Posted by Barbanne on April 30, 2004 at 00:19:09:
PART ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVEN
I looked up into his eyes, my heart fluttering and warmth spreading into my lower tummy.
"Oh god I love you," I whispered.
"And I love you too Barbanne."
"Do you know what I really need now?"
"And what would that be?"
"I need you to suck my nipples."
His mouth opened and the wetness enclosed my nipples and covered them with...........................drool!!!!
My eyed popped open and there was Killer slobbering doggie drool across my bare breasts.
"Damn boy down, shit what happened?"
It was obvious what had happened, I'd been playing with myself in my sleep again and had pushed my tee shirt up to allow access for my fingers to my tits and when Killer found me like that he decided to show me how much he loved me. Now he sat with his head cocked to one side and I bloody well swear he was grinning at me.
I tugged my top down and ruffled his ears and he waggled his head spraying me with left over droolies.
"Yerch. Want brekky do you boy?"
He nodded, I'll swear he nodded.
I dragged myself off of the lounge and scratching my bum down there where my panties had ridden up into my ass crack. I led him to the kitchen and filled his bowl with bikkies and gave him plenty of water too. He attacked it with the single minded enthusiasm of a starving Ethiopian given his first meal in a month.
I turned to find Bobbi looking at me.
"Making one male happy eh Barb?"
"Yeah," I giggled.
"Big day today."
We had started a subsidiary site linked to Slain Sluts called Quim Queens and this was pure toe curling porn. I mean this was mostly close ups of girls (us) faking lesbian encounters and mostly consisted of gynaecological strength shots of our genitalia. Alvin was still around but we had also enlisted a new girl called Addie who was our camera operator and doubled up as a part time model. Addie was older than us, somewhere thirty plus and she was as short as me and a sexily chubby brunette with a terrific sense of humour and heaps of talent. I was trying to get Addie more involved as a model because I reckoned she made a fabulous corpse but she was so so about that.
Addie was due to turn up at eight and we were going to do two shoots, pussy close ups in the morning and a dead girl set in the afternoon.
"S'pose we better have breakfast and then get the place ready.
I tossed some cereal into our plates. I had this wonder cereal Amaranth, the so called super cereal of the Incas and Bobbi loathed it, but I mixed it with Weeties, sloshed it with milk and gave her some honey as well. I skipped the honey. I've told you I've never been a big eater but lately I was eating less and less. Bobbi had commented on it but I fobbed her off and when I started noticing how flat my tummy was getting and how I could see my underlying musculature and even my rib cage I decided that I must be dieting sensibly and I reckoned that was good and that I was regaining my teenage slenderness. I was becoming sort of obsessed with losing weight and loved the way I looked. It made my tummy scar look raffish and my nipples had become like little pebbles. Once or twice Bobbi opined that I was losing weight because I was missing my man Alex but I pooh poohed that and anyway I hadn't heard from him and no way was my stubborn pride going to allow me to make a move in that direction.
We finished breakfast and while I washed up Bobbi started on cleaning out the lounge room to give us space to move.
Addie arrived right on eight and we were set to go.
With Addie shooting pixels Bobbi and I got stuck into some serious porn. Heaps of close ups of faces, sweaty and excited and tongue kissing and nipple sucking and then pussy invasions with both fingers and tongues. I loved the taste of her and despite most of what we were doing being more or less faked it was impossible not to get involved now and then and our long experience and friendship made this as natural as peeing. Our little enterprise was making money now and Alvin had finally been paid and that's how we came to have Addie and we could even run to two hours of a porn king called Saturn's time. He arrived about ten thirty and got naked to join Bobbi and me.
(we were well and truly naked by then)
Saturn's claim to fame was his equipment. I mean there are penises and there are willies and there are dicks, nobs and beef bayonets and then there are COCKS! Saturn had a COCK.
Bobbi and I spent an hour stroking, sucking and being pierced by Saturn's cock.
Wheeeeeeeeww, talk about hot flushes. I mean mostly it was faked but enough of it was real to make my face glow and my insides churn and my, you now what, broil.
Saturn collected his money from a naked, damp and rather limp Barbanne and went off. I threw on a robe and so did Bobbi and we sat down with Addie and had some lunch. As I was fiddling with my lettuce leaf Addie looked up from her piled foccaccio and fanned herself and said, "Hey that Saturn's something eh?"
"Sure is," I mumbled.
"Pssseeeuuuwww," said Bobbi.
"Hey Barb maybe I should do some modelling?" said Addie.
"Oh yeah and would that be when we can afford Saturn?"
"Mmmm yeah I think it would."
We all laughed.
Time for the afternoon shoot.
I was a pop group roadie and viciously jealous with it and Bobbi was a groupie who had managed to fuck my main man the lead singer of Filth. That part we would establish by prelude. For the photo set all that mattered was Bobbi had pissed me off and I was one mean mother.
Bobbi and I stood around in her lounge which was doubling for back stage. Panties and a stick on tatt were the dress of the day.
She had her back to me. (very stupid)
"You slut, you've been screwing Scumsucker," says I.
(Scumsucker is the name of my man.)
"So what slag?" she said, "you can't keep him satisfied anyway, you're a cold fish bitch."
"And you're a groupie bitch who can't keep her legs together."
Enraged I picked up a stage mike and lunged forward. She heard me coming and half turned but I brought the mike down on her skull with a crunchie sound. She said, "aaaah," and pitched face down onto the floor. I checked, she was out cold. I went into the bathroom where Scumsucker and the others kept their stuff and found a syringe which I loaded to the gills with pure H. I came back into the lounge. Bobbi was still out for the count. Using a pair of my panty hose I bound them around her arm and raised a vein and popped it and then slipped the needle in and emptied it into her system.
She groaned and her eyelids fluttered and she said, "Wha.....wha....you bish," and then the stuff hit her.
She bucked and twisted and writhed and shivered and her eyeballs skittered wildly and then she spasmed and stiffened and clenched her teeth and frothed at the mouth (Colgate toothpaste) and then her eyeballs crossed and rolled out of sight and she arched and shook and then it was over. Her body went limp and lifeless and fell back onto the carpet.
I loosened my panty hose and removed it and stood over her body.
"Slut! That's the last time you'll fuck my man."
I kicked her. She flopped.
"In fact that's the last time you'll fuck anyone." I laughed.
I dragged her into the bathroom her heels bobbling across the tiles. I wrapped her dead hand around the syringe obscuring my finger prints. I set her up on the toilet as though she had come in here to give herself the hit that had proved fatal. When I let her go she swayed to one side but the vanity bench kept her in place.
"Goodbye sucker," I sneered and turning went out.
"Scumsucker, hey baby where are you? Where's my main man."
My voice faded as I disappeared.
Bobbi's drugged out and dead body slumped on the can.
The set had not taken as much time as we had allowed and so I reckoned it was only fair to give Bobbi a chance to get even.
This time we shot in the bedroom.
Bobbi was in bed in a nightie that was guaranteed to provoke an instant erection in any man under ninety.
I was a burglar, a nude burglar.
Well that's the way our Slain Sluts customers liked their vics and who were we to question our customers. We'd explain it as I was nude to avoid leaving fibres and also to make it easier to slide through small openings.
Bobbi was a light sleeper and she kept a thirty eight under her pillow. I was turning away from her dresser with a diamond necklace in my hand and she sat up with the gun out in front of her and she said, "Stop right where you are."
I said, "SHIT!" and she went BANG! and I skidded backwards and ended up flat on my back wearing a bullet hole above my nose and with my head propped against the dresser and my legs spread wide.
Lying in this position with my mouth open and my tongue just poking out to one side and with my eyelids half closed and pretend sightless I was looking straight down at a foreshortened view of my own body that culminated in my splayed feet and upcurled toes. I thought how good I was looking since I lost a little weight. My breasts, never big, were just like mounds and my pebbly nipples looked permanently aroused. My tummy was so flat it lay in a crater formed by my rib cage and my hip bones were really prominent and my vulva stuck up really noticeably. My arms and legs were thin, no slender, and my elbows, knees and wrists were real conspicuous. My ribs could be counted under my skin and my muscles, once totally hidden beneath my girly softness were now stringy and apparent.
I reckoned I looked pretty good.
Bobbi was looking down at the burglar she had slain and Addie was photographing my corpse from all angles and getting terrific shots of my gaping cunt.
We finished up.
"Barb, you don't think you've lost maybe just a bit too much weight?" said Addie.
"You can never be too rich or too thin," I laughed, "and I sure aren't rich."
Bobbi looked at me kind of frowning.
To say I wasn't rich was the truth. In fact SS was just paying for itself and Bobbi and I both waitressed at nights and as well I had a job part time in a Bag store. We sold up market handbags and a few shoes. I reckon maybe because I was working too much was what caused me to faint in the shower. I was showering one morning and then I was on the tiled floor with a whopping bruise on my cheek. I mean I was only out for a second or two. Bobbi heard the thump and came running in, but by then I was back up and pooh poohed the idea that anything was wrong.
I had started exercising, something I had never really done and I found that I was possessed of heaps of nervous energy which drove me to constantly being on the move. I had started to hide the fact that I wasn't eating from Bobbi and Addie and on one occasion when Addie, who was a fantastic cook, made a wonderful three course dinner for us, I excused myself after the meal and went to the bathroom where I was fairly certain the others couldn't hear me and vomitted my meal away.
A nagging suspicion that something was wrong had started in the back recesses of my mind. I often felt cold when no-one else did and my pulse had become very slow and caused me small episodes of breathlessness and my ever present menstrual problems increased.
I was hiding food regularly now and vomitting up what I couldn't hide lots of the time. I continued to lose weight. I still had that nagging fear that I was sick.
It all came to a head one Saturday afternoon when I was writing down some future plot ideas and Addie and Bobbi were working on story boarding a shoot we had planned and I looked up from my screen and they were both there standing over me looking at me.
"What?" I said.
"How long have we known each other Barb?" said Bobbi.
"Since we were kids why?"
"Are we friends?"
"Come with me," she grabbed my wrist and pulled me up from where I was sitting.
"Ow," I grumbled, she was hurting me.
"What, what's this about?"
With Addie following Bobbi dragged me into the bathroom and started pulling my top off.
"What's going on? What are you doing?"
"Get her Addie."
Addie was pulling down my shorts.
I struggled a bit but soon I was standing there with my top gone and my shorts puddled around my ankles. Bobbi whipped my bra off.
"Now look at yourself."
"What do you see?"
"I've lost some weight, I needed to. I'm sort of slender now."
"You haven't lost weight Barbara, you aren't slender, you are starving, you're gaunt, look at your ribs, I can count each one. Look at your arms and legs they're becoming match sticks, where have your tits gone? Shrunken to nothing. You're sick girl and its not going to go on."
But the nagging doubt had become a bushfire. I looked, looked past the madness in my mind and what I saw was a seriously malnourished and famished body. I needed help.
"You're anorexic Barb," said Addie, "God knows I could lose some weight but you girl have become obssessed."
"Oh god I'm killing myself, I'm going mad," I said, and covered my eyes with my hands and then I was crying. Not just weeping but sobbing uncontrollably, huge, gut churning spasms of grief.
I cried or more accurately purged grief for a half hour non stop.
I'm not stupid but I had become mad in my mind. Having the girls force me to face it had made me admit the truth, I was sick.
When I could no longer cry I gasped out for help.
"Help me, please help me, help me, oh Bobbi, Addie, help me."
"Sure Barb starting right now."
I buried my face in Bobbi's chest and cried again.
Later I sat with them and tried to talk it out.
"Barb, Addie and I agree it was your bust up with Alex that triggered this."
"He doesn't want me, he made that clear."
"Oh Barb you two squabbled. Everyone does."
My steely stubborness hadn't gone.
"I'll not beg him to take me back. Never. Just help me get better girls..........................please."
Now that I had faced my problem I knew I could overcome it. I started eating again and, thinking about my stupid slide into anorexia, I realised that I had probably always had an eating problem and, whatever it had taken to tip me over, it had more than likely been sort of inevitable at some time. I talked this out with Bobbi and she recalled many occasions as kids when my behaviour had hinted at a certain instability. Despite feeling that I was over whatever had triggered me I was pretty fragile and I noticed that Bobbi and Addie, when she was there, were watching me like a couple of circling vultures just waiting for my first sign of relapse.
I decided that I rather liked being thinner than I had been although I was stuck with my big bum and told my custodians that I intended to stay where I had gotten, skinny but covered with enough flesh to be a recognisably soft and cuddly female, and that they could stop trying to turn me into a little piggly wiggly. My tits recovered their inadequate roundness (any more than you can fit in your mouth is a waste) and my bum showed no signs of being anything but that, a big bum.
As part of my self administered therapy I got right into role playing insisting that I be given the major share of playing dead modelling for Slain Sluts. I allowed myself to be shot, strangled, stabbed and bludgeoned to death again and again by Bobbi (mostly) and by Addie on a couple of photo shoots and by Saturn and even Alvin. (once)
When I had been done in during these shoots I insisted that my "corpse" be dragged away or carried out limply or sometimes left draped somewhere in back of shot dead and unmoving.
I revelled in this. Playing dead like this allowed me to limp out and, when others moved me around, it somehow satisfied me in that at that time I was not responsible for anything, my life (death in this case) was not mine to control and I could luxuriate in the knowledge that I was at the mercy of my conqueror and all of the shit of life, decision making and suffering and all that was not in my hands, not mine to control. Hey does that sound like a gutless cop out or what.
But that was how I felt.
Of course the fact that when I was role playing a victim my body thrummed with fantasy driven sexual arousal wasn't bad either.
I also started facing the fact that I missed Alex.
I mean I loved him like crazy and, despite trying to deny that, I suffered mightily from knowing that our split was maybe permanent. But, and I hated this part, my fucking stubborn streak wouldn't let me to swallow my pride and go back to him and ask to be taken back. I wanted to. I wanted to go back and fall on my knees and grip him and beg and beg for forgiveness but I wouldn't let myself to make the first move.
I spent heaps of time talking to Bobbi. I learnt stuff I hadn't thought to ask about before and I realised that for some time now I had been a selfish little shit, obssessed with myself and ignoring everyone around me. I also realised that Bobbi had been a friend to me when I was at my most vulnerable, maybe my only true friend, and that now again she was there for me and our friendship was the rock on which I could build from now on. And yet she'd had more shit than most. Abused childhood, I knew that, but then an abusive childless marriage from which she'd run away and then a succession of crap stuff, menial jobs and heaps of exploitation by a variety of shits.
I looked her in the eye.
"Hey Bobbi have you ever wondered if girls like you and me just attract abuse the way magnets attract filings?"
"Of course we do Barb, that's why we have to get you back together with that guy Alex. From what you've told me he was just what you needed, what was good for you."
"Yeah well nothing, you gotta go back to him girl."
"Ha, why me? Do you see him beating a path to our door. Is he like bashing on the door to get in? I mean even a caveman would have come over here and knocked me out and carried me back to his den, but no not him. He's too sensitive for that, shat off with me more like it."
"Barb you're a stubborn bitch."
"I am not!"
"Like hell you're not, you always were."
"Yes you, stubborn dig in your toes little bitch who'd rather run away than face your own feelings."
"Am I like that? Really?"
"You bet your ass Barb."
"So will you go back to him?"
"Well don't blame me if I work on getting you two together again."
"Don't you dare."
"Don't you don't me girlfriend. Hey Addie and me might knock you out and cart you over and present you to him."
"Yeah, me what?"
We started giggling and then it became hysterical and it was just like when we'd been kids, we laughed and laughed so much it almost hurt. Finally Bobbi sat up and said, "Barb go back to him for all of our sakes."
"Let him come to me."
"Oh shit, shit."
"Besides I want to find a stud for you."