Posted by Barbanne on April 19, 2002 at 00:02:42:
Modelling again and again I was dead.
Stripped naked except for a pair of cheap, tacky, stripper type gilt high heels, I lay on the floor on my back, arms and legs spread wide and sprawled out strangled my eyes popping and my mouth agape.
Despite looking thoroughly "dead" I was actually rather relaxed and drifting.
Since my blow up and my tearful arrival on Alex's doorstep I had been settling in at Playdead dot com. My flat was gone and my bed had come here and was tucked behind a curtain not far from the set which my nude "corpse" was presently gracing.
My arrangement with Alex was working out smoothly and we were like a dating couple even though we lived under the same roof.
I was working hard as his housekeeper as well as in his studio, but after my emotional boilover I was happy most of the time to be working as a model only, letting others make the decisions.
Jas and Judith were acting out a piece and Alex was photographing it while Mandy looked after the little details and did the make up for all of us girls. Shortly poor Jas was going to be strangled into submission and would be joining me as a dead body on the floor. Right at this moment she was losing her clothes at an alarming rate.
I had been stretched out, nude and dead since the shoot started.
For this one I was merely part of the background, a prop, my slain naked body part of the scripted story line.
You might think it funny that I got so distressed at my treatment at the Red Rocker when I was prepared to act in Playdead photo shoots.
The two things were just not the same.
That was demeaning and degrading, this was fun and a turn on.
That was for people who had no respect for me in any way. This was for harmless fantasy lovers who would look at me without malice in their hearts or minds.
This was the realisation of my own fantasies.
This was fun!
Besides this was for Alex.
I lay still, naked and strangled....really, really dead!!
I could hear Jas gurgling her last.
She was doing a great job of being finished off and lying there, luxuriating in being already dead, helpless and submissive while another girl "died" beside me, I felt my nipples tighten and stiffen and got that old familiar and delightful warmth between my legs and felt the slipperiness leaking out.
I love playing dead!
Jas was making chokey noises and gagging, erky sounds and then she sighed and collapsed across me.
Her face came to rest in the hollow between my breasts.
Her own soft droopy breasts crushed into my tummy and her fingers landed lightly on my thigh.We lay together both dead, our corpses embracing in the finality of le mort.
Alex moved around shooting the death scene.
I felt Jas's fingers just touching my pussy, just the merest light touch. Often when we were posing we would just touch each other partly from fun (to see if we could make the other girl crack up and ruin being dead) and partly from interest. It was only Jas and Mandy and me who did it and I knew that unspoken between us was the knowledge that one day, when the circumstances were just right we would all get together for some cuddly girl sex. To be crude a group grope. I know that I felt frissons of excitement when I thought about it and got quite highly aroused at the prospect. This had nothing to do with my loving Alex. That was strong and solid. This was the allure of the forbidden and I knew without having it spelt out that Jas and Mandy felt the same. It was our little secret and one reason it hadn't happened was that knowing it was going to happen was ninety percent of the thrill.
Of course when we touched each other in these intimate ways during dead play we were extremely careful to keep it hidden from Alex. The poor darling would never, never, never approve.
A tiny smile lifted the corners of my mouth as I thought about it.
Judith pulled Jas's head up by her hair to make sure she was dead and I felt coolness where the naughty girl had been licking my titties.
The smile crept up a bit more. Judith dragged poor dead Jas away and then came back and hauled me out, draggling (sort of dragging and bobbling) by my heels and the set was over.
We fixed ourselves up and got dressed.
While Alex and Mandy were wrapping up the shoot, I took Judith and Jas up to Alex's flat where I was going to cook dinner for the five of us. I had suggested the idea of cooking a meal for the girls and to my surprise I have to admit, Alex suggested that after the day's work was done we have it in his living room which was also his formal dining room.
While Jas and Judith chatted over a drink I bustled around the kitchen making a fabulous tomato sauce and preparing some home made vermicelli to pour it over. I peeled and chopped tomatoes and onions and when they had sauteed I added tinned Italian tomatoes and tomato paste and black pepper and worcestershire sauce and French vinegar and chopped chives and parsley and a crushed clove of garlic all in my secret quantities and stirred and mixed that and then let it simmer and reduce. When it had about ten minutes to go I boiled a pot of water and tossed the vermicelli in and peeled layers of cheddar and parmesan to add before serving. I hacked up a quick garden salad and cut some crusty bread and by then Alex and Mandy had joined the others and I served up my concoction and we all sat down to pig out.
While we ate we talked.
The girls discussed today's shoot which Alex assured us had come up beautifully.
"Hey Barb," said Judith, "I reckon you get into this dead play acting way way more than the rest of us."
"Sure. I watch you when you're lying there and I swear I'd think for sure you were really dead if I just came in and found you like."
"Just doing my best."
"Nah that's not it," said Jas, "Barb loves it."
"Yeah Barb's a true necro would be," said Mandy.
They were all looking at me.
"Well I have to confess that some part of my wierdly wired brain does make dead play a fantasy turn on for me."
"That is wierd Barb," said Judith."
"Not really," I said over a mouthful of food, "think how popular bondage games are amongst couples. It's all to do with one partner being prepared to be submissive and one partner being dominant. I'm just a natural born submitter I reckon."
"You girls have a point," said Alex, "I like to think that what we are doing here is professional fantasy photo production and Barb's obvious enthusiasm for victimisation worries me at times and is outside the behaviour I'd like to think we would encourage."
I grinned, "Too keen to be a loser eh?"
"Not quite. Its hard to define but it personalises what should be purely professional behaviour."
"I don't really get a big turn on," said Jas, "but I certainly enjoy myself, it's fun and beats the crap out of being unemployed."
Mandy piped up.
"I've only filled in at times but I agree it's sort of good fun acting out these little plots."
"There's something more with Barb though," Alex said, waggling his fork, "with her its more than just fun."
I was in the hot seat again.
"Nice spaghetti eh?"
"Lovely," Alex informed me, "but don't skip the question."
"Yeah well it is a powerful fantasy turn on for me and apart from being sexual and satisfying my submission desires maybe there is something else."
Jas looked at me like she was suddenly very interested, "Like what Barb?"
"Well this is hard to explain and you'd have to know my history to really understand and we aren't going there, but yeah I think sometimes I have an unhealthy fascination with death. Real death, the place beyond life."
"Like how?" asked Judith.
"Like if I found out I was going to die anyway I'd maybe like to go to some frozen place like the Himalayas and lie there and let the cold kill me and preserve my corpse for eternity."
"That's awful Barb," said Mandy."
"Wierd Barb, totally wierd."
"Deep, very deep, psycho shit I reckon."
"Well enough of that," I said, "now for my fabulous dessert."
The spell was broken and we chatted about the sort of trivia you normally do. I got my fab dessert which was a bought mango and coconut dish which I served with fresh fruit as though it was hand prepared and when someone asked me how I made it I said, "Just a matter of hopping up the street and parting with money."
"Oh it's a bought one."
We finished off and I got coffee and realised that Alex was watching me closely and I knew the subject of death and Barbanne was not finished with.
The girls went home and I was feeling pretty tired and so after doing the washing up and putting away I kissed Alex (who was back working on his PC) and trooped downstairs and after brushing my teeth stripped down to my panties and fell into bed.
I fairly much zonk out as soon as my head hits the pillow, it's one of the few good things about me.
I was on the verge of surrendering to sleep when I felt someone sitting on the bed and a hand stroked my hair and Alex said, "Barb are you awake?"
I said, "No," and he leant over and kissed my forehead and then stood up and about then I snorked out.
The next day was a quiet one and only Mandy came in and she only stayed for the morning doing accounts and servicing memberships and I helped her with that and then she left about eleven to go and do the banking.
I walked upstairs and knocked at Alex's door.
He was inside doing stuff on his PC and when I came in he left that and we sat together with a cup of tea I had made.
"What did you want last night darling," I asked.
"Just to talk."
"Oh nothing special, perhaps we could talk tonight."
"Sure. I'll make something special for dinner and we can talk."
"Nothing special Barb, you go to too much trouble with meals."
"Only because I want to and I eat too you know."
"Oh yeah I've seen you eat. A bird eats more than you do."
"I'm just not a big eater."
"Well whatever you want to do is OK with me."
We chatted and discussed ideas for future photo projects and talked about the other girls and who suited what and stuff like that. I made a simple lunch and afterwards Alex went back to his PC and I read "Hotel Paradise" again. I truly love that book.
For dinner I cooked some fish, a succulent silver whiting and fried up some prawns. I made a fresh Greek salad and whipped up my own tartare sauce.
We ate in companionable silence and afterwards we sat down with coffee and talked.
I knew what Alex was going to ask. Eventually he got around to it.
"Barb, this business about the line between play acting dead and death itself."
"Well, I see what we do as completely fantasy work. The girls are just actresses when they go in front of the camera. The whole thing is just play acting. I'm worried if we go into anything at all that blurs that line. Apart from my own concerns about the darker aspects of true necrophilia we have to be very careful about what we post and how we present it."
"And I threaten that?"
"Your approach to playing dead is altogether different from the others and you bring a personal intensity to it that worries me a bit."
"I fantasise more that's true."
"It seems more than that."
"Alex it's a sex fantasy. And it's a sex fantasy I love. I'm sorry that's just the way it is."
"Well I know there are many things we differ about and I just want you to bear that in mind."
"Fake blood for instance," he smiled, "alright Alex I understand where you are coming from and I'll try to keep my work within the parameters you set. Now can we leave that for a while."
"I've got something different in mind tonight."
"Would that have to do with maybe your staying up here tonight."
"And maybe sleeping here tonight?"
"Bed sounds a good idea."
"Come on then."
I was percolating and it didn't take me long to rid myself of my clothes and then I insisted on undressing Alex item by item, crouching over him on the bed, and then I went down on him and hummed him to ejaculation with one of my famous blow jobs and then we fooled around a lot and munched at each other and finally he took me from behind and we lay around fondling for a while longer and then he took me again missionary style.
After that we slept until dawn when I awoke feeling really randy and went down on him again wakening him with another oral sex hummer.
I staggered out of the bed. bathed and started breakfast.
I was happy.
I had everything I wanted.
I was in love.