GW 12
Posted by Barbanne on July 16, 2003 at 16:19:28:
GOING WEST
Chapter Twelve
I loved Alex more than anything.
He was a dream.
My dream.
If only I had met him years before maybe I could have been someone. A proper little wife and helpmate. He was what I needed. Strong, resourceful, kind, loving. I just loved the feeling that there wasn't just me. I could rely on him and lean on him and he was my rock. I did plenty around the place. I cleaned that house until one day he said. "Don't polish this place away altogether Barb." I cooked for him and I started helping with the farming. I was useless and stuffed everything up, but he was patient and considerate and helped me and explained things and I got better. I loved being with the animals and soon they were all my pets. I herded them and talked to them and had names for all of them and when he killed a calf for food, I howled and howled and lay on my bed and refused to talk and wouldn't eat the meat and generally acted like a shit.
He was patient and kind and just him and I realised death on the farm happened. It was part of life.
I forgave him and started looking at my pets in a different way. I knew now and again one would have to die so others could live. But I wasn't going to like it.
And me a murderess. What a joke.
But I was different now.
Alex had made me a whole woman.
Sex with him was fabulous too.
Unlike before sex was now tempered with love.
I wasn't frantic like a rutting pig. I was loved and in love. It was so much better. And boy oh boy could he ever make me zing!!!!!!!!
One morning after very sexy awakenings and an early morning orgasm, I lay with my little body curled up, pressed in against his big strong frame and, grabbing my glasses from the bedside cabinet, I put them on and focussed on his face.
"Alex."
"Yes darling." He was sated and sleepy.
"Will you wait for me if I have to go away for a bit?"
"Away? Where?"
"Just away. There's something I have to do."
He never asked about my past. It was one of the things I loved about him.
"Can I help?"
"No darling I have to do it myself."
"I'll wait. I'd wait forever if necessary."
"Not forever. A couple of months."
"I'll wait. Hurry back."
I gathered my things and my bag with my loot and saddling a horse I rode away that afternoon. I had to settle old debts.
Two weeks later I was sitting beside Dave's grave.
"Dave honey," I said. "I've found a new man. You'd like him. He's really gorgeous. Well, you probably wouldn't say gorgeous, but that's what he is and he loves me and I love him. Oh God Dave, how I love him." I put my fingers to my lips and pressed them to the earth of his grave.
"Forgive me husband but I need this man in my life. You should know. I need a strong and loving man if I'm to be anything but the fuck up I naturally am."
My tears wet my cheeks and I whispered "Oh Dave I loved you, no I love you, but you've left me and I must move on. I love Alex too. He's like you, strong, good for me, someone I can lean on and I need someone to lean on. I'm tired Dave. Too tired and I've got to have peace. Give me your blessing Dave my darling."
He did. I know. I felt it.
I made my way to the cave and unsealed the entrance. I went inside still carrying my bag. Their bodies were still there. Still young, still beautiful.
"Therese, Wendy, Petra, its Barbanne. I've come to say goodbye and let in the light. Let you rest in peace."
Therese stood there.
"You're happy Barb. Tell us why."
"Oh Therese I've found a man. A man like Dave. I never thought I could be that happy again. But I am."
"Oh Barbra," said Wendy, "tell us his name."
"Alex. And he's so wonderful."
"I'm pleased."
"Thank you Petra."
They stood there looking at me and then they were gone. Gone beyond. Gone from this vale of tears. Gone where.........where....???
I turned to leave. Little left to do. Little standing between me and a life of happiness and contentment with Alex.
The floor of the cave rocked and I heard a dreadful rumbling. Dirt and stones rushed across the opening and the ground heaved and then settled. Dust filled the cave and blocked out the sun. The rumbling rolled away and ceased and I was left in silence. Silence and dark.
The cave entrance was blocked.
It must have been an earthquake.
Damn it!
Oh shit its hard to find happiness.
Now this.
I looked up. "I know I've been a shitty little bitch, but do you always have to make it so hard?"
Oh well. Barb the miner. Now I have to dig my way out of here.
And Finally.
Hi! My name is Amy Feinstein and I'm a student at the University of California at Sacramento.
I'm doing Archaeology and it was on my summer holidays with another girl and two guys, looking for artifacts from the Indian occupation of the Rockies that we stumbled on the cave where I found this manuscript. There were four skeletons. Three were lying side by side. The other one was lying facing the partly blocked entrance to the cave. She must have been trying to dig her way out and died there. Probably looking out at the far view across the mountains.
I reckon she's the one wrote this stuff. They were all women by the way. The skeletons. All women.
She'd kept a sort of log. It took her forty days to die. There was a spring in the cave kept her going. I've read the manuscript and done some research and we reckon she was twenty eight when she died.
I've checked some other stuff from the story.
There was an early settler from Canada called Alex. He never married. Lived to an old man too.
Mike and Ripper survived that blast. Couldn't find out what happened to Ripper but Mike became the first American governor of California.
Lisa was real too. Her son's son became President of the United States.
Carl was accepted back and became bishop of California.
Crazy stuff eh!
There were some silver coins in a bag. They're in the University museum, There might have been other money but it was all rotten.
Ah well.
By the way. I've tried that, with the ice and all. With Ben.
Drove him nuts.