was convinced it had all been false.
I craved revenge!
I wanted to hurt Alex, hurt him badly.
I decide that the next necktie set would see me at my slutty worst. The complete trashy, tarty BITCH!!!
I decide to do it when Alex was away (with his woman) and I asked Mandy to shoot it.
First though I was going to shoot Judith's demise in the serial killer series. Both sets were to be done on the same day.
Judith played the part of an upwardly mobile city woman who comes home after sealing some big deals to find Larry in her flat.
His knife is quick and soon she lies dead, stripped and ravaged on her own persian carpet.
My scenes as the investigator and then the mortuary scenes all followed the same lines as they had for Jas, Laurise and Anne.
Having wrapped that up we set up for my necktie murder set.
I had bought a pantie thong at Target. Black with pink piping and glittery pink letters across the front that read "I know what boys like," straddled by pink love hearts at either end.
Wearing that and only that, I paraded in front of Mandy's camera. I pouted and posed, thrusting out my hips and carressing my breasts and my crotch. I fingered my nipples playing seductively with them and enjoying the feeling as they thrust out hard and pebble like to my touch. I slid my hand inside the garish pantie thong and made no secret of the fact that I was masturbating myself. I grunted to a faked orgasm before peeling the, by now limp and damp, thong off and tossing it aside and then Larry struck. The tie this time was a narrow polka dot and he wrapped it around my throat and jerked it violently, cutting off my windpipe completely and strangling me brutally, crushing my hyoid and wrecking the tissues of my oesophagus.
Well that's what it looked like anyway.
I collapsed to the floor dead.
I assumed a pose lying on my back with my head and shoulders propped against a wall, the tie knotted around my throat, my head hanging sideways, simulating having had my neck broken, my tongue dangling swollen and darkening and my eyes closed and most importantly my legs spread wide apart and my pussy yawning wide, dragged open by my pose and intimately revealed in all its secretively pink, sticky wetness.
I had insisted that in this pose Mandy was to photograph my submissively exposed pussy in extreme close up and she was doing just that when Alex came in. I heard him stomping in and then his sudden intake of breath in a totally disgusted sound. I cracked an eyelid and peered up. He was looking at where I lay sprawled out with Mandy, head down and ass up, in between my legs shooting busily. The look on his face was thunderous.
Rarely have I seen such anger.
And yet there was hurt there too.
Real hurt and pain.
For a second or two I weakened and then he said, "Mandy what the HELL are you doing?"
"Shooting the second of Barb's necktie sets," she mumbled frightenedly.
"Barbanne!!! get your clothes on and come up here immediately!!!"
"When Mandy's finished."
"WHEN I'M FINISHED!"
He stormed out.
Mandy wound up the shots in record time and I removed the tie and got dressed. Larry was standing there looking gobsmacked, Judith had gone completely white and Mandy was weeping.
I went up to Alex's flat.
He was sitting at his PC stoney faced.
"Well?" I said.
"What were you doing Barbanne? God knows I've tried to be lenient knowing your own fantasies get involved but what I saw just then was pure pornography. And how dare you involve Mandy in something like that. That girl is far too nice to be used in your whatever it is that drives you."
"I'll do what I like," I mumbled sulkily.
"No you won't. Not while you're working here. I want professionalism and from now on I demand it!"
"I know what's best, who after all writes half of the stuff we do?" Sulky, pouty, sullen and surly now.
"No you don't know what's best and I am not going to post rubbish like that. Our people are looking for a death sex fantasy not some perverted filth!"
"Well good for you. Maybe you don't need me either?"
"Maybe I don't."
As soon as he said it I could see he regretted what had come out, but I was in my self destructive mood and the hurt of what I had seen in the last week was burning in my tummy.
"I guess you don't. You've got your fancy woman, I know I've seen you." I was running off at the mouth unable to stop. "What was I? Just a fuck when you wanted it. That's all I ever was isn't it? That's all I ever am."
I looked at him.
He looked as if I had struck him across the face. In my mind I saw all the guilt I wanted to see right there.
"Well I'm going then."
"Barbanne, it's not what it seems. Damn it girl I said I loved you often enough. How many times to you want me to say it?"
"Just once if you meant it."
He looked shocked.
"But you've never meant it, never, never!"
I spun around and stamped out slammimg the door so hard it rattled the glass.
I ran downstairs trying hard not to cry.
Mandy, Judith and Larry looked up at me their faces shocked by what they had heard.
"Barb," said Judith and put out her hand.
"Not now," I said and ran into my space and grabbed my back pack and threw stuff into it.
Judith tried to stop me as I came out.
"No Judith I must get away," I said.
I heard Alex's voice, "Let her go Judith."
It was all I needed to hear. I had to get away. Really away. Whenever my relationships went wrong, whenever I felt embarrassed or betrayed my answer was to run away and now I needed to run away.
I never wanted to see Playdead again.
I hurried out the front door and set off at a run.
The depression settled on me like a cold, dark mist.
Later that night I got on the bus for the northern city.
That would be far away and big enough to get lost in.